contraceptive | 91大神! /tag/contraceptive/ Come for the fun, stay for the culture! Wed, 27 Mar 2024 12:56:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.2 /wp-content/uploads/zikoko/2020/04/cropped-91大神_91大神_Purple-Logo-1-150x150.jpg contraceptive | 91大神! /tag/contraceptive/ 32 32 QUIZ: How Ready Are You to NOT Have a Baby? /quizzes/quiz-how-ready-are-you-to-not-have-a-baby/ Wed, 27 Mar 2024 12:56:30 +0000 /?p=324762

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]]> Why Do People Use These 8 Weird Things as Contraceptives? /life/why-do-people-use-theese-8-weird-things-as-contraceptives/ Sat, 03 Sep 2022 08:09:27 +0000 /?p=282358 We see a lot of hilarious things every day, from stolen penises to dancing senators. But one that cracks us up every time are the tricks women have devised in attempts to prevent pregnancy. Even though know they鈥檙e mostly just vibes, we鈥檒l still talk about them

Antibiotics

This one sounds strange but we鈥檝e heard it a few times. Word in some circles is that it 鈥渇lushes鈥 semen. Wouldn鈥檛 life be so simple if that were true? So many of Nigeria’s problems today could be easily flushed out 鈥 no names called. But it doesn鈥檛 work like that, please. Pregnancy is not typhoid.

weird things as contraceptives

Agbo jedi jedi

The confusion you felt when you saw that, we felt it too when we learnt about this format. We need someone to explain the connection between agbo jedi jedi and pregnancy to us because it looks like we all failed biology in school.

weird things as contraceptives

Walking up the stairs

People who use this method are OGs. We respect their knowledge of physics. Letting gravity do the work for you is a thing of brilliance.

Peeing immediately after sex

When you really think about it, this thing is like 鈥2 + 2 = Jollof rice鈥 because we all know you鈥檙e dealing with the wrong hole here.

weird things as contraceptives

RELATED: The Spiritual Implications Of Using Contraceptives According To This Insane Book

Lemon water after sex

Very soon, you people will come and say you don鈥檛 believe in jazz. What鈥檚 this one, please?

weird things as contraceptives

Champagne

You clearly enjoyed what you just finished doing and are now toasting to a job well done. Because why you鈥檒l think Champagne qualifies as contraception is beyond all of us.  Boya, deep down, you want twins and you鈥檙e just lying to everybody?

weird things as contraceptives

7Up and Garri

This is what you get when Sapa takes a human form and decides to pursue a career in pharmacy.

Actual contraceptives

These ones have seen the real price of Cerelac and are not taking any chances. Y鈥檃ll be fighting to stay safe with your 7Up and garri, but these ones will stick to . We salute the wisdom.

NEXT READ: PSA: There Are a Ton Of Contraceptive Options Asides Condoms

]]> PSA: There Are A Ton Of Contraceptive Options Asides Condoms /life/oldies/psa-there-are-a-ton-of-contraceptive-options-asides-condoms/ Wed, 15 Aug 2018 16:17:45 +0000 http://www.zikoko.com/?p=130550 We came to the conclusion a very long time ago that the reason Nigeria is so hot is that you people are fornicating.
We鈥檝e聽been begging you people to stop and you have refused. Since you insist on fornicating you might as well educate yourself on the different kinds of contraceptive options you can use to avoid unplanned pregnancies, and no it鈥檚 not just condoms and 鈥減ulling out鈥.

We should make it clear that although all of these contraceptive options prevent pregnancy they won’t prevent STDs and STIs so better go and get tested with the person you are fornicating with.

And this isn鈥檛 just for you fornicators. Newlyweds and married couples who are having sex at the exact time the good Lord intended but aren鈥檛 ready to have kids yet need to read this too.

Unfortunately because the science around the invention of most contraception methods is sexist all of these contraception options can only be used by women.

The good news, however, is that a lot of the side effects women have been made to believe these contraception聽options have, either don鈥檛 exist or are over exaggerated. But don鈥檛 take our word for it, always always talk to your doctor and your partner before deciding聽on the most suitable option for you.

There is the most popular option after condoms which is ‘The Pill’

The pill聽works by stopping ovulation. No ovulation means there is no egg to be fertilized by the sperm when you have sex, which means no belle. Here are a couple of things about the pill you should know. First of all, it won鈥檛 affect your fertility when you do decide to start having kids. Secondly, it doesn鈥檛 cause cancer. Lastly, although a handful of women might experience weight gain as a side effect of being on the pill, this is rarely the case for a majority of the women on it.

Plan B or ‘The Morning After’

Most pharmacies here in Nigeria carry the brand name 鈥 Postinor 2. For some reason, Nigerians love to turn up their nose at this but it鈥檚 really your best bet whenever you have a slip up like a condom tear or when his 鈥榩ull out鈥 method fails. It鈥檚 important to note that 鈥楶lan B鈥 is an emergency contraceptive, which is not meant for daily or regular use.

IUD

IUD stands for Intrauterine Device and it鈥檚 basically聽a plastic and copper device put into your uterus through your vagina to prevent pregnancy. The process of inserting the IUD is a whole lot easier and painless than it聽sounds. Although IUDs are very unpopular amongst Nigerian women but the fact that it doesn鈥檛 mess with your hormones and lasts for years makes it a very suitable option.

The Patch

The patch works similarly to the pill by delivering hormones through your skin that鈥檒l help prevent pregnancy, except that instead of using it daily you need to change it every week. Which in some way makes it a little more convenient than the pill.

Contraceptive Implant

Implants are two really tiny rods usually inserted on the inside of your upper arm which slowly releases progestogen into your body to prevent you from getting pregnant. It lasts from 2 to 5 years, which makes it a great long-term聽contraceptive option

That’s about it. If you know of any SAFE contraceptive options we left out, please let us know.

Having a baba that gives you something to drink to block pregnancy and infections doesn鈥檛 count, please. ]]>