What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m single, and I don’t mind it. I’m a very self-sufficient person. I鈥檓 also very busy, so I know a relationship requires time and attention that I don’t always have. 

How did you get to this point? Walk me through your dating history

I’ve always been in one relationship or another.

I attended boarding school, and that’s where a lot of my ideas about love started. Back then, it was childish fun. I had multiple girlfriends at the same time, but there was one girl who stood out. Her name was Peace*. 

Tell me about Peace 

She was smart and popular. I even wrote her a poem once. She ridiculed it, and I cried so much I fell sick. That’s how much I liked her.

By SS1, we’d become closer. She was my first kiss. But she always kept me guessing. I never knew where I stood with her, and before anything could happen, she left school suddenly. I was heartbroken.

About four years later, after the COVID lockdown, I ran into her completely by chance at a restaurant. She was the last person I expected to see.

We spent hours catching up and talking through everything that had happened. She admitted she’d been immature and never intended to hurt me. 

Did that conversation reopen old feelings? 

Yes, we started talking more. One day, she invited me over to play Chess. We were hanging out when things became physical.

Just as we were about to have sex, she told me she wanted to try something different. 

She brought out a BDSM kit, and the next thing I knew, she was tying me up. I’d never encountered anything like that before.

At one point, she pulled out a knife and started running it lightly across my skin. I was terrified and excited at the same time. It was one of the most intense sexual experiences I’ve ever had. 

I enjoyed it, so we saw each other again after that, but despite the chemistry, I knew it couldn’t last. 

Why?

Outside of the sex, I realised we weren’t a good fit. She was seeing another guy back at school. She also carried a lot emotionally and had a complicated personal life, which affected our communication. 

I knew I’d never be her priority, and I didn’t want her playing with my feelings again. After our second meeting, we drifted apart.

What happened after that?

I got into university and started working in my first year, so between lectures and deadlines, I barely had time for serious relationships.

There were plenty of talking stages, but most ended up becoming casual or physical. I’d disappear for hours or days because of work. Eventually, I stopped pursuing serious relationships altogether.

I decided to just float.

What does floating mean? 

Not being tied to anyone. I’d see different people for short periods. Some situations lasted days, some, weeks. At first, it was easier than committing to one person, but it eventually became exhausting.

I didn’t connect deeply with anyone until I met Judith*.

Tell me about Judith.

I met her in my third year at university.

We attended the same departmental networking event and ended up working together on a project. She was older than me and a class ahead, but we clicked immediately.

I’ve always been attracted to intelligent women, and I caught myself developing feelings for her. We remained friends after the project ended, but for once, I didn’t know how to make a move.

Thankfully, she made the first move. We agreed to get to know each other before an official relationship. 

Sounds promising. Did that work out?

It didn鈥檛. Once we got closer, I started noticing behaviours that bothered me.

She could be very condescending. Because she was older, she’d often speak to me like a teacher correcting a student. She assumed she knew better because of our age difference. 

There was also the issue of religion. One week, she’d be completely comfortable being intimate and spending time together. The next week, she’d decide she was in a spiritual season and disappear.

After about a year together, she graduated and moved away. I was willing to make the distance work, but she grew distant with time. Then one day, she sent me a message saying we were in different stages of life and should maintain a professional relationship.

The message was cold and hurt more than I expected. 

I鈥檓 sorry. How did you move on from that? 

I was pained for a long time. 

After that relationship ended, I went back to floating. I convinced myself that relationships were stressful and emotionally draining, so I avoided them completely. But by my final year, that mindset changed with Lola*.

How did you meet Lola?

She was a coursemate who was two levels below me. Before Judith, we’d actually hooked up casually.

In 2024, we started spending more time together because she’d often come to read where I worked on campus. Being around each other so often brought us closer, and we slipped back into a casual situation.

A few months later, I realised my feelings had grown beyond that. When we talked about it, she admitted she felt the same way, so we made things official.

How did the relationship go? 

It started really well.

I was about to graduate while she still had a couple of years left in school. Around the same time, I got a job in the state where she lived, so we saw each other regularly.

The real problem was my work. I eventually moved into an agency role that took up most of my time, and she complained I wasn’t making her a priority. 

She also struggled to trust me and often suspected I was seeing other people. We both had histories before becoming exclusive, but while I never judged hers, she couldn’t move past mine. Constantly defending myself became exhausting. The worst part was the frequent arguments. 

What were they about?

Usually small misunderstandings.聽 Every disagreement dragged on until mutual friends had to step in and mediate.聽

I became mentally exhausted. Work was already consuming most of my energy without constantly feeling bad for not meeting her emotional needs. After yet another argument, I realised I was burnt out. I ended the relationship in July 2025.

How did that decision feel? 

I still had feelings for her, and she didn’t want the relationship to end. But at the same time, I felt relieved. 

Ironically, around my birthday in March, she came to see me and we ended up hooking up again. Since then, we’ve been casually involved.聽

Wait. What happened to all the issues that led to the breakup? 

They’re still there, which is exactly why we’re not back together. It鈥檚 casual.

We’ve had honest conversations about where we stand and agreed that getting back into a relationship wouldn’t be a good idea. This is a comfortable arrangement for us both. 

So, what have your experiences taught you about relationships?

Relationships go beyond your feelings. It’s also about how two people handle conflict.

I’m naturally impatient, but I鈥檝e learnt that understanding someone takes effort and trust is a choice. If you’re always waiting for the other person to mess up, you’ll never give the relationship a chance to grow.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10

I鈥檇 give it a 9/10. 

I enjoy my own company. If the right person comes along, I’m open to seeing where things go. But I don’t feel incomplete without a relationship, and I’m not in a hurry to be in one. 

Read Next: I Lost Two Husbands Before I Turned 30

Charles*, 43

I was diagnosed with a varicocele as a teenager after years of pain and swelling. Even then, I didn鈥檛 totally accept that it could mean infertility. I told my wife before we got married, and we agreed we’d face whatever came. But it wasn’t until we started trying for children and nothing happened that the reality truly sank in.

We’ve been married for almost seven years now. Watching our friends have children has been one of the hardest parts. Every naming ceremony invitation feels like a reminder of what we’re missing. Even sex has become difficult. It no longer feels separate from the issue. My wife has never made me feel less than a man, but I still find myself apologising.

When she eventually told her parents, I became convinced they saw me differently. She says it’s all in my head, but I can’t help noticing how much warmer they seem with their other sons-in-law.

We’re still exploring treatment options, and I’m saving for advanced care abroad. If that doesn’t work, we’ll probably adopt. Until then, I’m holding on to faith. What makes it bearable is having a partner who never makes me feel less than myself.

Ahmad*, 37

My wife and I lived in different states after we got married in 2018, so having children wasn’t an immediate priority. But once we settled down and started trying during lockdown, we realised something wasn’t right.

Tests eventually revealed I had a very low sperm count. I’ll never forget that appointment. The moment the doctor told me, everything else became background noise. I left feeling completely defeated.

There was still hope through IVF, and after a year and a half of trying, we finally had a successful cycle. Five weeks later, my wife miscarried. Around the same time, we also discovered she had fibroids.

Since then, it’s felt like carrying a hole in my chest. You can have a good career and money, but none of it fills the emptiness of coming home to a house without children.

We haven’t given up, but we’re slowly learning to accept that things may not happen the way we imagined. The hardest part has been talking about it. My wife can discuss it openly with her siblings, but I’ve told no one. Even now, I struggle to say it out loud.

John*, 56

For years, my wife was the one undergoing tests because it was hardly assumed the man would have an issue. After four years of trying, I finally agreed to get tested. That’s when I learnt I was sterile.

I didn’t believe it at first. I spent years convincing myself that if we prayed harder or waited longer, things would change.

The reality didn’t set in until 12 years into our marriage. One morning, my wife asked what the point of working so hard was if we had nobody to inherit the rewards. I went to work as usual, but when I sat at my desk, I broke down crying.

That was the day I suggested we adopt. We eventually took in a young relative and raised him as our own. But now that he’s a teenager, he acts out and sometimes says he wants to go back to his parents. 

Even now, people still ask when we’re having children and quote the story of Sarah and Abraham. My wife always smiles and says we’re praying, but what hurts most is knowing that people automatically blame her.

Chibuzor*, 39

I did drugs and smoked heavily from my teenage years until my late 20s. I’d left that life behind, so when my wife and I started trying for children soon after marriage, infertility never crossed my mind.

Two years in, we got tested. That’s when a urologist told me I had immotile sperm. After asking about my lifestyle in my twenties, it became clear that my past had likely contributed to my condition. My choices had finally caught up with me.

For years, I blamed myself. I grieved the children I’d never have and carried a guilt that seeped into every part of my life. My wife eventually pushed me to try therapy, and it helped more than I expected. I was able to forgive myself and focus on the way forward.

In 2022, we adopted a baby girl. I love her completely, but the grief hasn’t disappeared. A part of me still aches for the biological child we’ll never have.

Prince*, 37

My wife and I were celibate until marriage, so when we struggled to conceive, she suggested we get tested. That’s when I learnt I had low testosterone and erectile dysfunction.

The diagnosis was difficult, but what hurt most was what it did to my marriage. My wife felt betrayed and believed I’d knowingly put her in that situation.

I was willing to do anything to keep us together. If she wanted adoption, a sperm donor, or even to have a child with someone else, I would’ve accepted it. But she couldn’t move past it, and after four years together, she left me.

I’ve never fully recovered from the divorce. Losing my marriage shattered my confidence. Even now, I find myself wondering whether anyone would willingly choose a man who can’t give them children.

Mubarak*, 28 

I got gonorrhoea from a sexual partner and didn’t realise it until I started experiencing serious symptoms. By the time I saw a urologist, he said they could treat it, but I’d developed epididymitis, and there was a high chance I might never be able to father children.

I remember sitting in the doctor’s office wondering how I was supposed to continue my life with that information.

I know there鈥檚 a small possibility I could have children, but I’m preparing myself for the worst. Surprisingly, the hardest part hasn’t been the diagnosis itself, but telling other people.

When I confided in a few friends, they mocked me. One of them often jokes that I don鈥檛 need condoms anymore since I can only shoot blanks. I regret opening up to them.

I’m dating someone now, and I haven’t told her. Part of me feels guilty, but I’m terrified of how she’ll react. If my friends could reduce my situation to a joke, what would someone I plan to build a future with think?

Read Next: We Were Planning Our Wedding. Then He Got Cancer

Here鈥檚 how they made it out.

Femi: Tobi and I have been together since 2018, and after waiting and saving, we were finally able to afford the kind of wedding we鈥檇 always dreamed of. 

In April 2025, I returned to Nigeria from South Africa for our introduction, and we fixed our wedding for October.

Around that same time, I started having pain in my ear and one blocked nostril. I thought it was just the weather, and decided to get it checked when I returned to work in South Africa. They found a growth in my nose and took it for testing.

Tobi: I was with him when he got the results. I still remember the shock that went through me when the doctor said the growth was cancerous. 

Femi: When the doctor diagnosed me with , I laughed because it didn鈥檛 feel real. I kept saying it wasn鈥檛 possible. Maybe they鈥檇 mixed up my results with someone else鈥檚. 

Tobi: A few minutes earlier, we鈥檇 been talking about our wedding plans. Suddenly, nothing mattered more than Femi surviving. I was terrified, but I knew I had to stay calm for him. 

Femi: Thankfully, I had incredible doctors and oncologists who helped me pull through. Everything moved very fast after the diagnosis. While we were still trying to process the news, the doctor had already given me a personal referral to a specialist in Cape Town, which helped fast-track the process. 

Once chemotherapy started, survival became my only focus.

The treatment was aggressive because the tumour was in a sensitive spot. I had to do chemotherapy first to shrink it before combining it with radiation. Every weekday for seven weeks, we woke up around 5 a.m. so I could make my 7 a.m. radiation appointments.

Through all of it, Tobi stayed very supportive. She kept researching, encouraging me, and even surprising me with things she knew I鈥檇 need during treatment. 

Tobi: There was a point when our parents became frightened by some of the things they read online about chemotherapy and suggested we come back to Nigeria. But I believed Femi and I would get through it together, so we kept pushing.  

There were days we were both emotionally exhausted, but somehow, whenever one of us was struggling, the other person would find strength and become the encourager.

Femi: Radiation was one of the hardest parts. They would pin my head down so I couldn鈥檛 move while the machine targeted my nose, throat, and forehead. Sometimes I鈥檇 lie there for almost an hour.

But the hardest thing emotionally was losing the desire to keep going. During treatment, the urge to go about my day disappeared. Some mornings, I鈥檇 wake up with no motivation even to sit upright.

Most nights, the only thing that carried me through till morning was gospel music playing beside me. At one point, I begged the doctors to stop treatment because I didn鈥檛 think I could take any more of it.

Tobi: I remember when he fainted during the first week of chemotherapy. He鈥檇 complained about feeling strange, so we went to the restroom together. Suddenly, his eyeballs rolled back, and he collapsed before I caught him. I remember just screaming his name.

He regained consciousness after a few minutes, but that was the closest I felt to losing him.

What helped was taking everything one day at a time. Every positive result became a celebration for us. I also had a strong support system. Our families constantly prayed with us and reminded us not to lose hope. Whenever things became overwhelming, I鈥檇 call my parents and just cry. 

As the weeks passed and we slowly got used to the symptoms and routines, I became more hopeful. Every positive scan result became a celebration for us. I remember when the ENT specialist said the tumour was no longer visible, just a few weeks in. That gave us so much hope.

I also distracted myself by focusing on my business and going to the gym once in a while, though I could never stay away from home for too long because I was always worried about him. 

Femi: I decided against using a feeding tube because of the possible long-term damage to my oesophagus. But eating became extremely painful. Most times, I鈥檇 hide while eating because I didn鈥檛 want to worry anyone with how much pain I was in.

Tobi: One thing I really admired during that period was his strength. Despite how weak he became, Femi was never fully admitted to the hospital. He always recovered enough between sessions to continue treatment from home.

His treatment finally ended in the last week of October 2025, and it felt bittersweet because that was originally supposed to be our wedding month.

Femi: I thought everything would immediately become easier once treatment ended, but my throat had been badly damaged from radiation. Eating felt like pouring fire into an open wound.

On top of that, I became dependent on pain patches. When I tried stopping them, the withdrawal was terrible. I was constantly sweating and restless.

Then one day, I heard a pastor preaching about healing and faith. He said if you鈥檙e praying to God for healing, you also have to believe it is possible. That message pushed me to stop depending on the patches completely. It was difficult, but I began getting better.

Tobi: During that period, we focused on small victories. I encouraged him to start eating solid foods little by little. I still remember the first solid food he ate properly was beans, and we were so excited that we celebrated it.

He started working out again and even learnt how to ride a bike. Seeing him try so hard felt emotional because only months earlier, he could barely move.

Femi: My physical recovery didn鈥檛 happen immediately. My hair had fallen out, my skin had changed, and I鈥檇 lost 20kg. But I didn鈥檛 fully realise how much cancer had changed my body until my parents arrived in South Africa in November. My mum cried throughout the drive home because she could barely recognise me.

To everyone鈥檚 surprise, I recovered really quickly. By December, I felt like myself again, apart from slight pain on one side of my throat. Looking back, everything about that season felt like God鈥檚 grace.

Tobi: Another thing that kept us going during treatment was knowing that eventually, when it ended, we鈥檇 still have our wedding to look forward to.

We resumed wedding planning and initially chose February 21 for the wedding, but since my church wasn鈥檛 available, we moved it up to February 14. 

Femi: Getting married on Valentine鈥檚 Day felt symbolic after everything we鈥檇 survived together. I was already certain about Tobi, but surviving that season together doubled my certainty. 

Tobi: There was never a moment when I doubted our love. The foundation of our relationship already existed before cancer. Nothing was going to change that.

Femi: More than anything, surviving cancer changed my perspective on life completely. I鈥檓 more patient and grateful for every single day.

One reason I鈥檝e become more open about my experience is because I know what it feels like to sit in fear during treatment. I鈥檝e met other cancer patients since then, and I want people going through it to know there鈥檚 hope, even on the hardest days. 

Tobi: Before his illness, I was more reserved and anxious about life. Now, I鈥檓 more upfront. We take more pictures, express our love more easily, and try new things because life is short and can change overnight. There鈥檚 no point waiting endlessly to live fully. 

Femi: Through everything, I鈥檓 most grateful to God for carrying me through the hardest season of my life and giving me a strong support system that refused to let me give up.

I believe this second chance comes with a purpose. I talk about my journey on social media and have started to support cancer patients and survivors. I want people on this journey to know they鈥檙e not alone and recovery is possible.

Do you have a story to share? Fill this

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What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檓 single and never mingling again. I鈥檝e tried love twice, and both times ended in tragedy. I believe marriage just isn鈥檛 meant for me. 

How did you get to this point? Walk me through your dating history

I was a very sheltered and quiet child. I didn鈥檛 really mix with people and barely had friends. I had a boyfriend in SS3, but the most we did was make out. The relationship ended after secondary school in 2009 because we grew apart.

After that, I stayed home for more than a year because I wanted to retake UTME and get a better score. During that period, Idris* moved into our compound as a tenant. My parents rented the downstairs apartment to him while we lived upstairs.

At first, all I knew was that he worked in a bank and his wife had recently left him. My mum felt sorry for him because he mostly kept to himself, so she鈥檇 sometimes send me downstairs with food.

I wanted to study accounting, and because he worked in banking, I鈥檇 sometimes ask him for help with maths. We became close, and I slowly developed a crush on him. He was observant and kind, always complimenting the things I felt insecure about, especially my full cheeks, which he insisted were beautiful.

A few months into our friendship, I  confessed my feelings to him in a note. He felt the same way, too. 

Oh. Did the age gap ever bother you?

Yes. He was already in his 30s, and at first, he pulled back. But honestly, I kept pushing things forward. One day, I kissed him, and from there, we started sneaking around and eventually having sex.

Hmm.

I was deeply in love. I鈥檇 go to his apartment whenever my parents weren鈥檛 around, and things continued like that for about three months. Then, I missed my period.

I suspected I was pregnant, so I ran to him, panicking. At first, he looked shocked and kept asking if I鈥檇 slept with anyone else. Of course, I hadn鈥檛. He was the first and only person I鈥檇 ever been with.

He bought a test strip, and when it came back positive, he actually looked happy.

He immediately started talking about marriage and begged me not to terminate the pregnancy. Back then, abortion wasn鈥檛 something I could consider because I believed anyone who did one would die.

How did your parents react?

That was the hardest part. Idris brought an elder from his family because he was too scared to face my parents alone. The moment they broke the news, my mum slapped me and then turned on him too. I still remember Idris lying flat on the floor while my mother beat him and screamed in disbelief.

The elder eventually explained that Idris鈥� first marriage ended after years of trying for children. Doctors later revealed he had a low sperm count, and after treatments failed, his ex-wife publicly humiliated him before leaving. The experience left him depressed, so he saw my pregnancy as a miracle.

He promised my parents he鈥檇 sponsor my education to any level I wanted and do right by me through marriage. My parents were furious at first, but eventually accepted the situation. We got married barely two months later.

What was married life like?

It was wonderful. Idris treated me like an egg, and we hardly argued. After our first daughter was born in 2011, I went to university and continued my education while raising her. By my second year, we welcomed another daughter.

At the same time, Idris鈥檚 career at the bank took off, and our financial situation became more comfortable. Our only real issue was his spending habits. loved spending lavishly, while I worried more about saving for the future. 

Still, our marriage was beautiful for five years before everything changed.

What happened?

In March 2016, I got posted to another state for NYSC and left our daughters with my sister for a few weeks. Around that time, Idris had become a senior officer at the bank and frequently transported cash between villages in Kogi State.

One day, armed robbers attacked the bank vehicle transporting cash. 

They shot Idris and the driver dead.

That must鈥檝e been devastating.

I didn鈥檛 even know a human being could make the kind of sound I made when I heard. I was only 23 with two children.

For months afterwards, I couldn鈥檛 sleep because I had nightmares about how he died. I also carried a lot of anger because nobody seemed interested in getting justice for what happened.

I still don鈥檛 know how I managed to finish NYSC. My PPA supervisor practically carried me through that period.

I鈥檓 sorry. How were you able to move on? 

It was a very difficult period, but I got retained at my PPA and relocated permanently with my daughters.

Then, in in 2018, I got a job at a bank. I threw myself into work and focused entirely on raising my daughters. I wasn鈥檛 thinking about love again until I ran into Muktar*.

Tell me about Muktar.

He was four classes ahead of me in secondary school, and we grew up in the same neighbourhood. Early in 2020, he walked into the banking hall where I worked and recognised me immediately. By then, he was already a military officer.

At first, I wasn鈥檛 interested in anything romantic. I even told him about my late husband and my two daughters, hoping to scare him off. 

Instead, he told me he鈥檇 also lost the woman he intended to marry and was raising their daughter alone.

Did you eventually give him a chance? 

Gradually, yes.

During the pandemic, Muktar became a constant figure in my life. He鈥檇 help me with little things like taking my car to the mechanic. His daughter became close to my girls, and I鈥檇 sometimes babysit her too. Slowly, my feelings changed, even though I still carried a lot of guilt about moving on.

He eventually proposed in 2022. I hesitated for a long time, but blending our families already felt natural then, so I agreed. We got married when I was 29.

What was that second marriage like? 

It was also good. Muktar loved me and treated my children very well. Most people didn鈥檛 even know we were a blended family unless we told them.

But unlike Idris, he had habits I struggled with. Military culture influenced him a lot. He drank heavily sometimes, and some moments made me suspicious of infidelity.

How so?

One day, I found condoms in his bag. He claimed officers received them during a party and insisted he鈥檇 never used them, but that suspicion never fully left my mind.

Then I got pregnant in 2023, and history repeated itself.

Muktar travelled for a military operation and had been away for about three weeks. One evening, military officers arrived at our house without him.

The moment I saw them, I knew. They told me he鈥檇 been shot during an operation and died alongside several soldiers.

I fainted on the spot. I don鈥檛 remember much from that period because grief completely blanked out my mind. My mother had to move in because I lost myself mentally.

I somehow carried the pregnancy to term, but after giving birth, I sank into depression. Some days, I couldn鈥檛 even bring myself to hold my son because he reminded me too much of his father.

That鈥檚 heartbreaking.

The worst part was when people started talking. Nobody confronted me directly, but I heard rumours that I must be spiritually cursed because both my husbands died in similar ways.

There are moments I believe it myself, because how else can you even explain something like that?

I鈥檓 sorry. How did you cope alone with four kids?

Thankfully, I used Mukthar’s compensation money wisely. I started a food business alongside my banking job, and that鈥檚 what has helped me survive till today. My mother also lives with me now and helps with the children. 

Great. How has your love life been since then?

Right now, my focus is on raising my children and providing them with a comfortable life.

Although I met someone last year, and we had a brief physical relationship. I never took him seriously because he wasn鈥檛 emotionally supportive and would even ask me for money despite knowing I had four children. That turned me off, so I ended things.

Since then, I鈥檝e stayed away from relationships entirely. My mum keeps hinting that I should try again since I鈥檓 still young, but I don鈥檛 think I can ever get married again. That chapter of my life is closed.

I understand. How have your experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships? 

I entered marriage very young and naive. Idris was a wonderful husband, and I鈥檒l never regret loving him, but I understand my parents鈥� anger now. If my daughter got involved with a much older man at 18, I鈥檇 be upset too. I wouldn鈥檛 advise it for everyone. 

I鈥檝e also learnt that no matter how painful life gets, life goes on. Both times my husbands died, I genuinely thought my world had ended. But heartbreak doesn鈥檛 kill you. 

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1-10

8/10. Being single isn鈥檛 terrible. I鈥檝e gotten used to it, and there鈥檚 peace in it.

At the same time, raising four children alone is both financially and emotionally exhausting. Some days I feel completely burnt out. But I鈥檓 grateful for where I am now. I survived things I once thought would destroy me.

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This is Gideon鈥檚 explanation as told to Mofiyin:

I married the love of my life in 2019. We鈥檇 been together for three years before that and had a beautiful relationship.

We were happy when she got pregnant for the first time in 2021. But from the start, the pregnancy was difficult. She battled extreme symptoms, including dizziness and blurry vision, so severe that we had to see an ophthalmologist. Still, we assumed it was normal for a first pregnancy. 

Five months in, things got worse. She struggled to breathe and her blood pressure shot up. The doctors eventually diagnosed her with severe preeclampsia, and from that moment, her condition deteriorated quickly. It took a huge emotional and mental toll on us as we tried to cope with the fear and uncertainty of what would happen at full term. 

At just eight months, she had to undergo an emergency C-section. During the delivery, she suddenly started seizing and lost consciousness. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. The doctors discovered a clot in her lungs, and I could sense their panic as they pushed me out of the room. They eventually revived her, but told us she had come close to dying.

She spent weeks in intensive care for weeks, and her complications dragged on for more than a year. Even after she stabilised, the doctors warned that another pregnancy could risk her life or cause permanent organ damage. 

After that experience, I was certain we would never go through another pregnancy. So when she brought up having another child last year, I was genuinely shocked. She said she鈥檇 read about it and believed there was a chance she wouldn鈥檛 have complications.

I immediately told her I was against it, and she dropped the idea for a while. But earlier this year, she raised it again. She insists a second child is important because our daughter is lonely. She has refused to engage with logic, saying she is keyed into NSPPD prayers. Her father also claims that God told him nothing will go wrong.

But I was there when she nearly died, and I refuse to go through that experience again.

The issue has now escalated to the point where it鈥檚 affecting our marriage. We stopped having sex in April after she insisted I stop using condoms, and I refused. I told her that if I can鈥檛 protect myself, then we shouldn鈥檛 have sex at all. I鈥檓 not trying to punish her. I just want to protect our family, but she refuses to see my point. Right now, she has also involved my parents.

Her insistence feels selfish. Through it all, she refuses to acknowledge that we鈥檙e not financially stable enough for another child. I鈥檓 the only one with a full-time job, and I recently took a pay cut after changing careers.

I just wish she would be content with the second chance life has given us, but either way, I鈥檓 standing my ground. Even if everyone in the world agrees with her, this is still a decision both of us must agree on.

We asked some Nigerian employers about the craziest and most unexpected things they’ve experienced at the hands of employees, and they had stories for days.

鈥淢y staff rented out my office BQ鈥� 鈥� Doreen*, 49

In 2022, I noticed a strange man walking around my company’s property. When I asked who he was looking for, he casually told me he lived there. I was confused because nobody was supposed to be living on the premises.

After further inquiry, I found out my admin officer had connived with some staff to turn the unused BQ into a short-stay apartment. They furnished it with a mattress and collected money from guests without my knowledge. It had been going on for over a year, but I only found out because one guest ignored their instructions to use the back gate. 

Meanwhile, I was the one paying millions in rent for the property. 

鈥淗e kept having sex in my office鈥� 鈥� Joseph*, 37

I run a logistics company, and one morning last November, I walked into my office and found a used condom in my workspace. I was disgusted and asked questions.

That鈥檚 how I discovered that a senior employee had spent the night with a woman in the office. At first, he denied it, but eventually confessed and begged for forgiveness. I let it go, but asked security to keep an eye on him.

A few weeks later, he did the same thing.  This time, he tried to justify it by saying his wife was pregnant and that he couldn鈥檛 afford hotels. That was the end of his job.

鈥淪he built her business by stealing from me鈥� 鈥� Amara*, 57

I knew a female church member who begged for money because her husband couldn鈥檛 provide. I felt sorry and hired her to help manage my warehouse, where I sell biscuits and drinks in bulk. I paid her well and sometimes gave her products for her children.

Over time, I noticed cartons went missing during deliveries. They were small numbers, so I blamed the suppliers or delivery workers and absorbed the losses. 

After more than two years working for me, the woman suddenly stopped showing up. I later discovered she had opened her own shop selling the same products. That was when everything clicked. I realised she鈥檇 most likely been stealing from me for a long time to build her own business. I couldn鈥檛 prove it, so I鈥檝e left it to God.

鈥淢y driver used my car for Uber鈥�  鈥� Gbolahan*, 46

I hired a driver in 2024 to take my children to and from school. Almost immediately, I noticed I was spending an unreasonable amount on fuel. When I complained, he blamed a faulty fuel pump, and the mechanic confirmed there was an issue, so I set my suspicions aside.

Still, the expenses never made sense. I started filling the tank myself, thinking he had been pocketing the money I sent him, but my fuel never lasted.

This went on for four months until my gateman revealed the truth. The driver had been using my car for Uber and delivery jobs. He even encouraged the gateman to learn to drive so they could hustle together. 

鈥淪he gave my relative STI鈥檚 and disappeared鈥� 鈥� Tolu*, 38

I hired a nanny in her 20s to help with my children. Around the same time, a distant male relative moved in with us while he settled in Lagos. A few weeks after he moved out, he came by one evening. I heard shouting downstairs, ran down, and found him pinning my nanny against the wall. He claimed she鈥檇 infected him with multiple STIs.

That was when I found out they鈥檇 been sleeping together the whole time. I was shocked because I鈥檇 assumed she was na茂ve. She denied having any infections, so my husband and I calmed the situation and asked her to get tested the next morning.

By the time we woke up, she had disappeared. She packed overnight and ran away. This happened in 2018, and I still can鈥檛 get over how insane it was.

鈥淗e  tried to steal my contract鈥� 鈥� Tunde*, 27

I got a contract job from a foreign company, but outsourced most of the work because I was juggling multiple projects. 

We agreed on payment, and things ran smoothly for months until the client sent me screenshots. The guy I鈥檇 hired had messaged them directly, claiming he did the work and asking them to give him the contract instead. 

They didn鈥檛 give it to him, but the situation damaged my relationship with the company, and I lost the gig anyway. When I confronted him, he blocked me.

鈥淢y cleaner was eating my children鈥檚 lunch鈥� 鈥� Aishat*, 29

I hired a woman to clean my house and walk my children to school because I leave for work very early. A few weeks in, my three-year-old started complaining of hunger at school. It didn鈥檛 make sense because I always packed enough food for both children.

Things only became clear when their teacher called to ask why my children kept coming to school with half-empty lunch packs. That was when I realised the nanny had been eating their food before taking them to school. I couldn鈥檛 understand why, because I always left lunch for her. When I confronted her, she denied everything and even tried blaming my toddler. 

鈥淪he sent me drunken insults at midnight鈥� 鈥� Sharon*, 36

I own a salon. Earlier this year, I woke up to multiple voice notes from one of my braiders on Instagram. I opened them immediately, thinking it was an emergency. Instead, they were filled with vicious insults and curses.

By the next morning, she had unsent everything. When I confronted her, she denied it until I showed her my replies and missed calls.

She eventually broke down and blamed it on alcohol and relationship problems, but I couldn鈥檛 move past the things she said. 

鈥淪he started Ajo with my money鈥� 鈥� Damilola*, 34

I hired a salesgirl for my clothing store last year. She was polite and hardworking, so over time I came to trust her completely and barely visited the shop. 

Last month, she said she couldn鈥檛 come in because of a family emergency, so I  opened the store myself. While I was there, the woman handling ajo contributions stopped by to collect her daily 鈧�2k payment and mentioned that my employee usually took the money directly from my cash drawer. 

When I confronted her, she claimed the money came from her aunt. The same aunt denied it. Still, I gave her another chance because she鈥檚 struggling financially. 

Read Next: I Fell in Love With Another Addict. We Both Got Worse

I never thought much about that until I attended the company鈥檚 101st Annual General Meeting (AGM) at the Muson Centre in Lagos. In the middle of all the big business conversations happening in the room, I kept thinking about how the company has managed to stay this present in Nigerian homes for decades while still trying to keep products accessible in this economy.

According to Chairman Bolaji Balogun, the answer has been resilience in its operations and continuous investment into improving products and how the business runs behind the scenes.

And judging by the company鈥檚 2025 numbers, that approach seems to be paying off. Unilever Nigeria Plc recorded a turnover of 鈧�214.3 billion in 2025, up from 鈧�149.52 billion in 2024, while profit more than doubled to 鈧�32.2 billion. Shareholders at the meeting also approved a dividend payout of more than 鈧�18.67 billion, which definitely got people excited in the room.

Speaking during the meeting, Managing Director Tobi Adeniyi said the company鈥檚 recent momentum came from focusing heavily on what it calls its power brands, as well as ensuring that the company stands out from the clutters. A move that has established that Nigerians truly desire these brands while they continue to brighten everyday life for all.

鈥淲e made sharper choices in our work and strengthened innovation across the business,鈥� he said. 鈥淎nd as you can see, that paid off.鈥�

The company also stressed its focus on improving operations while still trying to keep products affordable for consumers, something that matters even more now when Nigerians are thinking twice before buying basically anything.

Even shareholders acknowledged the company鈥檚 efforts. Shareholder representative Kolawole Durojaiye praised the management team for what he described as disciplined operations that have improved profitability and overall growth.

From the conversations throughout the AGM, one thing became pretty obvious: Unilever Nigeria Plc is trying to evolve with a new generation of consumers while still staying familiar to the millions of Nigerians who already interact with its products every day.

So next time you use some Rexona deodorant before heading out or argue with your family over who finished the Pepsodent without replacing it, keep in mind that there鈥檚 an entire operation behind the scenes making sure those products stay on shelves and inside Nigerian homes.

At 25, Joshua* is navigating recovery after a long battle with substance addiction that started in university and slowly damaged his relationships, self-worth and mental health.

In this episode of On the Streets, he talks about the choices that led him down that path, the relationships he ruined along the way, and the moment he finally realised the damages in his life.

What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檓 single, and I think that鈥檚 for the best right now. I鈥檝e struggled with addiction for years and only recently started making progress. It wouldn鈥檛 be fair to drag someone else into my current situation. 

How did you get to this point?

I started smoking in 2017 after I graduated from secondary school. 

I鈥檇 just gained admission into a private university, and my roommates were the cool guys on campus. I got carried away trying to fit in with them. At first, we only smoked weed on weekends to chill because the school was extremely strict.

But by my second semester, one of my roommates got high and caused trouble in the cafeteria. The school management carried out drug tests, and he snitched on the rest of us. They tested us too, and everyone who came back positive got rusticated immediately.

Wow

That period was the first real difficulty I faced in life. My parents were devastated. I stayed at home for months feeling like my life was over. Thankfully, my mum knew someone on the board of another private university, and they agreed to give me a second chance. But I had to start again from 100 level in 2019.

Sounds tough. How did starting over affect you? 

It made things worse. The new school was more relaxed, and drugs were everywhere. I also carried a lot of shame from being rusticated. My dad kept saying I鈥檇 become a failure, and his words really got to me. 

At that point, smoking stopped being fun and became my escape from how disappointed I felt in myself. 

Right. Did all of this spill into personal relationships, too? Were you even dating?

I had a thing with Esther*, we met within my first year at the new school. Her friend approached me because Esther was too shy to speak to me herself. I found that really cute.

We got talking and started dating in 2020. I hid some parts of myself from Esther because I really liked her. I lied about why I left my first university and hid the fact that I smoked.

Hmm

I feared she鈥檇 see me differently. But a friend from my former university told her the truth. She confronted me about getting rusticated, and even then, I denied it. That completely affected the trust between us.

Then the COVID lockdown happened just a few months into our relationship, and things got worse. I became emotionally distant. She鈥檇 send long messages asking what was wrong, and I鈥檇 ignore her for days because I felt ashamed about the things she knew about me.

Eventually, she got tired of my behaviour and broke up before the lockdown ended.

How did you take that?

It pushed me deeper into addiction. I started experimenting with stronger substances. I鈥檇 tell my mum I was going to a friend鈥檚 music studio, but really we were just getting high.

My mental health became terrible around that time. I was depressed all the time. I鈥檓 from a good family where all my siblings were responsible and successful, so I constantly felt like a disappointment. Every time I felt overwhelmed, I chased another high to numb it.

Most of my relationships became casual. I had a few talking stages and situationships, but  they never lasted because I avoided emotional intimacy and was very inconsistent.

In my final year, I had a terrifying experience that made me cut everyone off for a while.

What happened?

I tried colos for the first time and blacked out completely. My friends rushed me to the school clinic because they thought I was dying. The clinic found substances in my system and contacted my parents.

That incident really shook my family. My parents considered rehab, but they couldn鈥檛 afford it then. Instead, I moved out of the hostel and stayed with a family friend who kept a close eye on me. 

The school eventually pardoned me, and I graduated with a third class. It crushed me because I鈥檇 always been academically brilliant growing up.

I鈥檓 sorry. How was life after university?

I landed a job and moved to Lagos in 2023 with some friends from school. That was when things got much worse.

Living without supervision gave me complete freedom, and I abused it. I smoked every single day. Most of my salary went into substances. I鈥檇 stay up partying all night and miss work meetings the next morning because I was too high to function. Eventually, I lost my job.

Thankfully, one of my friends helped me get another job at his older brother鈥檚 company, so my parents never found out. I kept convincing myself I still had my life under control, even though I clearly didn鈥檛.

Around that time, I met Mirabel* at a house party, and my situation worsened.

Tell me about Mirabel.

Mirabel was wild like me. I think I liked her because, for the first time,  I felt like I could be myself with someone who understood that lifestyle.

But the relationship was unhealthy from the start. We enabled each other constantly. Instead of helping me improve, the relationship normalised my bad habits.

Our fights were intense because neither of us was mentally okay. She had a lot of childhood trauma and sometimes called me crying, but by then, I鈥檇 become emotionally numb. Instead of comforting her, I鈥檇 snap at her, and it always led to more arguments. I was constantly defensive and aggressive.

Eventually, I ended things because I felt like her struggles were messing with my mental health. Looking back, she wasn鈥檛 the problem. Substance abuse had changed my personality completely.

Right. So when did you realise your addiction was affecting you?

I realised it in 2024 after I ran into a friend from university. He kept asking if I was alright because, according to him, I鈥檇 changed. I could see pity written all over his face. He was doing well and had landed a job at a popular company. That moment made me realise I was wasting my life.

I tried quitting afterwards, but withdrawal was horrible. I鈥檇 stop for a few days, relapse, then start again. It became a cycle until Faith* tried to help me.

How did you meet Faith?

We met at church. I started going because I wanted to distract myself with normal activities. After a few weeks, I noticed and approached her. Faith was different from anyone I鈥檇 ever been interested in.

She was gentle and very supportive. I told her early on that I was trying to recover from smoking, and instead of judging me, she tried to help. She became my accountability partner. She checked on me constantly and encouraged me.

Unfortunately, after a few weeks, I slipped back into my old ways and started lying to her. I started getting angry whenever she sent me articles or videos about addiction because it felt like she was judging me.

Things got worse when she found my social media accounts. I tweeted disgusting things and posted highly sexual content that completely clashed with the image she had of me.

She confronted me, but instead of listening, I lashed out at her. My friends had gotten into my head, so I called her controlling and said a lot of hurtful things. That day, she blocked me everywhere. 

We鈥檇 only been talking for three months.

That must鈥檝e hurt

It did because she really wanted to help me. I think Faith was the first person who forced me to seriously confront my problem. But losing her only pushed me deeper into addiction. Whenever I felt pain, I ran back to smoking to numb everything.

Even then, part of me still wanted to quit. But to do that, I knew I needed to change my environment. I spent months stalling instead of leaving my friends and returning home. Then two things happened in 2025 that changed my mind completely.

What happened?

The first was realising I was becoming violent. One night, one of my friends got into an argument with our gateman. During the fight, I smashed a bottle over the man鈥檚 head. Even now, I still struggle to believe I did that. 

I grew up in a good home and got the best education, yet I behaved like a tout. That was the first time I realised I wasn鈥檛 that different from the addicts I used to judge on the streets.

The second thing was losing a friend. We used to hype him because he could take insane amounts of drugs. But eventually, he started experiencing psychosis. He became extremely aggressive, and his family forced him into rehab.

We didn鈥檛 hear from him for months and assumed he鈥檇 recover, but in October 2025, his family told us he鈥檇 overdosed and died after leaving rehab.

When I heard the news, I remember shivering from fear. For the first time, I realised I might actually die if I continued down that path.

Did that make you finally ask for help?

Yes. I couldn鈥檛 sleep for days afterwards. Eventually, I opened up to my older brother abroad, and he pushed me to come home. I followed his advice.

When I got back home, I broke down in front of my mum. I begged her never to let me return to Lagos because I knew I was losing myself.

My parents wanted rehab, but I was terrified of it. Instead, I stayed home and asked them to monitor me closely. The withdrawal was brutal. Sometimes I鈥檇 see people smoking outside, and my hands would literally start shaking.

But I鈥檝e started improving. This year has been much better, and I鈥檓 focused on healing mentally. Some days are still difficult because I compare myself to my peers and feel like I wasted years of my life. But I try to use that feeling as motivation not to relapse.

I recently met a girl I really like, but I鈥檓 intentionally keeping things platonic. I don鈥檛 want to drag anyone into my struggles while I鈥檓 still recovering.

I鈥檓 rooting for you. What would you say your experience has taught you about how you handle relationships?

One thing I鈥檝e learnt is that people project their pain onto others. Looking back now, I can admit I was toxic in many of my relationships because I was unhappy with myself.

I used to hate when people reduced me to my addiction, but I now know that it influenced the way I treated people. It made me dishonest and emotionally unavailable.

So before I think about love again, I want to become healthier mentally and emotionally.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

I鈥檇 give it an 8/10. I鈥檝e been detached from relationships for so long that being single doesn鈥檛 really bother me. If anything, relationships used to feel stressful because of everything I was dealing with internally.

But I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e ever truly experienced healthy love before. I鈥檓 excited by the possibility that when I鈥檓 in a better place, I finally will.

Read Next: I Reunited With My First Love After 36 Years, But His Children Hate Me

罢丑别听聽is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.聽Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.聽.

What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檓 single, and at my age, I鈥檓 not looking to change that. My life has had a lot of ups and downs. I just want to enjoy the time I have left with my daughter and live peacefully.

How did you arrive at this point? Walk me through your relationship history

As a girl growing up in the 鈥�70s and 鈥�80s, you were expected to be conservative. I never really thought about boys. I was also very bright, so there was a lot of pressure on me to succeed and make my parents proud.

That changed after I got into University of Ibadan. During my second year, I struggled with a particularly difficult course. One of my lecturers asked me to meet a master鈥檚 student who assisted with tutorials. That was how I met Emeka*.

Tell me about Emeka

He was six years older, but was a very patient man. He agreed to tutor me, and over time, we became close. In 1988, I realised I had developed feelings for him when I passed the course and became scared he would stop talking to me afterwards. But he kept checking on me. He鈥檇 visit me and eventually admitted he also liked me.

At the time, he was my dream man. But about a year into our relationship, our differences became impossible to ignore.

What kind of differences?

He was from the east. Neither of us cared about that, but his family didn鈥檛 like the idea of him marrying a Yoruba girl.

I realised this when I visited his family after he finished his programme. From the moment I arrived, his mother made it clear she didn鈥檛 want me there. She could speak English, but whenever I approached her, she鈥檇 suddenly switch to their dialect. I convinced myself I was imagining things until she openly humiliated me.

They were preparing food for Christmas and I offered to help her pound something in the kitchen. She turned away from me, said something that made everyone around laugh. Later, one of Emeka鈥檚 cousins explained that she鈥檇 said my eye service didn鈥檛 mean Emeka would marry me.

The worst part was that Emeka didn鈥檛 understand why I was so hurt. He insisted his mother鈥檚 opinion didn鈥檛 matter, but I could already see what my future would look like if I married into that family.

At the same time, he planned to move permanently back east after school. We argued about it because my uncle had already promised me a job in Lagos after graduation. I couldn鈥檛 even imagine living close to a mother-in-law who openly despised me.

I鈥檓 guessing you didn鈥檛 reach a middle ground

We didn鈥檛. He insisted on moving east, and I slowly pulled away. After he relocated, I stopped replying to his letters as consistently, even though he鈥檇 send his friends to check on me. Eventually, in 1989, I told him not to contact me again and officially ended our courtship.

I鈥檇 already seen how things would end if we forced our way into marriage. My mother and grandmother had a terrible relationship, and it affected our entire family growing up. I wasn鈥檛 willing to repeat that cycle.

It wasn鈥檛 an easy decision, but I believed I鈥檇 eventually find someone else.

How did that go?

After graduation, I got a good job, but men became intimidated once they realised where I worked. Others thought I was opinionated and stubborn.

Back then, once a woman crossed 30 unmarried, society believed there was something wrong with her. By 35, people looked at me with pity. Even my father started regretting sending me to university. That pressure eventually pushed me into a terrible relationship.

Can you tell me about that relationship?

I met Prince* through a friend, in March 2000. He was a businessman from a good family. I never liked him, but I convinced myself I was simply being too selective. I even agreed to marry him barely a month after we met.

But he was controlling and insecure. He constantly complained about my work schedule and hinted that if we married, I鈥檇 eventually have to leave my job because a good woman should dedicate her time to family. 

Still, I endured the relationship until he became physically aggressive.

What happened?

One of my male colleagues occasionally dropped me off at home after work because I lived along his route. One evening, Prince showed up at my apartment unannounced and saw me getting out of my colleague鈥檚 car.

He made a scene, accusing me of sleeping around, even though I was clearly dressed from work. I raised my voice back at him, and before I knew it, he slapped me twice. Thankfully, my neighbours intervened before things got worse.

Our introduction was already planned for December, but after that incident in October, I called off the wedding. My family called me proud even after I told them what happened. Prince begged for forgiveness, but my mind was already made up.

What did that make you feel about marriage?

I still wanted marriage very badly, but after that experience, I believed it probably wasn鈥檛 destined for me.

I threw myself into church activities and decided that once I turned 40, I鈥檇 adopt a child so I wouldn鈥檛 grow old alone. But less than two years later, I met the man who became my husband.

I was cleaning the church one Saturday when Kola* approached me and said he always saw me around. We became friends very quickly, and I soon realised he was everything I鈥檇 ever wanted. He was kind and very God-fearing.

Even though he was just two years older, I was nervous to tell him my age because many men disappeared once they realised I was in my late-thirties, but he didn鈥檛 care. We got married in April 2003.

What was married life like for you?

It was beautiful. He was everything I鈥檇 prayed for. We respected each other and enjoyed being together. The only challenge we faced was having children.

We tried  for years without success, and his family became very hostile about it. I remember one of his aunties poking my stomach during a visit and making comments about me being barren.

Eventually, in 2007, after I鈥檇 completely given up hope, I got pregnant at 43.

That must have felt surreal

It was a miracle. In 2008, I gave birth to our daughter, and everything in my life finally fell into place. But on the 26th of September 2014, my life changed forever.

That morning, my husband dropped our daughter at school and came back home. I was getting ready for work when I suddenly heard a loud sound in the kitchen. He had slumped.

I alerted my neighbors and we rushed him to the hospital, but by the time we arrived, he was already gone.

I completely lost my mind that day. I remember tearing at my clothes in the hospital because I simply couldn鈥檛 process that somebody I鈥檇 spoken to minutes earlier was suddenly dead.

I鈥檓 so sorry. How did you cope afterwards?

The first two years were the darkest years of my life. My sister had to move in with me because I lost the will to live. The only thing that kept me alive was my daughter.

Then his family started acting strangely towards me. Some people implied I鈥檇 brought misfortune into his life. It became so unbearable that I transferred my job to Abuja and cut ties with most of them.

After that, I focused completely on raising my daughter and gave up on the idea of romance entirely.

Fair

That was until 2024, when I ran into Emeka again after 36 years.

Your first love? How did that happen?

I went to buy fuel for my generator one day and while standing at the station, Emeka stepped out of the backseat of a car waiting in line behind me. I couldn鈥檛 believe it.

Out of everywhere in Nigeria, we somehow found each other at the last place I expected. We hugged, exchanged numbers and met up a few days later to catch up. He鈥檇 also lost his wife a few years earlier, so he could relate to everything I went through.

He still lived in the east, but he visited Abuja frequently for business, so we started spending more time together whenever he was around. Before long, the feelings returned.

This is too cute

It felt nice, but I was already 59. Love was the last thing on my mind. I kept trying to resist my feelings, but I loved his company.

Emeka was persistent too. He believed our reunion was destiny and admitted he鈥檇 never fully gotten over me. I thought the whole thing was a joke, until he suggested we get married.

I considered the possibility, but eventually decided against it.

Why?

His children were cold and suspicious towards me. By then, Emeka had become very wealthy, and they believed I wanted his money, which was ridiculous because I was doing well financially.

Last year, as a retirement gift, Emeka gifted me a block of apartments that one of his sons had been eyeing. His son was so pained that he called me to say very insulting things.

Emeka refused my offer to return the property deed. He defended me, but it created serious tension between him and his children. I didn鈥檛 want to become the centre of another family conflict. I also worried about how my daughter would be treated if we eventually got married.

That incident made me pull back and reject his proposal.

That must鈥檝e been difficult

It was. But he鈥檚 remained kind and still checks on me from time to time. Recently, he even invited me to his company鈥檚 anniversary celebration in June and asked me not to avoid him. I still haven鈥檛 decided whether I鈥檒l attend.

I hope you do. How have your experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?

I鈥檝e learnt not to pressure myself because of society. Everything in my life eventually happened in its own time, even if many people would consider it late. I鈥檓 also grateful I didn鈥檛 settle. A lot of my friends rushed into marriages because of pressure and ended up unhappy.

One thing I鈥檇 advise younger women is to pay attention to family dynamics. You鈥檙e not just marrying a person. You鈥檙e marrying into a family, and that can affect your life more than you imagine.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1-10

7/10.聽There鈥檚 peace in being single. You have your freedom and your own space. But loneliness is inevitable, especially at this age. I鈥檝e felt it more this year because I no longer speak to Emeka as much, and my daughter is now in university. I try to keep myself busy with church activities and hobbies.

I believe love is one of the most beautiful things in life. Nothing truly replaces that feeling.

Read Next: 鈥淚 Left School for My Brother鈥�: Nigerians Share the Weight of Family Expectations

鈥淚鈥檓 still caring for my family鈥� 鈥� Bola*, 58 

I was the only child in my family who made it past primary school. Around the 鈥�80s,my uncle visited us in Oyo and promised to take whoever had the best result back to Lagos for further schooling. I made sure it was me, and he kept his word.

That opportunity changed my life, but it also came with pressure. I became the one my family depended on, and it pushed me into a decision I regret. I married a man I didn鈥檛 love and became his second wife to ease my financial burden.

Building a life with someone I don鈥檛 like hasn鈥檛 been easy. Even now, in my late 50s, I still carry my family鈥檚 responsibilities. I care for my siblings鈥� children and support them financially. It鈥檚 exhausting. Sometimes I feel resentful, but anytime I try to step back, they call me ungrateful and remind me  how privileged I was.

鈥淚鈥檓 afraid of falling into addiction like my siblings鈥� 鈥� John*, 28

Two of my older brothers struggled with drug addiction while I was growing up, and my parents were determined I wouldn鈥檛 end up like them. They were extremely strict, and I internalised that pressure.

I became cautious about everything. In university, I avoided friendships and social situations because I was scared of being influenced. I don鈥檛 let myself indulge in anything because I鈥檓 afraid of addiction.

I once cut out sugar because I panicked over my consumption of soft drinks. That was when I realised how deeply this fear had taken over me. I鈥檓 always on edge and it鈥檚 exhausting.

鈥淢y family refuses to prioritise my career鈥� 鈥� Aisha*, 24

My parents are deeply religious, and I grew up doing everything right. I loved my faith, and in many ways, they built their expectations of me around that.

After I graduated with a first class, I wanted to focus on my career, but marriage came next. My father, an imam, introduced me to a man from the mosque. I didn鈥檛 feel strongly about him, but I went along because it felt like the right thing to do.

We got married after a few months of knowing each other. I planned to start my career afterwards, but I got pregnant almost immediately, and everything paused.

Now I have a newborn, and I struggle to balance being a good mother, wife and daughter. I鈥檝e been feeling low and trapped. I looked it up and believe I may be dealing with postpartum depression. I wouldn鈥檛 have chosen this life so early but I did it to please everyone and be the good child.

鈥淚鈥檓 in a career I don鈥檛 want鈥� 鈥� Samuel*, 19

I鈥檓 my parents鈥� only surviving child. My siblings died at infancy from sickle cell, so everything they couldn鈥檛 be has been placed on me. My parents love me, but it comes with a lot of pressure. I鈥檝e grown up feeling like I can鈥檛 afford to fail because I鈥檝e been given the life they didn鈥檛 get. 

I鈥檝e always been creative and wanted to study fine arts, but my parents pushed me to study law because it was my dad鈥檚 dream. I鈥檝e felt a blanket of sadness since I got the admission.

I鈥檓 resuming school in a few months and it fills me with anxiety. I know I鈥檓 about to waste years chasing a career I don鈥檛 want.

鈥淚 sacrificed my education for my brother鈥� 鈥� Jessica*, 26

I鈥檓 the first of six children, and I鈥檝e been responsible for my siblings for as long as I can remember. I just completed  NYSC and I鈥檓 barely earning enough to get by, yet I pay my youngest sibling鈥檚 school fees. I can鈥檛 even be honest about how much I make because the expectation is that I take on more.

I had to stop at OND because my parents couldn鈥檛 afford to send both me and my younger brother to school when he got into university. I鈥檓 still bitter about it, and at the same time, I feel guilty for even feeling that way.

My life has been one long stretch of sacrifices, and it鈥檚 overwhelming. I get sad thinking about how I鈥檓 supposed to build my own life while carrying my family along. 

鈥淐aring for my sick wife is overwhelming鈥� 鈥� Charis*, 44

My wife was diagnosed with aphasia in 2022, and since then, life hasn鈥檛 been the same. I now care for her and our children, while going on like everything is fine.  On some days, I feel like she鈥檚 a burden, and I hate myself for thinking that because I know it鈥檚 not her fault. But the responsibility feels heavy. I鈥檓 overwhelmed and depressed.  I wonder how long I can keep going.

鈥淚鈥檓 tired of motherhood鈥� 鈥� Joy*, 32

I don鈥檛 enjoy being a mother, and that鈥檚 something I struggle to admit.

My husband works offshore, so I鈥檓 mostly raising our three children alone. When he鈥檚 around, I still take care of him too. It feels like I鈥檓 constantly working without getting a break.

I can see it affecting how I treat my children. People say I鈥檓 too hard on them, but it鈥檚 just a reaction to burn out.

Now, my husband wants a fourth child to 鈥榗omplete鈥� our family. I can鈥檛 even imagine it.  I know I can鈥檛 go through that again, I need to protect my mental health.

鈥淢y parents expect me to take on the bills鈥� 鈥� Idris*, 24

I landed my first job in 2025 earning 鈧� 120k. From the moment I started working, I became responsible for most of the household expenses. It was expected since I鈥檓 the oldest child at home.

Most times, I barely have anything left for myself after sorting out the bills, not even transport money. When I try to explain that I鈥檓 struggling, they call me selfish.

I don鈥檛 want to move out because it hurt them when my siblings left, but staying is draining me mentally and financially. I worry that if this continues, I鈥檒l start resenting them.

鈥淚 moved across the country to escape my family鈥� 鈥� Faith*, 25

As the first daughter, responsibility always fell on me, while my brothers weren鈥檛 held to the same standards. When my parents had surprise twins while I was still in secondary school, I became their second mum. I  skipped school on many occasions just to care for them.

When I got into university, I avoided home as much as I could. The thought of breaks gave me anxiety. After graduating, I made sure my NYSC posting was far away. My parents didn鈥檛 take it well and think I鈥檓 distancing myself, but I don鈥檛 really care anymore.

It鈥檚 changed how I see my future. I don鈥檛 want children because I feel like I鈥檝e already raised enough. Even relationships scare me because I worry I鈥檒l end up parenting a partner too.

鈥淚鈥檝e become a people鈥檚 pleaser鈥� 鈥� Precious*, 31

I was a brilliant child growing up and my parents placed all their hopes on me. Somewhere along the way, I became a people pleaser. I started lying to keep up an image. At first it was small things, but it quickly became a habit. I lied about what I was doing just to avoid disappointing my parents.

Even as an adult, I still struggle with it. I catch myself impulsively pleasing people and I鈥檝e lost relationships and friendships because of it. I hate that part of myself, and I鈥檓 trying to change, but it鈥檚 difficult. I鈥檝e spent so long protecting an image that I don鈥檛 know how to be myself.

Need support? Here are some Nigerian mental health resources that may help.

Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) 鈥� Youth-focused mental health support

| Crisis support: +234 916 841 7413

SURPIN 鈥� Suicide prevention & crisis intervention

| 080 0078 7746

National Emergency Helpline: 112