With a new season around the corner, here’s what happened to some of BBNaija’s biggest couples and where they are now. 

Mercy & Ike 

Pepper Dem season (2019)

Despite their penchant for chaos, fans couldn’t get enough of them. They continued dating after the house and even had their own reality show. But their Bonny and Clyde-style romance officially packed up in 2021. They both returned for the All-Star season in 2023, and it鈥檚 safe to say that ship has long sailed.  

Kiddwaya & Erica 

Lockdown Season (2020)

They had one of the show鈥檚 strongest ships and almost tricked fans into thinking they were in it for the long haul.  Just a few months later, though, the relationship quietly fizzled out. 

Sheggz & Bella 

Level Up Season (2022)

Few BBNaija ships divided viewers like Sheggz and Bella. They managed to keep the relationship going for years. This year, however, fans began speculating that they鈥檇 split after noticing they’d unfollowed each other on social media. Neither Sheggz nor Bella has confirmed the rumours.聽

Khafi & Gedoni

Pepper Dem season (2019)

Gedoni and Khafi’s love story is up there among a few of the show’s successful love stories. They took their romance all the way to the altar in 2020 and now have two children. 

Teddy A & Bambam 

Double Wahala (2018)

They were the first BBNaija couple to convince fans that reality TV love could survive in the real world. After finding love in the Double Wahala house, they tied the knot in 2019 and have since built a beautiful family together. They鈥檝e recently been at the centre of breakup rumours, but neither of them has confirmed or denied the speculation.

Neo & Vee 

Lockdown Season (2020)

Neo and Vee looked like a match made in heaven, and fans rooted for them all the way to the Lockdown finale. They stayed together after the show, but the relationship eventually ran its course, with Vee confirming the breakup in 2022. Things got a little messy during the All Stars season when they publicly revisited the split, but they’ve both moved on. 

Angel & Soma

All Stars Season (2023)

Many fans hoped Angel and Soma would go the distance after the show. But in 2024, Angel confirmed they鈥檇 broken up. When rumours and allegations about Soma made the rounds, she shut down speculations, insisting they鈥檇 broken up amicably and asking people to respect their privacy. 

Nina & Miracle 

Double Wahala Season (2018)

Nina and Miracle鈥檚 chemistry kept fans hooked throughout the season, but things didn’t last outside Biggie’s house. Just a few months after the show, Miracle clarified that they鈥檇 never been in an official relationship outside the house, bringing an end to the beloved 鈥淢ina鈥� ship. 

Doris & Denari

10/10 Season (Season 10)

Doris and Denari had fans rooting for them from the moment they got close in the house. Even after the show, they both insisted what they shared was real, fueling hopes of a post-house reunion. But their last public showing at the season鈥檚 reunion left viewers with more questions than answers. Fingers crossed.

Bright Morgan & Mide 

10/10 Season (Season 10)

Their slow-burn romance won over fans despite the complications surrounding Bright Morgan’s relationship outside the house. But less than a year after the season ended, Mide confirmed she’d called it quits. Since then, the breakup has unfolded publicly, with Mide asking Bright to remove the tattoo of her name from his wrist and Bright responding with more cryptic posts. 

Moses Bliss & Marie Wiseborn

Moses found love with British-Ghanaian lawyer Marie after sliding into her DMs over a worship video she posted. They got married in 2024.

Juma Jux & Priscilla Ojo

A missed flight in Rwanda brought Juma Jux and Priscilla Ojo together. The Tanzanian singer and Nigerian influencer later tied the knot in multiple ceremonies that beautifully honoured both cultures.

Mikel Obi & Olga Diyachenko

Mikel Obi and his Russian partner, Olga Diyachenko, met as neighbours in London.

More than a decade later, they’ve built a life together and are raising their twin daughters while embracing both cultures.

Simi Drey & Julian Flosbach

Simi Drey’s marriage to husband, Julian Flosbach, is a blend of Nigerian and German cultures. The couple have shared how open communication has helped them navigate their cultural differences.

Mike Edwards & Perri Shakes-Drayton

Their marriage blends Nigerian and British cultures. Perri has shared that her British-Caribbean upbringing made embracing Mike’s Nigerian family and traditions feel natural.

Mercy Aigbe & Kazim Adeoti

Mercy may be Edo by birth, but years in the Yoruba film industry meant that settling into Kazim Adeoti’s family came naturally.

She has publicly embraced Islam since they got married.

Peter Okoye & Lola Omotayo

Mr P found love with Lola more than 20 years ago. Their marriage blends his Igbo culture and her Yoruba-Russian one.

They’ve weathered public criticism over their cultural and age difference.

Babatunde & Abimbola Fashola

While the former Lagos governor is Muslim and his wife is a devout Roman Catholic, they say religion has never caused conflict in their home. Instead, they celebrate and observe each other’s religious traditions.

Bola & Oluremi Tinubu

President Tinubu and his wife have been married for 39 years. While he’s Muslim and she’s a Christian pastor, Tinubu has always respected her faith, saying her prayers are his greatest source of strength.

Friendship is easy when nothing is at stake. For Enoch (29), it took a kidnapping to discover just how far his best friend, Mohamed (32), was willing to go. 

He shares how Mohamed volunteered to deliver the ransom that would set him free from a kidnapper鈥檚 den, and how that ordeal bound them together as brothers for life. 

This is Enoch鈥檚 story, as told to Mofiyin

If I’d gone clubbing with my friends that Saturday in May, I probably wouldn’t have been kidnapped. 

Instead, I stayed home because I wanted an early night.

Around 10. p.m, my mum shook me awake, a trembling in her voice as she whispered that armed men had surrounded the house. I was still half asleep and thought I was dreaming until I heard gunshots. 

We started screaming for help, hoping the vigilantes nearby would hear us, but nobody did. As the men smashed the walls to force their way in, we hurried my younger brother and nephew into the ceiling.

Seconds later, they broke in. One of them asked if I was the maigida (man of the house). When I said yes, they tied my hands and dragged me away while my mum begged. 

I kept asking what I’d done and where they were taking me, but nobody answered. They marched me out of my community in Byazhin on the outskirts of Kubwa through thick bushes for hours. At some point, they blindfolded me, and I completely lost my sense of direction. Eventually, we climbed a mountain and reached a camp hidden among rocks, where they pushed me into a small enclosure.

Another captive was already there. He鈥檇 dislocated his shoulder trying to fight them off. He screamed in pain until a young man they called Jboy* arrived with someone to treat him.

The moment Jboy noticed I was watching him, he ordered the others to cover my eyes. Then he started describing my mum. He knew she sold foodstuffs in the Market. I couldn’t place his voice, but he clearly knew my family. Then, almost immediately, he said, 鈥淒on鈥檛 worry, you鈥檒l return home safely if your family pay.鈥澛�

***

That first night in captivity was scary. The injured man begged for water, and the kidnappers listened. They scooped rainwater into a rusted tin and handed it to him. When he refused to drink it, they beat him until he did.

After watching that, I couldn’t bring myself to touch the food or water they offered. They warned that if I refused to eat, they wouldn’t contact my family. 

By the third day, I gave in to the hunger pangs. Only then did they ask how much my family could pay for my release.

I told them we didn’t have money and could only afford 鈧�200,000. I even lied that I was still a student,  hoping they’d see me as someone who wasn鈥檛 worth much.

Jboy didn’t believe me. He said he knew I owned a car. Then they beat me before dragging me outside to call my mum.

They demanded 鈧�50 million. My mum screamed and said she’d never even seen 鈧�20 million before. But they barely understood English, so they thought she鈥檇 admitted to having the money. Once she dropped off the call, they descended on me, thinking I鈥檇 deceived them. I blacked out afterwards.

When I woke the next morning, the right side of my forehead was badly swollen. The other captive told me he thought I was dead. He’d even urinated on himself because he was too scared to move.

He urged me to ask my family to find someone who spoke fluent Hausa to negotiate with the kidnappers. 鈥淎nother misunderstanding like that could get you killed,鈥�  he added.

The days that followed were long. By then, I鈥檇 lost every sense of time. We were hurled up inside a cave, depending only on the sounds that drifted up the mountain for proof of life. School children singing the national anthem, farmers calling to one another as they went about their day, and our captors going and coming. 

***

The next time the kidnappers called, my family handed the phone to my closest friend, Mohamed. 

Mohamed wasn’t just any friend. We’d known each other for over a decade after my family moved to Byazhin. As a child, I was quiet and kept to myself, but Mohamed, who lived around the corner, wouldn鈥檛 let me stay that way. He’d knock on our door, drag me outside to meet the other children and make sure I never felt left out. If anyone tried to bully me, he was always the first to step in.

Even after many of our friends moved away over the years, we remained inseparable. We spent most of our free time at each other’s houses and if my family couldn’t find me, they knew to check Mohamed’s place first. So while I was held in captivity, it comforted me to know he was with my family. Without hesitation, Mohamed took over the negotiations.

For days, he pleaded and negotiated with them until they reduced the ransom from  鈧�50 million to 鈧�10 million. Even then, it was still a lot of money to raise on short notice.

My car and other valuable items were sold, but they only managed 鈧�4 million. The kidnappers accepted it on the condition that I’d pay the balance later.

On the sixth day, they told me I’d be released once someone delivered the ransom to a village in Zaria, Kaduna State.

I didn鈥檛 know it then, but nobody wanted to make the trip, except Mohamed. After days of negotiating with the kidnappers, he’d convinced himself they could be trusted. So he volunteered to deliver the ransom.

That night was the first time we had moved since I was kidnapped. I was blindfolded, yet I could tell they鈥檇 placed me on a motorcycle. We rode for what felt like hours before they dumped me on a lonely road. 

With the blindfold yanked off my eyes, I wandered until I reached what looked like a Fulani settlement. For a second, I wondered if I鈥檇 walked into another trap.

Then, almost immediately, I heard Davido鈥檚 music. It was the only recognisable proof of life in that moment, and I followed it. In the hut where the music was playing, I met a young Fulani man, who listened to my story, took me in and lent me his phone.

  When it finally occurred to me to ask where I was, he said I was still within Abuja, around Suleja.

It felt good to have a hint of clarity about my immediate surroundings. Then, without further hesitation, I dialled my mum鈥檚 number on the phone. Her voice carried a sliver of relief, but she also sounded worried.

鈥淢ohamed isn鈥檛 home yet,鈥� she said.

That wasn鈥檛 what I wanted to hear, but still, I wasn’t too worried. I assumed he was still making the long journey back.

The next day, I finally got home. Everyone celebrated my return, but Mohamed was still missing. As the hours passed, our relief slowly turned into panic, and we immediately swung into action. 

We retraced his journey until we found the driver who’d taken him to the rendezvous point in Zaria. He had the answers to all our questions. Mohamed had handed over the ransom and followed them to where he thought I was. The driver said he warned him not to follow them too far, but Mohamed did anyway. He鈥檇 assumed he was coming to rescue me. That was the last we heard of him. 

On hearing the driver鈥檚 account, I assumed Mohamed was taken to demand more money from us.  Then,  four days after my release, another group called. They said Mohamed had been sold to them and demanded 鈧�50 million. They hung up before we could ask more questions.  

***

I was back home and safe with my family, but my friend had now become a victim of his kindness. As days passed, we could no longer hide Mohamed鈥檚 disappearance from his parents.

His mother already suspected something was wrong. She鈥檇 visited and asked about his whereabouts, while we held back what we knew of the situation.

When his family finally found out, they were devastated. They reported the case to the police, but they were advised that negotiating gave Mohamed the best chance of coming home alive.

Days later, the kidnappers reached out again. They claimed they’d bought him from my captors for 鈧�2 million and wanted that money back before they’d even discuss a ransom. 

His parents offered a 鈧�3 million ransom and promised my family would raise it. The kidnappers felt insulted and ended the call.

Before long, the whole community heard that Mohamed had been kidnapped while trying to rescue me. People began gathering outside our house every day. Many believed we could easily raise the money because my brother had recently moved to South Africa; no explanation convinced them otherwise. The market women even organised themselves into shifts so someone was always outside our house watching us. I didn’t even dare step outside. 

About a week later, the kidnappers called again.

I recognised Jboy’s voice immediately. He accused us of deceiving him and repeated the rumour spreading through our community that I had a wealthy brother abroad. He insisted they wouldn鈥檛 accept anything less than 鈧�50 million for Mohamed.

Jboy terrified me. He casually mentioned details about our house that felt intimate. From that point on, every unfamiliar sound made me jump. I was convinced an insider was watching us.

By then, we’d sold land, borrowed from anyone willing to help and scraped together 鈧�5 million. The kidnappers rejected it. Instead, they started sending videos of Mohamed being beaten, alongside gruesome clips of murdered victims, warning he would be next if we didn’t pay. 

I could never watch those videos without thinking he was suffering because of me. 

About a month into Mohamed’s captivity, they sent the same videos to his father. After watching footage of Mohamed being flogged, he promised them 鈧�10 million. Before long, word spread quickly and people began blaming my family for delaying Mohamed’s release. By then, the negotiations had become even more complicated, and I feared Mohamed would pay the price. My family took loans, accepted donations and exhausted every option until, two months after Mohamed was kidnapped, we鈥檇 raised the 鈧�10 million his father promised.   

Not a single naira came from his parents. They believed it was our responsibility because he’d been kidnapped while trying to rescue me. 

This time around, my mother insisted on delivering the money. She feared that if we sent another intermediary, we鈥檇 be putting them at risk.

***

 On the agreed-upon day, the same network of trusted drivers drove my mother to a location in Zaria. We were hopeful about Mohamed鈥檚 release while nursing worry about my mum鈥檚 fate. Still, she was determined to deliver the ransom herself.

When they arrived at the location, the kidnappers pulled the same trick that had landed Mohammed in their net. They insisted she’d have to follow them if she wanted to see him. With no other choice, she climbed onto the back of a motorcycle and rode to the unknown.

It took hours, but they finally arrived at their hideout. And true to their words, Mohammed was there. 

But it was an emotional reunion, laced with even more problems. When it was time to leave, they said they鈥檇 decided to keep Mohamed because they needed someone to interpret during ransom negotiations.

My mum couldn鈥檛 believe what she heard. Still, she begged them. She told Mohamed that he wasn’t made for that life. But all her pleading fell on deaf ears. Their leader had already chosen him, and it was final.

When they changed their mind at the last minute, they had yet another offer:  raise another 鈧�3 million to buy three motorcycles, and they鈥檇 let Mohamed go.

Because we鈥檇 already given them everything, there was no money left. So, out of desperation, she begged them to keep her instead. She knew Mohamed’s family would never forgive her if she returned without him. So the kidnappers kept them both. 

Later that night, they allowed her to call me. I was afraid they鈥檇 mistreat her, but she assured me they wouldn’t. She said some of the men believed she was too old to be held captive. Three days later, they got their way. 

My mum was released, but Mohamed wasn鈥檛.

The kidnappers left her with a villager, who sheltered her overnight before taking her to the nearest police station. There, she met a respected local community leader who agreed to help negotiate Mohamed’s release. 

***

With the community leader’s help, the kidnappers eventually relented. After another week, they agreed to release Mohamed for an additional 鈧�1.5 million. 

We were still trying to raise the money when everything fell apart.

A frightened Jboy called that Wednesday, demanding to know if we’d involved the police. He accused my mum of setting them up, and said several of his brothers had been killed because of her. Then he hung up. 

That call haunted my mum. She鈥檇 been strong throughout the entire ordeal, but that call was her breaking point. She cried for days and began speaking in whispers. 

After that day, every line went dead. For nearly two weeks, we couldn’t reach the kidnappers or even the community leader. 

When we finally reached the police officer who had introduced us to him, he explained how the gang had carried out a foiled abduction. It got so intense that security officers launched an airstrike on parts of the forest. Some gang members were killed, but so were innocent villagers, including the community leader’s son.

All I could think about was Mohamed. I barely ate or slept. I kept imagining he鈥檇 either died in the airstrikes or been executed in retaliation. I don鈥檛 think I could鈥檝e lived with myself if that happened.

Days later, the kidnappers called from a different number. Their tone had completely changed. The threats were gone, and all they wanted was whatever money we had left. They told us to come take Mohamed home, and even let us speak with him. 

Like the last time, they also requested my mum as an intermediary. We made the trip to Zaria, this time, with Mohamed鈥檚 dad who genuinely believed he wouldn鈥檛 come back alive. He delivered the ransom to the kidnappers.

A few hours later, the driver returned. Mohammed and his father were with him, it didn鈥檛  feel real. 

After nearly three months, Mohamed was finally home. We both broke down in tears. 

The first thing he said was, 鈥� Thank you for not giving up on me.鈥� 

Those words touched me, even though I was the one who owed him everything. He admitted he’d stopped believing he鈥檇 ever leave alive. Around him were men who’d been held for six months. Others had spent more than a year in captivity. The reality of his freedom didn’t sink in until we entered Abuja. The moment he saw the city gate, his body gave way, and he started convulsing. We rushed him straight to the hospital, where he spent the next few days recovering.

Mohamed told me he’d eventually accepted that he would be forced to join the gang.

After the military raid, the kidnappers blamed the hostages for exposing their camps and executed several of them. He would鈥檝e been next. The only thing that saved him was  someone reminding them they’d already collected 鈧�10 million for his release.

After that, they moved him between settlements and kept trying to recruit him. They promised him he’d never struggle again. He鈥檇 have unbridled access to food, drugs and weapons, anything he wanted.

Mohamed refused. He kept telling them his faith wouldn’t allow him to become a killer. Eventually, just to stay alive, he agreed to serve as an interpreter during negotiations.

After Mohamed was discharged from the hospital, I didn’t know what our friendship would look like after everything that happened.

Unlike the rest of his family, he never blamed me. If anything, we鈥檝e grown even closer. He’s no longer just my friend. He’s my brother in every way that matters.

Some people are bound by blood. Mohamed and I are bound by everything we survived together. 

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This is Funke鈥檚 explanation as told to Mofiyin:

I met Dayo* at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner last November, and we hit it off almost immediately. He worked offshore as a marine engineer in Port Harcourt, so after December, we couldn鈥檛 see each other often. Still,  he was intentional. We spoke every day, and on Valentine’s Day, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

About two weeks later, he finally got some time off work and spent the weekend with me. While we were lying in bed, I noticed what looked like a tattoo on his thigh. At first, I couldn’t make it out, so I leaned in for a closer look. It was a topless woman with a penis in her mouth. I was shocked. I hadn’t noticed it when we’d hooked up in December. When I asked about it, he laughed it off and said he’d gotten it in January after following his friends to get semi-permanent tattoos. They’d all picked ridiculous designs, and he’d chosen this one because he thought it was funny. 

I didn鈥檛 find it funny. I couldn’t understand why a grown man would willingly put something like that on his body, even as a joke. Even worse, he couldn’t see why I’d find it offensive.

When I challenged him, he asked whether he needed my permission to get a tattoo and argued that if I got one, I wouldn’t ask for his approval either. 

I tried to let it go because ending a relationship over a tattoo sounded ridiculous, even to me. But for the rest of that weekend, I couldn’t look at him the same way. I was surprised by how quickly my attraction disappeared.

After he left, I hoped the feeling would fade, but it only grew stronger. The more I thought about the tattoo, the less it felt like a harmless joke and the more it seemed a reflection of how he viewed women. 

I started replaying old conversations and stories he’d shared about himself and his friends. Things I’d dismissed before suddenly took on a different meaning. I found myself wondering if he’d been showing me who he was all along, and I’d chosen not to see it.

When he messaged to say I’d seemed distant, I told him the tattoo really bothered me and asked if he’d consider removing it. He refused. 

He said I was making a big deal of something that was hidden and would eventually fade away. 

That response made things worse. He simply dismissed my feelings and expected me to move on. 

Over the next few weeks, I kept waiting for my feelings to change. They never did. By then, I no longer wanted him touching me because I couldn’t separate that tattoo from the person who’d chosen it.

When he wanted to visit again in May, I made excuses because I couldn’t bring myself to see him. Eventually, I ended the relationship. We’d only been together for four months, and I decided it was better to walk away early than stay and hope I’d eventually stop caring.

He didn’t take the breakup well. He told people I’d ended our relationship over a tattoo. I haven’t spoken to our mutual friend in over a month because she agreed with him. She said I was being too sensitive and stereotyping him.

Whether other people agree or not, I don’t believe a grown man chose a tattoo like that, even temporarily, without it saying something about his mindset. 

I still think he’s a decent person in many ways, and I don’t hate him. But once my perception of him changed, I couldn’t undo the damage. I’d rather end a relationship after four months than spend years compromising on something that goes against my values. 

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Christina* (26) thought leaving her possessive boyfriend for her best friend would finally give her the healthy relationship she’d been craving. Instead, she found herself trapped in another painful situation. In this story, she opens up about her dating history and why she鈥檚 embraced being single.

What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

It’s complicated. I’m single, although I’m in love with someone right now. Still, I don’t mind being single because it feels safe. I  tend to lose myself in relationships.

How did you get here? Tell me about your dating history

My first serious relationship was with Femi*. We met in 2019 during my first year at university.

A friend posted him on her birthday, and I commented on his looks. She must’ve sent him a screenshot because not long after, he asked for my number. We started texting, and a few days later, he picked me up from school for our first date.

He was handsome and easy to talk to. Things moved quickly, and by our second date, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

What was the relationship like?

Rocky from the very beginning. We argued constantly because we were both hot-headed. If I didn’t answer his calls immediately or if he thought I’d gone somewhere without telling him, we’d fight. He was very possessive, and although I noticed the signs early, I convinced myself they were harmless. I thought it was cute that he always wanted me around.

But it only got worse. About three months later, I found out I was actually his side chick.

How did you find out?

A friend who knew about us sent me an Instagram video of Femi celebrating three years with another woman. I was shocked, but I’d already had my suspicions.

I once went through his gallery and found videos of the same woman. When I asked about her, he said she was his ex and claimed they’d recently broken up. He even said he’d forgotten to delete the videos.

When I confronted him after seeing the Instagram post, he admitted they’d gotten back together. According to him, their families were already involved, so he couldn’t just walk away. He had an excuse for everything.

Did you stay? 

Yes. I was young and in love. He promised he’d sort everything out and make sure everyone was respected, so I decided to see how things played out.

He also knew exactly how to make me overlook the bad. He was generous, romantic, and financially supportive. He helped me pay for a training programme to attend fashion school.

I convinced myself that as long as his other girlfriend wasn’t disturbing me, maybe it wasn’t such a big issue. About a year into our relationship, they had a messy breakup after she moved abroad.

Lucky you. Did things improve once you had him to yourself?

Not at all. He became even more controlling. He wanted me to cut off male friends, and I started hiding harmless things from him just to avoid another argument.

One of the friends he wanted me to stop talking to was Michael*. We’d met during A Levels in 2018 and stayed close ever since. By 2021, he was one of my closest friends, and I’d always known he had feelings for me.

As my relationship with Femi fell apart, Michael and I spent more and more time together. I eventually developed feelings for him, even though he was also in a relationship.

One night, after another huge fight with Femi, I went over to Michael’s place. We had a few drinks and had sex.

Did that change the dynamics of your relationship?

It scared me because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

We avoided each other for a while, but we eventually broke up with our partners and became exclusive in 2012, even though we never clearly defined the relationship. 

Curious, what did that look like in reality?

It felt peaceful; we understood each other without trying so hard. 

But eventually, the cracks began to show, and it was largely due to his indecisiveness. We鈥檇 been together, but still couldn鈥檛 define what we were doing. 

He always claimed he didn鈥檛 want me to be a rebound, since he had just left a relationship. He wanted more time before making things official. I’ve never been comfortable with uncertainty, so that really bothered me.

I also felt like he was hiding me. My friends knew we were together, but he kept me at arm’s length from his friends.

About eight months in, things got worse. He had a close female friend I’d never been comfortable with.  Then, one day, while we were hanging out with friends, she mentioned something personal I’d only told Michael.

When I confronted him about sharing my private business, he became defensive and locked their chat. That destroyed my trust.

From then on, we argued constantly about her, and he refused to meet me halfway. Eventually, I stopped being intimate with him because I no longer felt emotionally safe.

What finally made you walk away?

I’d decided not to travel home for the holidays because I wanted to spend New Year’s with him. At the last minute, he cancelled our plans and told me he was going on a trip with his friends instead.

That was when I realised I was no longer a priority. I was tired of complaining, so I blocked him.

I expected him to reach out or fight for the relationship, but he never did. A few months later, I found out he’d started dating someone else while we were still going through all that friction. 

It was one of the hardest heartbreaks I’ve ever experienced, but I eventually forced myself to move on.

Did you take a break from dating after him?

Femi came back into my life.

He’d been trying to win me back ever since I’d left him. By then, he seemed much more mature, and despite everything that had happened, he’d never completely let me go. Even while dating someone else, he still kept trying to get back with me.

As strange as it sounds now, that persistence became one of the reasons I gave him another chance. We got back together in 2022.

Was the second time any different?

Not really. The problems we’d broken up over never went away. It was only a matter of time before we slipped back into the same patterns, except I’d changed, too.

The first time around, I was always trying to keep the peace. The second time, I wasn’t willing to do that anymore. Every time he picked a fight, I gave it right back.

The arguments became worse. He didn’t care where we were or who was around. We’d argue in front of friends and even strangers.

To make matters worse, I strongly suspected he was cheating. I never caught him, but there were moments I’d call him and know from the way he sounded that he was with another woman. 

Despite all this, what kept you in the relationship?

As much as we fought, we’d always make up, and when things were good, they were really good.

He had a way of making grand romantic gestures that made me forget everything else. I remember casually mentioning that I was craving food from a restaurant in Lagos. I lived in another state, but he arranged for someone to deliver it all the way to me.

He did things like that all the time, so I kept convincing myself the relationship was worth fighting for.

But by 2023, I’d had enough. Around that time, my phone was stolen. I was working on my final year project and struggling financially. He could easily afford to replace it, but he never even offered. I borrowed other people’s phones just to stay in touch with him, and he didn’t seem to care.

Eventually, one of my friends spoke to him, and only then did he buy me a small iPhone.

A few days later, we argued, and he immediately asked me to return the phone. That really hurt me.

When he came to see me later that day, I threw it back at him. He apologised afterwards, and one of his friends begged me to take it back, so I did.

But by then, I’d decided the relationship was over for good.

How was your love life after that? Did you meet anyone else? 

I was emotionally exhausted.

For more than two years, I didn’t get into another serious relationship. Instead, I focused on upgrading my skills and completing my NYSC. I spoke to a few people here and there, but nothing really clicked until Steven*.

I’d actually known him for years. His sister, who was my friend, introduced us, but we never met in person because he relocated abroad. We’d check in on each other occasionally, but it was always platonic. 

Last year, we grew closer. We started opening up to each other and would spend hours talking.

That’s when I started developing feelings for him. After everything I’d experienced, I realised how much I valued someone who spoke gently to me and made me feel emotionally safe.

Did he feel the same way about you?

He did. We spent time together when he visited Nigeria, and we even had sex.

Afterwards, we talked about where things were heading. He admitted he had feelings for me too, but said he didn’t want to tie me down with a long-distance relationship while he was abroad.

I understand where he’s coming from, but he’s still very much on my mind. We’re still talking, and for now, I’m just seeing where things go.

Femi came back into my life again this year and started talking about getting back together even though he’s currently in another relationship.

I鈥檓 not making that mistake again, but we’ve still been chatting. I’m also in a few other talking stages since I鈥檓 trying not to pour all my emotional energy into Steven.

Fair enough. What’s the biggest lesson your relationships have taught you?

When someone says they’re unsure about you, believe them.

Michael kept saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but almost immediately after we stopped talking, he started dating someone else.

I’ve also learnt not to ignore red flags. With Femi, they were there from the talking stage. We argued constantly, and I already knew he wasn’t being honest with me.

I ignored it all because I wanted the relationship to work. In the end, those same issues followed us throughout both relationships.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate them out of 10

8/10. I like this version of being single.

I can live my life however I want, and at the same time, my emotional needs are still being met by someone I care about. I know it won’t stay this way forever, but for now, it鈥檚 a good place to be.

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Sugar Daddy Chronicles: Lewa by Tomi Adeyemo

鈥淚 read Sugar Daddy Chronicles in 2024, and it completely changed how I say Nigerian romance. It pushes the boundaries of morality and smut in a way that just works. The babal谩wo is surprisingly hot, so the forbidden romance never feels forced. I also loved watching the main character reclaim her sexuality after everything she’d been through. It’s layered, messy and聽 very spicy. Prepare yourself.鈥� 鈥斅� Hadiza* 28

Bottom Belle by Camaa Pearl

Bottom Belle will always be my forever fav. It’s about a fashion entrepreneur who falls for an older foreign Dutch CEO. I loved that the author never tried to make the heroine more acceptable. She’s materialistic and unapologetic about it. The romance is a slow burn, but when the spice kicks in, it’s worth every page. George is such a zaddy, and their chemistry is ridiculous. 鈥�Faith*, 24

Through the Fire by Amaka Azie

The male lead is one of the most emotionally mature characters I’ve read, and that’s what makes the romance so good. Watching the relationship grow from friendship into something more makes the intimate scenes hit harder. The payoff is worth the wait. 鈥�Bolu* 22

After the Rain by Amaka Azie

The forbidden romance had me hooked from the jump. It鈥檚 about a student secretly working as a stripper whose lecturer has no idea she鈥檚 his student. The tension is intense, the chemistry great, and the intimate scenes are beautifully written. 鈥�John* 26

Forever Kind of Love by Adesuwa O’man Nwokedi 

Out of the entire Malomo Reunion series, this is my favourite. I’m a sucker for enemies-to-lovers, and this book absolutely delivered. The banter made the chemistry feel so real, and because it’s such a slow burn, you feel every second of the anticipation before the spice finally lands. It has my favourite intimate scenes in the series. 鈥�Ada* 19

The Yoruba Demon Series by Camaa Pearl

This is my favourite Nigerian romance series. I always picture Femi as Davido, which makes him even more fun to read. He’s a musician with a playboy reputation who ends up in a marriage-of-convenience romance, and the slow-burn chemistry is so satisfying. I love that the series feels like a glimpse into the private lives of hot, successful Nigerian men. But if we’re talking about the best smut, The Tunde book wins for me. The chemistry between the tech founder and the PhD student is really sexy. 鈥�Dami* 23

The Lekki Club by L.Leigh

It explores a BDSM relationship in a Nigerian setting, which you hardly ever see. Remi is a closeted submissive who gets introduced to a secret club where he meets Mistress Eve, and their chemistry is intense. Beyond the

spice, the plot twists really got me. 鈥擩ael* 22

This Crazy Paradise by Aziza Eden Walker

It’s about a divorced lawyer who meets Daniel during a trip to South Africa, and they’re both carrying emotional baggage. I loved how they slowly helped each other heal instead of rushing into sex. That slow build made every intimate scene feel earned. I’ve reread it twice and still can’t get enough. 鈥�Lara* 27

If These Eyes Could Talk by Cynthia 鈥淭asha鈥� Osajibenedict

I didn’t expect a short story collection to deliver erotica this well, but this completely surprised me. Every story is vivid, sexy, and beautifully written, and they all flow seamlessly into one another. Mona and Lanre’s story was my favourite because I related so much to their bond. I finished the book almost in one sitting. 鈥�Musa* 29

Exhale (Queer anthology) by Blackbird Books

I’d recommend Exhale because it’s more than just erotica. It’s an anthology full of desire, emotional depth and queer joy. I loved all 14 stories because they felt relatable. My favourite was Everyone Worth Loving Can’t Be Saved, which somehow made me cry, while Jigida and The Mouth completely changed how I imagined queer love in precolonial Nigeria. 鈥�Angel* 32

Black Sparkle Romance by Amara Nicole Okoro

It鈥檚 one of those books that’s easy to get into because the plot isn’t complicated. It’s an office romance where the leads start off on the wrong foot, and that tension makes the romantic scenes all the more satisfying. I finished it in one sitting because I couldn鈥檛 put it down.鈥�Ben* 25

The Elevator Kiss by Amina Thula

Edward and Sindi have insane chemistry. The slow build makes every intimate scene even hotter, and I still think about the Cape Town penthouse scene. I also loved how the story moved through different African cities, which added an extra layer of excitement to the romance. 鈥�Joyce*, 29

Nearly All the Men in Lagos Are Mad by Damilare Kuku 

I know it isn’t strictly erotica, but I’d still recommend it. The sex scenes are well written and blend so naturally with the humour that they never feel out of place. I read it years ago, but it’s still one of the books I go back to whenever I want something that’s funny with just the right amount of spicy. 鈥�Fati*, 26

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Nigerians have never met a room they couldn’t enter, and that includes the Love Island villa. Over the years, Islanders with Nigerian roots have given us some of the franchise鈥檚 funniest, messiest and most memorable moments.  Here’s every Nigerian who’s appeared on Love Island and how their villa journey played out. 

Opeyemi 鈥淥P-I鈥� Sowande (UK Season 13)

Ope was easily one of the funniest people in the villa, but he was also one of the most hot-headed, and viewers quickly turned on him. He had everyone scratching their heads after declaring his type was blonde white women, only to spend most of his time chasing Angelista (a black woman), who rejected him. Then, after days of flirting with Victoria, he acted like she’d ruined his life by choosing him. He was voted out a few days later, but it still felt like there was more of Ope we never got to see. 

Victoria Onanusi (UKSeason 13)

Victoria barely had time to unpack her suitcase before she was sent home, so we never really got to know her. After missing out on Sam, she tried her chances with OP, but quickly realised the chemistry wasn’t there. Before either of them could figure things out, the other Islanders voted them the weakest couple and sent them packing. Poor girl.

Chidi Ogandu (UK Season 13)

At times, it genuinely felt like Chidi forgot he was on Love Island. While everyone else was grafting, he was happy to just chill. Even when his partner locked lips with someone else, he stayed unbothered. He came across as one of the villa鈥檚 sweetest guys, although he also casually admitted he’d kept someone in a situationship for almost three years. Maybe producers dumped him before we got to meet the other Chidi.

Bilikis (BillyKiss) Azeez  (UK Season 13)

Billykiss had the kind of sharp mouth you’d expect from a Yoruba babe. She was confident and never one to let anyone bully her. After her first couple fizzled out, she found a promising connection with Boris, but their slow-burn romance simply ran out of time. Just as things were starting to blossom, the Islanders voted her the least favourite girl and sent her home. 

Ayo Odukoya  (UK Season 11)

Ayo started the season as one half of everyone’s favourite couple with Mimii before creating one of the villa鈥檚 biggest love triangles with Jess. Even after choosing Jess, he still wanted to have his cake and eat it. That moment where he saw Mimii with Josh, mouth hanging open and all, is exactly why the playboy allegations will never leave him. He and Jess made it to the finale, but their relationship lasted less than two months outside the villa. 

Josh Oyinsan (UK Season 11)

Viewers loved Josh because he knew exactly what he wanted and wasted no time going after it. When Ayo fumbled Mimii, Josh stepped in and never looked back. It was the little things, like writing her a poem after learning she’d never received one, that made everyone root for them. They became the first Black couple to win the show, but broke up a few months later. Did we fall for the greatest PR couple in Love Island history? We鈥檒l probably never know.

Uma Jammmeh (UK Season 11)

Uma was one of Season 11’s biggest sweethearts, so viewers were heartbroken when Wil cheated on her in Casa Amor. Just when it looked like producers had sent in the perfect rebound in bombshell Reuben, Uma shocked everyone by choosing to leave the villa with Wil after he was voted out. Fans couldn’t believe she’d choose the man who’d just broken her heart. They’re still together, so maybe she knew something the rest of us didn’t. 

Catherine Agbaje (UK Season 10)

Catherine went from being everyone鈥檚 favourite girl to public enemy number one almost overnight. Fearing Scott would have recoupled, she brought back Elom from Casa Amor, only for Scott to return single.  Instead of piping low, she doubled down on her decision and rubbed her new relationship in Scott’s face. She and Elom were dumped not long after. 

Ella Thomas (Funke baby) (UK Season 10)

Funke baby鈥檚 facial expressions deserved their own camera.  Pair that with her dramatic relationship with Tyrique and you had one of Season 10’s most entertaining couples. They stressed viewers every other episode, but everyone still rooted for them. They finished third, and stayed together for a while, but their relationship only got messier before ending about a year later.

Whitney Adebayo (UK Season 10)

Whitney had the villa and the internet wrapped around her finger. Her relationship with Mehdi never convinced viewers, who felt he didn’t fully appreciate her enough. Then came Lochan, who felt like her perfect match. Apart from her clash with her fellow Nigerian sister Ella, her villa journey went surprisingly smoothly, and they finished second. Unfortunately, their love story didn’t survive outside the villa and ended in a very public,messy breakup. 

Toby Aromolaran 

Toby first won viewers over in Season 7 with his chaotic but lovable romance with Chloe, and the pair finished as runners-up. He returned for Love Island Games, where he found another romance with Georgia, which carried into Love Island: All Stars. They eventually split, but Toby clearly wasn’t done with the villa because he popped up AGAIN on the second season of Love Island Games. Four seasons later, our brother is still searching for love. He might need to start looking for another island. 

Martin Akinola (UK Season 9)

Martin was the typical nonchalant guy. While Tanya poured her heart out to him, he was busy eating an ice lolly. So it wasn’t exactly shocking when Tanya ended things in one of the season’s most brutal recouplings by publicly declaring her love for Shaq. Viewers initially felt sorry for Martin, but it wasn’t enough to keep him in the villa. All sympathy disappeared when he slut-shamed Tanya after he was dropped from the show.

Dami Hope (UK Season 8)

Dami might just be one of the most entertaining Islanders the franchise has ever cast. His fun personality and undeniable chemistry with Indiyah kept viewers hooked all season. Exploring with someone else in Casa Amor almost cost him everything, but he talked his way back into Indiyah’s good books. They finished third and stayed together for over two years before the post-villa curse eventually caught up with them. They split up after a video of Indiyah kissing another man went viral.

Ikenna Ekwonna (UK Season 8)

Before there was Dami and Indiyah, there was Ikenna and Indiyah. The only problem was that they gave besties more than lovers. He tried to move on to other girls once they agreed they were better off as friends, but he was voted out before he could form another connection. 

Ovie Soko (UK Season 5)

Ovie was so loved that viewers wanted him to win the 拢50,000 even if he stayed single. It wasn’t just because he was ridiculously good-looking. He was funny and became the villa’s unofficial agony aunt, always dishing out solid advice whenever everyone else’s relationships were falling apart. His connection with India eventually took them to third place, although most people would tell you they were really voting for Ovie. 

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From couples who navigated devastating loss together to those who weathered conflicts, career setbacks and major life changes, these stories unpack the pressure points that can break a marriage and what it took to hold on.

鈥淚nvolving my husband in my business was a mistake鈥� 鈥� Ochanya*, 39

When my mother died in 2015, I took over her school. My husband and I decided to run it together, but it turned out to be the biggest mistake we made.

My husband gradually took complete control. I didn鈥檛 mind at first, but I soon realised there was no accountability. He refused to standardise the school fees, charged different families different amounts and never accounted for how he spent the money.

I endured it for about a year before asking him to step away. It led to the biggest fight of our marriage. He felt I had thrown his efforts away and moved to another state to start his own business.

We lived apart for a few years before our families reconciled us in 2017. Now, we鈥檝e learnt to keep our marriage separate from our businesses. 

鈥淚 thought my illness would cost me my marriage鈥� 鈥� Dunsin*, 39

Two years into marriage, I was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis, and our lives changed overnight. For the past three years, we鈥檝e moved from one hospital to another, trying different treatments while drowning in medical bills. We nearly exhausted our savings trying to keep up. My wife stood by me through it all, but her family started questioning why she stayed, especially because we still don鈥檛 have kids. Some even encouraged her to leave.

Earlier this year, she travelled home to rest because everything had become too overwhelming. I was convinced her family would persuade her not to return, so I prepared myself for the worst. But she came back. When I admitted my fears, she told me she鈥檇 never even considered it.

鈥淢y wife鈥檚 relocation nearly ruined our family鈥� 鈥� Joseph*, 44

My wife got an opportunity to relocate abroad, and it almost ruined our marriage. We had two young children, and I was running a business in Nigeria, so moving with her wasn鈥檛 an option. I asked her to wait because the timing felt wrong, but she thought I was sabotaging her future. The arguments got so bad that one day, she said if I couldn鈥檛 support her decision, we should go our separate ways.

Hearing that broke me. I stopped trying to change her mind and let her leave in 2022, even though I was convinced the distance would destroy our marriage. Surprisingly, it鈥檚 done the opposite. We visit each other regularly, speak throughout the day, and somehow have grown closer.

鈥淲e nearly ended our marriage over children鈥� 鈥� Nabila*, 34

My husband and I got married just before COVID, and our first major crisis was deciding when to have children. I鈥檇 just finished university and didn鈥檛 feel emotionally or financially ready to become a mum. But my husband wanted us to start trying immediately.

Lockdown made everything worse. We were stuck indoors, having the same argument over and over until I eventually moved into a separate room. Things became so tense that we involved our families. That鈥檚 when we realised we鈥檇 misunderstood each other. My husband thought I never wanted kids, while I was only asking for more time. He reluctantly agreed to wait, and in 2023, we welcomed our first child.

鈥淢y husband insulted my mum鈥� 鈥� Solape*, 37

My marriage hit its lowest point after my husband lost his job in 2016. We鈥檇 already been living in different states because of work, but when he became unemployed, he moved into my family home with me.

I became the breadwinner, and my mum wasn鈥檛 shy about expressing her frustrations. Tension kept building until one day my husband snapped. He insulted my mum and called her names while living under her roof.

I鈥檇 stood by him through everything, but I couldn鈥檛 overlook that. I asked him to move out and, for the first time, seriously considered ending our marriage. Eventually, I forgave him because he spent months apologising and working to rebuild my trust. He also found another job, and things gradually improved.

鈥淗e resented me for making him move back home鈥� 鈥� Faridah*, 28

My husband and I met while studying in the UK and got married shortly after. In 2024, our visas expired, and we became undocumented immigrants. After months of living in fear, I pushed for us to return to Nigeria.

He eventually agreed, but I could tell he resented the decision. After we moved back, he became distant. He stopped helping around the house and constantly reminded me that returning home was my idea. We argued so often that I genuinely feared our marriage wouldn鈥檛 survive.

My last resort was suggesting online therapy. Those sessions helped me realise his anger came from grieving the future he believed he鈥檇 lost in the UK. Once we understood that, we slowly found our way back to each other.

鈥淚 blamed my husband for my son鈥檚 death鈥� 鈥� Godiya*, 53

The hardest thing I鈥檝e ever experienced was losing my son last year. He was sent home from university with severe stomach pains while I was away on an official assignment. I trusted my husband to take care of him, but he didn鈥檛 realise how serious the situation was. Our son went to the hospital alone and collapsed a few hours later. He died that same day.

My grief quickly turned into anger. I kept thinking that if I鈥檇 been there, he鈥檇 still be alive. I blamed my husband so deeply that I moved out to live with my sister. At that point, I believed our marriage was over.

Prayer and time eventually softened my heart. I accepted that we couldn鈥檛 have prevented his death. Grieving together helped us find our way back to each other.

鈥淢y wife’s conversion tested our marriage鈥� 鈥� Mustapha*, 39

My wife converted to Christianity after nearly seven years together. Religion has always been important to me, and before we married, she’d chosen Islam for herself. I never imagined we’d one day be practising different faiths.

She also wanted our kids to go to church, while I wanted them raised as Muslims. That鈥檚 when the trouble started. My family joined me in pushing back against her decision.

For a while, I worried our marriage wouldn’t survive. Our families suggested separation, but neither of us wanted to walk away. Instead, we reached a compromise. Our two younger children attend church with her, while the older two practise Islam. Still, I worry this arrangement will create divisions in the future.

鈥淐aring for our son has consumed our marriage鈥濃�� Anointed*, 36

Our second child was born in 2021 with cerebral palsy, and since then, our lives have changed. Nobody prepared me for how easily a marriage can disappear under the weight of caregiving. 

My wife and I barely spend time together anymore. Every conversation is about our son, and we’re both constantly exhausted. I love my son, but I miss the marriage we used to have. I also worry about our first child, who has had to grow up faster than she should. We’re still together, but these days it feels like we’re just partners instead of husband and wife.

鈥淚 might leave my husband because of his habits鈥� 鈥� Salma*, 40

Between 2016 and 2018, my husband lost three jobs. The setbacks changed him completely. He withdrew into himself, developed an alcohol dependence, and became involved in gambling and questionable business deals. Along with that came constant lies. I never knew what to believe anymore until I stopped trusting him altogether.

Things got worse whenever I confronted him and he became violent. Last year, I was ready to walk away for good.  And that seemed to be the wake-up call he needed. 

Since then, he’s stopped drinking and has given up gambling. Right now, I’m waiting to see if this transformation is truly lasting before deciding what comes next. 

鈥淢y husband quit his job to start a church鈥� 鈥� Florence*, 34

In 2021, my husband announced that God had called him to quit his well-paying job and start a church. We had four young children, and I couldn’t understand how he expected us to survive on my salary alone.

I fought the decision every step of the way. I felt betrayed because this wasn’t the future we’d planned together. When he started selling some of our investments to fund the church, I became so frustrated that I moved back to my parents’ house.

At my lowest point, I considered ending our marriage. But despite my fears, he remained convinced this was what he was meant to do. Today, I still have concerns, but I’ve chosen to support him. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I’ve accepted that loving him means trusting him to follow the path he chose. 

鈥淢y wife’s spiritual practices almost ended our marriage鈥� 鈥� John*, 51

After my marriage in 2008, I discovered things about my wife that unsettled me. She identifies as Catholic, but also practises traditional rituals that make me uncomfortable. I would find strange objects around the house she insisted were for protection.

Whenever I asked her to stop, it always led to arguments. At one point, I no longer felt at ease in my own home. I even worried she might use those things against me. When we started having kids, I worried about the influence these practices might have on them.

There were many times I considered leaving, but I stayed for my kids. Over the years, I’ve accepted that I can’t control what she believes. Instead, we’ve agreed to keep our kids away from those practices, and that compromise has helped us maintain peace in our home.

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We asked Nigerian domestic workers about the biggest secrets they uncovered on the job, and how they were expected to keep them hidden. Here’s what they shared. 

鈥淗e led an organisation while mentally ill鈥� 鈥� Nana* 43

I worked as a housekeeper for a very influential family. At the time, the father had just been appointed to head a government organisation, but he was living with a mental health condition that only his family, closest associates and doctors knew about.

He regularly had episodes where he didn’t recognise family members and would wander out of the house in the middle of the night. Despite his condition, he completed five years in office without the public ever knowing.

There were rumours, and journalists tried to investigate, but the family always denied. His aides handled most of his public engagements, and from the outside, nobody realised anything was wrong.

鈥淭hey covered up their daughter鈥檚 abuser鈥濃�� Joy*, 26

I started working informally for a family when I was 15. A few months in, I noticed the mother’s younger brother behaving inappropriately around her eight-year-old daughter. One day, I caught him touching her and immediately reported him to her mother.

We discovered it had been happening for a while. The mother cut ties with her brother, but she never reported or held him accountable. Instead, the family kept everything quiet and carried on as though nothing had happened.

I stayed with them for another three years, and we never spoke about it again. It still haunts me because I often wonder if that little girl remembers what happened and whether I could have done more.

鈥淢y employer was hiding his sexuality鈥� 鈥�  Zainab* 31

I believe my last employer was a closeted gay man, even though he had a wife and two kids. 

He surrounded himself almost exclusively with men and was always mentoring the younger ones who worked closely with him. He was also physically affectionate with some of them. I found it odd, but I didn’t think much of it at first because he was married.

Shortly before I left the job, I found out his wife also had the same suspicions. I鈥檇 somehow accessed her browser history while helping the kids with an assignment. The search history contained questions on homosexuality and whether it was natural. Sadly, I left the job a few weeks later and never found out the full truth.

They tell everyone he’s studying abroad, but he ran away鈥� 鈥� Davis* 28

I work for a family whose son was a constant source of worry. He struggled with drugs, dropped out of school and would disappear with his friends for days.

Things got much worse in 2024. He and some friends emptied his father’s bank accounts after millions of naira from a contract payment came in, and ran away. The family involved the police and searched everywhere for him, but he’s never been found. At one point, someone claimed they鈥檇 spotted him in Niger state, but it turned out to be a false lead.

The money doesn鈥檛 even matter to the family anymore. They just want him to come home alive. They keep the entire incident a secret, even from their extended family. Whenever anyone asks where he is, they say he’s studying abroad. The truth is, we don鈥檛 even know if he鈥檚 alive. 

鈥淣o one knows the truth about their daughter鈥� 鈥� Salam* 48

I once worked as a driver for a family. The couple already had a son in university when the husband cheated on his wife and got another woman pregnant. After giving birth, the woman abandoned the baby with him because she didn’t want to raise the child.

Instead of going public with the truth, his wife agreed to raise the girl as her own. She even travelled abroad for an extended time before returning with the baby. I believe they did it so that everyone, including their church and extended family, would believe she’d given birth herself.

I left when the girl was about six, and nobody ever suspected she was the product of an affair. Her biological mother never came back or even checked on her. As far as I know, only the cleaner and I knew the truth.

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After years of chasing relationships and a devastating betrayal that left him battling depression, Noah* (27) decided to walk away from the life he’d always known. In this episode of On the Streets, he shares how heartbreak and a year of celibacy completely changed the way he thinks about sex and relationships. 

What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m single; I have a lot of personal work to do before I can be in a relationship. Over the past year, I’ve become much more intentional about my faith and personal growth. I don’t think I trust myself not to fall back into the same unhealthy patterns.

What patterns? Walk me through your dating history

Growing up, I was very skinny and got bullied a lot. But when I switched secondary schools in senior class and became athletic, I suddenly started getting a lot of attention, especially from girls.

I didn’t know how to handle it. Between SS1 and SS3, I dated about eight girls. Every new relationship felt like it could be the one, but none lasted. I got exposed to sex early, and it influenced the way I approached relationships.

By the time I got to university, I had become obsessed with women and sex. Whenever someone showed interest in me, I struggled to say no.

It wasn’t because I wanted to sleep around. I genuinely believed every new connection could be my future partner, so I kept giving people chances. Before long, I’d accumulated more situationships than I can even remember.

The first relationship that truly meant something to me was with Peace*.

Tell me about Peace

We met at home, through a mutual friend during the COVID lockdown. We spent a lot of time together and eventually started dating.

She was gentle and intentional about our relationship, and I really liked that. But once the lockdown ended, distance became a problem. I returned to school and rarely came home because of my strict parents, so we hardly saw each other.

Over time, I started feeling disconnected. Then, around the same time, I grew close to a coursemate named Esther*. We had amazing chemistry, and I convinced myself she might be a better fit for me.

Did you end things with Peace first?

No. I couldn’t bring myself to break up because I wanted to be sure about Esther first. Instead, I stayed with both of them and kept stringing them along.

Within a few months, Esther and I started clashing. She felt I wasn’t giving her enough attention and often argued with me over a female friend she didn’t like. Eventually, I fell out of love with her. When I ended things, I admitted I already had a girlfriend back home. 

It wasn’t an easy conversation, but we went our separate ways after that.

I see. And what happened with Peace?

By then, our relationship was already hanging by a thread. We hardly saw each other, and I think we’d both checked out emotionally. In 2022, she got an opportunity to move abroad for school and ended the relationship before she left.

That breakup made me realise something about myself. I was always talking to someone, yet I still felt lonely. No matter how many people I dated, I never felt settled. This was my state of mind when I met Jane* towards the end of my NYSC  in 2023.

We were serving in the same local government, and both had issues with our clearance. While chatting, we found out we鈥檇 attended the same university and had crossed paths before.

After our clearance was sorted, we went our separate ways without exchanging numbers. But I couldn’t stop thinking about her, so I searched for her on Instagram and sent her a message. She responded, but getting her to date me was much harder than I expected. She said she wasn’t looking for a relationship. Yet I didn鈥檛 accept her “no.” I felt like it was another conquest to be won.

Hmm

We talked every day until she eventually came over to my place and we hooked up. After we slept with each other a few more times, I assumed we were already together. She still didn’t want to put a label on it, though.

It took months before she finally agreed to be my girlfriend.

How did that relationship go? 

Looking back, I ignored a lot of red flags. I was always initiating conversations and trying to keep the relationship alive. She was inconsistent, and whenever we went out together, she’d be overly friendly with other people. I ignored it all because I liked her so much.

By then, I was completely invested. I didn’t want anyone else, so finding out she’d cheated on me felt like a stab in the chest.

How did you find out?

She told me herself.

She said she’d hooked up with a friend after they’d had a smoke session together. She apologised and insisted it was a mistake that would never happen again.

I was devastated, but because she’d come clean on her own, I stayed.

Were you able to move past it? 

I tried. I’d made mistakes in previous relationships, so I didn’t feel I could hold it against her forever. But the trust never came back.

After that, I became anxious whenever she was around other people. She鈥檚 much more outgoing than I am, so I’d randomly call her while she was out just to reassure myself. She hated it. We argued constantly because she felt I was becoming controlling, while I just wanted to feel secure again.

Around that time, one of my closest childhood friends died. His death shattered me. I withdrew from everyone and spent a lot of time reflecting on life. More than anything, I wanted Jane to be there for me.

I’d ask her to come over so we could spend time together, but she’d usually make excuses. Even when she did visit, she’d mostly want us to have sex. Whenever I tried to have deeper conversations, she’d avoid them. It made me feel even more alone.

So at what point did things finally fall apart?

Around early 2025, a friend moved in with me temporarily. One night, while I was working a night shift at the hospital, he called to say my kitchen had caught fire.

He explained that Jane had been boiling eggs, forgotten about them, and they’d both fallen asleep. Thankfully, they woke up before the fire spread, but I couldn鈥檛 understand why Jane was even at my apartment when she knew I was on duty.

I kept pressing my friend until he eventually confessed that they鈥檇 slept together. It wasn’t even the first time.

I’m so sorry. Did you confront Jane?

I did, expecting at least an apology. Instead, she blamed me.

She said I’d become distant after my friend’s death, that I wasn’t giving her enough attention, and that I’d used grief as an excuse to neglect the relationship. We got into a messy screaming match, and I broke up with her.

But the next morning, I replayed everything she’d said and convinced myself she was right. I begged her to take me back, but she refused. She said she’d already grown tired of the relationship and insisted I’d emotionally abused her. I realised there was no going back.

How did you cope afterwards? 

I fell into depression. I didn’t want to eat, work or see anyone. Some days, I questioned whether life was worth living.

A few months later, I unexpectedly saw Jane talking with another man. She didn’t even notice me, but just seeing her triggered a panic attack.

I decided to get away for some time, so I travelled home and finally opened up to a childhood friend. He invited me to his church, and for the first time in months, I felt like someone understood what I was going through. Every word from the pastor resonated deeply.

He also introduced me to his pastor, who spent hours listening to me without judgement. Even after I returned home, we kept talking online, and I eventually joined one of their branches closer to me.

As I grew spiritually, I started examining how I’d approached relationships. I realised I’d built almost every relationship around sex. We鈥檇 become physical long before we built any real emotional intimacy.

I’ve now been celibate for one year and two months, and I intend to remain that way until marriage. It’s been one of the healthiest seasons of my life.

How has that decision changed you?

It hasn’t been easy. There are moments when I feel lonely, especially because some friendships ended once we no longer shared the same values.

But I’ve replaced old habits with healthier ones. I’m learning to swim, and I work out more.

The biggest surprise is that I don’t even crave sex anymore. If I ever get into another relationship, it has to be with someone who shares my faith and also wants to wait.

Right. What have your experiences taught you about love and relationships?

I’ve learnt not to force relationships. I forced things with Jane. She’d shown me she wasn’t as invested, but I kept trying to make it work because I wanted it so badly.

I’ve also realised that sex affects us more deeply than we realise. My faith has taught me there’s a reason God calls us to wait until marriage. When sex becomes the foundation of a relationship, it can cloud your judgement. Now, I’d rather let relationships unfold naturally and trust God’s timing.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

8/10. I’m grateful for the progress I’ve made. I no longer love Jane, and being single has brought me a level of peace I never expected. Even the people closest to me have told me I鈥檓 a better person. 

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