But this familiar pairing isn鈥檛 the only reason he decided to star in Call of My Life. From Water and Garri (2024) to  Love Lockdown (2025), Andrew has built a pattern of playing emotionally burdened characters who just always happen to be romantically involved with someone else. For him, the romance is rarely the point of focus. 鈥淚 take an interest in a script because I see something about the character besides the romance that would be nice to bring out,鈥� he says.  Since romance is already baked into the script, he pays more attention to 鈥渨hy we meet the character as they are鈥�. 

Call of My Life is yet another romance, but this time, Andrew is playing a different kind of love interest. Eli is 鈥渘ot deeply-tortured. He is not out for revenge or to sabotage anyone. He鈥檚 just a kind-hearted person, and the highest stake in his life is this budding romance. He is a breath of fresh air from all the sadness,鈥�   Andrew explains.

In this rom-com, Eli finds love over a phone call with Soluchi (Uzoamaka Power), a call-centre agent fresh off a heartbreak. 鈥淥n its own, it sounds a bit outrageous and far-fetched that someone hears your voice, and they become so interested in you that they would want to get to know you,鈥� Andrew admits. 鈥淏ut these things happen in real life; people have met in crazier, more magical ways,鈥� he tells 91大神.

To him, this love story is a modern fairytale. It鈥檚 a Cinderella story without the evil step-sisters. Art imitates real life, and while it is important to tell the sad and more familiar stories, 鈥渢here are relationships that you see, and you wonder how all of it is happening when the Naira is falling, and there’s no electricity. These people are living a fantasy in real life, right in front of you.鈥�

This rom-com also features Kalu (Zubby Micheal), Soluchi鈥檚 ex, whose constant inattentiveness is arguably more familiar to the Nigerian dating scene.  Unlike in many romance movies, Kalu is not the demonic ex. 鈥淣obody is the villain in this story; these are real people with perfectly understandable reasons why they act the way that they do. It鈥檚 about a woman choosing a person who makes her soul happy.鈥�

As new as it sounds, Call of My Life isn鈥檛 Nollywood鈥檚 first attempt at a phone-based romance. In Kunle Afolayan鈥檚 Phone Swap (2012), a fashion designer and an arrogant businessman accidentally switch phones at the airport and must fix the error through a series of chaotic phone calls that develop into a long-distance romance.  Even at this, the similarities between the two films are almost entirely limited to phones and romance. Andrew says Call of My Life picks up on a 鈥榥iche quirkiness鈥�. 鈥淲e didn’t necessarily do anything differently. We just told a story that perhaps laid to rest some common cinema tropes in this part of the world. We focused on bits and pieces of love stories that usually don’t get told.鈥�

He hopes watching Call of My Life will inspire more people to feel freer in their relationships. 鈥淭here鈥檚 a new trend of nonchalant behaviour in relationships these days, and I鈥檇 like people to come away with feeling like it鈥檚 not bad to be cringey with your partner. Double text, call first and don鈥檛 express your feelings only when you鈥檙e in a heated argument. Just let it be out there. It helps.鈥�

Next Read: Uzoamaka Power Made Call of My Life for Everyone Who Has Ever Loved Too Much

have shown that women tend to consider earning potential when choosing partners, while men often prioritise physical attractiveness. Across cultures, women are perceived as more likely to marry up the social ladder than men are. A woman wanting to be cared for and provided for isn鈥檛 new. The question is whether hypergamy (dating/marrying richer) is as simple, or as harmless, as it seems.

In this article, three Nigerian women share what it actually looks like to date a man who pays for everything.

1. 鈥楪etting Money from Men Made Me Develop Bad Spending Habits鈥� 鈥� Demilade* 21

When Did You Realise You Could Get Money From Men?

I started taking money from men when I was 17 and in my first year of university. I鈥檓 a model and a social media manager, and in my line of work, your Instagram page might as well be your portfolio. Because of my job, I had a very active social media presence.  Unfortunately, I started getting more attention from men than from prospective employers. Soon, they started to send me money to 鈥榓ppreciate my beauty鈥� or just to have a conversation. By the time I was in my second year, I was on a monthly salary from a sugar daddy I鈥檇 never seen in person. Presently, three men have me on their payroll, and I鈥檝e timed their ghosting carefully so that I won鈥檛 find myself cash-strapped. I get around 300-400k in a good month, but even in a bad month, I do not spend less than 200k. I also get large sums occasionally. Once, someone wired me 500k, and another recently paid for books worth 300k.

I have never f actively looked for a sugar daddy. It typically starts with me posting a picture of myself. Then random men come into my DMs to tell me how pretty I am. After that, they ask how I am and if I need anything. I answer honestly, and then they send me money. Most of them are in Lagos, and I school in a different city, so they do not begin to ask for sexual favours until they learn I鈥檓 on holiday. At that point, I ghost them. When it suits me, I go off-script. For instance, I got into a long-distance relationship with a man who barely knew me. He鈥檇 check up on me twice a week and send me money. When he started insisting that he wanted a physical meet-up a few months later, I blocked him. Sex is a line that I won鈥檛 cross. 

For context, all these men are significantly older than I am, and I do not expect the same treatment from romantic relationships with boys my age. I have so much PTSD from my interactions with these men that I can鈥檛 think of someone more than four years older than myself romantically. At the same time, I can鈥檛 live without them. My parents are comfortable, so they cover my basics like school fees and food, but my lifestyle would suffer a very big downgrade if I stopped. I started a business a while back with some of the money I got from them, but it is slow, and my salary is meagre.  

Would You Say that There are Downsides to Being Financially Dependent on These Men?

Definitely. Even though I shut down the men who approach me for sex from the get-go, I still have to listen to things that make me feel violated sometimes. I don鈥檛 entertain disrespect, and men will tolerate nearly anything if they feel like they stand a chance of sleeping with me. At the same time, there are limits to my sassiness. I have to appear like I鈥檓 interested enough without committing to anything. And I have to be nonchalant and dismissive without raising suspicions that I鈥檓 only there for his money. Once, an Abuja man with a humiliation kink texted me and asked me to say the most degrading things to him. When I got into it, it was a fun outlet for my frustration, but it is not something I鈥檇 be comfortable with if I weren鈥檛 taking money from him.

I鈥檓 not naive; I know that what I鈥檓 doing is dangerous, and nobody likes to be taken for a fool. I have met very crazy men in the past three years. One has even threatened to drag me on the internet.  I鈥檝e had very close encounters with public embarrassment, and rumours about what I do have already spread. When I refuse to meet up with a man and my usual excuses aren鈥檛 working, or if he starts to threaten me, I鈥檝e learned the hard way that I have to produce whatever money he has sent me to avoid embarrassment. Sometimes, I have to ask my family members or friends for money to pay back. The last time it happened, I had to refund 40k. 

I鈥檓 not a flashy person, but because I have money lying around a lot, I鈥檓 prone to indulging all my wants. I buy things like expensive skincare, makeup and high-end wigs. Without their money, I won’t be able to keep up. I squander money, and I鈥檓 not proud of it. If I could go back in time and talk to myself three years ago, I鈥檇 tell her to save more. Now adulthood bills are setting in, and the more I spend, the more expenses I have.

It has also made me very careless with my spending because I know that no matter how broke I am, I can always get money. When I first started this, I got into a very terrible debt I couldn鈥檛 tell anyone about. After trying and failing to get the money from working, I dropped my pride and did rounds in my Instagram DMs. I raised the money in under an hour. I think this is part of why I鈥檓 also very relaxed with my hustle. Logically, I know that this isn鈥檛 sustainable long-term, and my luck will run out one day. But I鈥檓 only a workaholic when I鈥檓 about to go broke. When there鈥檚 money in my bank account, I allow myself to relax and tell myself everything will be alright. I鈥檝e given myself a timeframe of two years to get my life together. All of this will stop by 2028

2. 鈥業t Felt Like My Life Was In Someone Else’s Hands鈥� 鈥� Rosemary* (23)

I鈥檓 a student, and because of how intense my schoolwork is, I don鈥檛 have a side job. My main source of income is the allowance I get from my parents and older siblings. I鈥檓 in a long-term relationship. Even though I didn鈥檛 get into the relationship expecting to be another expense on his monthly budget, it’s something that鈥檚 happened over time. The main bills he handles are food and transport. I鈥檝e learned not to expect anything more to avoid disappointment.

The fact that my partner supports me financially is something I keep under wraps. But I hang out with people who expect so much more from romantic relationships. Early on, my friends were concerned about why he didn鈥檛 do specific things like change my phone, casually gift me, or make efforts to upgrade my lifestyle. What they didn鈥檛 know is that I was already uncomfortable with what he already does. 

How Does That Affect Your Relationship Dynamic?

It makes it very difficult to leave him. Love and financial dependence are a very toxic combination. It didn鈥檛 help that I was heavily dependent on him and my family. I tolerated a lot of belittlement, insults and degrading treatment from both of them. I stand when I鈥檓 told to stand, and I sit when I鈥檓 told to, because the only alternative would be to starve. 

I also constantly feel like I鈥檓 in debt for every single thing he鈥檚 done for me. I鈥檓 still with him, but I fell out of love a while back. I鈥檓 currently looking for solutions to my joblessness so I can leave this situation. 

My lifestyle won鈥檛 change much if I leave him, but I still need the support. Sometimes it feels good not to worry about paying for something.  I don鈥檛 think I hate the idea of a rich partner. I just never want to be in a situation where I鈥檇 have to wait on a man to provide for me ever again.

3. 鈥業 Cheat When He Doesn鈥檛 Give Me Money鈥� 鈥� Olamide* 22

A common misconception that men have about women whom they consider 鈥榞old-diggers鈥� is that we鈥檙e not loved at home. The irony is that I expect any man I鈥檓 with to take care of me because I鈥檓 used to being taken care of by my family. I like men who have money to blow on me, not necessarily because I need it but because we both think it is what I deserve.听

I鈥檝e been with my current partner on and off for three years, but we only started dating officially two years ago. 

Two months ago, he changed my phone to the latest iPhone, bought me a MacBook and at least four human hair wigs. I receive a monthly allowance of close to half a million naira. Aside from that,  he sends me money and random gifts spontaneously. 

Before him, my last two partners were also people who sent me money regularly. I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e ever dated a man who isn鈥檛 well-to-do.

How Does That Affect Your Relationship Dynamic?

Even though I don鈥檛 have a job, I don鈥檛 consider myself financially 鈥榙ependent鈥� on my man. I come from a middle-upper-class family, and my parents still support me. But I have expensive taste. I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e ever really considered the question of what would happen if I stopped dating wealthy men, because for as long as  I can remember, there has always been a man with money in my life. 

The only downside I see is that I can鈥檛 really resist when a rich man slides into my DMs. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was still a student without a stable job. Even though I really liked him, I found it hard to stay loyal because he wasn鈥檛 earning enough.  Early in the relationship, he sent me 40k on my birthday.  When a man I was seeing on the side quadrupled that amount and sent it to me, I texted my boyfriend to ask for a break.  I even considered leaving him entirely. Since then, he has caught me cheating four more times and has become extremely insecure. I think it鈥檚 part of why he spends so much on me now. 

The fact that I鈥檓 so well taken care of has made me allergic to stress. My partner keeps pressuring me to learn a skill or start a business, but just thinking about it gives me a headache.  

The fact that some men send me money also means that they believe they have the liberty to talk to me anyhow. The other day, one of my side-pieces promised me money, and when I texted him to ask for it, he started talking about 鈥榯ransactional relationships鈥�. He was insinuating that I was a prostitute. We had a fight over it, and he later apologised, but I felt really offended by what he said. The knowledge that deep down he thinks of me that way is really unpleasant.  

NEXT READ: 鈥淚 Wanted a Breakup, But My Boyfriend Said No鈥� 鈥� 10 Nigerian Women Share Why They Cheated

鈥業f you study X course, you can work anywhere鈥� is a familiar phrase in Nigeria. Students hear it in their final years of secondary school, on career day, right before filling a JAMB slip. Sometimes it comes as consolation from a tired lecturer who knows that at least half the class would rather study a different course. After graduation, many students realise that this statement is more theoretical than practical.

Data analysis is one of the few exceptions. It remains one of Tech Twitter鈥檚 most popular and in-demand fields. From NGOs to telecommunications and even healthcare, data analysts are needed everywhere.  

With such a high-value skill, it鈥檚 only natural to want to get in on the action, but where do you start? 

In a , expert data professionals and share honest insights into data analysis as a career, the mistakes they made early in their careers, and seven things every beginner should know.

1. It鈥檚 Not As Hard As It Sounds

A lot of people think about data analytics and imagine sweating in front of a computer while looking at complex numbers. But half of a data analyst鈥檚 job is decision-making. Every person is a living database, and there is an infinite amount of data flying around. According to Odun, not using data to make informed decisions is the same thing as having money in your bank account and choosing to starve. To put it simply, a data analyst鈥檚 job is to use data to provide solutions to business problems. As long as there are people who need to make decisions without doing guesswork, there will always be a need to analyse data. 

2. Learn How to Use Excel Before Attempting to Code

Both experts admitted to making the same mistake early in their careers.  Before pivoting into data analysis, Odun had been told that it was best to learn the hard skills first. So, she decided to learn Python, a programming language. When the class instructor began to teach back-end programming, Odun realised that she had spent too much time learning the wrong skill.

According to her, a data analyst鈥檚 primary job isn鈥檛 to write complex formulas; it is to solve problems. Any skill you want to learn should be a tool that directly connects you to your problem-solving goal. She recommends starting by learning how to use Excel before moving to SQL, Visualisation tools like PowerBI and finally, programming languages or Cloud knowledge.

3. Online Courses Won鈥檛 Always Work

The fact that everyone is taking an online course does not mean that it is the best way to learn. Each person鈥檚 learning pace is different.  Some people would rather be in tech academies, while others would rather watch videos or have someone teach them.  Some prefer being self-taught. Any beginner can find free tools on Coursera, Udemy, YouTube, DataCamp, and Microsoft Learning

4. Make Your Progress Visible

Most of a data analyst鈥檚 work happens behind the scenes. Because of this, no one is going to know what you鈥檙e doing if you鈥檙e not vocal about it. Using herself as an example, Tina mentioned that she started data analysis by watching YouTube videos on her phone. Since she had no laptop, she borrowed one to practice every night. Regardless, she was consistent with posting her achievements and learning projects on her Twitter page. When a project she built went viral, Tina received three offers for a laptop. What we鈥檙e saying is, you need visibility to get the assistance and opportunities necessary for growth.

5. You Need People Just As Much As You Need Numbers

鈥楥ommunication is key鈥� is a clich茅 phrase for a reason. Unlike many tech fields, data analysts can鈥檛 hide behind computers and let their work speak for them. People pay you because they don鈥檛 understand the graphs on the screen. It鈥檚 your job to tell them what it means and the solutions they represent. You also need business understanding because to solve a problem, you first have to find it. To do that, you need to be able to ask the right questions. 

Storytelling is another underrated skill in data analysis. Using data to tell a story transforms it from a set of numbers into a real solution. While practising or building a dashboard, think about the audience you鈥檙e building for and the solution they need from you. That way, it is easier to present your findings. Soft skills are just as important as technical skills. 

6. Stop Collecting Certificates

 Yes, Certifications are important to build credibility, but no one is hiring certificates. Instead, employers will hire you based on what you can do. Chasing certificates also encourages overlearning. Learning every skill you can find makes you a Jack of all trades and a master of none. It鈥檚 important to build on a particular skill before moving to the next. Working on as many projects as you can and practising helps you build skills faster than just collecting certificates. After learning, stop waiting until you feel ready before you apply for jobs. According to Tina, as long as you understand 70% of a job requirement, you鈥檙e good enough to do the job.

7. Your Social Media is Your CV

When you start building projects, reach out to your friends, church members and businesses around you to ask for datasets. Potential employers need to see that you are providing solutions to real problems. You can also base your projects on trending world issues. Doing that makes it easier to catch the attention of potential clients.

Another important tip for growth is to join a community. A lot of job vacancies in the data community are filled through recommendations and referrals. Attending events, meet-ups, and building relationships will give you access to the right set of people. 

NEXT READ: Women Share the Most Ridiculous Rules Placed on Them By Universities

鈥淚 want to get married so I can spend my husband鈥檚 money鈥� is a statement many Nigerians are familiar with. Depending on where you live, you鈥檝e most likely met at least one 鈥榦ga wife鈥�, 鈥榓sa odogwu鈥� or an 鈥業yawo alhaji鈥�. 

Unlike in the 70s and 80s, 鈥榦ga鈥檚 wife鈥� has now evolved from suggesting financial dependence into an aesthetic for women with wealthy partners who, in most cases, have jobs and successful side businesses. Even so, many marriages still feature financially dependent wives.  About 13 million Nigerian women () identify primarily as housewives, and men are the primary breadwinners in of  Nigerian households. 

The decision to become a housewife could be either personal or influenced by circumstance. But its consequences rarely affect a woman alone. They often extend to family, children and even friends in certain situations. 

23-year-old *Vanessa knows this too well; a front-row seat to her parents鈥� marriage has left her with a lifetime of lessons on what to avoid when it comes to love and money. In this article, she talks about growing up in a financially abusive household and how those experiences continue to influence her romantic relationships.

When did you realise that there was something off about your parents鈥� relationship? 

I was 5 when I first noticed that my father beat his wife and that she did not fight back. My mother鈥檚 philosophy is that the solution to living with a violent man is to be a submissive wife. So she would take his beatings and keep her mouth shut to avoid further violence. The issue with this is that my mother was a full housewife who was reliant on the man beating her for everything. So, she would ask me to go meet him for basic things like money for bread, toothpaste or shoes. Just like that, I became a messenger for the better part of their 26-year marriage.

Why did your mum choose to become a housewife?

It is only people who are given choices that can choose. My mother got married at age 23 to a man who was six years older, without any marketable skills or a source of income. Then she had me shortly after. By the time I was fourteen, I had five more siblings. He had courted her with the promise that he would give her support to further her education. But as soon as she moved in with him, he did not allow her to work and kept her occupied with bi-annual pregnancies.

How did the fact that your dad was the sole provider affect their marriage?  

There鈥檚 a very big difference between a trad wife with a dormant bank account married to a working dad and a woman earning 500k a month who is married to a man earning four times her salary. Only one of these women has the choice to leave.  In addition to physically and verbally assaulting my mother, my dad controlled her access to food, sex, her family,  children and even church.

How? 

For instance, when I was a teenager, my mum got pregnant. Since my dad did not want any more kids, he told her to abort it. She refused for religious reasons, so to punish her, he shipped my brother and me to a boarding school that was 13 hours away. She had taught me to cook, and she had taught my brother how to clean the house to make things easier for her. He knew he was leaving a pregnant woman alone with four young children and no domestic assistance, but he did it anyway. To make things worse,  he would scrape the pots clean, then take away every other food item in the house before he went to work each morning. He did that knowing that my mum did not have the money to buy food. She would remain hungry till he came back at night. 

Ah

When she went into labour for that particular child, my dad watched her try a natural birth for four days and did nothing. It wasn鈥檛 until her brother, tired of watching her suffer, sent her money for a Cesarean section. After she was discharged from the hospital, my grandmother headed down from the village to help her through the recovery process. But when her husband was informed that my grandma was on her way, he told my mother鈥檚 family that he didn鈥檛 want anybody in his house. I鈥檝e noticed that many men do not have empathy for a woman鈥檚 struggles, and my dad is no exception. 

Last year, ( when she thought I was finally old enough to handle it), my mum told me that when she heard that he had stopped my grandmother from coming, she tried to kill herself. She had thrown herself violently against the wall and bed repeatedly so that her stitches would open and she would bleed to death. She had to be sedated afterwards so that she would stop harming herself. As soon as the baby could walk, she learned a skill and borrowed money to start a business.

How did that work out for her?

She had our pastor stand in for my father when collecting loans to start her business. My dad would lock her outside if her customers kept her outside later than 8 pm.  He stopped giving her money for food with the hope that she would use all of her capital to feed herself and her children. Regardless of my father鈥檚 efforts to sabotage the business, she kept at it.  Now she has two big shops in the market. Because of this,  she is the biggest advocate for financial independence. She tells anybody willing to listen that no woman should get married without first establishing herself.

Although my mother has refused to leave him, I鈥檓 happy that she鈥檚 no longer scared of making his life hell. Since he can no longer order her around, she鈥檚 not afraid to hit back when he starts to beat her. She has done a lot of physical damage to him as part of self-defence in recent years. 

How did your parents鈥� marriage influence your childhood?

As admirable as it is, my mum鈥檚 decision to become financially independent affected me almost as much as her passiveness did. By age 14, she had turned me into a mini-parent to my siblings. My mom believed that she had suffered for me, and so it was now my turn to suffer for her. In addition to managing the household, I also had to serve as a salesgirl at her shop. 

I would also say it made me grow up really fast. I made a promise to myself in my teens that I would never give a man the kind of control my dad has over my mum and the people she loves. I say this because my father did not stop at just his wife. My siblings and I were also not spared from his ill-treatment. While I was in university, my father would randomly stop sending me my weekly allowance for different reasons. From 鈥榊ou did not back me up in an argument鈥� to 鈥榯he sun shone brighter on you today than it did on me鈥�. At some point, I realised that it was up to me to get myself out of there. I started working very early, and by age 17, I already had a working CV. 

Were your parents aware that you had started job hunting so early?

I tried to limit how much they knew, but it鈥檚 hard to hide motion. We fought often because at one point, I flat out refused to be my mum鈥檚 salesgirl. At the time, I was learning a digital skill, and it was nearly impossible to focus in the middle of a noisy market. My parents began to do everything in their power to sabotage my learning,  job applications, and job interviews.

During the lockdown, I had just gotten an entry-level job that was paying close to #50,000. To a 17-year-old at the time, this was big money. My parents suddenly began to find a lot of chores for me to do. During work meetings, they would walk into my room to yell at me for ridiculous reasons like 鈥榯he stew has not been warmed鈥�. They frustrated me to the point that I quit the job after a month.

Why do you think your mother played an active role in sabotaging you?

My mum is not a saint. She is religious and has very traditional beliefs. My mum believes in the concept of a virtuous woman. I also think she considers herself a martyr for staying married to my father. Because of this, she can be male-centred sometimes. 

She joined him in his bullying campaign, but I don鈥檛 think she did it out of spite. I believe she is envious of the choices I made early in life that were not available to her. Also, I don’t like to take her advice because a lot of her beliefs didn鈥檛 turn out well for her. I guess she was trying to humble me a bit.   Anyway, till I left home, I learnt to start hiding my growth from my family. 

Has your upbringing influenced how you approach dating?

Yes, it has. I fully expect the man I am with to go out of his way to make my life easy. But at the same time, I鈥檓 scared that it鈥檚 impossible to be in a heterosexual relationship without losing my sense of self and my autonomy.

Are you in a relationship at the moment?

Yes. I鈥檝e been dating my partner for two years, and we started to cohabit last year. When I met him, he was earning one-sixth of what he currently earns. Because of this, he couldn’t do more than buy me takeout and become my dedicated taxi man. I was a student in my final year, so covering transport and buying me food was a really big help.  As soon as I graduated and we became more stable, I started to ask for more. 

Why did you decide to move in with him?

I did not move in with him. We both moved to Lagos for work. While we were househunting separately,  I realised Lagos is expensive. After doing the maths, we decided that it made more sense to find a place we both liked and move in together.

Did you have any fears or problems at the initial stages of living together?

At first, it was a mental struggle. I鈥檓 downright paranoid when it comes to financial independence. I used to wake up in the middle of the night to cry when we first came up with the idea. I felt like such a failure and a traitor for even considering it. But I knew that living alone in Lagos was super expensive, and this was someone who, by all indications, loved me and was giving me an out. 

How did you resolve your fears?

I don鈥檛 think I can ever get rid of the financial anxiety, no matter how hard I try, and I do not want to. The Nwunye Odogwu (Odogwu鈥檚 wife) psychosis is real, and I saw it happen to my mother in real time. In the end, my boyfriend is a man, and I鈥檓 not deluded enough to think I鈥檓 special. I have enough money saved up to rent a self鈥揷on in Ibadan, and I put about 150k into that fund every month, just in case. I also have a friend in Lagos whom I could temporarily move in with if things go south. My parents are my last option, but I hope it will never come to that. 

My partner is also a very understanding person, and I set strong boundaries with him. For instance, we have two separate rooms, and I鈥檓 left alone whenever I want to be. Despite the fact that he pays 65% of the bills, I don鈥檛 perform any 鈥渨ifely鈥� or domestic duties. I鈥檓 a lazy woman, and he鈥檚 much more domestic. We have a house choring sharing schedule that favors me, but he still cleans the house a lot more than I do, and he makes me breakfast regularly.

Do you think it鈥檚 possible to take support from a romantic partner without feeling an obligation?

No. Well, yes. 

Let me explain. I come from the East, and in that area, a lot of women have a transactional mindset. I suspect that a lot of them are really lesbians who have been socialised to date men. These women know that they are beautiful and also have professional degrees. Surprisingly, having a degree is a relationship requirement for a lot of Igbo men. They also know that these superficial reasons are why wealthy men approach them.听 They are the product, so to them, financial support is a value exchanged for money. Hence, they feel no obligation to the man.听

On the other hand, a large majority of women out there are people I like to call 鈥榗ivilians鈥�. These are women who believe men are doing things out of the kindness of their hearts. So, they overcompensate by providing free labour and accepting ill-treatment. I feel like if I hadn鈥檛 witnessed and been impacted by financial abuse as a child, I would be one of these women. 

Have you ever felt financially restricted in your relationship?

Not controlled, per se. Just insulted, sometimes. Whenever my man starts to complain or nitpick about money, I send about 70% of the cost of the service/item in question. Or I refund him, if it is money that he already sent to me. I do this to show him that our arrangement is by choice. I can survive on about 250k monthly, and I earn twice that amount. 

Whenever I do that, he starts apologising, and usually, he makes it up to me with an even bigger gift or expense write-off. I think someone would have to be a saint not to complain at all, especially when they’re having a bad day. But having grown up in an abusive household, I know that you need to nip that shit in the bud. Abusers need to know that you’re not powerless and you can remove yourself from the situation at any point. I am not saying he is abusive. In fact, far from it. But we live in a patriarchal society, and people think stories like my mother鈥檚 are rare, but they are not. Reproductive and financial autonomy should be the most important thing to any woman. No man is immune to conditioning. 

Next Read:

鈥榃hat a man can do, a woman can do better鈥� is something every Nigerian woman has heard at least once, either from her schoolteacher on International Women鈥檚 Day or a relative trying to convince her to turn on the generator in the dead of the night.

Unfortunately, the sentiment behind this phrase rarely lasts beyond the moment it is spoken. Out of 109 seats in Nigeria鈥檚 Senate, only are occupied by women, and women continue to be overrepresented in low-paid sectors like childcare and teaching. In the past few years, it may seem that corporate baddies have begun to outnumber men in the workplace, but social media is not real life, and does not translate into equal opportunities or working conditions.

According to a by the International Labour Organisation, women make up 70% of Nigeria鈥檚 poorest residents, and women earn 20-30% less than men despite having equal qualifications. This gender gap is most glaring in engineering and technology. Only of women study engineering and technology in Nigerian universities. It is 2026, but female engineers in Nigeria are still as rare as unicorns.

Esosa* is one of the few women who have chosen to pursue a career in engineering, and in this article, she discusses what it means to be a woman in a male-dominated field.

What is the ratio of men to women in your workplace?

For every one woman you find here, there are three men, and that is how it is in most engineering spaces. In secondary school, I was the only girl in the engineering class. University wasn鈥檛 any better; out of the 83 students in my department, there were three girls. It is very hard for a woman to break into engineering. If not for the fact that I graduated with a First Class, one would think that I was a diversity hire.  

How do you feel about this imbalance in your workspace? 

Objectively, I know it is bad and really exhausting, but this is how it has been since the first day I decided to become an engineer.  Frankly, I鈥檓 not sure how I鈥檇 adapt in a better environment; I鈥檝e just never pictured it. 

I鈥檝e noticed that men have very fragile egos. Once a man sees that you are doing better than him, he will accept any narrative, no matter how ridiculous, instead of admitting that you are simply brilliant. At university, my classmates spread rumours that the only reason I had such good grades was that I slept with lecturers. I still face these sex-for-benefits allegations now that I鈥檓 in the labour market. My male colleagues even joke about it to my face.

Ah? As how?

It has happened so many times that I can鈥檛 pinpoint one incident. A senior lecturer once told me that the only reason I never had a carryover was that my lecturers knew I was brilliant and giving me bad grades would raise suspicion. According to him, about 90% of them had an eye on me but could not act on their desires because they had no leverage. 

While I was interning, one of my supervisors locked us both in a data centre so that he could tell me the sexual fantasies he had been having about me. Data centres are usually very loud, so no one could hear what he had to say. No one would have heard me either if I had needed to scream. Thankfully, he stopped at just words.

Did you report him?

No, it would have backfired on my career. Women are severely outnumbered, and men will stand in solidarity with each other when things like this happen.  Before that incident, a coworker reported one of our bosses for sexual harassment and was made into a social outcast by the entire office. A staff member said to my face that if she had done such a thing to him, he would have arranged for her to be beaten and raped. When things like this happen, if a woman doesn鈥檛 laugh it off, she would be told she鈥檚 overreacting and subsequently labelled a bitch.

To protect myself, I blocked his number and stopped going to work early so we would never be alone together. Even after choosing to keep quiet, I still suffered for it. My tardiness made me seem unserious. It was a bitter thing to swallow in a space where I was still struggling to be taken seriously.

Why do you feel like you have to struggle to be taken seriously?

The men I鈥檝e worked with will refer to sexism as 鈥榩erks鈥� women in engineering get. For instance, some supervisors won鈥檛 assign physically demanding tasks, such as inspections, to women. At first, it may look like an act of kindness until you realise that fieldwork is more than 50% of your job description. 

In the long run, we would have gained very little work experience, and when it鈥檚 time to be considered for a promotion, the men would be the better options.  A woman has to work twice as hard, have serious connections, or sell her body to compete with her male counterparts. It鈥檚 hard to find women in high positions in this industry. I didn鈥檛 have anyone to mentor me or warn me of this when I started my career.

Does this have any impact on the way you approach your work?

Yes, in every way you can think of. I find myself constantly getting interrupted when I speak at work, and I鈥檝e had my ideas credited to others several times. Because of this, I鈥檓 constantly on guard around the men I work with. It is so easy to be taken for granted, even more than I already am. 

My work outfits consist of baggy trousers and big, unflattering shirts. I also don鈥檛 wear make-up just to divert attention from myself. Outside of work, I am a completely different person. I love wearing nice clothes, partying, and going clubbing, but I am extra careful about hiding my extracurricular activities. Men do these things, and nobody bats an eye, but I would become a joke if anybody from work saw that side of me. 

Salary week is here and so is HERtitude. Your bank account is begging you to treat yourself. Ignore the voices telling you otherwise and get your tickets here: 听

Would you say all the men in this field act the same way?

I鈥檝e worked at four different companies with different sets of people, and the overall experience is consistent, but I鈥檝e also had a lot of good male mentors. One of these mentors was the Sub-Dean of my faculty when I was in university. Once, a lecturer reported me for misconduct (he made advances toward me, and I rejected him). When he called me into his office for questioning, and I explained the situation, he wrapped up the matter immediately. He even told me that the best way to get those lecturers to leave me alone was to start asking them for money.

Why do you think the gender gap in engineering is so wide?

Men exaggerate just how difficult engineering is, and I think it鈥檚 because they are trying to gatekeep the profession. They also make it harder for women to move up the career ladder. While I was interning at a big government parastatal in Abuja, I noticed that there were only two female engineers in the engineering department, and while the men were sent on inspections, meetings and training every other week, the women were always in the office.

When I asked my supervisor why, he said that women can鈥檛 just travel and leave their families, so the organisation doesn鈥檛 send them on trips. I鈥檝e worked at a company that not only gave maternity leave, but also had mothering rooms, where new moms could bring their kids to be babysat while they worked. I know that if organisations wanted to make it easier for women to work demanding jobs, they could. They just don鈥檛 bother to.

Next Read: 5 Nigerian Women Talk About Learning Their Bodies

But sex education is so much more than a birth control or pregnancy scare lesson; it also includes conversations about vaginal health. A refusal to talk about sex means girls grow up learning reproductive care from social media, where they learn harmful practices like douching and resort to questionable herbal mixtures to treat vaginal infections.

This commonplace ignorance is also what fuels the stereotype that every itching around a woman鈥檚 genitals is a sign of poor hygiene.

In this article, four women share their most embarrassing experiences with vaginal infections and the cost of ignorance on their reproductive health.

1.) 鈥淢y Elder Brother Said My Vagina Was Smelling鈥� 鈥� *Rose (25)

A few years ago, I noticed that I had chunky vaginal discharge. At the time, I didn鈥檛 know about vaginal hygiene, so I thought that if I rinsed with water and wore clean underwear, it would go away with time. 

After a few months,  the discharge turned green. For some strange reason, I believed it looked like that because my panties were old. When the discharge started to smell, I thought it was caused by the hot weather because I was plus-sized at the time. Back then, vagina talk was dirty talk, so I didn’t know who to speak to about it. 

One afternoon, I was sitting with my brother and mum when my 24-year-old elder brother started sniffing aggressively. He sniffed until he was directly in front of me, then he made a sour face and said very loudly that my 鈥榖um bum鈥� was smelling. It felt even worse because I knew he was right; the smell was so bad that other people could smell it, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. 

After an intense bout of tears and doomscrolling, I found articles suggesting that drinking enough water and cutting out soda would help. You can imagine how that went.

I didn鈥檛 realise that I had an infection for an entire year until I went to the hospital to treat an ulcer in my intestines. While running tests, the doctor asked me if I had an infection. I said I didn鈥檛 because at the time, I believed only sexually active people could have vaginal infections. Until I finished treatment, I didn鈥檛 ask the doctor what the infection was because I was too scared to ask questions.

It鈥檚 just very sad that I went a whole year without knowing that I had a vaginal infection.

91大神鈥檚 HERtitude is back this April 2026. Get your tickets here:听

2.) 鈥淭hey Called Me a Prostitute Because I Had a Vaginal Infection鈥� 鈥� *Esther (23)

In my first year of university, I was 17 and basically clueless about everything, including my vagina. Unlike now, where we have women who talk freely about their bodies, conversations about vaginal health were centred around shame and hygiene. My only source of information was from friends, fear-mongering Facebook posts, and misogynistic memes about smelly vaginas, itching, pubic rashes and boils.

Girls with these conditions were known as 鈥榙irty girls鈥�, and I developed an obsessive phobia of being labelled a dirty girl. It wasn’t enough just to bathe and wash down there; I wanted to kill the germs that would make me stink. My search led me to my roommate, who introduced me to a group chat created by a vendor who sold intimate products. 

The girls in the group swore by practices like washing the vagina with hot water and Dettol daily and spraying perfume on panties before wearing them.  I started doing all of this and more. After a few days, my vagina began to itch terribly, and my discharge was off. I couldn鈥檛 complain to anyone because the symptoms were the same as what the girls in that group were trying to prevent, and I felt very ashamed. 

In hindsight, that group wasn鈥檛 created to give information about vaginal health. The vendors used shame and fear-mongering to sell their products, because why was anyone telling a 17-year-old that vaginas should smell like flowers?

When the infection started to get really bad, I bought the yoni pill that the vendor marketed as the cure to any vaginal infection. I confided in the roommate who introduced me to the vendor that the pill was making things worse. She reassured me that it would get better.  Three days later, I saw my pictures in a collage with dirty panties on my campus鈥檚 most popular WhatsApp channel. Apparently, someone had sent an anonymous message telling the handler that I had a vaginal infection. The person had included my full name, department and level. A year later, right before her final exams, my roommate confessed that she was the person who sent the message and my pictures to the handler.

People equate having a vaginal infection with being promiscuous, and in her message, she had mentioned that I had slept with half of the campus. Mind you, I was not even sexually active at the time. Strangers sent in stories about my 鈥榝ishy鈥� vagina, and men I had never met claimed they had slept with me.

People would stare and whisper as I walked around my faculty. I became depressed and stopped going to classes for about three weeks. My third roommate noticed and asked me what was wrong. Then she took me to the pharmacy, got me drugs and had me burn all my underwear. 

After that incident, I became very self-conscious. It took three years for me to feel comfortable with my body enough to try intimacy, but the silver lining is that it has also made me very knowledgeable about reproductive health. Now, I know better than to buy pills recklessly or to put things in my vagina that don鈥檛 belong there.

3.) 鈥淚 Found Out I Had an Infection During Sex鈥� 鈥� *Dabira (24)

Early last year, I noticed that my discharge was watery and I had a fishy smell coming from my vagina. It went on for about a month, but I didn鈥檛 realise that it was an infection. I had never even heard of bacterial vaginosis (BV) at the time. 

I had just started dating my girlfriend at the time, and we were about to have sex for the first time. We decided to try oral, and the moment she put her head between my legs. She stopped, took a deep breath, and said,  鈥楤abe, I think you have BV. 鈥� 

I was mortified. She was very gentle about it, but I still felt dirty and ashamed. My girlfriend is a practising nurse, so I didn鈥檛 need to go to the hospital; she gave me the medication I needed. Even though she tried her best to make things less awkward, my ego was bruised. I couldn鈥檛 stop thinking that she saw me as unhygienic. 

I couldn鈥檛 have sex for months after, and it took a lot of conversations and reassurance for my self-esteem to return and for me to be comfortable with intimacy again. 

4.) 鈥淭he Smell From My Vagina Stank Up an Entire Classroom鈥� 鈥� *Darcy (20)

In my first year of university, I lived in a dormitory with public bathrooms. One day, I realised I needed to shave down there, but I had run out of hair removal cream and could not get another tube anywhere on campus. After a while, I gave up on the hair removal cream and decided to use a shaving stick. 

I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with having people around while doing something so intimate, so I decided to wait till late at night to do it because the bathroom would be empty then. At 2 am, I went to the bathroom and began. While I was mid-shave, the lights went off, and I panicked. In the process, I dropped the razor on the floor, picked it up, and ran back to my room. 

The next day, I used the same razor, rinsed it, and continued shaving with it. After about two days, my vagina started to itch badly, the skin around that area was covered in small boils, and there was swelling in several places. The worst symptom was the awful smell. 

My roommates complained about a strange smell in the room after a while, so I started wearing trousers and covering my legs with blankets and wrappers to keep the smell in. The inflammation was so bad that I couldn鈥檛 wash myself properly. The smell worsened from poor hygiene and from the sweat that came with always covering my legs in heavy layers.

One afternoon, the discomfort got particularly bad, and it was too hot to wear trousers, so I wore a skirt to class. Halfway through the class, the lecturer noticed that something smelled bad.  Everyone (including me) agreed and began searching for the smell in the small space. It took me a few seconds to realise that the smell was coming from me. Thankfully, no one had noticed yet. That experience was the last straw. I left school immediately and went home. 

I went to a hospital with my mom for treatment and was directed to see the matron. After telling her my symptoms, she asked me if I had a boyfriend.  I was confused by the question, but I told her I didn鈥檛. 

She nodded and began to talk about STIs and how chastity was very important. My mom mentioned that I had not brought up sex at any point, to which she replied that small girls like me could not be trusted, and she could tell that I had slept around from the look on my face. We left and went to another hospital, where I was told I had a mild bacterial infection and an inflammation likely caused by the razor. 

Since then, I鈥檝e been unable to use a razor to shave. I also started to wipe myself when I feel like I鈥檝e sweated between my thighs. It was an awful experience, but at least I鈥檝e become more conscious about reproductive health. 

Next Read: 5 Nigerian Women Talk About Learning Their Bodies

These same statistics report that approximately 3 million people are unemployed. At first glance, this sounds like good news, but these statistics consider a person 鈥榚mployed鈥� if they work at least one hour per week. This includes wage workers, entrepreneurs,  and unpaid family workers. 

What this means is that, statistically, you鈥檙e more likely to open a provision store than find formal employment with a business administration degree. This might sound depressing, but financial independence is not dependent on a white-collar job. In fact, small enterprises make up 96% of all businesses and. 

Unfortunately, not everybody can be the next Dangote; 50% of small businesses fail in their first year. Without the right knowledge, it is very easy for your empire to crash and burn. To understand why small businesses fail, we spoke to three business owners who shared mistakes they made when they started out.

鈥淎n Aesthetic Business Will Not Make You as Much Money as a 鈥楧irty鈥� Business鈥� 鈥� Nanbyen, Thrift Vendor

Why did you decide to start a business?

I started selling thrifted bags in 2018 while I was still in university. My parents weren鈥檛 well-to-do, and the money they gave me for my upkeep was nowhere near enough. I needed money badly, and the only way I could think of to get money was to start a business. 

I was interning as a microbiologist at a hospital at the time, and I would bring two or three bags every other week to sell to the nurses.  I wanted to help women feel and look good without breaking the bank. To me, a new Gucci bag and a secondhand Gucci bag are on the same level; one is just more expensive than the other. 

I went from two bags to six and started to sell to women beyond the hospital. I was basically hawking the bags. I took them everywhere and would market them to anyone willing to give me a listening ear. To learn more about the business, I would spend the day at my supplier鈥檚 shop, volunteering as an unpaid salesgirl and learning how he ran his business. Building such a good relationship with my supplier played a big part in the growth of my business. 

I learnt how to use social media early and started posting the bags online, in addition to selling them by word of mouth. At this point, I think 90% of my customers come from social media. 

About three years into the business, I鈥檇 saved enough from door-to-door sales to get a small store with a rug and a few bags in the corner. It might sound clich茅, but consistency really is key. 

What challenges did you face when you started your business? 

Because I had so little capital, I was very careful with how I managed my business money. One of the problems I had was learning how to separate my business money from my personal upkeep allowance. I believe that a business is expected to feed the owner, pay her house rent and the rent for her store. If a business cannot make the yearly rent for a store in six months, the owner has no business opening a store. 

I鈥檓 a very big believer in social media, and in my opinion, almost any business (especially food and fashion) can be started out of a Facebook account. 

Many small businesses suffer from premature expansion, which often does more harm than good. In my experience, unless the business owners have wares that can no longer be stored at home, or the business has grown so much that its current workspace is too small, there鈥檚 no need to take a business off social media and into a physical space. 

Another mistake I see young women make is looking for aesthetic businesses. What people don鈥檛 realise is that the 鈥榙irty, stressful businesses鈥� 鈥� like selling goats, palm oil or doing laundry 鈥�  will make you more money.  You鈥檇 be surprised at how much people are willing to pay you to do the things they don鈥檛 want to do for themselves. That money can easily be yours if you鈥檙e willing to do away with shame and find a niche instead of selling something that twenty-five other women in your area already sell. 

Thrifting designer bags has brought me closer to influential women both inside and outside Nigeria that I wouldn鈥檛 have dreamed of meeting a few years ago. This 鈥榙irty business鈥� has brought women with armed escorts to my small store in Jos to buy bags. 

I have also learned that it is hard to be intentional about growing my business while still feeding myself from it. The only way to get my business to grow at the rate I want is to resist the urge to solve all of my personal problems. As much as I love wigs, I only own one. My friends gossip that I wear one wig everywhere, but when they need transport or capital for a new business, they come to me for loans. 

鈥淵ou Must Be Prepared for Disappointment鈥� 鈥� Ngozi, Restaurant Owner

Why did you decide to start a business?

If someone had told me a few years ago that I鈥檇 own a restaurant, I would have laughed at them. 

I grew up in a restaurant, and saw firsthand just how stressful it is to run a food business. As I grew older, my mum (the restaurant’s owner) started delegating most of the work to me. Back then, I was always angry because I was working out of a sense of duty for no pay. 

By the time I left university, I was convinced nothing on earth could make me start a food business. As a fresh graduate, I desperately wanted to work, but I married early. My marriage and children would not allow me to spend long hours at the office. 

I needed something flexible, so I decided to start a gold business. I would travel to Dubai, get gold at a cheap rate, then come back to sell it for profit. It didn鈥檛 work out because I married a military man, and we were moving from state to state every two years. Because of this, I didn鈥檛 stay long enough in any place to build a strong customer base. 

When the gold business failed, I decided to open a gym in Lagos, but we had to move soon after it opened. I left the business in the care of a relative, but when I returned, I found it mismanaged and rundown. 

I鈥檇 been idle for some time when I heard that  Knorr was hosting its first-ever cooking competition. I decided to participate and, at the end of the competition, I was ranked among the top ten. That accomplishment made me realise that if my food was good enough to win a cooking contest, why then could I not sell it? 

What challenges did you face when you started your business? 

I opened an Instagram page and started a food delivery business in Lagos. I was genuinely happy to be employed again, and to my surprise, I actually enjoyed the work. 

As soon as the business took off, my husband was transferred to Abuja. At first, I didn鈥檛 want to move, but in the end, I chose my family over the business. As hard as the decision was, I felt like I could always start another business. The same could not be said about my family.   

Unfortunately, things started going downhill from there. Running a food delivery service in Abuja was hellish. Abuja was much bigger than Lagos; the dispatch riders were unreliable and unwilling to do business with a vendor without a physical location. At one point, I started doing the deliveries myself in my car. 

I didn鈥檛 include the cost of fueling my car when calculating profits because I felt like it would make the food expensive. To make things worse, my niche is Igbo delicacies, so I didn鈥檛 really have a menu. I made whatever my clients wanted to buy on a by-order basis. Even at its cheapest, traditional Igbo delicacies are more expensive than the average plate of jollof. 

For the first few months, I was running at a massive loss. As a small business owner, the wisest thing you can do when you have limited resources is to resist the urge to overstretch yourself. If I could start over, I would have created a standard menu and limited my business to a few locations. I also found it difficult to delegate tasks, and I would insist on doing everything myself, from market runs to the actual cooking. Because of this, I was always exhausted. 

My husband retired, and I opened physical locations twice, but both spaces were demolished. I came very close to quitting because I was so demoralised. 

To keep my business afloat, I added catering and food packs to my portfolio, and I started attending food festivals in my spare time. I think what saved my business was investing in building a strong brand image.

At the food festivals, I would serve food on wooden plates and instruct my servers to wear traditional attire. We would tell moonlight tales to the children of customers or teach them how to play traditional Igbo playground games. 

The heart of my business was my love for my culture. I wanted to share the authentic Igbo experience with everyone. It鈥檚 not enough to suddenly wake up and decide to start a random business for the hell of it. You must put enough thought into what problem you want to solve or what niche you want to fill by starting that business.  Having a clear brand idea and a vision will keep you from giving up when the journey gets hard. You must be prepared to be disappointed when you鈥檙e starting a new business. It can take months or even years to build a strong customer base. 

91大神鈥檚 HERtitude is back this April 2026.. Get your tickets here:听

鈥淢ass Patronage Does Not Make a Successful Business鈥� 鈥� Rodiya, Spice Seller

Why did you decide to start a business?

My mum is a trader who sells a few spices, amongst many other things. While I was in secondary school, I used to take some of her products to school and sell them to my classmates. 

During that period, I discovered that I had liver problems and was told by my doctors to stop eating MSG (popularly known as Maggi). My mum could only use crayfish and locust beans to season her food, and I hated it because I couldn鈥檛 stand bland food.  I struggled to eat until she started to cook with natural spices.

When I got to university, I realised that there were quite a few people like me who could not eat food with MSG. I wanted to help people like me and people who just want to eat healthier. 

The fact that I could also make money from it didn鈥檛 hurt. My father didn’t support me at first with the mentality that the only expenses he was responsible for were the ones directly related to my education. 

I really wanted to be financially independent and to be able to afford the things I wanted. 

What challenges did you face when you started your business? 

This is a very niche business, and most spice sellers don鈥檛 work out of homes with fancy packaging; they sell in plain containers in the middle of the main market. A lot of spice sellers are very secretive about their trade, and there are very few sellers willing to show you the ropes of the business. 

I wanted my business to be a lot more personalised than just selling ginger or garlic in bulk, so I had to rely on a lot of research, trial and error and the few people who were willing to share breadcrumbs of information. Even with all this information, I still made quite a few mistakes. The first few batches of all-spice mix that I made were very bitter. 

I wanted to make my products affordable without compromising on quality. Instead of working out a middle ground, I started pricing my products with the belief that if I sold at really low prices, people would buy more.  

It worked. I was making decent sales, but I was losing money because I was selling for far less than I spent on production. After almost running the business to the ground, I had to take a break to rearrange my business strategy. I learned the hard way that making many sales did not mean my business was thriving. A steady customer base is more beneficial than a lot of one-time customers. 

Also, nobody told me how hard and how important branding is for a business. I鈥檝e had people come up to me asking for herbs to help with fibroids or erectile dysfunction because they are somehow convinced that I鈥檓 the Gen Z version of 鈥�Aisha 补濒补驳产辞鈥� (herb and concoction seller). I only learnt how to leverage social media later in my business. Every small business owner should learn how to use social media for branding early on, rather than later. 

In Nigeria, walking up to the front desk of any hospital to ask for an abortion is the equivalent of asking the hospital to give you a human head.  You may find yourself in police custody for daring to make such a request. If by some miracle, you manage to get the abortion procedure done, all it would take to put you behind bars is concrete evidence of what you have done in the hands of a vindictive person. There are even worse consequences for medical professionals who face the risk of 14 years in prison if they are found guilty of carrying out abortions. This is because elective abortions are illegal in Nigeria. They are only legally permitted to save the life of the mother. 

However, studies have shown that criminalising abortions has done very little to stop them from happening. A conducted in 2012 showed that there were 33 abortions per 1,000 women between the ages of 15 and 49.  Approximately 1.25 million abortions occur annually in Nigeria, and 57% of the women in the survey admitted that they used unspecified medications or traditional methods to terminate their pregnancies. Desperate women have found , such as inserting sharp objects like bicycle spokes and clothes hangers into their uterus, inserting herbal preparations or objects like twigs or chicken bones into the vagina, and, in certain instances,  jumping from high places to cause trauma to the abdomen. 

According to the , an abortion is unsafe when it is carried out by a person lacking the necessary skills or in an environment that does not conform to minimal medical standards, or both. Unsafe abortions do not occur without consequences. They cause like sepsis, punctures in the uterus, damage to internal organs and heavy, uncontrollable bleeding (haemorrhaging) that could lead to death.  There are as many as 6000 -related deaths in Nigeria annually, the majority of which are preventable.  No one knows the true estimate of how many abortions happen in Nigeria yearly.

Despite knowing these risks, many women, like 22-year-old Zara*, still opt to have them anyway. In her case, having tried and failed to get a surgical abortion, she decided to get popular medical abortion pills (mifepristone and misoprostol) off the . 

Why did you decide to get an abortion?

I’m not someone who wants to have kids, and I’ve never liked the idea of being pregnant. To make things worse, I was 22, still living with my parents and had just quit a toxic job. Physically, emotionally and financially, I was in no position to raise a child.  

I already knew I wasn’t going to carry that baby to term. It was just a matter of finding a good method to get rid of it. 

What method did you decide on?

After doing a Google search, I found an abundance of information on abortion. A lot of the articles I found were written in good faith, advising pregnant women on things to avoid, but information is dangerous in the wrong person鈥檚 hands. 

There were articles suggesting that if I consumed a large amount of cinnamon and thyme, I could induce an abortion, and others indicated that things like zobo and certain herbs could cause abortion. The only reasonable options I found were Dilation and Curettage (surgical abortion) and the abortion pills. If there are any others, I don鈥檛 think they are available in this country. 

At some point, I thought about inducing a miscarriage myself by hurting my stomach, but I knew that would be an idiotic decision. The idea of using a hanger left my mind five seconds after I thought of it because I really hate pain.  

Aside from the fact that I had no idea where I was going to find a qualified doctor to do a surgical abortion for me, I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a stranger (that no one can hold accountable) putting tools inside me.  For some reason, pain medicine doesn鈥檛 work on me, and anaesthesia has a 50/50 chance of failing. Taking that kind of risk when I could die on the table, and no one would know, was a scary idea. 

Plus, I couldn’t afford to leave the house for it. What excuse would I have given my family?

Where did you get the pills?

I know this sounds somehow but my partner has someone I can only describe as a 鈥榙rug dealer friend鈥�. The person got me Mifepristone (1 tablet) and Misoprostol (2 tablets). His friend also advised me to get some antibiotics and antacids. He talked about Flagyl, too, but I told him my body doesn’t take it well.

The irony is that with a prescription, those three pills are less than 3,000 naira, but my partner paid 30k to get them from that person. 

How were you sure that they were the right ones?

I had no idea. I made a life and death decision with those pills. You can鈥檛 understand if you鈥檝e never been in my position. At that moment, anything (including the fact that I could be potentially committing suicide) was better than carrying and giving birth to a baby. I did try to do my own research, though, and most of the information I found tallied with what the guy and the drug instructions said.

To be safe, I had gotten a scan before to make sure the fetus was in the right place, and then after the bleeding had stopped properly to make sure everything had been cleared out.

The first pill had to be taken a day before, and the other two pills were to be taken 24 hours later. They took about six hours to work.

What was the process like?

I鈥檝e never experienced that much pain in my two decades on earth.  

Within those six hours, it felt like I wasn’t going to see the next day. 

I had intense stomach cramps and was writhing in pain or slumped over the toilet vomiting for most of it. I was also very weak and bleeding very heavily. My pads were getting completely soaked every three hours. 

Ah

I had to clean up immediately if I missed the toilet bowl, because it would be hard to explain if someone came in. If it felt like I was starting to get too loud, I would muffle my screams into the pillow 

 I now see why they advise people to have other people watch them. I live with my parents, so having my friend or partner around for so long would have raised suspicions. All I could do was keep them updated by the hour. 

My younger sister was the only family member I had informed. During the hardest part, she forgot and was watching TikToks in her room upstairs. It was such a lonely and very traumatic experience.

By the time I had fallen asleep at the 6th hour and woken up, the worst of it had passed. I still can’t believe I wanted to do it at night so that no one would know, but I watched too much Nollywood growing up. The way they portrayed nighttime abortions was very scary. I鈥檓 so glad I did it in the afternoon.  I was adamant about terminating it, but part of me knew I didn’t really want to die.

What happened after that?

I bled for more than a week after. The bleeding stopped for about four days, and started again right after. I was always anxious, and I relied heavily on Google. Even at that, I didn鈥檛 know how much bleeding was expected and how much should have sent me to the hospital. 

Every time I think about that period, I feel sad for the girl I was at that moment. She shouldn鈥檛 have gone through all that with so little support.

How did medical professionals react when you came for your post-abortion scan?

I hated all the hospital visits I had to make.  From the day I took the pregnancy test to the day I went for a post-abortion scan. During the first two hospitals, the doctors kept giving me unsolicited congratulations. My life was falling apart, and they were saying things like 鈥榃ould you like a boy or a girl first?鈥�, 鈥榊our husband must be so happy, 鈥� 鈥業 know the economy is hard, but God will provide. 鈥� 

I brought up how the Nigerian medical system and society aren’t well equipped to be a mother or give birth in, and was told that I could just go to Germany to have the baby, then come back. 

The ones I asked for removal options either side-stepped the question or gave me a disapproving look. 

The only medical professional who was sympathetic to me was the person I went to after the abortion. He noticed an abnormal growth in my uterus and asked for my medical history, so I lied that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I didn’t think the lie through, so he quickly caught me, but he didn’t judge me for it.

Did you have any complications from the procedure? 

Aside from the polyp in my uterus, I鈥檓 lucky to have gotten away without further complications. It’s like an abnormal growth, that’s the best way I can put it.

The doctor said it鈥檚 a non-cancerous growth and was most likely a result of all the shedding from the pill. He also said I can do another scan in a month if I’m still worried, but who has that kind of money? 

How much did the entire procedure cost?

You鈥檇 be surprised at how much I spent on a barely safe abortion. I鈥檓 just lucky that I had a sensible partner and savings from the job I quit. 

 Aside from the 30k my partner spent on the pills, I spent about 40k on the scans, 10k on the blood-based pregnancy tests. I had miscellaneous costs of about 18k 鈥� transport, at-home pregnancy tests, antibiotics, and about three packs of sanitary pads. In total, I spent about 100k. 

You’ll Also Love: I Got Harassed and My Friend Refused to Let Me Stay Quiet

What emotions did you feel through the process?

All of this happened less than six months ago. I can鈥檛 say I鈥檓 over it or that I鈥檒l be anytime soon. From when I found out I was pregnant to the day I took the pills, I felt anxiety and fear. 

After the process, I felt relieved. It felt like my life was relatively in my hands again. But I was still anxious because I had to monitor myself for any sudden complications. I’m not even sure I can look all the medical professionals I visited in the eye again. If your will isn’t strong enough, you’d start feeling extremely self-conscious.

The doctors didn’t directly shame me, but the fact that they kept making comments suggesting that I was abnormal for not wanting the pregnancy and that I didn鈥檛 have a choice but to keep it kept me on edge. 

After I got rid of it, I felt a little bad because I had subconsciously named the foetus Ringo. But when I look at the grand scheme of things, I know it was the better option. I’m not willing to be a mother, I couldn’t afford a kid, and I’d feel selfish for bringing a child into a world that feels like it’s on fire every other day. It’s weird how logical I was about everything when I felt I was running mad, but part of me hopes that Ringo is much happier wherever it is and doesn’t hold a grudge against me.

Were you aware that you could have gotten post-abortion care afterwards? 

I was aware, but I was scared. I know that abortion is illegal in Nigeria, so I didn’t want to open my mouth to the wrong person. Imagine going through all this just to be thrown in a dirty jail?

I considered a popular post-abortion clinic in Lagos, but fear wouldn’t let me. I didn’t want to hear 鈥榡ust have the baby鈥� again, or hear a price I know I simply couldn’t afford. 

For the next few weeks, I just focused on taking my antibiotics, staying hydrated, eating any fruit I could get my hands on, and just doing things I’d do if I were recovering from a very bad illness.

How did the experience change you? 

I discussed with my partner recently about how my body doesn’t feel safe anymore, and how I’d like us to avoid anything that might make that situation repeat. A part of me was scared knowing how Nigerian men can be, but he was really receptive.

For me, I can now say I have a strong conviction that I want to remain childfree, since I’ve experienced pregnancy now. I wouldn鈥檛 tell just anybody what happened, but now I have a stronger will to tune people out when they start pressuring me about children. 

My man, on the other hand, tells people that we lost a baby once if he’s present whenever they try to pressure me about childbirth. He does it to embarrass them into silence, and it works most of the time. 

HERtitude 2026 is happening this April, and the theme is Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here: 

Have you been able to engage in intimacy since then? 

 Omo, no o. It’s like my anxiety around intimacy heightened after the whole thing. All the contraceptives we’ve tried before now have resulted in bad side effects. 

I get a rash whenever my partner uses condoms, birth control pills give me very bad nausea, and I鈥檓 scared of getting an IUD because I鈥檓 prone to UTIs.  Emergency contraception is the only thing that doesn鈥檛 affect me, but I know it鈥檚 not meant to be taken often. I鈥檓 looking into injections and patches, but everything has the potential for side effects that scare me. 

 We鈥檝e avoided penetration since then, and we鈥檝e been exploring other kinds until something permanent can be done about it. Hand holding is an example of intimacy, isn’t it? 

What do you wish more people knew about abortion? 

Not all unwanted pregnancies are a result of recklessness. You can’t say I wasn’t informed or that I didn’t try my best with what was available. It just happened.

And it would be unreasonable to say abstinence is the answer, because these things don’t happen in a vacuum. Women like sex as much as men do. It鈥檚 unfair that we have to bear a lifelong consequence because we want intimacy. 

Anyone in my situation deserves understanding and support, not extra judgment. That’s the smallest humane thing you can do. 

Also, please don鈥檛 date your enemy. I can鈥檛 imagine how much harder this would have been with someone who didn鈥檛 have my best interests at heart. 

This story is an honest look at what many young women in Nigeria quietly navigate because of limited access to reproductive health care and reliable contraception. If you鈥檙e sexually active, please prioritise safe sex and always use protection.

If you ever find yourself unsure, afraid, or in need of guidance, speak to a trusted medical professional or visit a certified reproductive health clinic for accurate information and safe options.
You can also reach out to organisations that provide confidential support and sexual health resources:

• Offers contraception counselling, sexual health services, and post-abortion care.
  
• Provide youth-friendly reproductive health services in various states.
  
• Confidential post-abortion care and support.
  
  

Your health matters, your future matters, and whatever decision you make about your body should be informed, safe, and free from shame.

NEXT READ: What She Said: How Femicide Happens No Dey Pass Like This

According to the WHO, reproductive health is one of the top ten health concerns for women worldwide, but many Nigerians practice symptom-driven care when it comes to their health. However, in many cases of uterine cancers, STIs, and even HIV, symptoms only begin to show when the illness has reached a serious or life-threatening stage.

Early detection can save a woman鈥檚 life, and it can never be too early to start prioritising your health. In this article, Dr Zeenaht Abdullahi, an obstetrician/gynaecologist, shares four medical screenings every woman in her early 20s ought to do.

1. HPV Screening Tests

 There are over (human papillomavirus), but most are harmless and go away on their own without you ever knowing you had them. Some cause genital warts, but others are called high-risk and can lead to anal, vaginal and even throat cancers. HPV poses the greatest risk to women because high-risk HPV can progress to cervical cancer if it鈥檚 not treated. Cervical cancer is almost always caused by high-risk HPV. 

The problem is that, unlike most STIs that spread through the contact of bodily fluids, HPV spreads mainly through skin-to-skin sexual contact. This means using condoms during sex reduces the risk of HPV, but they do not fully block it. What this means is that in some cases, having safe sex may not protect you from HPV.

The good news is that the HPV vaccine protects you against the most dangerous and common types. It is also capable of eliminating cervical cancer completely. While it works best if you take it before you become sexually active, it still helps if you take it after.  The vaccine is at all government facilities in Nigeria. If you test positive for high-risk HPV, early detection and follow-up screenings can prevent it from causing cervical cancer. To be safe, you should also repeat the test every 5 years alongside a Pap smear, which checks for abnormal cells in the cervix.

2. Abdomino-pelvic Scans

 Abdomino-pelvic scans are imaging tests that show the organs in the abdomen and pelvis. They can be done with ultrasound, CT scans, or MRIs. The most common type is ultrasound because it鈥檚 quick, painless and inexpensive. You can get an ultrasound for as low as 5,000 naira in any public hospital.

It checks the uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, cervix, bladder, kidneys, liver, and sometimes the intestines. Many reproductive health issues do not show obvious symptoms early, and pelvic scans can help detect things like fibroids, ovarian cysts, polycystic ovaries, pelvic inflammatory disease, endometriosis and even tumours. 

3. Breast Scan

While medical professionals advise that you routinely check your breasts for lumps and abnormalities, changes to your breast tissue may not be obvious by touch alone. Breast scans are imaging tests used to examine the breast tissue for changes that you may have missed. This is important, especially for women who have lost female relatives to unexplained illnesses or have a family history of breast cancer.

It can be done by ultrasound (which is common for younger women or to check a specific lump) or mammography, which is better at detecting very small changes, especially in older women. A breast scan helps with early detection of breast cancer, cysts, blocked milk ducts and other infections.

4. Screening for Hepatitis B, C and HIV. 

Most people believe that Hepatitis and HIV are transmitted only through sex.  This mistake often leads to late diagnosis, especially in women who haven鈥檛 been screened before. Hepatitis and HIV can live in the body for years while slowly affecting your liver or immune system.

These diseases are often wrongly seen as something only promiscuous people need to worry about, but contracting either of these diseases can happen through something as simple as getting a haircut with an unsterilized clipper or a cheating long-term partner. Screening matters even if you feel like you don鈥檛 need it.

NEXT READ: What She Said: HPV Didn鈥檛 Break Me, It Taught Me to Talk About My Body Without Fear

Instead of keeping their savings in a bank and allowing the value to erode with inflation, the women of older generations chose to wear it.  But gold is more than a status symbol for the Alhajas selling lace in Idumota; it鈥檚 one of the oldest and most enduring means of storing wealth. 

Unlike other forms of investment (such as cryptocurrency or stocks), gold鈥檚 value isn鈥檛 tied to any specific currency, and it鈥檚 one of the best options for since it either holds its value or increases with time. Plus, you get to slay and invest at the same time. Diamonds aren鈥檛 really a girl鈥檚 best friend; gold is.

From coins to jewellery, there are different kinds of gold, and as a beginner, it can be easy to make mistakes when buying investment-grade gold. We spoke to Ikotun Abigail, an experienced gold dealer, who shared five critical things you should know before making your first purchase. 

1. There is 鈥楪old鈥�, and there is Gold

We often hear the phrase 鈥�24 karat gold鈥� thrown around in the media, but a lot of people don鈥檛 know what it really means. Gold is one of the softest metals on earth. To make it strong enough to wear, manufacturers add other metals like copper and zinc to it during the refining process. There are different purity levels of gold depending on the amount of other metals mixed into it. 

Gold pieces labelled 24k are made up of 99.9% gold, 22k pieces contain about 92% gold, 18k pieces contain 75% gold or more, 14k pieces contain 58% gold, while 10k pieces have the lowest concentration of gold at 42% or less. The value of gold is determined by how pure it is. Investment-grade gold is around 18k-24k in Nigeria. Anything below 18k is decorative gold.

Abigail mentions that the most common mistake investors make when buying gold is accepting whatever a dealer offers as 鈥榞old鈥� without asking about its purity levels. She mentions that you can find stamps indicating gold鈥檚 purity on the hooks of earrings/chains, or backs of pendants. To be safe, you should always purchase gold from a reliable vendor, and you should ask the seller to test the gold in your presence.

2. You Pay for Craftsmanship When You Buy Gold as Jewellery听

There are three kinds of gold: bullion, coins and jewellery. Bullion refers to pure gold bars, while coins are government-issued coins that typically come in 22k-24k, but since very few people are wealthy enough to have blocks of gold sitting in a safe somewhere, the most accessible form of gold in the market is gold jewellery. 

What most people don’t know is that when selling gold, decorative gems and stones contribute to the total weight vendors measure, but when reselling, buyers remove the gems and only attach value to the weight of the gold itself. While it鈥檚 fine to want your jewellery to be trendy instead of the large pendants that older women wear, it鈥檚 best to buy solid gold pieces without the rhinestones.

Workmanship also influences the prices of gold jewellery. This is why a Cartier bracelet would cost slightly more than a solid gold bracelet from a less-known brand.

3. Gold Doesn鈥檛 Do Well as a Short-Term Investment

Gold is not a 鈥榖uy today, sell tomorrow鈥� kind of investment. There鈥檚 a reason many gold owners hold pieces for as long as ten years or more. Even though gold is easy to liquidate when you need money, reselling within a short time frame can incur a loss. It鈥檚 advisable to only invest funds you plan to hold in savings for at least two years.

In demonstrating that profitable gold can be a long-term investment, Abigail notes that she sold 21 grams of gold for 鈧�840k to a customer in 2022. The same gold was resold in 2024 for 鈧�1.7 million, doubling the original investment. 

4. Wearing Gold Can Be Less Risky Than It Seems

One of the most common concerns people have about buying gold is security. Gold is a physical asset, and it can be scary to wear your savings around your neck. The best way to store gold would be in bullion or coins in a secure location such as a bank, but when gold is in the form of jewellery,  a common hack for keeping it safe is to choose pieces that are hard to misplace, like anklets, bracelets and necklaces.

Buyers also share concerns about making themselves a target for thieves, but the truth is, gold is one of the easiest things to imitate. It鈥檚 hard to tell when a piece of jewellery is real by sight alone. Whether gold looks bright yellow or more pinkish depends on the metal it was mixed with.  Most robbers rely on the wearer鈥檚 location and status, the design of the jewellery (thick chunky pieces attract more attention) and inside information. Most people won鈥檛 know that you鈥檙e wearing gold unless you tell them or you post the transaction receipt on your Snapchat story. In certain instances, it can be easier to keep your gold safe than your mobile phone.

5. You Can Start Investing with as Little as One Gram听

Unlike shares, which only begin to pay you significant enough dividends when you have a lot of them, you don鈥檛 need huge quantities of gold to hold a sizeable investment in it. According to Abigail, you can start investing with as low as 鈧�160k, and a lot of vendors allow for instalments. Each gram of gold maintains its value regardless of how much you own. Whether you choose to continue building a collection or stop at your first piece does not matter. 

NEXT READ: 3 Things to Know About Nigeria鈥檚 New Tax Laws