It makes sense, then, that his music has found a home in film and television. From Skinny Girl in Transit and Far From Home to Disney鈥檚 MADU and, most recently, the 91大神 Life Series. Dwin鈥檚 songs have repeatedly found their way onto our screens.

For him, the relationship between music and film is more than just finding a convenient placement. 鈥楢 song can elevate a film鈥�, he says, 鈥榖ut a film can also give a song a new meaning for its audience鈥�. In this article, Dwin tells 91大神 about the storytelling philosophy behind his music. Seeing 鈥溾�� and 鈥溾�� in the Dwin, The Stoic, believes stories can make unfamiliar experiences feel deeply personal. 

Glad to have you back with us, Dwin. What inspired the lyrics of 鈥淏eside Me鈥�?

I wrote the song to simulate how a person might feel at the end of a fight with their partner. Particularly, thinking of the things you wish you鈥檇 said. The song starts with 鈥淚 say to you these words unspoken,鈥� and from those first lines, there is tension implied. To say words that were unspoken means you didn鈥檛 want to say them, but you also regret not saying them. 

That鈥檚 why I really love the use of it in the film . The moment it was used in is what 鈥�Beside Me鈥� was made for. Two lovers share a tense moment and then get a chance to come back together. In the story of the album, they don鈥檛 go back to each other, but I鈥檓 glad they do in the film.

Did you draw from your own experiences when writing the song? 

When I play my music for people, I often hear, 鈥淚鈥檝e never felt this thing that you鈥檙e describing, but I feel the heaviness.鈥� I have a background in writing fiction, and my lyrics work the same way as any good story. It transports you somewhere else and makes you feel something that you may not have been feeling.

I try to do that when I write too. The tension in the song is not something I have to feel. In fact, when I feel tense, I鈥檓 not in the mood to write songs.  Overall, I don鈥檛 rely only on my experiences while writing songs. I think that would make my music very limited.

 鈥淭ime is Money鈥� also featured in A Happy Ending. How did you feel about both Placements?

Excited. I mean, I鈥檓 an Igbo boy, and making 鈥淭ime Is Money鈥� was very intentional. The character in the album is very close to me. He鈥檚 also an Igbo boy. 鈥淪teady鈥� is a song that鈥檚 sung entirely in Igbo on that album; 鈥淚funaya鈥檓鈥� is also on that album. 

People often say that Igbo people like money. The character in Time is Money plays into that. He鈥檚 likening the time that he thinks is being wasted by the girl he鈥檚 chasing to something precious to him, which happens to be money. But he鈥檚 also letting her know that the comparison is not to make her feel bad or to inspire guilt. It鈥檚 playful. It鈥檚 a man going up to the woman he likes and telling her, 鈥淗ey, I know you have options, but let me be the one. You鈥檙e happy here. Why are we wasting time?鈥�

I love the placement in the film because the scene is set in a bar. People are eating, drinking beer, and it feels very apt for what I imagine for 鈥淭ime Is Money.鈥� It鈥檚 also fitting because the characters are very Igbo. 

Despite their differences, what connects 鈥淏eside Me鈥� and 鈥淭ime Is Money鈥�? 

鈥�Beside Me鈥� and 鈥�Time is Money鈥� are opposites. On one hand, someone is saying, 鈥淚 couldn鈥檛 say the things I wanted to. Now you鈥檝e gone, and I feel bad. I鈥檓 sorry, I can鈥檛 do this life without you beside me.鈥� On the other hand, someone else is saying, 鈥淗ey, talk fast o, if not I will do this life without you鈥�. But then, he鈥檚 jesting. In a way where there鈥檚 an unspoken 鈥� I love you.鈥� In both cases, the underlying feeling is love, expressed in different ways.  

I love the placement of both songs because it captures what I鈥檓 trying to make of the music I put on my catalogue. The tagline of my record label, , is 鈥楳aking your life鈥檚 soundtrack.鈥� This speaks to that.

We agree that these songs have been placed perfectly

Yes, they have.

But if you could pick two other songs to replace them, which ones would they be?

The scene where uses 鈥淭ime Is Money鈥� shows people drinking, eating, and having fun. I鈥檇 replace it with 鈥淚 Go Nowhere鈥� because it鈥檚 the kind of song that you listen to, bop your head, and just have a nice time.

For 鈥淏eside Me鈥�, I think 鈥淗old Me Now鈥�. The song says, 鈥淭here鈥檚 much we can worry our heads about, but all I know is here and now鈥�. After the fight, when Tola comes back, Nazo says to him, 鈥淚t鈥檚 hard. You know, this thing is hard,鈥� And the only thing they can say to each other is 鈥渨e鈥檒l figure this out.鈥� They hold each other, and in that moment they鈥檙e good. So I think it鈥檚 very fitting.

Is composing music specifically for films something you would be interested in going forward?

Almost every song I鈥檝e written has had some sort of visual story attached to it. And because I have set out to put the story into song, it influences the kind of words I  use. Take 鈥淭ime Is Money,鈥� for example. The playfulness is in the way the words are said. There鈥檚 a line where the song says, in Igbo, 鈥淎wam Guy鈥�. The best way I can translate that is 鈥榊ou鈥檙e doing guy for me鈥�.  Saying 鈥榊ou鈥檙e ignoring me鈥� would not fit because that鈥檚 not really what I鈥檓 saying. The songs are already strong stories by themselves. I think that is why they work so well for films.

With a film, you must tell a story, and you have to have some sort of coherence or cohesion. In terms of 鈥渋n this scene, this person says this while the other person says that.鈥� So when a song is brought in, it needs to serve that same purpose. My first film placement happened a few months after the release of my first album. The people working on Season 5 of used about eight songs from the 13-track album. That clued me into the fact that I make songs that work well with films. I鈥檝e been leaning into it since then.

How do you feel about seeing stories that you helped bring to Big Cabal on screen and still being part of the storytelling process?

Excited.

In my announcing that I would be leaving, I said that what I love most about 91大神 is that they do important work.  As people, we get stuck when we think that something in life is happening only to us. James Baldwin expressed this in the best way when he said, 鈥業 thought my pain was unprecedented in this world until I read a book鈥�. We become a more understanding society when we start to read more stories. That idea is why I鈥檓 excited about the work 91大神 does. The fact that we can still collaborate on telling stories in different ways is great. Someone has to hold up a mirror to society, and 91大神 does that.  

How have you seen that happen?

Take LGBTQ+ rights for example, 91大神 publishes stories about queer people, and there will always be outrage. But as someone who has been on the back end, I have seen people鈥檚 opinions almost change in real time. By the time you鈥檝e read three stories about someone who you believe you鈥檙e nothing like. You realize they too have a parent who鈥檚 in the hospital. And they can鈥檛 really make enough money to get them out of there.  They also have a lover who鈥檚 cheating on them; it doesn鈥檛 matter the gender, it does something to how you think. We start to see that even though we are dealing with life differently, we鈥檙e all still dealing with life.

I was able to take the role at 91大神 because  I鈥檓 passionate about storytelling, and that hasn鈥檛 changed. Now, someone who has listened to a song like 鈥淏eside Me鈥� may never have felt the tension in the song.  But when they feel it, they鈥檒l remember the song and probably go back to it. I鈥檝e had people say that they didn鈥檛 understand a particular song until they heard it live, had something happen to them, or saw something that made its meaning hit. Some people will appreciate 鈥淏eside Me鈥� more when they see it in this film. It鈥檚 why I鈥檓 happy to collaborate.  I think we should all be working together in some way. 

Next Read: 10 Songs That Prove Erigga Is One Of The Greatest Nigerian Rap Storytellers

In this interview, Ifeoma talks to 91大神 about transactional relationships, on-screen chemistry with her co-star, and the process behind playing Tatiana.

How would you describe Tatiana in A Happy Ending?

Tatiana is a young, ambitious, hardworking girl. She has a desire to create a beautiful life for herself and her family. She’s timid and inexperienced in some ways, but she isn’t entirely innocent. 

Tatiana seems like a character that is instantly lovable. What did you find most compelling about her motivations?

Oh, I love this question. If I’m to say it in pidgin, I think hers is a case of  鈥業 don come, I don come be dat鈥� (I’m here is I’m here). Even though this is not what I thought it was going to be like when I left home.  I鈥檓 not going to go pack my bags and go back home a failure.  

I think she was also motivated by her responsibilities. Imagine this: You’ve left your family at home, and you鈥檝e gone somewhere far. Mommy is praying hard for you, Daddy is praying, and your siblings are praying too. Everybody’s praying that whatever it is you’re doing over there will work out. And this is so that you can be a source of liberation to the family. Then you go, and you’re faced with a situation that nobody explained to you. 

In what ways would you say she’s different from the characters that you’ve played in the past?

Hm. All I can say is that at least this time, I鈥檓 playing something different. I get typecast a lot, and I think it has to do with my breakout role as Ebele in Gifted. It鈥檚 common to put actors in a box, especially when they have a certain look. 

I have the look of a naive young girl. That look that says this is the kind of person who has all the hardships in life happen. If mommy did not die today, daddy will die tomorrow, or the landlord will evict her from the house. Sometimes it gets to the point where I鈥檓 like, 鈥榊ou people please now, I can be a serial killer too.  I  love that this story took advantage of the same things that always make me feel boxed and used it differently. 

How do you think the dynamic between Tatiana and the senator mirrors reality?

Like many young women, Tatiana is still naive.  So when a man comes into her life and begins to show her things she鈥檚 never seen before, she begins to think that鈥檚 the way life is. She does not take a moment to consider that he鈥檚 married or of a certain age. She just gets lost in the fantasy he has created. And then she loses touch with reality. She begins to think he is the answer to what she came to Lagos to look for.

Women like Tatiana are forced to go back to reality eventually. Because men like the Senator come into your life on a whim, and they leave just as fast. If Tatiana were more mature, she wouldn’t have swallowed his promises. 

You’ve mentioned her naivety twice. How important is it for young women like Tatiana to have healthy influences while navigating reproductive agency?

Madam Ngozi鈥檚 advice was very instrumental to Tatiana鈥檚 relationship with the Senator.  Even though she had no bad intentions and was telling Tatiana what she knew about survival. It was still questionable counsel. If you have a voice of reasoning at home and you are getting the basics of sex education, you will know when you have heard bad advice. So if you go out into the world and you run into people like Madam Ngozi, you have discernment.  Healthy influence really cannot be overemphasised, even for the boy child.  You cannot leave children to just grow up on their own. If you do, the streets will raise them for you. And if you let the streets raise your child, anything they raise, please take.  

The film handles Tatiana’s journey with a lot of nuance. How did working with Dika and Blessing Uzzi help bring this story alive?

I enjoyed my time working with them. I particularly loved the fact that Dika pays attention to the tiniest detail.  If you let him, he would count the grains of sand on the floor just to make sure that it aligns with his vision. It was also quite organised. The mood boards were on point, and there were alternatives to alternatives. We had teamwork and energy, and I absolutely loved that.

What do you think makes Tatiana and Ginika’s friendship so central to the story? 

All relationships have ups and downs. The craziest things happen between spouses, siblings, parents, and we all find it in our hearts to forgive. But people are very quick to throw away friendships. It’s not like that for these two girls, and I like that. Things happened the way that they did. The person who messed up took accountability, and they were able to navigate through it.  

I am someone who has benefited from good women throughout the course of my life. I鈥檝e also seen that we don’t highlight the beautiful sides of female friendships enough. It would have hurt me if the film ended like a Cinderella story. The type where the main character ends up falling in love with somebody who rescues her. I love that it ended with two of them. At the end of the day, it’s Ginika and Tatiana against the world. 

What was it like developing that friendship chemistry with Ruby?

For me, it was instant, and it was easy.

Have you worked together in the past?

No, that was the first time, but it felt natural. She’s a lovable person, and she’s cute. Fine girls usually don’t have issues with each other. When I heard we were going to be working together, I said to myself, 鈥淵ay, they’re bringing a fine girl. We get to be cute on camera鈥�. I was right; we had fun, and we had our small moments in between. I enjoyed working with her, and I wouldn’t mind doing it again.

If Tatiana could speak directly to young women, what would she say?

Because man come, you forget wetin carry you come Lagos, you come lose focus. 

You should try to know who you are and be very satisfied with that. People should not be able to sway you so easily. If there’s a career path that you’re after and something comes to derail you along the line, always remember what your initial goal was. Never get lost in the sauce.

Next Read: 鈥楢 Happy Ending鈥� Is A Real Woman鈥檚 Story: Dika Ofoma on Keeping Tatiana Alive

In this conversation, Tobi Bakre talks about playing a character defined by traditional masculinity. How he learned to empathise with him, and why partnership as a man is about more than money. 

How would you describe Tola in Before We Fall Asleep?

Tola is your average Nigerian good guy. He鈥檚 a great guy trying to make ends meet while figuring life out. 

You sound like he’s someone you would know.

Yeah. Partly because as a professional, you have to personalise and embody the character you鈥檙e playing. So, in seeing how the character played out through the story,  I can relate to him. Tola is a family guy and a hard worker. At the same time, he鈥檚 a genuine lover boy. And like every Nigerian youth, he鈥檚 trying to figure life out. Dealing with its challenges, the economy, etc.  I could tell that his problems were things that only time could help him learn how to handle. 

A lot of the time, when you’re handed a situation you鈥檝e never experienced, you try to handle it based on things you鈥檝e learnt. It may be from a certain background, ideology, or general outlook on life. Sometimes, what you know may not work. This guy has to deal with these problems with a partner in the picture. This partner also happens to be someone with a different background, ideology, and mindset.

Why was it important that audiences see Tola as a good man first? 

 I feel like that’s a question for the writers. But if I’m going to talk about it, I’ll say it鈥檚 just to show that a lot of people are not villains.  We often focus on the differences between men and women, and we rush to make one side the villain. Sometimes all that is needed is understanding and empathy. I’m not saying this applies in all cases because sometimes there are people who are villains. But in some cases, people are just being who they are. And they need to be understood or properly communicated with. 

Is there anything about Tola that you initially disagreed with but later came to understand?

When I read the story, the first thing that came to my mind was 鈥榯his guy shouldn’t see some of these things as a big deal now鈥�. But while I was on set and living in his world, I could understand why this was a problem for him. He’s educated and fairly progressive. But all the things he has internalized from childhood about being a man won鈥檛 just leave. He needs experiences to reshape them.

There are definitely moments that come across as selfish. On the first read of the script, it’s easy to want to judge those choices. But as an actor, I can’t judge the character I’m playing. My job is literally to understand his point of view.

How do you get audiences to empathise with a character whose choices they may disagree with? 

Drawing from my personal life, I don鈥檛 expect the world to understand everything I do. You can be the best person with the best intentions,  but some people will still be against you. Regardless of your intentions or your actions, you’re going to have people who will never try to understand you. I’ve dealt with that in my personal life. So I鈥檓 not bothered by having to play a character that people might not like. That’s why we’re doing this kind of project. We need to have these tough conversations where open-minded people can learn, and others can communicate their views.

I鈥檇 also say it’s interesting to play such characters. Even though your personal ideology influences how you perceive the character, it鈥檚 always surprising to see someone else鈥檚 take. You might learn a thing or two. 

What did playing Tola make you reconsider about masculinity? 

I鈥檇 say the traditional 鈥榤an must provide鈥� culture. Back in the day, providing as a man meant giving your family financial security. But in this day and age, 鈥榩rovision鈥� has taken a different turn. In a case where you’re not able to provide financially, there are other ways you can give your family value or security. These days, you see fathers doing pickups and drop-offs from school. Traditionally, school runs used to be seen as the role of a mother. People are growing out of that mentality. We’re having partnerships between parents in terms of finance, taking care of the kids, and the household.  

We need to help people understand that they鈥檙e not wrong to have felt or to feel a certain way about masculinity. It鈥檚 based on how you were brought up. But don’t think that being a man stops at providing financially. In our community, self-worth is built mainly around financial success. Regardless, the modern man should not centre his masculinity around his finances. Self-worth should come from the quality of your person. That’s what I preach, and that’s what I also learned from playing Tola.

Are these things you struggled with in your personal life?

No, actually. Growing up, I鈥檝e always been proactive when it comes to things that people perceive to be women’s duties. I don’t see gender when it comes to washing plates or changing diapers. What matters is whether it鈥檚 convenient for me to do it at the moment. If my wife is doing one thing, I can do this other thing. We’re not keeping score, and at every point, each person is putting in 100%. My hundred per cent might look different from hers on any given day. But the important thing is that we’re both giving what we can.  

We’re all individuals going through our own journey, and that is definitely going to factor into any relationship. What is important is to constantly find ways to be better and more supportive. That鈥檚 what makes a good relationship. 

What do you think this story adds to the conversation on gender norms?

It shows the mindset of men who are in that situation. Some men might beg to differ, or they might insist that they would act differently. But the conversation, I hope, would be at the centre: 鈥榃hat is ideal?鈥櫬犅�

In the end, these things are subjective. What works for couple A might not necessarily work for couple B. What some people call unpaid labour is what some people want. I try not to put people in boxes. It’s more about identifying what works for you, finding a partner that aligns with your ideology and then making it work. Some women want to be housewives, while others want to be career women. To each his own. But there’s a way to make things work in a household where you have a career-driven couple. If all the things people typically argue about, like cooking or cleaning, can be outsourced, why does it become one person鈥檚 responsibility? 

What was the most difficult thing for you about playing Tola?

One thing the director did that I found interesting was that he told Onyinye and me to stand in front of each other and stare each other in the eyes for five minutes. We did this while the crew was in the background setting up for the day鈥檚 filming. It wasn鈥檛 particularly difficult, but it was new. It was also the first time I had been asked to do such a thing. As easy as it might sound, when you’re looking straight at a person like that, it feels very comical. You might laugh, but then you stop, and you’re still looking at this person’s face. What it translated to was that by the time we were on set, it was easy to look her in the eye. 

Oh, yeah. I also had to bathe a baby. I have two kids, so this wasn鈥檛 new for me. But it鈥檚 very different when it is someone else鈥檚 child. I know my way around a tiny human, but at the same time, I had to be extra extra careful. It also happened to be my first day on set, and it was the first thing we had to shoot. So it was like, 鈥榦h, wow, we’re really going to just get right into it鈥�. I can’t wait to see what that scene looks like.

What do you hope men, in particular, take away from Tola’s journey? 

When you have a partner you love and respect, it might require doing things you don’t find pleasing. Every successful business, partnership, and relationship takes actual work. Going to the office isn鈥檛 the only thing you do. As long as it moves things forward in the household, you should be willing to do it. Also, as a man, your financial capacity and physical strength don鈥檛 define you. There are ways to express masculinity in a way that鈥檚 not choking. I hope more men choose that.

Next Read: Kaelo Iyizoba Explains Why Before We Fall Asleep Refuses to Pick Sides 

This informs his role as director of Before We Fall Asleep.  The film follows Tola, a young father who loses his job and struggles to adapt to life as the primary caregiver while his partner becomes the family’s breadwinner. According to Kaelo, 鈥楾his is a story about a couple who have expectations about what society expects their relationship to be鈥�. 鈥橞ut they are also learning that what society expects won鈥檛 always work for them,鈥� he adds.

How it started

Initially, Kaelo picked up the script because of Blessing Uzzi, the writer of Before We Fall Asleep and showrunner for the 91大神 Life Series productions. 鈥業’ve been a fan of Blessing’s work for a while. I love the way she thinks. When I read this script,  I knew I had to make it with her,鈥� he says. But what cemented his interest was the film鈥檚 premise. Kaelo describes Before We Fall Asleep as 鈥極ne of those films that would start a conversation. The kind that will split people down the middle鈥�

From his first narrative film, , in which a teenage boy meets a girl on the bus who turns out to be a suicide bomber, to his more recent works. It鈥檚 easy to tell that he likes to confront difficult conversations. Before We Fall Asleep is no different. 鈥業 wanted to make the kind of film where the right choice isn鈥檛 clear. Each choice is heavily dependent on a different perspective, and neither choice is wrong per se,鈥� he says.

This is why he found himself wanting to direct Before We Fall Asleep, even though it appears to be romance at first glance. Interestingly, this is  Kaelo鈥檚 first time directing a film that he didn鈥檛 write. 鈥榃hen you write something, you are still attached to it as a writer. So, when it’s time to make some directorial decisions, which may mean taking something out, you鈥檙e less likely to do it. One thing creatives will tell you is that you have to kill your darlings. It was easier to kill the darlings here because I was serving as the director. My job was to make this work as a finished product, not as a script. 

The Details That Made the Difference 

While the media is filled with stories about falling in love and falling out of love, it rarely explores the ordinary domestic moments that make up most of a relationship. Before We Fall Asleep breaks that mold. Instead of cheating husbands and drunken fights, we see baby baths and burnt noodles. Kaelo takes what would ordinarily be considered boring, everyday life and makes these intimate moments worth watching.

To do this, every choice, from the cast to the lighting, was intentional. The film features an unlikely pairing with Tobi Bakare as Tola and Onyinye Odokoro as Nazo.聽 鈥業 remember when Blessing first mentioned that she was thinking of casting Tobi, I was like, 鈥榓h, isn’t that the action star鈥�? But then I met him; we had our first rehearsal, and I was blown away,鈥� Kaelo says. 鈥榃e鈥檝e seen him jump off bridges a lot, and it was equally amazing to see this side of him. During their final fight scene, Tobi and Onyinye completely threw out the script. They tapped into an almost spiritual mode, stepping so deeply into their roles that the characters took over entirely.

Kaelo wanted Tola and Nazo’s home life to feel like two Nigerians existing in this space where they aren’t together in a conventional way. But they’re with each other in every way that matters. 

Kaelo believes the representation of their partnership is important and central to the film. 鈥楾here are different types of relationships, and it’s important to represent that in film. Most Nigerian films skip over unmarried, cohabiting couples, but this story puts them centre stage. At the same time, the audience will immediately recognise Nazo鈥檚 mother, who defends traditional expectations

These creative choices also extended to Nazo鈥檚 workplace.鈥楾he workplace in the film reflects the reality of most workplaces in Nigeria, where there really is no support,鈥� Kaelo says. 鈥業 know a couple of companies now provide support for new mothers. But largely it’s still unheard of that you go to a place, and they have a daycare.鈥�

The hardest challenge in directing a family-centred film came from one of the most essential members of the crew, the five-month-old baby who plays Feyisola. 鈥榃e built all our schedules around the baby. All the plans we make go out the window whenever she has to take a nap. We have to be ready to act when she’s awake. And then we take a pause when she has to shower four times a day,鈥� he says. 

Why This Story Had to Be Told 

For some, the answer to the conflict in Before We Fall Asleep seems obvious:聽 hand Tola the broom and let Nazo carry the briefcase. To Kaelo, immediately picking a side defeats the point of the film. 鈥榃hen I first read the script, I was on team Nazo. I had to detach from my personal opinions to understand why Tola made the decisions that he did,鈥� he says.聽

That detachment allowed him to direct a much better film because he could modulate Nazo’s character. It helped in making her feel like a real person with emotions. 鈥楢s things got worse, I was careful in guiding her performance. She talks to Tola in a way that it is evident that she鈥檚 not blaming him or trying to make him seem like a villain鈥�, he says. To Kaelo, there is no textbook version of a relationship. After watching the film, he hopes that the audience understands that compromise is all that matters. In his words, 鈥業f Tola still had a job, then their salaries would have allowed them to afford a nanny. Then there would have been no issues. An ideal relationship is whatever your relationship needs to be, and that decision is between you and your partner鈥�.聽

Next Read: Uzoamaka On Siraam: 鈥楽ex Isn鈥檛 A Dirty Topic, Stop Acting Like It Is鈥�

It鈥檚 this selective progressiveness that Uzoamaka challenges with Siraam. The film follows Siraam, a young woman who turns to casual sex after a painful breakup. But this story is about a lot more than just sex. 

鈥楽iraam is like a lot of us, if not all of us. She has sex, and sometimes she weaponises it. Sometimes she uses it as a coping mechanism when she’s heartbroken or as a way to search for herself. I never wanted the story to become something that invited judgment or made sex feel like a dirty topic. What I wanted was to explore the life of a complete human being. One where sex is just one part of everything else she’s dealing with.鈥�

Like the other films in the 91大神 Life series, Siraam is inspired by a real-life story published on  91大神鈥檚 Sex Life vertical. But what drew Uzoamaka to the story wasn鈥檛 the young woman鈥檚 sex life; it was her honesty.

Rather than treating her experiences as shocking or scandalous, she spoke about them realistically. That honesty is the foundation for Siraam’s character. 

鈥業 wanted to write a person in all her glory and all her messiness. Someone who is trying to succeed in her career and wants the person she loves to love her back. At the same time, she’s ignoring someone who’s in love with her and curious about the person messaging her on social media. She鈥檚 also determined to insist on 鈥榗ondom and commitment or nothing.鈥� There are always so many things happening in our lives at once. You might watch Siraam and think she’s chaotic, but aren’t we all?鈥�

Uzoamaka speaks of Siraam in a familiar and nearly affectionate way. When asked why, she says Siraam鈥檚 life feels familiar to hers. Not necessarily the specific events, but the way Siraam experiences life. To Uzoamaka, Siraam is a complete human being. And that is how she observes her own life.

鈥業t’s not that extraordinary things are constantly happening. It’s that I notice the little things most people overlook. There’s a scene in the film where Siraam rushes out of the bathroom after hearing her friend knock, stubs her toe on a stool and pauses because it hurts. I’ve done that. Some writers might cut straight from the bathroom to opening the door because the toe-stubbing doesn’t move the plot. But life is full of interruptions like that.鈥�

That attention to ordinary moments is a recurring theme throughout the film. Even the underwear Siraam wears says something about her. The film opens with Siraam sitting in front of a fan and drying a pair of multi-colored panties in front of it. While she’s waiting, she passes time by speaking into the fan and listening to her voice vibrate. Then she checks whether the underwear is dry, decides it’s good enough, and puts it on.

Siraam tells you who she is without having to say it. And because her character feels so familiar, your first instinct isn鈥檛 to judge her when the film broaches the subject of her sexual health. People are going to get pregnant and contract STIs whether society shames them for it or not. According to Uzoamaka, if the goal is to encourage people to take better care of their sexual health, then judgment isn’t the answer

鈥楾he answer is normalising these experiences so people feel safe seeking help. That’s why, for example, when Siraam’s best friend sees her test result, it鈥檚 not a dramatic, catastrophic moment. Instead, her friend simply says, 鈥淚t’s curable. Let’s move on鈥�. Someone watching that scene might think, 鈥楳aybe I should get tested too.鈥� They might realise that if they do have an STI, it isn’t the end of the world鈥�

Siraam is also relatable in the way she deals with heartbreak, and Uzoamaka is confident the audience will connect with this. 

鈥楾here’s a scene where Siraam calls her love interest and another person answers the phone. I have a feeling that’s going to resonate with a lot of people. I don’t think many experiences are so personal that no one else has ever lived through them.鈥�

Largely, Uzoamaka thinks people will connect with Siraam’s journey because she isn’t perfect. She makes mistakes, learns from them and keeps moving forward.

鈥業magine someone telling their friend they have an STI, and that friend doesn’t suddenly think they’re a terrible person? I hope young people see that they have the power to decide what kind of relationship they want to have. With their bodies and with themselves. I also hope Siraam inspires people to ask themselves who benefits in relationships where sex happens in ways that make them uncomfortable.鈥�

Ultimately, she hopes Siraam makes conversations around sexual health feel ordinary. Ordinary enough that people are comfortable getting tested. Uzoamaka wants people seeking treatment without shame and walking into pharmacies to buy condoms without feeling like the world will end. Uzoamaka loves Siraam so much because she鈥檚 self-aware, chaotic, and deeply human, and she hopes you will too. 

Read Next: 鈥榊ou Need Some Whimsy to Get Through Life鈥� Genoveva Umeh on Her Role in Siraam

What does being an overthinker mean to you? 

I think it’s beyond brooding over things that are bothering you, which is what people generally would say. For me, overthinking is staying with a problem until I find clarity or a path forward. It can look like brooding from the outside, but it’s usually how I work through things.

So, how would you describe Overthinkers Anonymous to someone who hasn’t seen an episode?

It’s a podcast about guys and women geeking out about everyday issues. Typically the types  that have  young people thinking, 鈥榃hat is going on in my life?鈥�

On most podcasts, people just come to talk about things, but nobody’s really solving anything. When Overthinkers Anonymous was pitched to us, we were told dilemmas would be a part of it.  To be fair, that’s what a lot of podcasts have become. Dilemmas everywhere. Everybody loves a good dilemma, but we’re not using them for content or talking points. There are actually solutions in there. Listening to guests and my co-host, I realised I’d find these conversations genuinely useful if I were the one facing those dilemmas. 

How do you handle the feeling of responsibility that comes with discussing people’s real-life problems on a public forum?

The truth is, somebody on the other side of the screen is being vulnerable to strangers. They’ve gotten to a point in life where they see sharing their problems on a public platform as the only way out. You have to respect the vulnerability of the person sharing and the audience listening. The people engaging are spending time or, in our case, resources like data to engage. Those things are very valuable, especially for MTN users.

Is this your first time solving dilemmas for strangers?

Yes and no. I鈥檓 a radio host,  and I produce my radio shows. We have a dilemma segment on the show as well. I don’t typically have a co-host on my show, so I created an AI co-host. Then I took a step further and created a personality for the AI entity. She’s sassy, a bit snarky, and really hates me. But then she loves the listeners, and they love engaging her. One of the things that was a big hit with the AI co-host is that she answers dilemmas on air.

Wow

Of course, it’s the people on the team who feed her the answers, and we have to think quickly., But we also take care that the same principles apply here. The beauty of radio is that people share really intimate moments with you. People are in their bathrooms and sitting in their cars alone listening to you. They get really vulnerable very quickly. I’ve heard kids on their way to school talk about trouble with classmates, and adults share stories about friends who left the country without telling them. People obviously ask what’s wrong with the government. If it’s football season, people ask what鈥檚 going on with a particular team.  The AI co-host that we created always has an answer.

I never give the answers myself on air.  Even though, technically, it is me speaking through the AI co-host. She also sometimes shares thoughts that I wouldn’t want to say on air.

Why wouldn’t you want to say those things on air? Are you afraid of being dragged?

No, no. People know me for being funny and pleasant. But sometimes I just want to yab people. In a lighthearted way, of course. If you just heard me say something really nice and then the next moment you’re hearing me diss someone, there can be a bit of a dissonance.  On radio, we have co-hosts to prevent that. So everybody plays a part. My role is to drive the show and find all the things that will make Lagos rock for a few hours. Then this AI entity that we created comes in to cause trouble. 

Do you and your co-host on Overthinkers Anonymous also have some form of this dynamic?

To be fair, I don’t think we ever had that conversation. But I can understand the dynamic because of my training. This is Deji’s house, and it鈥檚 nice to come in occasionally to talk about life. Even though I’m always there when things are being sorted, it鈥檚 not my house. In terms of how a show like that would work, Deji has to drive the show, and I’m cool being the co-pilot.

Also, he has the best cold opens I’ve seen in a long time. I like the way we start the show. There’s never a 鈥榳elcome to our show today鈥� and so on. It’s just 鈥榟ey, I鈥檝e rocked up to your house, bro, and e get this thing wey I dey think鈥�鈥� Then we pick it up from there. Ultimately, it is a team effort. We need listeners to understand that it’s a show for them to come in and feel like they’re in that living room, having those conversations with us in real time. These are conversations they can have with their own friends. 

What kind of conversations do you want people to take from the show?

As I said, it’s important that people see themselves having these conversations. Look at everything we spoke about in this season, from why men don’t read to the role of money in relationships and family dynamics. We touched on addiction and many other things that are affecting a lot of young people today. I鈥檓 sure we’ve not even scratched the surface of everything we need to talk about. I have people sending me screenshots from some of their guys who watched the show. Some of them are saying things like 鈥榦mo, it鈥檚 only 48 Laws of Power I鈥檝e read o鈥� or  鈥榮o there are other books out there for me as well鈥�. 

A couple of guys could see this and decide to challenge this thing where men don’t have book clubs.  They could make that happen. I mean, we get together and play ball; who says we can鈥檛 get together and discuss books?? 

What exactly does Overthinkers Anonymous do differently from other relationship and culture podcasts?

There are not a lot of shows that give you the experience of everyday people who are honest about their experiences. We’re not looking for virality.  So we don鈥檛 go into episodes looking for things that would blow up the internet. Certain people like to say outrageous things to provoke emotion.  On the radio, we call these people shock jocks. You see a lot of shock jocks on mainstream relationship and culture podcasts. There is a tendency to want to sensationalise things or play up a personality to appeal to extremes of people’s tastes. But what Overthinkers Anonymous has shown is that you can take the other path and still resonate with people. We can tell that people really like the personalities that they hear and see. Nobody is out here trying to be the most extreme version of themselves to get likes. The people you see on the couch act and talk like that in real life. 

 In what ways do you think men and women differ in the way that they overthink things?

I think the difference is in how they share what they’re thinking about. What I find interesting is that it takes a bit of time for men to share what they are thinking. You need to almost always create the right environment for it to happen. The right environment could be fish and beer or a PS5. But there needs to be a setup for it to happen. It’s very hard to hear men sharing what they are thinking unprovoked. They need to be eased into it.

Women, on the other hand, are very quick to open up. We could just be driving past Ozumba Mbadiwe, and everybody in the car would start to talk about what鈥檚 happening in their lives. 

What’s something you have stopped overthinking as you’ve gotten older?

 It is money o. I said it in the first episode; I just don’t overthink money anymore. Maybe because I’ve hung out in the northern part of the country and interacted with a lot of Muslims. I can鈥檛 help but think everything I have can be gone in a second. This whole rat race is a bit stressful, to be honest. If you wake up every day and you’re thinking of how you must make money, it becomes exhausting. I would rather think of ways I can add value and make an impact. It eventually leads to wealth creation anyway. Why not just do the things that lead to wealth creation instead of being obsessed with chasing wealth?  As I’ve gotten older, I realise that as long as I’m able to survive and be comfortable, I鈥檓 good. If I have a little extra for enjoyment, good.  Otherwise I鈥檓 okay.

Basically, life is short, buy ice cream and do what you love.

Exactly! Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Next Read: Deji Osikoya Wants To Inspire Vulnerability: One Living鈥慠oom Conversation At A Time 

In this article, he discusses vulnerability, dealing with online criticism, and why meaningful conversations between men matter now more than ever. 

Would you say that you are an overthinker?

One thousand per cent. Overthinking, to me, means cycling through a billion possible scenarios far longer than you need to before arriving at an answer. Or not always arriving at an answer. Sometimes it’s staying in one cycle of thinking until you’re exhausted, and then it forms an action. 

Is that why you wanted to be a part of Overthinkers Anonymous?

Funny enough, I don’t think the name came until after I joined the team. What initially drew me to it was the idea that the show was going to be centred on healthy conversations with men (and women). It aligned with stuff I already planned on doing. I鈥檓 passionate about improving the PR and behaviour of men. It鈥檚 not like I’m perfect, but I see that there are ways we’re dropping the ball. And we could definitely be doing better. This show is supposed to be a vehicle for that. 

How would you describe the show to someone who hasn’t seen an episode?

Overthinkers Anonymous is a conversation that happens in my living room. There鈥檚 a slight structure, but for the most part, everybody’s just allowed to bare their hearts on their sleeve. It鈥檚 men having conversations that we have every day in private or don’t have at all with themselves and with women.

My biggest pitch to anybody who would love to watch Overthinkers Anonymous is that if you’re a man, there is a likelihood that you will see yourself in some of the people who appear on the show. If you don’t, it will at least give you a fresh perspective on things that you haven’t considered before. I also think you’ll be met with softness. I’m a soft person. I like soft people, and I lead with softness to encourage people to be gentle.

What specific gap do you think the show would fill?

Hopefully, this doesn’t come across as an insult to anybody. I think we needed to create a space where we would be able to have conversations in good faith. We鈥檙e not trying to come across as experts speaking down on people and telling them to do better. 

Particularly because a lot of these conversations are hard for people to have. It is important to us that there is a level of vulnerability being displayed by the hosts. And I’m nothing if not vulnerable. I don’t think of it as just a means to get views. It feels more like a service. It was cathartic for me as well.

How? 

I am having a lot of conversations about things that I was dealing with in real time. There was an episode where we had Seye Bandele, and he was talking about the struggles of entrepreneurship and building a family with his wife. He spoke about ensuring that his wife trusted him enough to decide to get married to him. I was asking questions that I actually had, like 鈥榳hat does it take to get your partner to buy into an unrealised vision?鈥�

I’m an entrepreneur, and I’m still very early in my career. So these were answers that I needed to hear. There were also things underneath the surface that the show was helping me to process. Nigeria is really tough, being a man is really tough and having conversations that help you to lean on other people makes it easier.

So, about marriage, should we be expecting to hear wedding bells soon?

Hahaha. I mean, if you’d like to hear wedding bells, I can play some on my phone. Wedding bells are not hard to get at all. 

How do you balance humour with sensitivity?

 To be honest with you, I don’t know if I do it consciously. I’m the kind of person who is very quick to make a joke out of a difficult subject. And if there’s something extra sensitive, I’m very careful about the way that it’s worded. I don’t want people to feel like they鈥檙e being interrogated or prodded for gist. 

At the end of the day, if there are things a guest doesn鈥檛 want to share, it’s well within their rights. My co-host, EDK, is the same way. He鈥檚 an emotionally intelligent guy who knows that you don’t go beyond certain aspects of a conversation. 

If you鈥檙e so intentional about vulnerability, how do you prepare for conversations that seem spontaneous?

Working with my producer, Anita Eboigbe, is very central to that. She helps with calling topics and developing the different discussions that we have. Outside of that, I try to deal with the material honestly.

When I speak, it鈥檚 from a genuinely curious place. I鈥檓 not just trying to tick off the bullet points on the list. I don’t hit all the notes exactly the way that they’re described in the brief because I do a lot of editing. If something super interesting comes up and it wasn鈥檛 initially part of my original plan, I allow it to flow naturally.

What made EDK the right person to co-host the show with?

Our chemistry and brotherhood comes from having conversation after conversation. The first time we ever met, it was over food, and we just kept gisting.  We realised that we got along, and the rest is history.

Did you have any doubts about how well the audience would receive the show? 

Several. One, I was nervous about just being perceived. As much as I do a lot of front-facing stuff, there’s never a guarantee of how people might receive you. Men, in particular, can be very interesting people.  Another thing I was nervous about was posturing like an expert.

There was a tweet where someone said, 鈥楾ell that brother to uncross his legs; nobody wants to take advice from a feminine Tupac. 鈥� I thought it was hilarious because the set of the show is my living room, and I’m obviously very comfortable. But the reason why it was even more interesting as feedback is that I don’t want it to feel like we’re giving advice. I’m not trained as a counsellor. The idea is that I鈥檓 a guy like you who’s just figuring it out or a friend giving you a listening ear. That way, it might be easier to accept.

Wow

I was also nervous about toxic masculinity. You always wonder if you’ll be able to break past all the different walls and actually touch something real within a man. It’s not always the easiest thing.  Also, it’s not something that you鈥檒l always be able to do because a lot of men have put up so many defences.

How many of your doubts turned out to be true?

All of them. Some people are listening through the lenses of their insecurity, which I’ve seen with the money episode. Also, as I said, no one wants to take advice from a feminine Tupac. I’m grateful that I’ve done things that鈥檝e made my skin thicker. The toxic masculinity aspect has definitely shown that people don’t look at things in context. They engage with the clip, they drop their mean comments, and they move on. 

However, there’s been so much positive feedback within that as well. The conversations that have resulted from our episodes and seeing the profiles of the guests on the show grow. I know that it’s actually helping people. A recurring comment we get is 鈥楯ust when I was thinking about my life, this pops up. Thank you鈥�. 

The show makes itself a space for the male perspective. How do you see these shifting, existing, harmful gender norms in Nigerian society?

To be honest, I don’t see the show being the vehicle for that by itself. This being the shift itself would be too ambitious a goal to set. I don’t think people change that easily. But I think it’s a significant start to the shift.

There鈥檚 a two-part quote that says, 鈥業 don’t know that I’m going to be the change, but I think that I will influence the person who will change鈥�. I think that is us. 

Are there topics you are especially excited to tackle as the show continues?

Oh! We tackled the manosphere and the ways that masculinity is being projected to younger men. I would love to see how that plays with the audience. 

I’ve also been looking forward to talking about male friendship. I would love to dedicate an entire episode to male friendship and what it looks like. The ways that we can show up for each other. I’d also probably even like to have that conversation adjacent to women because I think there’s a strength in female friendships that we need to learn from. 

Next Read: Uzoamaka Power Made Call of My Life for Everyone Who Has Ever Loved Too Much

Because they work behind the scenes, technical writers rarely get the recognition they deserve. As a result, technical writing remains one of the tech industry鈥檚 most underrated but rewarding career paths.

In a recent conversation with 91大神, Cynthia Peters, a senior technical writer with eight years of experience, shared a practical guide to breaking into technical writing.

1. What a Technical Writer Does

Cynthia describes technical writers as people who make things easier for everybody else. Imagine contacting your bank with a problem and being directed to a help article. You then discover that everything is written in Korean. The information technically exists, but it is useless because the intended audience cannot understand it. Good technical writing is not simply about documenting information; it is about making that information useful and accessible to the average user. 

2. If the Company Uses a Computer, There鈥檚 a Good Chance That It Needs You.

Career opportunities for technical writers extend far beyond software companies. Any organisation that relies on complex processes needs a technical writer. Even if they have not realised it yet. Cynthia mentions that earlier this year, she received a job listing from a biscuit company. The role required her to document how its production machines are operated. Later in the year, an airline company in Qatar was in search of a technical writer. Technical writers are also needed in fields like medicine and engineering. 鈥淚f a company uses IT,鈥� she says, 鈥渢here鈥檚 a chance they need a technical writer.鈥�

3. AI Isn鈥檛 Stealing Your Job

One of the biggest misconceptions about technical writing is that artificial intelligence is replacing technical writers. But AI at its current stage of development can only work as a tool, just like your laptop or your Grammarly subscription. 

Yes, ChatGPT can write an API guide by reading software architecture documents. But it will not think of including a customer support contact for a user who cannot generate an API code. This is because it does not have user empathy in the way that human writers do. Technical writers think about where users could get confused and answer questions before they ask them. 

4. You Do Not Need an Engineering Degree聽

For aspiring technical writers without a technical background, Cynthia advises focusing on gaining experience before chasing high salaries. She recommends starting with beginner programming books or even programming resources designed for children. Technical writers do not need to become expert software engineers.  However, they should understand enough technical concepts to communicate with the product developers. To sum up her experience, she says, 鈥淲hen I see a line of code, I might not know if it solves World War II, but I can tell when it鈥檚 repeating a command, and I know what a variable is.鈥�

Her preferred learning method is simple but effective. Read a chapter from a beginner programming book, then close the material and write an article explaining what you remember. When you revisit that article you鈥檒l notice the concepts you misunderstood or the questions you failed to ask. Cynthia encourages beginners to publish these articles on personal blogs or to create a portfolio. She stressed that building a portfolio matters far more than waiting until you feel like an expert.

5. Curiosity Killed the Cat, Not the Technical Writer聽

The cheat code to becoming a good technical writer is to be curious about everything. After eight years in the industry, Cynthia has a digital file that she constantly updates with terms she needs to research. 

To keep improving, she advises focusing on improving three to five skills per week. Resources like the Google Technical Writing Course and the Microsoft Writing Style Guide will be useful to a beginner. Aspiring technical writers can also take advantage of free educational content from schools of technology. MIT and Harvard regularly upload learning resources online.

6. Transitioning isn鈥檛 Linear

Although she started her career in programming, Cynthia鈥檚 transition into technical writing happened almost by accident. She noticed that many of the questions she had as a newcomer to tech went unanswered. So, she began documenting what she learned. Soon, she became the de facto person for documentation.  By the end of her first few jobs, she was doing more technical writing than programming. Transitioning into technical writing isn鈥檛 always linear, and there鈥檚 no one-size-fits-all.

To determine if you want to commit, she recommends volunteering for open-source communities, startups or big companies looking for interns or junior technical writers. Her advice to anyone considering the field is very straightforward: 鈥楯ust start writing. 鈥� Consistent practice, curiosity and a willingness to learn will eventually create opportunities.

Next Read: What She Said: My Dad Spent My Mum鈥檚 Pension. Now I鈥檓 Stranded in Canada

In a city like Lagos, surviving is expensive; a stable corporate job is the dream. For Boluwatife Adeleke,  her corporate job became a source of anxiety.  To her, happiness is as important as survival, so last year, she quit her salaried job to volunteer full-time. 

In this article, she talks about the realities of running an NGO in Nigeria, funding community work and why she believes choosing happiness is worth the risk.聽

Why Did You Decide to Start a Non-profit?

I started to teach nursery school kids when I was 14. In my first class, there was a girl named Olamide* who was popularly known as a dullard amongst the teachers. While children her age were in nursery school, she was still in kindergarten. I had earlier noticed that some children excelled in class but failed assessments, and vice versa. Olamide was neither; she needed extra hours and the kind of patience that the other teachers did not have. She could recite paragraphs by heart, but she found it hard to identify letters or put anything in writing. 

 I also had learning struggles growing up because I was a timid and anxious child who did not do well in large classes. I realised that the system is not built for children like Olamide and me. I wanted to create a space for us, and in 2024, I made that happen with

What Exactly Does Thriverise Do and How Does it Work?

In summary, Thriverise鈥檚 main goal is to promote quality education and economic growth at the grassroots level.  We do that by providing free access to basic education to underprivileged and out-of-school children. Then we also provide vocational and informal education to disadvantaged youths. 

How Did It Go From Volunteer Work to a Career Option?

Before last year, I鈥檇 always seen myself working in the marketing department of some big corporation. Marketing paid my bills, but I was constantly anxious, and I was miserable. I never really considered volunteering for a living because鈥� I mean, who would want to work for free?  That was until I realised I was happier doing unpaid work than paid work.

In the end, I discovered that my joy came from helping underprivileged children get access to education. I care deeply about the community that I serve as well as the children and the women I work with. I also care about seeing that the system works for them. What better way to serve them than to turn it into an actual career? So I started researching to see if it was something I could actually pursue full-time. Fortunately, it is.

How Did You Set Thriverse Up?

I wrote to a few of my mentors with similar interests and asked if they would be willing to form the board of trustees. They agreed and signed a contract. My official title is 鈥楨xecutive Director鈥�, and even though I鈥檓 the founder, I report to the board. Under me, there are positions for a communications lead, an operations lead and a project lead. Under the communications lead, we have positions for a social media manager and a community manager and under the project lead, we have two different project managers.  Then we have a director of education and volunteer teachers for the community centers.  Up until earlier this year, I was in charge of all these roles. I met a lot of people while volunteering, so I get volunteers by reaching out to qualified people in that network and posting on social media. 

Is This Your First Time Running an Organisation?

Not really. An NGO is like a business in a lot of ways, and I鈥檝e always been a business-oriented person. I also believe I have a good head for it. I started my first business venture at 13. I would save my allowance every month and then buy recharge cards to resell. The business failed because the adults around me kept using the cards without paying, so I gave up. A few months later, I found a family friend who was a mobile hair-cream vendor, and I became his assistant. We would leave home early in the morning and drive to whichever part of Lagos we wanted to tour that day. He had one of those cars with a speaker on it, but we did most of the sales on foot. At the end of each day, I would go home with about 鈧�3,000. 

What Did You Get Into After That?

I took a break to write WAEC, and immediately after, I got a teaching job. For 鈧�7k a month, I was the proprietress鈥檚 glorified housemaid. I taught at her school, bathed her kids, made snacks to sell, cleaned her house, ran errands at the market and the bank. 

Wow

Yes o. After working for a year, I took a secretarial position at a tutorial centre, and I worked without pay for two months before I quit to return to my teaching job. During COVID, I started a clothing and household items pre-order business, but debtors and shipping delays ruined the business. From there, I moved to affiliate marketing and then content writing before pivoting to ad and operations management. While doing this, I also volunteered for a lot of administrative roles at intervals. I was overworked for most of my late teens up until I was 21.

Self-help books that I read at the time convinced me that it was normal to work this way. I thought that my life would be ruined if I slept for more than five hours.  At the end of 2024,  I suffered burnout so severe that my body broke down. The best way to describe it is that I began to suffer from mental decline. At some point, I stopped sleeping. If you don鈥檛 know how to slow down, one day your body will force you to learn. 

Glad To See That You鈥檙e Out of There.  How Do You Get Funding For Your Non-Profit?

Right now, it鈥檚 about 60% self-funded. Our first project was a book drive where we donated books, writing materials and school uniforms to the government primary school in my area. I was still working full-time back then, so the funds came from my pocket. Late last year, we decided to set up a community learning centre. But I had already quit my job. So, I had to pour all my savings into the project to make it happen.

I don鈥檛 do public fundraising because I tried it once and I earned the tag of 鈥榖eggar鈥�. Someone even felt bold enough to ask if what I really want to do with my life is to beg for money. I have heard a lot of demeaning things in this line of work. Call it pride if you will, but I don鈥檛 want to be known as someone who begs for a living. The other 40% of funds come from grants and donations from people I reach out to.   Regardless of the challenges, we鈥檝e reached decent achievement. We鈥檝e gotten approval from the Ministry of Education, we鈥檙e an incorporated organisation, and we鈥檝e raised grants of about seven figures in Naira. 

How Do You Provide An Income For Yourself

Sometime last year, I quit my 9-5 to focus on the foundation. But since it isn鈥檛 established enough to pay salaries yet, I still have to work (the founder must eat, please). Right now, I鈥檓 a freelancer. I am currently working on a couple of campaign projects at the moment as an ads manager. But in the end, it is temporary. I would like to work with a non-profit different from mine and actually get paid for it. Probably as a project manager or as a communications manager. Maybe even as a communications manager at UNICEF.

My goal is to influence policies that concern education and youth development and to sit in rooms where these decisions are made. All the choices I make now are creating a path that will lead me to that table.

Do You Need Any Special Skills To Run a Non-profit?

The first thing you need is a healthy dose of stubbornness. If I want something, it would take a supernatural power to stop me from making it happen. The next thing you need is delusion because unpaid work can get very frustrating. Also, people don鈥檛 talk about volunteering often enough. I got into social impact by volunteering with a mentor, and it gave me the experience I needed to run my own non-profit.  Everything else you need is the same skill set you would need to run any start-up.

Would You Say a University Education is Necessary to Succeed in Your Career Path? 

Yes and no. I studied aquaculture and fisheries, but while I see myself owning a farm in the future, I can鈥檛 deny that my BSc has been rather useless to my career progression. As much as I鈥檓 an education activist, my NGO doesn鈥檛 only focus on formal education. We also work to better the earning opportunities of young people.  It鈥檚 important to understand that not every person needs to learn in the four walls of a classroom. The fact that a person did not go to school does not mean they don鈥檛 deserve decent employment. At the same time,  my university education exposed me to a lot of mentors, so I can鈥檛 really write it off.

How Did the People Around You React to Your New Career Choice?

No African parent will find it easy to accept that their child wants to do charity work for a living.

My family and I had a huge fight when I decided that I was going to start a non-profit and pursue it full-time. My sister told me I was wasting my life, and my mum asked me why I would want to spend the rest of my life training other people鈥檚 children. I know they were just very worried about me, because, well, this is Nigeria.

But it is important as a young woman to understand that sometimes, no one knows what鈥檚 best for you than yourself. 

They expected that I would move out of home after school, get an office job and prepare for my Masters. I have done all these things, just not in the way that they expected. I have a corporate job, but I do it for free, and I really am preparing to do my Masters. But I鈥檓 doing it in development practice instead of aquaculture. 

What Advice Would You Give Someone Looking to Get Into the Social Impact Sector?

Social impact is a field that doesn鈥檛 get a lot of exposure, but there are dozens of opportunities in it that pay well. You don鈥檛 have to start your own foundation to work in social impact. There are established non-profits that can afford to pay you to do good work. I鈥檝e applied for a few roles, but I haven鈥檛 been able to take any because they all require my physical presence.  I can鈥檛 step away from my foundation at the moment. From what I鈥檝e seen, the salary offers aren鈥檛 bad at all. 

On the other hand, if you do not have a source of income, I honestly do not advise starting a non-profit. But if you really want to, you must be very passionate about what you are advocating for. You will not get paid in the early stages. The founder title is ceremonial because the organisation doesn’t belong to you; it belongs to the public. Strangers will hold you accountable, and you will spend your own money like 80% of the time. But (to me, anyway) it is extremely rewarding in so many other ways. Few things compare to watching a child who once struggled to catch up to their peers thrive, knowing you helped make that possible.

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Unfortunately, women-focused contraceptives only enjoy the same luxury when it comes to short-acting modern options like post-pill and birth-control pills, which range from 鈧�1500 to 鈧�3,000.

With these numbers, it鈥檚 easy to assume everyone is having safe sex. But in reality, of the estimated women who make up Nigeria鈥檚 female population, only use modern contraceptives. 

For some women, the problem is access. But even with access, many women still refuse contraceptives. In this article, four women share their experiences with contraceptives and why they choose not to use them. We also had a chat with Dr Zeenaht Abdullahi (an obestrician\gyneacologist), who shared insight into each woman鈥檚 experience.

鈥淢y Doctor Says I鈥檓 Too Overweight for the Morning After Pill鈥� 鈥� Derin*20

I had sex for the first time a month ago, and I鈥檝e had sex two more times after that. I didn鈥檛 use contraceptives both times, and moving forward, I don鈥檛 think I will. 

I have PCOS, and I have to take really strong painkillers for my periods to avoid getting hospitalised. This also means that my hormones are all over the place. Adding birth control pills to the mix will mess with a system that is already unbalanced. 

I was anxious about getting pregnant,  so I spoke to my doctor, and he confirmed my fears. According to him, the only form of contraceptives I can use is emergency ones. Specifically, Postinor or Plan B, but the problem is that since I weigh over 80kg, there鈥檚 a high probability that the pills won鈥檛 work for me. 

I鈥檓 not too worried about pregnancy, though, because my chances of getting pregnant are very slim. Except, of course, God wants to punish me. 

Doctor鈥檚 note:  PCOS with menstrual cycle abnormalities, such as very painful periods, can actually be managed with COCP, aka the daily pill. You should look into killing 2 birds with 1 stone (using the pill for contraception and to help manage your condition). PCOS does not automatically cause or translate to infertility.

Also, the morning-after pill (AKA Postpill, Postinor, Plan B, etc.) does not automatically cause or translate to infertility.  It was not designed to be the major method of contraception in sexually active women. It works by delaying or preventing ovulation and can be taken at any point during the cycle. For maximum efficacy, it should be taken before the third to fifth days following unprotected intercourse. IT (typically) DOES NOT NEED TO BE TAKEN MORE THAN ONCE PER CYCLE. This is a common mistake most women make, which then causes adverse side effects and symptoms such as heavy bleeding, irregular periods, etc. It also cannot be used to terminate an ongoing pregnancy and  is not a substitute for medication used in the medical termination of pregnancy 

鈥淚鈥檓 Convinced I鈥檓 Infertile鈥� 鈥� Agnes* 21

 I鈥檝e had about ten or more male sexual partners since my first time (I don鈥檛 really keep count). My first partner used to insist on condoms because we were 15-year-olds who were terrified of pregnancy. The second one hated condoms but insisted on morning-after pills. He got them for me because his father is a pharmacist. After him, I stopped using contraceptives because most times, I have sex impulsively without thinking of the consequences. Half the time, the sex is so spontaneous that there are no condoms nearby. The few times condoms are available, I ask my partners not to use them because they make me very dry. 

At some point, I started using post-pill again. Then I started having side effects like heavy periods and really bad acne,  so I stopped. I don鈥檛 think about contraceptives much because I can鈥檛 fathom being pregnant. My periods have always been irregular, so pregnancy scares are a dime a dozen. Fortunately, the panic never lasts because as soon as I begin to worry that I鈥檓 pregnant, I duck into the nearest bathroom to take a test. To be honest, I have more pregnancy tests than lip gloss in my bag. 

Also, I don鈥檛 bother with contraceptives because we have a history of endometriosis in my family, and I already have some of the symptoms. I haven鈥檛 gone to the hospital to confirm because I can鈥檛 afford it, but with the number of times a man has finished inside me, I鈥檓 either infertile or a scientific miracle. Either way, a win is a win. 

Doctor鈥檚 note:  Try substituting the multiple pregnancy tests for water-based lubricants so you can enjoy safe sex without getting dry. An endometriosis diagnosis can take over a year to be made, and if you have already started showing symptoms but aren’t ready for children yet, an IUD is probably the best contraceptive option for you. It prevents pregnancy but has also been proven to relieve some symptoms of endometriosis.

鈥淭he Hospital Refused to Give me Contraceptives鈥� 鈥� Joy* 23

I started having sex three years ago with my boyfriend at the time, and when we broke up, I converted him to a friend with benefits. While we were dating, we had sex once every two months.  Since we broke up, we see each other once every four to six months. 

Before we started having sex, he asked if I would be willing to try contraceptives, and I said yes. But they really scare me. My mum got the implant when I was younger, and she bled for a whole year. Sometimes, she bled so heavily that it soaked through her car seat. My health is a little fragile, and I didn鈥檛 want to mess up my hormones like that. I was even too scared to use over-the-counter pills from a pharmacy. I decided to go to the hospital, but they gave me vitamin C when I asked for contraceptives. 

Since I already knew how to track my cycle, I just decided to use it as a form of contraception. I鈥檝e been tracking it for ten years, and it is freakishly accurate. It is always a 28-day cycle, and it lasts for exactly five days. I always know the exact day I鈥檒l start my period. The only thing that varies is what time of the day it鈥檒l come. 

My partner and I  never have sex when I鈥檓 ovulating, and he always withdraws. I鈥檝e never had a pregnancy scare since we started having sex. But I also know that sometimes, pregnancy is the least of your worries as a woman. I ask him to do a full STI checkup every four months.  Even though we鈥檝e not had sex in six months, he still sent me his test results two weeks ago. 

Doctor鈥檚 note: Kudos to you on your cycle tracking and regular STI screening for yourself and your partner. I am so sorry for your experience with trying to procure contraceptives. Side note to all health workers reading this, sexual and reproductive health are basic human rights and MUST NEVER be denied.

鈥淭he Side Effects Aren鈥檛 worth it鈥� 鈥� Aishat* 21

My partner was my first and is currently my only sexual partner. We met about two years ago, and we started having sex soon after. At first, it didn鈥檛 really occur to us to use contraceptives during sex, but after my first pregnancy scare, I became conscious of the fact that what we were doing could really have consequences. 

I tried post-pill once, but became too scared to try it again when I learned that it destroyed my friend鈥檚 cycle. She was getting her period three times a month, bleeding heavily and battling intense cramps. Condoms also didn鈥檛 work for us because after having skin-to-skin contact for so long. Sex with a condom feels unpleasant. 

The first time I had a pregnancy scare, I called my boyfriend to tell him. He first hung up and went to cry before calling back to ask what we were going to do about it.  He has tried to get me to use contraceptives, but to me, pregnancy prevention is not worth all the side effects that I read about on the birth control pamphlet. 

We鈥檙e always very careful, and the withdrawal method has been working well. But we have pregnancy scares every Eke market day. In fact, I get them so often that I don鈥檛 even panic anymore. I鈥檓 the one who now has to reassure him every time my period is late. 

Doctor鈥檚 note: All medications have side effects, but it varies from individual to individual. If you aren鈥檛 comfortable using the pill or any form of hormonal contraceptive, and you have a regular menstrual cycle, then she can use cycle tracking to avoid intercourse during your fertile periods. Then you can avoid pregnancy scares.

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