What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

Dan* is a 30-year-old artist whose quiet, routine church connection took an unexpected turn. What started as a casual reconnection spiralled into an uncomfortable situation they鈥檙e still navigating, one that now follows them into spaces that are meant to feel safe, from church to parties. They share what it鈥檚 like to be desired by someone they don鈥檛 want, and why setting boundaries hasn鈥檛 been as simple as just saying no.

Tell us about yourself

I’m 30, and an artist. I’d say I’m pretty calm, very level-headed. I like to think I come across as put together even when I’m figuring things out in real time. I’m from Anambra, and I grew up in a pretty typical Nigerian family: mum, dad, and a sister. I’m masculine-presenting, so people make their assumptions about me. I just move carefully depending on where I am.

What does a typical week look like for you?

It鈥檚 pretty structured. I work, I create, I try not to let those two things eat each other alive. Weekends are usually for resting, sometimes going out, and Sundays are for church. Church has been a consistent part of my life for a while. It鈥檚 mostly just familiar faces and the same rhythm every week. You know what you’re walking into.

Are you someone who builds friendships easily in spaces like that?

Not really. I’m friendly, but I’m not quick to form deep connections. I’ll talk, gist, laugh, but it doesn’t always go beyond that. Most of my relationships from places like church stay on the surface unless there’s a real reason for them to deepen.

Have you had a reason to deepen any relationships?

Not really, but I did develop a friendship with someone.

Tell us more?

Well, we met in church, obviously. Let鈥檚 call her Angelica*. The bishop introduced us, but I don’t even fully remember why. She’s a little older, mid-thirties, and runs a beauty salon. She鈥檚 confident, playful, and easy to talk to. We just became people who saw each other every Sunday, said hi, gisted small and went our separate ways. That went on for like three or four years. At some point, we exchanged numbers, but we barely used them. Everything was very surface-level. Nothing suggested what eventually happened.

What changed?

We hadn’t seen each other in a while, maybe almost a year, she had travelled. So one Sunday, when I got to church and saw her, it was unexpected. We started talking again after service, just catching up. Then we moved to text that same day and were going back and forth properly for the first time. She mentioned there was something personal she wanted to discuss and said she’d rather do it in person. I said I could come by during the week. We settled on Thursday. That was the first time we’d ever met outside of church.

What was the plan for that Thursday?

Just to talk. That was genuinely all I thought it was. She had something on her mind she wanted to share. I was available, and she didn鈥檛 live far from me. I wasn’t reading anything into it.

I got there, and we were just chilling, talking. I even had a work meeting that I had to step away for, briefly. At some point during the visit, Angelica disappeared into her room and came back out in a tank top and pyjama bottoms, just getting comfortable in her own space, which was fine. After that finished we settled into the real conversation, and she opened up about something personal that had pulled her away from her usual crowd for close to a year. It was heavy, and I was glad she felt comfortable enough to share it. That part felt real and good.

Then the conversation shifted.

How did it shift?

She asked about my relationship. The last time we’d spoken, I’d mentioned I was with someone. I told her that it was over. She laughed and said she genuinely thought I was going to marry that person based on how I’d talked about them. Then she started asking if I was seeing anyone, talking to anyone, what I liked. How I knew I wasn’t straight. She mentioned she was bi herself. The energy started changing, and I could feel it.

She kept getting physically closer. Playing with the strings on my joggers. Holding eye contact a beat too long. Smiling at me. I went into oblivious mode, which is what I do when I’m not interested and don’t want to be mean about it. I started redirecting the conversation everywhere else. Music. Random topics. Anything.

Did she get the hint?

No. She put on slow RnB. Very soft and intentional. And she kept coming closer. At some point, I just had to start thinking about leaving because things became very clear. Thankfully, she had plans nearby too, so it wasn’t awkward to call it. She said she was going to shower quickly so we could leave together.

Before she went in, she loudly announced it, like making sure I knew.

She said it like a statement, not just information. I was sitting directly across from the bathroom door, full view in, and when she started the shower, I got up and moved seats. I wasn’t going to sit there. After a few minutes, she came back out, completely shirtless, bare chest, holding a sundress up to herself, asking what I thought of it. I glanced at the dress. Said it was nice. Then looked away. She went back in. Didn’t close the door behind her either.

Did she say anything about it before you left?

Just before we left, she asked me directly. Did I not want to look at her? Did I not find her attractive? I told her I was trying to be respectful, that I’d answered her question about the dress and figured that was it. I kept it very neutral.

There was also a lot of wine throughout all of this. I love wine, I won’t say no to wine, but I was clocking that it kept appearing. I don’t think she meant anything sinister by it, but there was an intention there I couldn’t fully name.

In the car on the way out, she held my hand. I felt stuck because she was my ride. I didn’t want a whole scene, so I just let it happen. When I got out, she said she didn’t want me to leave. That she’d miss me.

Had you said anything at any point that could have given her the impression that you were interested?

I mentioned I was in an open situation with someone. That there was a person I was getting to know, and it was still building. That should have been enough to make it clear that I was unavailable, but she said she couldn’t do open relationships; she needed to be someone’s only focus. I said that’s fair, it’s not for everyone. I thought that was me being clear. That this is where I am, and it’s not changing. She heard “open” and decided that meant available. It didn’t.

Tell me about the person you were talking about.

She’s a 28-year-old digital strategist. We’d known each other for months before anything happened, crossed paths through work and some projects, never directly, until one collaboration brought us closer. We spent an extended weekend together, and something just settled between us. By the time the church situation started escalating, we’d been building something for a few months, and it was getting real.

She has one other partner. So, yeah, it’s open, but it’s not casual. There’s actual weight to what we’re building, and I take that seriously.

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Did you let Angelica know things were getting serious with her?

Yes. She just kept treating open like a door she could walk through whenever she wanted. Every time we crossed paths, she’d ask how things were going, and when I said well, when I made it clear this was becoming something meaningful, she’d just redirect. Change the subject. Act like she hadn’t heard me. Like the information kept failing to land.

And you kept seeing her in church.

Every Sunday. That’s what makes it complicated. I can’t avoid the space. Church is part of my routine, and I’m not letting someone else’s behaviour disrupt that. But I cannot lie that I am tired of feeling like I have to avoid her at church.

She’d spot me across the room and make her way over. Always warm, always like nothing was happening. I’d be cordial. I’m not going to cause a scene in church. But I’d be counting down to the end of service.

Did it ever spill outside the church?

There’s a crowd we both move through. Lagos is big, but certain circles are small, especially queer-adjacent ones. A few months after the bathroom incident, we ended up at the same party. I was there with the person I’m seeing. We were in our own world, genuinely having a good time, and then I spotted her across the room.

By the time she got to where we were standing, she was already a few drinks in. She came straight to me, barely acknowledged anyone else, started touching my arm, leaning in close to talk in my ear, even though the music wasn’t that loud. My partner was right there. Not making a scene, but I could feel her watching.

I stepped slightly to the side, and she followed. I said it was good to see her and tried to fold her into the group conversation. She wasn’t interested in the group. She pulled me aside at some point and said she missed me, that she thought about me, that she didn’t understand why I kept the distance. I told her plainly that I was there with someone, that things between us were serious, and that I needed her to respect that. She looked at me for a long moment and said she just didn’t see how an open relationship could really count as serious.

I didn’t have anything left to say to that. I went back to my partner.

How did your partner handle it?

We talked about it after. They were calm; they’re not the type to make it bigger than it needs to be. But they said something that stayed with me. They said it was clear this woman didn’t see me as someone in a relationship; she saw me as someone in a situation that hadn’t been resolved yet. And they were right. That’s exactly how she was treating it.

Did things settle after that?

For a few weeks, yes. She kept a bit of distance at church, which I appreciated even if I didn’t say anything. I thought maybe the party was a turning point. That she’d finally read the room and decided to leave it alone.

Then one Sunday, she waited for me after service. She was standing near the exit, and when I came out, she fell into step beside me, very deliberately, and said she needed to talk to me properly. I asked her what about. She said she felt like we’d never had a real conversation about what was happening between us, and she deserved that much at least.

I remember standing there thinking, what is happening between us? Because from where I’m standing, nothing is happening. Nothing has ever happened.

What did you say?

I was very direct. I told her there was nothing to talk about. That I’d been clear about my situation, that I was with someone, that nothing was going to change, and that I needed her to accept that. She got quiet. Then she said something about how she could tell I had feelings I wasn’t acting on, that I was holding back because of my relationship, and that if I was honest with myself, I’d admit it.

That was the moment I stopped being polite about it. I told her she was wrong. That I wasn’t holding back, that there was nothing to hold back, and that what she was doing was making me uncomfortable in a space I come to every week. I said it as calmly as I could, but I said it clearly.

How did she respond?

She looked hurt. She said okay. Just that. Okay. And walked away.

The following Sunday, she didn’t come to speak to me. The one after that, either. I thought it was done. I was relieved in a way I didn’t realise I needed to be until the relief actually came.

Then one Sunday, she was back. Same warmth, same hi, same energy as we’d just pressed reset, and none of it had happened. And I just stood there thinking, so this is just how it’s going to be.

Did things get better?

No.

What happened?

A mutual friend had people over at her place a few weeks later. It was a casual thing. Just a small group, where you show up, eat, drink, and just exist with people you like. I didn’t know Angelica was going to be there. That part I genuinely didn’t know.

It started fine. We were in the same space, I acknowledged her, she acknowledged me, and we stayed on opposite ends of the room. I thought, okay, we can do this, we’re adults.

At some point in the afternoon, I went to lie down in one of the back rooms because I had a headache coming on. The host knew I just needed twenty minutes. I was on my phone, lights low, door not fully closed because it’s someone’s house, and I wasn’t trying to be rude about it.

I heard the door and assumed it was the host checking on me.

It wasn’t.

Angelica came in, closed the door behind her, and sat on the edge of the bed. She started talking, low voice, very calm, asking how I was doing, how things were going with my partner. I said fine and kept it short. Then she started going in on the relationship. Said she’d been watching us at the party, and my partner seemed possessive for someone in an open relationship. Said it didn’t look casual, that it looked like I was being controlled, that I deserved to be with someone who wasn’t going to put pressure on me.

I sat up and told her that was the whole point. That it wasn’t casual. That I’d been saying that from the beginning.

She said she knew that that was exactly why she was worried about me.

And then, before I could respond, she was on top of me. I don’t even fully know how it happened that fast. One moment she was sitting beside me, and the next she had her thighs either side of me and her hands on my face, and she was kissing me. I was so caught off guard, I froze for a second, which I hate admitting, and then I grabbed her arms and pushed her back and said what are you doing. She didn’t move immediately. She just looked at me.

I had to tell her to get off me. Twice.

She eventually got up and left the room without saying anything. I sat there for a few minutes just trying to process what had just happened.

Did anyone find out?

I told my partner that same evening. I wasn’t going to sit on it. They were quiet for a long time after I finished talking. Not angry at me, but I could feel something shift. They said they believed me and that it wasn’t my fault, and I know they meant it, but something about the whole thing put a strain on us that we’re still working through. Not because of any suspicion on their end, but because it brought the whole situation to a head that was hard to just absorb and move on from.

And Angelica?

I stopped going to that church.

I didn’t make a big announcement about it. I just stopped showing up. I found somewhere else to go on Sundays, and I haven’t been back. I’m not going to keep walking into a space every week where someone has made me feel like that. I tried to handle it with patience and grace for months, and it still ended with me having to physically push someone off me in a room I thought I was resting in.

Some spaces stop being safe. When that happens, you just have to find another one.

If you鈥檇 like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid,  

How are you feeling about all of it now?

Tired mostly. I am so tired of being wanted by someone I don’t want, especially when they won’t accept that the answer is no. I haven’t been rude. I haven’t been cold. I’ve been clear in ways I thought were enough. And she keeps showing up, in church, at parties, in the parts of my life I share with other people. There’s nowhere to fully exhale.

What’s the hardest part?

That I can’t be angry in the way I want to be. Because if I make it a whole thing, everyone could find out. In church, in that circle, in spaces where I already have to move carefully because of who I am. I’m already doing enough calculations just existing in certain rooms. Adding this on top of it is just too much.

And I really like what I have with my partner. I don’t want this woman’s inability to read a room or accept no and hard boundaries to cast a shadow on something that’s actually good.

What do you want someone reading this to understand?

That no isn’t always loud. Sometimes, no is someone redirecting every conversation. Someone is keeping their distance. Someone is telling you clearly that they are building something with someone else. Those are all nos. And when you keep pushing past them, even softly, even with a smile, you’re not being romantic. You’re not just not listening, you鈥檙e being coercive. In fact, you are being a man. 

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*Names have been changed.

We curated a list of 50 incredible nominees across 10 categories. Then, we handed the mic to you. After thousands of audience votes and weeks of spirited debate, the people have spoken.

It only made sense to crown these icons at , our women-only haven created to uplift and celebrate women in every room, every sector, and every shade of brilliance.

50 women. 10 winners. 1 year of pure impact. Meet your 2026 91大神 HER Women of the Year.

The Gamechanger Award

This celebrates innovators who solve real-world problems through code, hardware, and scalable digital infrastructure.

The winner for The Gamechanger is the visionary behind Money Africa and Ladda, who has equipped over 200,000 people with financial literacy: Oluwatosin Olaseinde!

The Breakout Award

This is for the women who weren’t on the mainstream radar 12 months ago but have since become unavoidable and brilliant.

The winner for The Breakout is the versatile star who evolved from an indie darling into a dominant writer, director, and lead actor: Uzoamaka Power!

The Main Character Award

This is for the actresses, directors, and producers who drove the year鈥檚 biggest cultural conversations and streaming hits.

The winner for The Main Character is the undisputed Box Office Queen who made history with Behind The Scenes鈥攖he first Nollywood production to cross the 鈧�2 billion mark: Funke Akindele!

The Blueprint Award

This award is for the architects of the economy: the CEOs and founders scaling empires across the continent.

The winner for The Blueprint is the woman who scaled her remote work ecosystem to support over 150,000 women globally: Adeife Adeoye!

The Essence Award

For the women who provide the building blocks for our peace and our glow: the mental health advocates and beauty pioneers.

The winner for The Essence is the content powerhouse who scaled her beauty brand, PriscyLuxe, into a global retail force: Priscilla Ojo!

The Headliner Award

For the artists, producers, and label execs defining the global sound and ensuring the world is listening to us right now.

The winner for The Headliner is the ‘Sabi Girl’ who dominated the global charts with a relentless run of back-to-back hits: Ayra Starr!

The Force Award

For the activists and policy-shapers who hold power accountable and fight for systemic change.

The winner for The Force is the legislator who delivered historic infrastructure and digital learning milestones across Kogi Central: Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan!

The Storyteller Award

For the journalists, authors, and podcasters who documented our lives and redefined the scale of African storytelling.

The winners for The Storyteller are the duo who transformed their podcast into a global touring phenomenon with The Bounce Live: FK & Jola (ISWIS)!

The MVP Award

This is for the athletes and leaders who didn鈥檛 just play the game; they changed the rules and brought home the gold.

The MVP聽is our world-record holder, who remains the undisputed queen of the track:聽Tobi Amusan!

The Muse Award

Celebrating the designers and models whose aesthetics and influence birthed the year鈥檚 biggest trends.

The winner for The Muse is the designer whose technical brilliance and high-fashion vision defined the 2026 red carpet: Veekee James!

Through 21 Wool Street, she鈥檚 turning crochet into something far more expansive than craft, using it to create bridal pieces that feel personal, intentional, and deeply lived-in. For the bride who wants to look like herself, not what is expected, Elizabeth is quietly and steadily widening what鈥檚 possible.

Can you tell me the story of how you started 21 Wool Street? What moment or experience made you realise crochet could be more than a hobby and become a brand?

I started 21 Wool Street in 2017, but the seeds were planted a bit earlier. Before then, I was just having fun with crochet as a little hobby. Then I started seeing more people experimenting with it as clothing pieces that looked more modern and fitting for our generation on YouTube and Instagram, and I was curious. I started creating tops, skirts, and more.

In 2016, one of my friends reached out because she needed something to wear to the beach. I had already made a crochet beach outfit for myself, so I made the same design in burgundy monochrome for her, and she got so many compliments. I remember thinking, 鈥淲ait, people will actually pay for this?鈥� From there, I started making pieces for classmates at university, receiving orders and referrals, and it slowly became clear that this wasn鈥檛 just a hobby. It was something people connected to, valued, and wanted more of, and that鈥檚 when 21 Wool Street began to take shape as a brand. The brand has evolved over the years, incorporating additional techniques such as macrame into our designs. 

When did you rebrand to bridal crochet?

I鈥檇 like to clarify that the brand doesn鈥檛 focus exclusively on bridal wear. It started with crochet beachwear, but evolved naturally in response to customer demand and our own creative direction.

As people engaged with the pieces, there was growing interest in how the craft could extend into more occasion-led designs, and into accessories like bags and earrings. Bridal is one expression of that evolution.

At its core, the brand is always building on what resonates with our communities. Crochet is an art form that allows for that kind of fluidity.

Can you walk us through how you chose the name 21 Wool Street? 

I wanted something that captured multiple dimensions of the brand: its youthfulness and our use of sustainable materials. That sense of youthfulness is especially important to me because the brand is designed for both the young and the young at heart.

I think when anyone hears 21 Wool Street, they immediately think of community. A space where you fit right in because what we create was made with you in mind.

When people hear the term ‘crochet bridal wear,’ it can sound unconventional. How do you navigate that? 

Yes, when people hear that, it can sound unconventional. But at 21 Wool Street, it鈥檚 never just about crochet; we鈥檝e evolved to incorporate many craft techniques into our design language, including crochet, macrame, and eventually weaving. This has allowed us to blend texture, stitch, and material in ways that feel unique and personal. 

What does crochet allow you to express that traditional bridal fashion doesn鈥檛?

Our designs are for women who want to look different, try something new, and bring elements of themselves into what they wear. It won鈥檛 be for everybody, but if you鈥檙e looking for something distinctive, something that truly reflects who you are, this approach can be for you. Sustainability is also a key value; pieces can be re-worn, reused, passed down, or even sold. A lot of bridal fashion today can feel templated: the same corsets, fabrics, and silhouettes. 

Craft-based designs are another way to stand out on your wedding day. And it doesn鈥檛 have to be the entire outfit: a veil, accessories, bouquet, or floral accents can incorporate craft artistry, bringing both individuality and sustainability into your celebration.

What problems do you think traditional Nigerian bridal fashion creates for women? How does your work challenge or respond to those pressures? 

I think wedding culture, not just in Nigeria, but globally, has stripped a lot of soul, tradition, and meaning from weddings. There is so much pressure to look a certain way and follow certain rules without really asking why. It can push women into conforming, into appealing to one glorified aesthetic. If that鈥檚 your thing, that鈥檚 fine; it can be beautiful. But in Nigeria, there is a very specific ‘ideal’ bridal look, and if you step outside of it, you鈥檙e seen as strange or an outcast. That pressure makes people stop being themselves. 

There is also a huge financial burden. People are encouraged to spend outrageous amounts on things they鈥檒l wear once, not necessarily the best quality or even what they truly like, instead of thinking about their future, their home, or their life after the wedding. My response through crochet is about sustainability, reusability, and collaboration. Whether I鈥檓 designing a dress, veil, or bouquet, it鈥檚 a process that brings part of your life into the piece. It鈥檚 about creating something meaningful, not just expensive.

Do you see 21 Wool Street as part of a wider shift in how Nigerian women think about their wedding day? 

Yes. I want women to start thinking about sustainability, rewear value, and reuse value, rather than seeing their wedding dress as a one-day thing. I want people to think of their wedding dress as a long-term investment, something you pour into and get so much more out of.

So, what kind of bride do you design for? 

I design for women who want to stand out, who want something memorable, and for their wedding experience to truly reflect who they are. 

When I designed for my sister, she wanted something retro, free, and comfortable, something that felt like her. Not just any crochet wedding dress would have worked. The fact that I, her sister, designed it was also an important part of the story she wanted to tell. So for every woman, it will mean something different. But it always starts with intention: Do you want something unique? Do you want something that reflects you? Does it align with your theme and your values? It鈥檚 for the intentional bride, someone who wants to be free, comfortable, different, and themselves, not what society says a bride should look like.

If you had to summarise the soul of 21 Wool Street in 3鈥�5 words, what would they be and why?

• Intentional 鈥� because nothing we create is rushed or accidental. Every piece is thought through, from concept to the final stitch.
• Unconventional 鈥� a word deeply connected to how people perceive the brand and what we truly represent. We think differently. We design differently. We dress differently. Crochet itself sits outside the expected, and we embrace that fully.
• Comfort 鈥� because the wearer is always at the centre of our designs. Can you sit in it? Walk in it? Breathe in it? How does it feel on your skin? Beauty should never come at the expense of ease.
• Timeless 鈥� I鈥檓 not just designing trendy pieces; I鈥檓 creating pieces made to last. Pieces you return to again and again. Pieces you never get tired of. Pieces you鈥檒l proudly show your children, nieces, or nephews, or even pass down to them.

Walk me through the process of making a crochet wedding dress, from idea to final fitting.

It always starts with a conversation. I want to understand the bride: her personality, how she moves, her comfort level, and the emotional vision she has for her wedding day. From there, I move into research, mood-boarding, sketching, and stitch testing. I search for the right yarn texture and colour for the design, create sample swatches where necessary, and once everything is approved, we move into constructing the piece. 

The bride is kept updated throughout the entire process. Our bridal wear requires extensive experimentation with yarn choice, stitch density, lining, and reinforcement. These all matter. Sometimes the bride already has a clear design in mind, and my role is to translate that vision in a way that works structurally and aesthetically. Balancing structure, durability, and delicacy comes down to technique.

The final outcome depends on the design, the yarn thickness, and the stitch or pattern used. Because crochet behaves differently from traditional fabrics, testing and sampling are essential to understand what works and what doesn鈥檛. I鈥檓 also very intentional about sourcing high-quality materials, because the right yarn makes all the difference in how the piece looks, feels, and lasts.

What鈥檚 the most challenging part of designing in crochet for brides? 

I wouldn鈥檛 say I鈥檝e had one major challenge. Most of the brides who come to us already understand the work to an extent; they鈥檝e seen what we do, they trust the process, and they鈥檙e intentionally choosing crochet. So I haven鈥檛 really had to convince anyone that it works. If anything, the challenge is internal rather than external. Crochet is slow, and bridal timelines can be tight, so it requires careful planning and precision. Thankfully, we鈥檝e had amazing clients who reach out with enough time to really work through the process properly.  

Crochet bridal is often one fitting, sometimes with very limited room for adjustment, which means every stitch has to be done carefully and intentionally. I remember working with my first international bride in 2023. We couldn鈥檛 take measurements in person, so she worked with a tailor on her end. There was still that fear, wondering if the piece would fit perfectly once it arrived. Thankfully, it did. Moments like that remind me how much trust, care, and focus go into every piece, even when the process itself is working well.

What details or techniques are unique signatures of your work, if any?

I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e fully figured it out yet; there鈥檚 still a lot of experimenting happening, but there鈥檚 something about a 21 Wool Street piece that, once you see it, you just know it鈥檚 us. There鈥檚 a strong play on colour in our work, alongside bold stitches, sculptural sleeves, and thoughtful finishing. I like exploring how colour shifts a piece’s mood, making it feel softer, bolder, or more expressive. I鈥檓 very particular about durability: properly weaving in ends, clean edges, and paying close attention to how the piece feels against the body. My work may look soft, but it鈥檚 built to last.

You鈥檝e said your pieces centre on individuality and intimacy. What does that mean in the context of a wedding? 

It means collaboration. It means long conversations, research, getting to know who you are, what you love, and what you don鈥檛. I use all of that to create something that feels like you. When people see the piece, they should see your story.

Do you see your work as feminist? If yes, how? 

Yes. I see my work as supporting women鈥檚 rights. Fashion has historically relied on women鈥檚 unpaid or underpaid labour, fast production, and bodies being shaped to fit trends instead of the other way around. My work challenges that by slowing the process, valuing handmade labour, and creating pieces built around the woman without forcing her to fit into a standard shape or aesthetic. Sustainability is also part of that. Caring about the earth and the future is deeply connected to caring about people, especially women, who are often the most affected by environmental harm and unfair labour systems.

What kinds of reactions do you get from brides who choose crochet over traditional materials? 

I鈥檒l use my sister again. She wasn鈥檛 a mainstream bride. Even her traditional wedding look was inspired by our grandmother. The reactions were mostly positive. There was some critique, but people celebrated her individuality. She was very happy, and she鈥檚 still happy with how she looked on her wedding day.  21 Wool Street brides are very intentional. They know what they want, which is why choosing crochet over traditional materials is an easy yes for them 

Can you walk me through a week or a day in the life of the brand 21 Wool Street and you, its founder?

My mornings usually start with design work: sketching, reviewing concepts, responding to client messages, and planning new pieces. If I鈥檓 in production mode, I spend hours crocheting, testing patterns, adjusting structure, and making sure each piece feels right. Some days are dedicated to workshops. I prepare materials, plan lessons, and teach people how to crochet, from beginners to creatives who want to explore it as a business or artistic skill. 

On Saturdays, I volunteer at a school where I teach children how to crochet and create with their hands. In between, I鈥檓 delivering orders, sourcing materials, photographing work, going through emails, brainstorming future collections, and thinking about how the brand can grow.

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What鈥檚 it like running a niche creative brand in Nigeria, especially one that asks brides to step outside the norm? 

It鈥檚 very challenging because most people are drawn to mainstream fashion, big designers, and popular styles. Choosing to build something niche means you鈥檙e constantly asking people to step outside what feels safe and familiar. But at the same time, it鈥檚 deeply rewarding. We鈥檙e seeing a shift: people want to see themselves reflected in what they wear. They care about sustainability, individuality, creativity, and meaning. 

The most rewarding part is seeing people choose my work for moments that matter, like birthdays, graduation, going on vacation, weddings, and watching them feel seen in what they wear. It鈥檚 also exciting to collaborate with other niche brands and creatives who share similar values. Opportunities like working with international brands 鈥� I worked with Toms when it launched in Nigeria 鈥� or being approached by people who are intentionally seeking something different, remind me that there is value in what I do. 

What challenges or misconceptions do you often have to battle? 

A big challenge is that running a business in Nigeria is already hard. Access to funding, inconsistent power supply, high material costs, and logistics all make scaling difficult. Beyond that, crochet itself is misunderstood. People see it as 鈥渏ust crochet鈥� and expect it to be cheap or fast. But crochet is not fast fashion. It is slow, handmade work. Every stitch is done by hand, which means production takes time and care. Scalability is also a challenge because crochet cannot be rushed or mass-produced the way factory fashion is.

Another challenge is helping people understand the value of what they鈥檙e paying for. My work comes from a place of care, sustainability, and creativity, but many people still hesitate to invest in that. Access to quality raw materials is also limited here, which increases cost. All of this makes running a sustainable, handmade brand more demanding, but somewhat also more necessary.

How do you measure the brand’s success?聽What matters most to you beyond sales?聽

Success for me is not a number. It鈥檚 about impact. It鈥檚 about how we think about fashion in a world slowly being damaged by climate change. We all need to play a part, and one way is through the clothes we wear. 

Success looks like: Teaching people to crochet; educating people about sustainability; helping women understand the life cycle of fashion; designing pieces that can be reworn, reused, and passed on. It鈥檚 about making crochet more mainstream, while showing that you can look beautiful and still care about the earth and your surroundings. For me, success is pushing sustainable fashion forward. 

What kind of future do you imagine for the Nigerian bridal industry? 

I imagine a future with: More diversity and creativity. Less exploitation. More collaboration and care. I want to see more thoughtfulness in how services are provided, more freedom for women to look different, and more celebration of individuality. I want diversity in fabric, style, culture, and expression, a bridal industry that allows women to truly be themselves.

What do you hope 21 Wool Street contributes to that future? 

21 Wool Street helps widen the possibilities of what bridal can be. By introducing crochet and handcrafted techniques into bridal fashion, I want to show that there鈥檚 room for softness, comfort, and individuality alongside tradition. I hope the brand contributes to a more intentional, respectful approach to bridal design, one that values craftsmanship, honours the wearer, and treats creative labour with care.

What鈥檚 a dream project you haven鈥檛 done yet? 

I have quite a number, my goodness! My dream is to make 21 Wool Street more than just a fashion brand; I want it to be a lifestyle. That includes creating products that fit into your home and blend craftsmanship with everyday living. I won鈥檛 say more than that for now. 

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

Louise*, 23, grew up in a household where her father’s sister was always around, watching and nitpicking. Nobody liked it when she visited. Then one Ramadan morning, Louise’s sister woke up and wasn’t herself anymore. What followed was one of the most terrifying years of her family’s life, and the beginning of something her aunt didn’t see coming. This is what she said.

Tell us about yourself.

My name is Louise, I’m 23. Lagos born and bred, still here. I’m a content creator, and when I’m not working, I’m reading or watching movies. Pretty simple life, honestly.

What made you decide to tell this story?

A friend sent me a What She Said article, and that’s how I even found out about the platform. When I saw the form, I just thought, it’s time. It’s something my family has healed from, so why keep it to ourselves? Someone else might need to hear it.

How would you describe the last few years of your life?

Quite insane. That’s the most accurate thing I can say.

Let’s go back. What was your household or family life like growing up?

I grew up with my parents and 3 siblings. However, we had our aunt come over way more times than necessary. The malice was always obvious. I can’t remember most of my earliest memories, but no one, absolutely no one, liked being around her. My siblings and I hated it whenever she was around. My mum would become more subdued because any little thing, and that one had started nitpicking. From the cooking, the way the house was arranged, and how my mum spoke to my dad. There was always something. She never came in peace. The only person who seemed okay with her presence was our father, and that was because she’s his sister. Family and everything. But the rest of us could feel it every time she walked in. It was like the air changed.

What exactly do you think her problem was? 

She was definitely jealous of our father. She didn’t like our mother either, but that wasn’t really jealousy; that was something else entirely. With our father, it was envy, deep envy. He had everything she didn’t. A good job, a solid marriage, a home that was actually running, all his children on a path to become something. 

She didn’t have a husband. Her children, who are way older than most of the cousins because she had them very early, all out of wedlock, were barely hanging on. One had already had a child out of wedlock, too. So she’d come into our father’s house and see the life she wanted and couldn’t have, and I think that ate at her up every single time. The visits were never just visits. They were her coming to measure herself against him and going home feeling worse.

Did that ever change?

No. It only got worse. My mum had heard from other family members that our aunt was involved in diabolical things spiritually. There was even a story that she had almost caused the death of another sibling’s husband, that that one nearly died, and it was traced back to her. But my mum didn’t read too much into it at the time. She kept telling herself that yes, this woman is wicked, but she can’t be THAT wicked. So even when people were warning her to keep herself and her children away from my aunt, she didn’t fully listen. She thought they were exaggerating. She was too generous with the benefit of the doubt, and I think she knows that now. Then one morning, everything changed. 

What happened?

It was a usual Ramadan morning. I was about ten. My sister and I were just talking the way we always did, and then she started saying things that didn’t make sense. At first, I was just confused; I didn’t understand what was happening. But she kept mixing her words, and before long, she was dancing with no music playing, and she was talking to people who weren’t there. I called my parents, and even they thought she was joking at first. My sister has never been a joker so that didn’t last long. Then she started taking off her clothes in the middle of the living room and banging her chest, and that’s when everyone understood that something was very, very wrong.

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Ah. What happened next?

It was a terrifying experience. That’s the only word. My parents were trying to hold it together for the rest of us, but you could feel that they were falling apart on the inside. My sister, who had been completely fine the day before, was now someone we didn’t recognise. She’d look at you and not see you. She’d be laughing at things that weren’t there and then crying for no reason and then just standing completely still in the middle of a room. The house felt like it was holding its breath. Nobody knew what to do, and everyone was pretending to be calmer than they were.

How did the family try to get answers?

My parents did their best to keep the younger ones away from the details, so a lot of this I had to piece together later. She was taken to a psychiatric hospital first. But the madness kept getting worse, and even the medical people couldn’t figure out what was wrong. She had woken up completely fine and then just lost herself, and there was no medical explanation for it. My mum was at her wits’ end. She was crying to a friend one day, and the friend suggested an Alfa, saying that if the hospital couldn’t find anything, maybe this man could. My mum was desperate. She convinced my dad, and they took my sister to him.

The Alfa told them the person doing this to their daughter lives right inside their house. My dad stormed out. That’s his elder sister. Why would she do that to him? He refused to believe it. My mum said it felt like a film to both of them.

The Alfa said he wasn’t going to try to convince my dad, but he would help my sister get better. He also said that whatever was sent would backfire one hundred per cent on the person who sent it. My mum didn’t even care about that part at that point; she just wanted her child back. She also kept asking herself what the Alfa had to gain from lying to them. He didn’t know who they were. He had nothing to gain.

Did your sister get better?

She did, all thanks to the Alfa. That period when she came back to herself was one of the happiest the house had felt in a long time. Everyone was just relieved. You don’t realise how much space fear takes up until it’s gone.

And then my aunt came around to congratulate the family. My mum just said thank you. She was still very wary, but there was no concrete evidence, nothing she could point to and say this is proof, so they didn’t confront her. Life continued. My mum watched her and said nothing. But she didn鈥檛 stop watching.

How was the family in the months after, while things were back to normal?

Cautiously okay. I think everyone was just grateful, but also not fully settled. My parents had heard what the Alfa said, and even if my dad didn’t want to believe it, I think it was sitting somewhere in both of them. My mum, especially. She was warm on the surface, but something in her had shifted permanently. You could feel it. She wasn’t the same around my aunt after that. The visits became shorter. The welcomes became cooler. My mum was cordial the way you are with someone you’ve decided you can never fully trust again.

Then?

The following year, also during Ramadan. My aunt’s youngest daughter, the one who had just finished polytechnic, came to stay with us for a week to help my mum around the house. I was already on edge just from the PTSD of watching my sister the year before. Two days into the visit, my cousin started showing the exact same signs. Dancing to no music. Mixing her words. Seeing people who weren’t there. Standing in the middle of the room, unreachable. I had already seen this once, and I still wasn’t ready to see it again.

What did the family make of it?

Everyone understood immediately. It wasn’t something you needed to explain at that point. And unlike the first time with my sister, there was no confusion, no running to hospitals, no scrambling for answers. Everyone just knew. The whole family eventually knew what it was and why it was happening. It became something people talked about openly, that my cousin went mad every Ramadan because of what my aunt had put on my sister. The curse had simply gone home.

And yet my aunt refused to acknowledge it for years. Every Ramadan, it was the same cycle. Her daughter would have an episode for days. They’d pray. She’d get better. Everyone would breathe. Then the next Ramadan, it would start all over again. My aunt would watch her own child go through what she had deliberately put on someone else’s child, and she still could not bring herself to say the words. I don’t know what that kind of stubbornness costs a person, but it must be something.

Did she ever confess?

When her daughter got to the point where she was at risk of walking into the street and throwing herself in front of a moving bus. That’s when my aunt finally apologised to my parents. Because if she hadn’t, her daughter would never have gotten better. It took her years to get to that point. Years of watching her child suffer the same thing she had deliberately put on someone else’s child, and she still couldn’t bring herself to say it until the situation became truly life or death. That tells you everything about the kind of person she is.

If you鈥檇 like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid,  

How did your mum receive that apology?

My mum doesn’t think it was enough. And honestly, I understand her. Watching your child become unrecognisable, not knowing what is wrong, running to hospitals, running to spiritual people, the fear of every single day, carrying that while still having to function, still having to feed other children and show up and pretend you’re okay, and then to find out someone did that deliberately. Someone who ate in your house and smiled in your face. That kind of apology doesn’t cover that. It was an apology she gave because she had no other option, not because she was genuinely sorry. My mum knows the difference.

Does your aunt understand the full weight of what she did?

I don’t think so. I think she understands that she got caught and that it came back to her. Whether she actually feels the weight of what she put my family through, I doubt it. People like that usually don’t. The remorse is about consequences, not about the harm itself.

Do you think the debt has been paid?

I do. My aunt has done terrible things to almost every successful sibling she has, and she is still reaping all of it. Her life is the evidence. So yes, I think the scales have balanced. Good riddance, honestly.

If you could sit across from her today and say one thing, what would it be?

Frankly? Fuck you.

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*Names have been changed.

Table of contents

To culminate Women鈥檚 History Month, we鈥檙e acknowledging Nigerian women who have carried the culture, economy, standard and momentum on their backs from March 2025 until now.

Using the same rigorous methodology as the 91大神 Culture List, we鈥檝e curated 50 names that defined the zeitgeist. This isn鈥檛 a participation trophy; it鈥檚 a record of who owned the year. We鈥檙e giving them their flowers, but this time we’re not doing it alone.

We鈥檝e picked the 50 nominees who defined the year; now you decide who takes the crown for the 91大神 Women of the Year & Audience Choice Awards 2026.

, for each category listed out below and keep an eye out for the winners after they’re announced on the !

1) The Blueprint: Business & Entrepreneurship

These are the architects of the economy. The CEOs, founders, and corporate titans who are scaling pan-African businesses, securing major funding, or running the most influential consumer brands in the country.

Audrey Joe-Ezigbo

The veteran architect of Nigeria鈥檚 energy future. In October 2025, Audrey Joe-Ezigbo was honoured with the prestigious AWIEF Lifetime Achievement Award. This was for her three decades of leadership at Falcon Corporation. She now prepares to transition into her role as CEO. Her impact remains a cornerstone of the natural gas industry and a blueprint for female executive excellence in high-stakes sectors.

Ife Durosinmi-Etti

In 2025, Ife made global history as Herconomy became the first Nigerian fintech to win three Silver Lions at the Cannes Lions Festival. She won this for her groundbreaking Breastmilk Money initiative. Her 2025/2026 run has been defined by a masterclass in scaling. She transitioned her platform from a community of women into a high-impact fintech that turns domestic care into investable capital. She is a 2025 JCI TOYP honouree and lead partner for the 2026 Under 40 CEOs HerStage. Ife has bridged the gap between social advocacy and hard finance. This has created the definitive blueprint for how the next generation of African women can own their economic power.

Dr. Ola Brown

The primary catalyst for African venture capital. Through HealthCap Africa, Dr Brown spent 2025 scaling investments into high-impact fintech and healthtech startups. Her portfolio is now valued at over $700 million. Her 2025 book, Journey to Series A, has become the definitive manual for African founders navigating the current global funding winter.

Adeife Adeoye

The pioneer of the remote work revolution. In May 2025, Adeife transitioned RemoteWorkHER and Hercademy from digital communities into a physical powerhouse by opening their first headquarters in Lagos. Over the past year, she has scaled her ecosystem to support over 150,000 women, providing the infrastructure and technical training they need to compete in the global remote economy.

Adesuwa Okunbo Rhodes

The trailblazer of gender-lens investing in Africa. In 2025, Adesuwa was named PE Person of the Year at the Private Equity Africa Awards in London and Under 40 CEO of the Year at the Peak Performer Awards. As the founder of Aruwa Capital, she has spent the last 12 months aggressively deploying capital into female-led businesses. This is effectively reshaping how institutional wealth is allocated across the continent.

2) The Essence: Wellness & Beauty

These are the women providing the building blocks for our peace and our glow. This award celebrates the mental health advocates who keep us grounded and the beauty experts who ensure our bodies thrive.

Amanda Iheme

In March 2025, her clinic, ND峄奃峄�, was officially named “Most Compassionate Mental Health Support Service 鈥� Nigeria” by the MEA Business Awards. Throughout 2024 and 2025, Amanda has been recognised as a “Wellness Pioneer” by Marie Claire for fusing tradition with modern innovation. Her groundbreaking research through the 2024 G.A.S. Fellowship and her clinic鈥檚 hybrid virtual care model have expanded mental health access to over 10,000 patients. This has set the global standard for technology-based healthcare in Nigeria.

Subuola Oyeleye

In 2025, Subuola transformed The Beauty Hut Africa into a critical economic shock-absorber for the sector. By launching an innovative wholesale platform that stabilised retail prices for small beauty businesses amidst Nigeria鈥檚 2025 exchange rate fluctuations, she ensured the survival of thousands of female-led micro-enterprises while maintaining the country鈥檚 access to global skincare standards.

Priscilla Ojo

Crowned Top Beauty Influencer in Nairobi (Oct 2025), Priscilla successfully scaled her brand, PriscyLuxe, into an international powerhouse. Her 2025/2026 window was defined by a landmark international pop-up in Toronto and being named among the 100 Most Impactful Influencers of 2025, proving that African digital creators can command luxury retail markets on a global scale.

Joycee Awosika

In 2025, Joycee celebrated the OR脥K脤 Group’s 10th anniversary with a massive technical expansion. Beyond launching new luxury spa centres in Lagos, she pioneered the Unwind by OR脥K脤 tech platform, which scaled on-demand mobile wellness services nationwide and into international markets, making luxury wellness accessible through a digital-first approach.

Dr. Gbonjubola Abiri 

Dr Gbonjubola Abiri is a consultant psychiatrist, mental health advocate and organisational wellness expert committed to improving emotional well-being across communities and workplaces. In 2025, she was appointed as the COO of the ASIDO Foundation in addition to her role as Director of Women鈥檚 Mental Health. Through her clinical work, public speaking, media engagements, and leadership, she has championed mental health awareness, reduced stigma, and promoted access to care in Nigeria.

She writes a weekly mental health column in Allure Vanguard, translating complex psychological issues into relatable everyday stories. Known affectionately as Aunty Ramo, she connects warmly with the public through media and community engagement, offering practical tools for resilience and emotional wellness. Her work continues to shape conversations around mental wellness, helping individuals and institutions prioritise healthier minds, stronger relationships, and more compassionate communities.

3) The Main Character: Film & TV

These are the women who owned our screens. This award celebrates the actresses, directors, and producers who drove the year’s biggest cultural conversations, global streaming hits, and cinematic moments.

Funke Akindele

Funke Akindele, the undisputed聽Box Office Queen, solidified her legendary status in late 2025 by shattering industry records with the release of聽. The film made history as the first Nollywood production to cross the聽鈧�2 billion mark, eventually grossing over聽鈧�2.7 billion, completing an unprecedented billion-naira hat-trick alongside her previous hits,聽A Tribe Called Judah听补苍诲听Everybody Loves Jenifa.聽Akindele continues to redefine African cinema, proving an unmatched ability to craft commercially dominant, culture-shifting stories that resonate with millions globally.

Bimbo Ademoye

The digital screen鈥檚 most unavoidable star. In 2025, she surpassed 1.25M YouTube subscribers, using her self-produced web series to bridge the gap between traditional Nollywood and the creator economy, while delivering standout performances in the year鈥檚 biggest streaming hits.

Wunmi Mosaku

Between March 2025 and 2026, Wunmi achieved a historic level of critical and commercial dominance for her role as Annie in Ryan Coogler鈥檚 Sinners. Her year was defined by a record-breaking sweep, starting with Outstanding Supporting Performance at the Gotham Awards (Dec 2025) and culminating in wins for Best Supporting Actress from the African-American Film Critics Association (AAFCA) and the Seattle Film Critics Society. Her run reached its peak on February 22, 2026, when she made history as the first Black British actress to win the BAFTA for Best Supporting Actress. Currently an Oscar nominee, her performance has been hailed as the decade’s definitive cinematic milestone.

Uzoamaka Power

The face of prestigious African cinema. In 2025, she delivered a masterclass as both director and lead actor in the critically acclaimed My Body, God鈥檚 Temple and featured prominently in the international festival favourite My Father鈥檚 Shadow.

Bolanle Austen-Peters

The architect of the modern African epic. In 2025, she directed the Netflix global hit House of Ga’a, redefining the scale and technical ambition of Nigerian historical dramas and solidifying her role as a powerhouse producer for the global stage.

Main characters don鈥檛 skip out on HERtitude tickets. Not when the Winners of the WOTYAs will be announced there! Get your tickets here:  

4) Music: The Headliner

These are the artists, producers, and label execs defining the global sound. Whether she鈥檚 on the mic or running the boardroom, she鈥檚 the reason the world is listening to us right now.

Ayra Starr

The undisputed Sabi Girl of the year. Despite the lack of a full-length album in 2025, Ayra Starr maintained an iron grip on the global charts through sheer single power. Her year was defined by a historic double win at the 2025 MOBO Awards and taking home Best International Act at the 2025 BET Awards. Between March 2025 and March 2026, she delivered a relentless run of back-to-back hits including the Rema-assisted Who鈥檚 Dat Girl (45M+ plays), the summer anthem Hot Body (31M+ plays), and the viral December 2025 smash On A Low. Entering 2026 with a Grammy nomination for Gimme Dat (ft. Wizkid), she remains Nigeria鈥檚 most high-velocity cultural exporter.

Tems

A year of global ascension and firsts. In 2025, Tems released her long-awaited, critically acclaimed debut studio album Born in the Wild, which became the highest-charting album by a Nigerian female artist in US history. She swept the 2025 Grammy Awards, winning Best African Music Performance for Love Me JeJe, and made history in early 2026 as the first Nigerian woman to secure a #1 single on the UK Official Charts with the Dave collaboration, Raindance.

Aniko

As the founder of Group Therapy, Aniko transformed underground electronic music into a mainstream cultural bridge. In April 2025, she led the landmark Group Therapy x Boiler Room showcase in Lagos, which validated the Nigerian electronic scene on a global stage. Throughout 2025, she successfully scaled the brand to London and Accra, while her KlubAniko residency redefined the technical and inclusive standards of Nigerian nightlife.

Director Pink

In 2025, Director Pink won Music Video of the Year at the 17th Headies for her work on Egwu, cementing her status as the industry鈥檚 most sought-after director. Beyond her lens, her impact was defined by the 2025 expansion of the PinkLine Academy, a filmmaking initiative that has provided technical training and access to equipment to hundreds of aspiring female directors across West Africa.

Qing Madi 

In January 2026, Qing Madi was crowned Most Promising Artiste of the Year at AFRIMA, a milestone that capped a 12-month run of absolute sonic dominance. Her debut album, I Am The Blueprint (January 2025), repositioned her from a viral sensation into a sophisticated global powerhouse, blending Afro-Soul and R&B with a vocal maturity far beyond her years. As Spotify鈥檚 EQUAL Africa Artist, her 2025/2026 run has established her as the primary architect of the next era of Afropop, proving she is a headliner in every sense of the word.

5) The Gamechanger: Tech & STEM

These are the innovators building the future. This award celebrates the founders, engineers, and researchers solving real-world problems through code, hardware, and scalable digital infrastructure.

Adora Nwodo

Adora Nwodo has solidified her status as a premier engineering leader and a vital bridge-builder for the next generation of African tech talent. By 2025, she transitioned into a Software Engineering Manager role at a global platform, overseeing complex cloud and platform engineering teams. Her literary impact also reached new heights with the 2025 release of her AZ-204 Study Guide via O’Reilly Media, marking her seventh book in a bibliography that began with her 2021 bestseller, Cloud Engineering for Beginners. 

Through her social enterprise, , she spent the last year scaling programs that provide simulated work experience to thousands of aspiring engineers. In January 2025, she launched a landmark Simulated Work Experience Bootcamp to equip developers and designers with real-world project experience. These efforts, combined with her ongoing laptop sharing initiatives, have earned her global recognition, including the  for Excellence in Software Development

Oluremi Martins

The pioneer of beauty-manufacturing tech. As the founder of Regirl and Texture Science Labs, Oluremi spent 2025 re-engineering the supply chain for Afro-textured hair. By utilising tech-enabled manufacturing and standardised lab processes, she has successfully scaled Made-in-Nigeria beauty solutions to over 70 countries, proving that African hardware and manufacturing can meet global luxury standards.

Adeola Ayoola

The architect of digital health infrastructure. In early 2026, Adeola was named a Top 10 Global Finalist for the Aurora Tech Award for her work with Famasi Africa. Over the last year, she scaled Remi, a proprietary AI agent that manages patient triage and predicts medication stock-outs, ensuring that over 20,000 patients across 10 Nigerian states never miss a life-saving refill.

Oluwatosin Olaseinde

The leading voice for digital financial inclusion. In November 2025, Oluwatosin was appointed to the World Economic Forum鈥檚 Global Future Council on Financial Education, a historic win for African representation. Through Money Africa and Ladda, she has utilised ed-tech to equip over 200,000 women with the digital tools and literacy needed to navigate Nigeria鈥檚 2025 economic shifts.

Yanmo Omorogbe

As the Co-Founder and COO of Bamboo, Yanmo led the platform’s 2025 expansion into Nigerian Stocks and Fixed-Income assets, effectively democratizing investment for over 100,000 active users. Her work in 2025, partnering with regulators to enable T+0 settlements, has removed the traditional friction for first-time female investors across the continent.

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6) The Force: Advocacy & Social Impact

These are the activists and policy-shapers holding power accountable. This award celebrates the women who aren’t just voices, but movements fighting for justice, systemic change, and the protection of the vulnerable.

Dorothy Njemanze

Dorothy Njemanze is a powerhouse Nigerian activist and filmmaker who has become a primary shield for women鈥檚 rights within the National Assembly. Throughout 2025, she was a  in the high-stakes advocacy that successfully prevented the repeal of the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act (VAPP). Beyond her legislative defence, she spent the year scaling her foundation鈥檚 impact, launching a  designed to dismantle structural barriers facing female leaders across Nigeria鈥檚 security, political, and economic sectors.

Her momentum has continued into 2026, with her serving as a panellist at the International Women’s Day event hosted by the Federal Ministry of Justice to address systemic barriers in justice pathways. Following critical radio advocacy on the Ozoro Festival, she is now focused on a significant shelter crisis. As of early 2026, the Dorothy Njemanze Foundation (DNF) is actively  to secure a new crisis and transitional shelter, a move essential to preventing the closure of their current facility and ensuring survivors maintain access to a safe haven.

Maryam Bukar Hassan

In July 2025, Maryam Bukar Hassan (Alhanislam) was appointed the  under the . Utilising her , she has spent the last year on the frontlines of digital and grassroots advocacy, championing the leadership of women and youth in peace processes across Northern Nigeria and on the world鈥檚 most prestigious diplomatic stages, including the . 

Her impact reached a historic peak in February 2026, when she became the  during the opening ceremony of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympics. As a Flag Bearer of Peace, she continues to bridge the gap between grassroots activism and global diplomacy, proving that  necessary to change the world.

Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan

Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan has emerged as a  and a bold voice for industrial transparency within the 10th National Assembly. In early 2026, she was named the 2025 Plenary Person of the Year for her relentless pursuit of mining-sector reforms and her advocacy for  for Nigerian content creators. Her leadership style centres on high-impact, gender-inclusive governance that demands structural change and economic equity. 

Between March 2025 and March 2026, she solidified her reputation as the Queen of Legacy Projects by delivering historic infrastructure and digital learning milestones across Kogi Central. This period saw the distribution of  to public schools and the commissioning of  across five local government areas. Additionally, her  empowered over 100 constituents with electric vehicles, proving that transparent, community-focused representation can effectively drive sustainable local development.

Oby Ezekwesili

The global gold standard for integrity. In December 2025, Dr Ezekwesili was honoured in Doha, Qatar, as a joint winner of the International Anti-Corruption Excellence Award (Lifetime Achievement). As the leader of the SPPG, she spent the “Her” window training a new vanguard of over 1,000 ethical leaders, ensuring that the fight for civic accountability remains a sustainable, institutional movement across the continent.

Khadijah Okunnu-Lamidi

The architect of future-focused female leadership. In 2025, Khadijah represented Nigeria at the Global Women Leaders Summit at Georgetown University, where she was instrumental in launching the Women Changemakers Initiative. Over the past 12 months, she has utilised this global mentorship and knowledge-exchange platform to accelerate gender inclusion in public policy, bridging the gap between grassroots advocacy and international political leadership.

7) The Storyteller: Media & Literature

These are the journalists, authors, and podcasters who documented our lives this year. This award celebrates the women who controlled the narrative, gave us the words we didn’t know we needed, and redefined the commercial scale of African storytelling.

FK & Jola (ISWIS)

In 2025, FK Abudu and Jola Ayeye transformed I Said What I Said into a global touring phenomenon, selling out The Bounce Live Tour across London, New York, and Toronto. By launching the Sub-Standard Newsletter and celebrating their 8th anniversary with a landmark karaoke residency, the duo spent the last year proving that African podcasting can achieve the commercial and cultural scale of mainstream entertainment.

Eloghosa Osunde

Eloghosa Osunde is an essential cultural critic and author whose distinct storytelling style bridges the gap between literature and visual art. With her 2025 release, Necessary Fiction, she has continued to influence global literary circles, proving that order is not a priority in her quest to precisely capture the overlapping realisms of the African experience.

Chinasa Anukam

In 2025, Chinasa’s hit interview series, Is This Seat Taken?, achieved new heights of cultural relevance during its fifth season. By bridging the gap between high-end talk show production and raw, digital-first authenticity, she has spent the past year redefining the celebrity interview format, making it the most coveted seat in the Nigerian entertainment space.

Hauwa Shaffii Nuhu

Hauwa Shaffii Nuhu is a leading bridge between grassroots reporting and ethical leadership. As the , she spent 2025 investigating the human cost of conflict, earning recognition as a  and a runner-up for Best SGBV Reporting at the CJID Excellence in Journalism Awards. Her work continues to provide a vital platform for , utilising deeply human narratives to bring national and global attention to systemic failures and the resilience of women in the Sahel.

Tobi Ayeni (MissTechy)

The definitive storyteller of the digital age. In 2025, Tobi Ayeni received the Lord鈥檚 Achievers Award for Content Creation and represented Africa at the UNESCO-UNEVOC Global Forum. By breaking down complex technologies into accessible, stylish, and bite-sized content, she has spent the last 12 months ensuring that the average Nigerian woman is not just a consumer of technology but an empowered participant in the digital future.

8) The MVP: Sports

These are the record-breakers and history-makers. This award celebrates the athletes who represented the continent on the global stage and left everything on the field, court, or track.

Favour Ofili

The fastest woman over 150m in history. In May 2025, at the Adidas Atlanta City Games, Favour Ofili delivered a performance for the ages, shattering the world record with a time of 15.85s. By becoming the first woman in history to run the distance in under 16 seconds, she has solidified her status as the new face of global sprinting and a primary contender for every podium in the 2026 season.

Rena Wakama

The tactical mastermind behind Africa’s basketball dynasty. In August 2025, Rena Wakama led D鈥橳igress to a historic fifth consecutive AfroBasket title in Abidjan, defeating Mali 78鈥�64. As the first female head coach to win the tournament, her leadership not only secured Nigeria鈥檚 seventh overall title but also earned her the Best Coach honours and a guaranteed spot for the team on the 2026 global stage.

Rasheedat Ajibade

The heartbeat of the Super Falcons. In November 2025, Rasheedat was named to the final three-woman shortlist for the CAF Women鈥檚 Player of the Year. Throughout 2025, her elite leadership and clinical versatility were pivotal to Nigeria鈥檚 record-extending continental triumph, during which she was also named the WAFCON 2025 Best Player.

Chiamaka Nnadozie

The undisputed best goalkeeper in the world. In September 2025, Chiamaka was ranked 4th for the Women’s Yashin Trophy at the Ballon d鈥橭r awards in Paris鈥攖he highest ever ranking for an African keeper. Her last year was defined by leading the Super Falcons to their 10th WAFCON title in July 2025, where she was officially crowned the tournament’s Best Goalkeeper.

Tobi Amusan

The resilient queen of the hurdles. After a challenging start to the year, Tobi Amusan roared back to the global podium in September 2025, clinching the Silver Medal in the 100m hurdles at the World Athletics Championships in Tokyo. Ending the year as the 3rd-ranked hurdler in the world, her 2025/2026 run is a blueprint for elite endurance and world-class recovery.

Next Read: The Full State Of Love Report 2026

9) The Muse: Fashion & Style

These are the visual storytellers and aesthetic icons. This award celebrates the designers, models, and muses who translated our culture into couture and made the world look at us with awe.

Veekee James

The undisputed director of the 2025 red carpet. Veekee James achieved a historic milestone at the 2025 AMVCAs, where her custom-sculpted couture dominated every Best Dressed conversation. Her year was defined by a relentless series of viral trends and the launch of high-impact bridal and evening wear collections that solidified her status as Nigeria鈥檚 most influential contemporary couturier.

Kanyinsola Onalaja

The global face of Nigerian craftsmanship. In October 2025, Kanyinsola opened Lagos Fashion Week with her “Marked” (SS26) collection. Throughout the year, her signature beadwork and 3D textures moved from the runway to the world stage, dressing international icons and securing her brand鈥檚 place in the most prestigious global luxury stockists.

Renike Olusanya

In 2025, Renike (Morenike Olusanya) achieved a historic milestone as a JCI Ten Outstanding Young Person honouree for her cultural achievements. Her year was defined by a massive dual impact: while her visual storytelling reimagined the identity of the modern African woman through global collaborations with brands like Dark & Lovely and Hulu, she simultaneously scaled her fashion brand, Bawsty, into a reference point for size-inclusive luxury. By fusing her technical artistic skill with business acumen, she has spent the last 12 months proving that the modern muse is also a visionary founder, redefining fit and representation for fuller-busted women across the continent.

Lisa Folawiyo

In 2025, Lisa Folawiyo was celebrated as the Marie Claire Power Issue cover star, a recognition of her twenty-year legacy in redefining Ankara through intricate hand-beading. Over the last 12 months, she has expanded her global retail footprint and continued to serve as the industry’s north star for sophisticated, culturally-rooted design.

Naomi Gbinije

The definitive supermodel of the era. 2025 marked Naomi’s official transition from a seasoned pro to a global muse. As the primary face of Andrea Iyamah and the standout star of Lagos Fashion Week 2025, she has spent the last 12 months setting the professional standard for African modelling on the world stage.

10) The Breakout 

These are the women who weren’t on the mainstream radar 12 months ago but have since become unavoidable, brilliant, and the ones to watch. This award celebrates those who made the most significant entrance into the cultural consciousness this year.

Political Baby

The definitive Baddie Scholar of the year. In 2025, she transitioned from a niche creator into a powerhouse video essayist, garnering over 10 million views for her sharp, high-production deep dives into the intersection of Nigerian pop culture and politics. Her work has redefined digital commentary, making complex sociopolitical analysis both viral and aspirational for a new generation of thinkers.

Bagetti

The historic first lady of Jonzing World. In 2025, Bagetti evolved from a highly anticipated signee into a formidable chart presence, successfully carrying the mantle as the first female artist from the label that launched Rema and Ruger. With the viral success of her debut EP New Dawn and the standout anthem Hard Girl, her 2025/2026 run, highlighted by global radio play on SiriusXM and high-energy live showcases, has established her as the new blueprint for female Afropop dominance.

Esther Okoronkwo

The Super Falcons鈥� most lethal new weapon. In July 2025, Esther emerged as the breakout MVP of the Women鈥檚 Africa Cup of Nations (WAFCON), scoring decisive goals in the quarter-finals and the final to secure Nigeria鈥檚 10th continental title. Her composure and big-game temperament earned her the Fans鈥� Player of the Tournament award, marking the most explosive debut year for a Nigerian striker in a decade.

Uzoamaka Power

Returning to the list for a second time and earning a double nomination, 2025 marked the official coronation of Uzoamaka鈥檚 Power era. Transitioning from an indie darling to a global force, she earned Best Lead Actress nominations at the 2025 AMVCAs, featured in the Cannes-winning My Father鈥檚 Shadow, and made her landmark directorial debut with Siraam. Her evolution from a one-to-watch actress into a dominant writer-director is the definitive level-up of the year.

Salma Philips

In 2025, Salma Phillips executed the industry’s most significant pivot, co-founding the Arewa Tech Fest and launching the $50 Million Arewa Tech Fund to catalyse innovation in Northern Nigeria. By bridging her media legacy with deep-tech advocacy, she has spent the last year as a UNESCO Ambassador and the primary driver of a movement designed to put Northern women at the forefront of the global digital economy.

HERtitude is turning 5 this April and your salary just dropped. Coincidence? Absolutely not. That鈥檚 destiny. Secure your tickets here:  

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

Sarah*, 26, was a model student at her secondary school, the kind teachers put forward for debates and trusted with prefect positions, until a teacher started harassing her, and the school that was supposed to protect her became one of the most unsafe places she’d ever been. She figured out how to survive it mostly on her own. She’s still figuring out what to do with that. This is what she said.

TW: Sexual assault, Self-harm

Tell us who you are

My name is Sarah, I’m 26. I’m a client and marketing manager, Lagos born and bred, still here. When I’m not working, I’m watching movies, listening to music, and hanging out with my friends. I love creating content too, still learning, but I enjoy it.

What made you want to tell this story?

I think I just got tired of carrying it quietly. It’s one of those things that shaped so much of who I became, and most people around me don’t fully know what happened. I thought, why not just say it.

Take me back to secondary school. What were you like?

I was a good student. Like genuinely, I cared about school. I was the kind of person teachers put forward for things like debates and leadership. I was a girls’ hostel prefect. The school’s director, who was a pastor, saw me as this perfect girl and was proud of me for it. I liked being that person. I worked for it. Then everything changed.

When did things start to change?

There was a teacher. I’ll call him Mr D. He started by touching me inappropriately. This wasn’t even the first time something like this had happened to me. He was always caressing my lap. It happened when teachers weren’t around, and the school was quiet. He’d send another student to come and call me, and you can’t disrespect a teacher, so you go. And when I was there, I’d just freeze. I don’t know how to explain it except that I couldn’t move or speak. Like my body just stopped working. It went on like that for a while.

Why didn’t you tell anyone?

Who was I going to tell? All my teachers were male. And I’d seen male teachers dating students in that school, so what were my chances that if I spoke to one of them, they wouldn’t cover for him or make it worse? The person who was supposed to be protecting me was the one doing it. That’s the thing people don’t understand: when the threat is coming from someone with authority over you, there’s nobody to report to. You’re just stuck.

How long did it go on?

I started finding ways to avoid him. If someone came to call me, I’d say I wasn’t there. It worked for a while. Then one day, I was looking for a different teacher. I didn’t see whoever he’d sent to call me, and he found me directly. He tried to finger me right there, and I screamed and ran. After that, I avoided him even harder. He eventually stopped coming to the school. I don’t know what happened, and I was so relieved. Even then, if I saw someone who looked like him, I’d freeze. If his name came up in conversation, my mood would just drop immediately. But at least he wasn’t physically there.

What happened next?

He came back in SS2. I was on the school compound on a Saturday, and lessons were done. Someone told me he’d been there earlier and already left, and I was happy. Then I came out of one of the buildings, and he was just there. I froze on the spot. My friends were asking me why I was standing there looking like that, and I couldn’t explain it.

He said he wanted to apologise. He said he wanted to talk to me privately. And I made a mistake I’ve thought about many times since then. I was very forgiving when I was young, almost to a fault. I always thought the best of people. I always wanted peace, so I went with him to hear what he had to say. We were at the back of the school building, where there was a dry fishing pond. And he grabbed me.

What?

He grabbed me and started touching me. I tried to scream, and he covered my mouth. He pushed me to the ground, tore my shirt, and tried to penetrate me. I was a virgin, and I kept struggling, and eventually my voice got loud enough that he stopped and left. He didn’t get what he wanted, but I was on the ground, shirt torn, crying, shaking. I kept thinking, what did I do for this to happen to me? I felt stupid and angry, and I had nobody to call.

What did you do after he left?

I was screaming. I found a bottle somewhere, and I broke it. I wanted to stab my stomach, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, so I started cutting my hand with the broken glass instead. Then I went to the hostel to get a knife and went back and stabbed my hand badly. I still have the scar. I was bleeding, and I think that’s when someone found me.

Do you remember what was going through your head in that moment?

I just wanted it to stop. All of it. I didn’t know how to make it stop any other way. I couldn’t run home, there was no means to get there. I couldn’t talk to anyone. I’d been holding all of it alone for so long, and something just broke that day.

What happened after they found you?

They had me write everything down. Every day I’d go and write what happened and how I was feeling. Questions were asked of other students, and it became a big thing around the school. Some teachers became more caring towards me after that. They arrested him. They called me from the hostel to come and see when they did it. And then they let him go.

They let him go?

They let him go. I don’t know the full reason, but my feeling is they didn’t want a scandal for the school. And after everything, he still came back. He’d come around during the holidays because he had a friend who lived near the school, and he’d try to talk to me, tell me he’d changed, try to touch me. It just kept going.

I don鈥檛 know how he even got my number, maybe from a friend or a colleague, but he would text me sometimes, just 鈥渉i,鈥� trying to start conversations. At some point, I told him very clearly that if he ever contacted me again, I would get boys to beat him up, and I meant it. I told him to stay away from me because I didn鈥檛 mind bringing everything back up and getting him arrested again.

And the school director, the one who was so proud of you before, how did he respond to all of this?

That was its own thing. After everything came out, he turned on me completely. Before this, he was proud of me; he was always putting me forward for things. After this, he punished me for everything. If other students did something and got let off, I’d be beaten, flogged, called ashawo, and called useless. He’d do it in front of people on purpose. One time, he called me in front of a parent and just started telling them everything, calling me names, saying I was sleeping with a teacher. I was 13 or 14. I was so angry, I just walked away from them. He called me back and slapped me so hard I couldn’t hear properly for two days. The school was three floors, and people at the top could hear the slap.

He was a pastor. He had all these rules about boys and girls not being seen together. And this is how he treated a child who had been assaulted by a man he employed.

Did you tell your parents any of this?

No. They were barely around, my dad especially. My mum was strict, so it made it hard to open up to her. We only had two or three weeks’ holiday at a time, and even then, how do you summon the courage to say something like that in that window of time to someone you’re scared of? When she eventually heard and asked me why I hadn’t told her, I didn’t have a clean answer. But I also feel like a mother should notice when her child isn’t comfortable. There were signs. I was shutting down, my behaviour was changing. Nobody asked why.

You mentioned this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened to you.

No. When I was about five or six, a family member harassed me. I didn’t talk about it then either. When I finally told my mum about it much later, she spoke to that family member directly, which meant I had to deal with that family member asking me if I was sure it happened, if I was still angry at him, basically treating me like I was lying. Even when a prayer pastor was told, nothing was done. So by the time secondary school happened, I already had a blueprint for how this was going to go. You speak, nothing happens, you just have to deal.

How did it start affecting you in ways other people could see?

I became very aggressive, especially towards boys. I slashed a classmate’s face with a blade once in literature class because he touched me. Another time, I tried to stab a classmate with a biro because he was tickling me and being loud with me. I knew what I was doing wasn’t okay, but I couldn’t control it. Any physical contact from a male, and something in me just went. My mood was different; I stopped being the jovial person I used to be. I kept to myself. It was also around this time that I started noticing I had a liking for girls, not romantically, just that being around them felt safer. I don’t fully know how to explain it.

Without therapy, without anyone to talk to, how did you actually get through each day?

Books mostly. Movies. Any time the thoughts would start coming, I’d reach for something to put in my head instead. I read a lot of the Bible during that period, and I cried a lot doing it. It sounds simple, but it was genuinely what kept me functional.

I also wrote a lot. I had a diary then, and I would write everything down. If I couldn鈥檛 write during the week, on Saturdays I would replay everything that happened and write it all down. I even had a separate journal where I wrote Bible verses and prayers, asking God to heal me. That process, writing and praying, was how I started to heal gradually.

After secondary school, if anything bad happened to me, I would go back to that trauma mentally. It would feel like a cycle, like a replay. Sometimes I would self-harm again, cutting myself on my legs or hands. Eventually, I just kept praying for healing because it felt like no one else was helping me. Most people around me had already moved on or forgotten, so it was just me trying to find a way out of it.

I’m also someone who physically gets sick when I cry too much, so at some point, I made a decision that I was not going to let myself spiral because my body couldn’t handle it. I would forgive, I would move forward, I would just get on with it. A lot of people would find that hard to believe, but for me, it was survival. Sitting in the pain wasn’t going to save me. Finding an escape was.

What does your relationship with all of this look like now?

I’m okay. I mean that genuinely, not in a brushing it off way. I’ve made peace with most of it.

I don鈥檛 know when I stopped repressing certain feelings, but now, when I think about it, I get emotional. Some days I even feel like finding the book I wrote everything in and reading it again, but my mum hid it. Maybe part of me just wants to fully face it, or maybe to finally forget it properly.

My headspace is better than before. I still forgive, but not like I used to. Now I have doubts. I鈥檓 more observant, and once I see something, there鈥檚 nothing anyone can say to make me trust them again. I just want to be at peace with myself.

I hate rapists so much. I don鈥檛 even engage when I see rape cases online because it triggers me. I just avoid it completely.

The parts that still sting are mostly about the people who should have protected me and didn’t, my parents for not noticing, the school for protecting itself instead of me, and the family that questioned me instead of believing me. Those are the parts I still sit with sometimes.

If you could talk to the version of yourself that was on the ground behind that school building, what would you say to her?

I’d tell her it’s not her fault. None of it. Not the trusting someone who said sorry, not the freezing when she should have run, not any of it. She was a child, and she was let down by every adult who was supposed to keep her safe. That’s not something she did wrong.

I鈥檇 also tell her that she survived. Even with everything, she survived. She鈥檚 not weak. I鈥檝e always been a strong person, and she was strong even then. I鈥檒l never stop being a strong babe, still a friendly person, still a fighter.

What do you want someone reading this to take away?

If you’re in it right now, find your escape, whatever keeps you moving. And know that healing doesn’t have to look like therapy or talking about it until you’re raw. Sometimes it looks like survival first and understanding later. Both are valid. You’re allowed to just get through it however you can.

And if you don鈥檛 have help or someone to talk to, the best thing you can do is try to find peace. Find things that bring you happiness, things that help you grow. Find comfort in what you love. Love yourself, love your body, even when you don鈥檛 feel good enough.

For me, I became so passionate about the things I loved that I slowly stopped focusing on what happened to me. You can try therapy, you can confide in people you trust, but also know that healing can start in small, personal ways.

I hope you find healing. I still have moments where I want to cry when I think about everything, but I also know now that I鈥檓 stronger.

*Names have been changed.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the aftermath of sexual violence, the WARIF helpline is available at 08000 930 000. If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out to Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) at hello@mani.ng

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

Ebi*, 26, joined a PR firm fresh off her master’s degree and spent over a year there before a charming, softly-spoken colleague decided she was his next project. He pursued her methodically, chipped away at her walls one conversation at a time, and by the time she found out he had a long-term girlfriend, and was also seeing another woman in the same office, the three of them had already started talking. This is what she said.

Can you introduce yourself?

I’m Ebi, I’m 26. I grew up in Port Harcourt, but I’ve been in Lagos for a while now, since NYSC, really. Well, with a detour for my master’s abroad in between. Came back, got a job at a PR firm, and I’ve been there a couple of years now. Lagos is home at this point.

How have you found it, settling into the job?

It took time. I’m not the most immediately open person; I warm up slowly, so the first few months were just me figuring out the terrain. Who’s who, how things work, where I fit. But I’d found my footing well before any of what I am about to share happened. I knew who I liked, who I didn’t, who to have lunch with and who to just greet and keep moving. I was also seeing someone at the time, so my head wasn’t really available for anything else.

When did that change?

There’s this guy in a different department; we’d cross paths sometimes and work on things together occasionally. I knew him the way you know most people at a mid-sized company. At some point, he just started showing up more. In my space, in my conversations, more than he needed to. I noticed it, but I didn’t really clock what it was at first.

What did that look like up close?

He’s very good with words. He鈥檚 not loud or showy; he speaks quietly, and he looks at you like you’re the only person in the room. He had this thing he always did, where he’d say, “I know you, I see you,” like he fully understood you. Sometimes he made me feel like he was seeing something in you that other people had missed. And honestly, it feels good when someone pays you that kind of attention, so I wasn’t immediately on guard or anything.

He also knew I was with someone, and he made it into a thing. He’d say stuff like I’ll steal you very casually and confidently, like it was going to happen regardless. I’d laugh it off, but I was registering it. He was persistent. It wasn鈥檛 aggressive, just constant. And he always presented himself as very conservative and rooted in his faith. I noted it but didn’t think much of it at the time.

Did he ever get through to you?

Yes, but it took a while. I wasn’t just swept off my feet in a week; it was gradual. He was patient. There were weeks where I’d pull back, and he’d just wait, then show up again as if nothing happened. Eventually, you start to meet someone where they are because the resistance gets tiring. You start thinking, okay, maybe I’m being unnecessarily guarded.

What helped him was that he was genuinely interesting to talk to. I’m not going to sit here and say there was nothing there because that would be a lie. He read a lot, he had opinions, and his conversations didn’t feel like small talk. He asked me real questions, and then he’d remember what I said and bring it up later. Things that make you feel like someone is actually paying attention to who you are. I think that’s what made it work. It didn鈥檛 feel like flattery; it felt like interest.

At some point, I realised my walls had come down, and I wasn’t entirely sure when it had happened.

You mentioned his faith. Did that become a thing?

It came out in this weird way. We’d been talking more by then. I had been to his place, and one day he’d stayed over, and I woke up to him praying out loud right next to me. And then immediately trying to get me to join in, like that was just something we did. I’m lying there like, what is going on?

I grew up in the church, I know the whole thing, but I left it, and I’m fine with that. It’s not a sore spot; it’s just not my life anymore. But he kept asking questions about why I didn’t believe. And at some point, I caught myself quietly wondering, is something wrong with me for not being Christian anymore? Which is mad because I’d had zero confusion about it before he came along. That’s how much he’d gotten into my head.

Also Read: What鈥檚 It Like Being A First Daughter? A Psychologist and an Artist Weigh In

What was going on in your head during all of this, the pursuit, the growing feelings, all of it?

Honestly, I was having a full internal argument the entire time. Part of me was enjoying it; someone pursuing you with that kind of focus is not an unpleasant experience, I’m not going to pretend otherwise. But there was also this other part that was just quietly uneasy. Nothing specific I could grab and examine. Just a feeling that I kept deciding wasn’t loud enough to take seriously.

I’d catch small things. A vagueness about his weekend plans. A phone that was always face down. The way certain questions got answered with other questions. And I’d register it and then talk myself out of it every time. He’d say he was on and off with his girlfriend, that it was complicated, that I shouldn’t worry about it. And because I wanted to believe him, I did. That’s the honest version.

I think the religious thing contributed to it, weirdly enough. Not because it made me trust him more, exactly, but because it made me feel like I was the one being difficult. Like he’s sitting here praying and talking about God and being serious about faith, and I’m the one with the walls up and the questions. It quietly repositioned me as the problem in my own head. I only saw that clearly later.

What do you mean?

Well, the irony is, he was doing all this while actively deceiving multiple women. This man, who wanted to pray next to me, had a girlfriend he’d been with for years and was simultaneously involved with a woman we both worked with. But yes, very concerned about my relationship with God.

Wait, a woman at the same office?

Yes. Simi*. We’d always been cordial. She’s a bit shy, a bit awkward in that way where you can tell she’s warm once you get past it. We weren’t close, but there was no issue between us. I’d noticed at some point that she and this guy seemed to have some kind of energy, but I didn’t ask questions because he’d already told me they kissed once, and this was ages ago. He said it was nothing. I took that at face value because I had no reason to, or I told myself I didn’t.

How did you find out the truth?

One day at the office, Simi and I were just talking, actually properly bonding, the kind of conversation where you realise you should have been friends with this person from the start. It came out that I’d been to his place. That I was the person she’d seen coming and going. She’d caught a glimpse once, just never saw the face.

We both went quiet.

What happened after that?

We started comparing. When did this start for you? What did he say, did he do this, did he say that? And it became clear very fast that “we kissed once ages ago” was nowhere near the truth. They’d been ongoing the whole time he was pursuing me while he had a girlfriend.

He used the same lines on both of us, almost word for word. The “I know you” thing, the praying and then immediately pulling you into God talk, all of it. When she described it, I nearly laughed because it was so identical. It’s one thing to suspect someone is lying to you and another thing to sit across from someone and hear your experience coming back at you in a different mouth. That was a strange afternoon.

What were you feeling while all of this was coming out?

Honestly, less devastated than I expected. I think because I’d always had this quiet feeling that something wasn’t right. Nothing I could point to, just something I kept pushing down. So when everything came out, it was more like, oh, so that’s what that was. I was angry, but I wasn’t shocked. It felt like confirmation more than anything.

Simi had a harder time with it. She’d been in it longer, and she actually lived in the same compound as him; he’d helped her find the place. So her whole situation was more tangled; it wasn’t just ending something emotional, it was also practical. We sat with all of it for a few days before we decided we needed to contact his girlfriend. She deserved to know.

What was that like to decide?

It wasn’t easy. We went back and forth. There’s always a version of that conversation in your head where the girlfriend turns on you instead of him, where you become the villain of the story, and neither of us wanted that. But we also couldn’t just sit with what we knew and do nothing. So we reached out.

What was she like?

She came in very composed. Her first reaction was basically “I already knew.” And I understood it, that’s what you say when the information is too big to take in front of people you don’t know. But I didn’t believe it.

Did she eventually drop that?

Yes. Once the full picture came out, the timelines, how deliberate all of it was, the specific way he’d run the same script on multiple people at the same time, she couldn’t hold the I knew thing anymore. You could see her recalibrating in real time. She got angry. Properly angry. The words community dick were used at some point, and honestly, fair. That’s a reasonable place to land when you find out the person you’ve been with for years has been this calculated about it.

It got messy after that in the way these things do. There was a lot of back and forth, a lot of him trying to manage each of us separately once he knew we’d spoken, sending messages, doing damage control. That period was exhausting. You’re processing your own feelings and also watching someone try to spin a story in four different directions at once.

Did anything happen to him professionally?

HR got involved. I’ll leave it at that. Some things don’t need to be in the streets.

How were things at work after all of it?

Uncomfortable for a while. That’s the thing about workplace situations, you don’t just get to close the chapter and move on. You see the person. You see people who know. You have to decide every morning how you’re going to carry it when you walk through the door. I’m not someone who wears things on my face easily, so I managed, but it took energy. Energy I’d rather have been spending on literally anything else.

What do you think he actually wanted?

I’ve thought about it. I don’t think there was some big plan. I just think some men need women constantly choosing them, and he was good at making that happen. The whole thing, the intensity, the I see you, the religion, it’s all built to make you feel like you’re the exception. Like he looked at everyone else and then looked at you, and it was different. And when someone does that well, it works. He did it well.

The problem is that he was doing it to multiple people in the same building, which means eventually the women would talk. And when that happens, the whole thing falls apart immediately because it only works if everyone thinks they’re the only one.

You and Simi, where are you two now?

Close actually. Which is probably the only good thing that came out of any of this. She’s funny, she’s sharp, I like her a lot. We should have been friends before all of this. Better late than never.

What would you say to someone reading this who’s in their own version of this situation?

Trust the thing you keep pushing down. That feeling you’ve decided isn’t loud enough to act on, it knows something. And talk to the other women. I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but they usually have half of the story you’re missing. You deserve the full picture.

*Names have been changed.

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

Farida*, 34, moved into her older brother’s home at 29 to get her footing in a new city. What she didn’t expect was to fall into something with his wife.

Tell us about yourself.

My name is Farida, I’m 34, and I work in communications. I grew up in Abuja, but I’ve been in Germany for about two years now. It still surprises me sometimes when I say that out loud. Germany. Like, of all the places.

What was your family like growing up?

My parents were comfortable; we weren’t rolling in it, but we genuinely never lacked. We travelled, I went to good schools, life was fine. They had three of us: my older sister Zainab*, who’s 47 now; my brother Idris*, who’s 45; and me, the baby. There are sixteen years between Idris and I, which sounds like a lot, and it is, but it also means he always felt more like a second parent than a brother. In the best way, sha. He was never overbearing. He just showed up for me, financially, emotionally, whatever it was. When I needed school fees topped up, or I had a problem I didn’t want to bring to our parents, he was the one.

And your parents?

They passed within a couple of years of each other. My mum first, then my dad. I was in my early twenties when it happened. It was one of the hardest periods of my life, obviously. Idris stepped up even more after that. He made sure I knew I wasn’t alone. Zainab has always kind of lived in her own world. She loves us, but she’s not really the present type, never really around. So it was mostly Idris. The estate and everything they left behind were distributed among the three of us. I still have the family house in Abuja. I haven’t sold it. I don’t think I ever will.

So you and your brother were very close. It must have been nice.

Very. And the age gap, as I said, meant things between us were never strained the way sibling relationships with smaller gaps can get. I wasn’t competing with him for anything. He wasn’t trying to one-up me. It was just easy. He adored me, and I adored him, and it was one of those things I always just assumed would remain constant.

What happened?

I’d gotten a new job in Lagos. It was good with the best pay in my life at that time. I’d been going back and forth on it, though; I had a whole life in Abuja, my routines, my friends, but ultimately, the opportunity made sense. Idris was in Lagos with his wife, and his house wasn’t far from my office, so when I mentioned I was looking at places, he didn’t let me finish the sentence. He said I had five years with him if I wanted them, and even after that, I was welcome. That is just who he is.

This was a good thing, right?

Yes, and I was grateful. Rent in Lagos is diabolical. But I was also a bit apprehensive. 

Why?

I had not really spent much time with his wife. After they got married, I visited here and there, birthdays, things like that, but I was never one of those sisters-in-law who’s always in her brother’s house. Part of it was practical; I had my own life in Abuja. But honestly, part of it was Atinuke.*

There was something about her that always made me a little… I want to say ‘uncomfortable,’ but that’s not quite right either. She just unsettled me in a way I couldn’t name. She’s half Yoruba, half German, grew up a lot in Germany, very composed, very internal. She wasn鈥檛 warm in the way I was used to women showing warmth. She was just… still. And it used to read as coldness to me, and I just assumed we’d never really click. She’s also only four years older than me, at the time, 33 to my 29, which always felt a bit strange when I thought about it too hard. So I kept my visits short.

And when you moved in?

I basically set up my own little world. They had a boys’ quarters that was actually a proper self-contained apartment, its own entrance, its own kitchen, everything. I took that. So I was on the property, but I wasn’t in their faces, and they weren’t in mine. I saw Idris pretty much daily. A quick check-in, sometimes dinner, sometimes we’d just sit and talk. Atinuke, I barely saw. Which suited me, honestly.

So what changed?

Idris, ironically. He noticed that his wife and his sister basically coexisted without speaking, and it bothered him. He’s one of those people who needs the people he loves to love each other. So he started engineering small things, “Atinuke is going to the market, go with her.” “The two of you should go and see this new place.” You know how it is. He wasn’t even subtle about it.

At first, I went along to keep him happy and kept my internal distance. But Atinuke, when you actually talk to her, she’s funny. She’ll say something with a completely straight face, and it’ll take you a few seconds to realise she just said something hilarious. And she was genuinely curious about me, not just a necessary talk. She asked real questions. She actually listened. I started looking forward to being around each other.

When did you notice something was shifting?

I think I started noticing things before I let myself admit what I was noticing. It was the smallest things. The way she’d look at me for a second too long. A hand on my shoulder when she walked past. When I talked, she was fully, entirely facing me. I’d feel something and immediately talk myself out of it. Like, this is your brother’s wife. This is your brother’s wife. I said it to myself like a prayer.

But the feelings were growing with or without my permission.

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What happened?

We’d gone out, just the two of us, Idris had something work-related, and we ended up back at the house late. We’d had drinks, we were laughing about something, the whole energy was loose and warm, and then we were just… closer than we’d been before. And she kissed me. Or I kissed her. Honestly, I couldn’t tell who moved first, and I’ve thought about it many times. But it happened. It was one of those things where she was the only thing that mattered in that moment.

And then I remembered where I was. Who I was in that house. I pulled away and went to my room and sat on the floor, and just breathed. My heart was going crazy.

What were you feeling?

Pure chaos. There was no version of that moment that was okay. She was married to my brother. My brother, who opened his home to me. I also, and this is the part I hadn’t really sat with, I’d never been with a woman before. I’d never really let myself think about it. So now I’m dealing with both things at the same time. What just happened, and what does this mean about me? It was a lot to be on the floor at midnight.

Had you ever had feelings for a woman before?

I think… yes? In the vague, unexamined way, where you notice someone and don’t interrogate the noticing. I went to a girls’ boarding school, and there were crushes that I filed away as “close friendships” in my head. I liked boys, too. I dated boys, so I just never really pushed on it. Nigeria, you know. You don’t push on things you don’t have to push on.

After that night, what happened between you two?

We avoided each other. She seemed to want to pretend it didn’t happen as much as I did, and that helped, briefly. But then Idris planned a whole family Sunday outing, his idea, obviously, and suddenly we’re in public together, sitting next to each other, and she looks at me and just… the whole thing comes back. We started talking again that day. And she told me, directly, plainly, that she was gay.

How did she explain being married to your brother?

She said Idris was a good man. That she loved him, genuinely, just not in that way. In Nigeria, you find a good man, and you build something safe. She wasn’t the first person to make that calculation, and she knew it. He knew it, too, she said, and they had an arrangement she didn’t get into too much detail about, but the word she used was ” an understanding.” She said she’d never acted on anything since they got married. That was the first time in ten years that she’d felt something she couldn’t manage from a distance.

That’s a lot of information to receive.

It really was. I sat with it for weeks. I wasn’t naive; I knew marriages like hers existed, I’d heard of them. But to be in it, to be the one being told this by my brother’s wife in his house while he’s inside cooking, it was surreal. And I was still trying to figure out my own feelings about women, about her, about what I actually wanted. I kept going back and forth. Days when I avoided her completely. Days when I’d find a reason to knock on the main house just to see her.

What happened next? 

We鈥tarted an affair months after that first kiss. I resisted for longer than people probably expect. Not out of indifference, but because I could see clearly what it would cost. I knew what I was standing in front of. Eventually, I stopped fighting it. We continued our secret relationship for years.

What did those years actually look like?

Normal, on the surface. That’s the part that’s hard to explain. We had inside jokes. We’d cook together sometimes when Idris was travelling. She started telling me more about Germany, not just the country but how she’d grown up, what she missed about it, what she didn’t. There were days it felt like the most natural thing in the world, and then Idris would walk into a room, and that thing would crash back down on me. Guilt is like an unwanted companion that never fucking leaves. You almost get used to carrying it, and then something reminds you of its weight, and you feel it all over again.

For how long did it go on?

Two and a half years, almost three. And this was all in his house. I want to be clear about that because I don’t think I should dress it up. It was in his house, under his roof, while he was doing nothing but being good to both of us. That’s the part that stays with me.

If you鈥檇 like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid,  

Did Idris really have no idea?

He noticed something had changed between us, in that we were suddenly close, but he read it as the thing he’d wanted: his wife and his sister finally bonding. It made him happy. That made it worse, you know. He was actively grateful that we were getting along. I’d catch him looking pleased, and I’d want to disappear into the floor.

Did he eventually find out?

Yes.

How?

My sister, Zainab. She came to visit once, not a long trip, just passing through Lagos, and she saw us in a moment. Nothing explicit, but she knew. My sister has always been perceptive. She didn’t say anything to me in front of Atinuke; she just went quiet. Later, she found me alone and told me I needed to end it immediately. That she would not watch me destroy Idris’s life. I didn’t listen. I should have listened.

I think she debated it for a while before she told him. But eventually she told him.

What happened when he found out?

I don’t want to be dramatic, but it was the worst day of my life. Idris is not a shouting person. He’s measured, always. So there was no big explosion. It was quieter and worse than that. He looked at me like I was someone he didn’t know. He didn鈥檛 want to believe it at first; there was a whole lot of denial, but he knew his wife鈥檚 sexual orientation, and when he looked at me, I could not lie. I saw his heart break. It was like he was looking at a stranger who had been wearing my face. That image hasn’t left me.

He asked me to leave the house that same day. I went to a hotel. Atinuke and I didn’t speak for months after that. She and Idris separated and then eventually divorced. Zainab stopped answering my calls. I went back to Abuja and just鈥loated for a while.

Tell me more about that period. The fallout.

I was so alone. Not just loneliness, I’ve been lonely before, but like something structural had been removed. Idris had been the person I called for everything, big and small, my whole life. And now I couldn’t call him. Zainab had made her choice clear. Friends knew something had happened, but not what, because how do you explain that? The family house in Abuja suddenly felt like a place I was haunting rather than living in. I’d walk through it and just feel the absence of everyone who was supposed to be in my life.

I wasn’t eating well. I wasn’t sleeping well. I was going to work and coming home and sitting in silence, and trying to figure out who I even was outside of this thing I’d done and the people I’d lost. There was also, underneath all of it, still this question about myself that I hadn’t fully answered. Who I was, what I wanted, whether any of it had been real or just a terrible mistake. I was 31 and besides savings, starting from nothing in a way I hadn’t been since my parents died.

That must have felt impossible to deal with. I am sorry. 

Thank you. 

What happened next? Did things change?

Yes. Maybe 9/10ish months later, Atinuke called me. I didn’t pick up the first time, or the second. The third time I did, and we just sat on the phone in silence for a while before either of us said anything. After that, we started talking regularly, mostly late at night when we’d both given up on sleeping. She was in Germany by then, back with her family there. We talked for months like that before we saw each other in person. She came back to Nigeria for something, family business on her Yoruba side, and we met. That was the first time I’d seen her since everything fell apart. We sat in a restaurant for four hours. I think we both knew by the end of it. She was meant for me and I for her.

And your family?

They’re not talking to me. Idris, Zainab and the extended people who found out. None of them. It’s been three years. I still send Idris messages sometimes. Not asking for forgiveness exactly, I think I’ve accepted that’s not something I get to ask for on my own timeline, if ever. More, just keeping the line open from my end. Letting him know I’m still his sister, even if he’s not ready to let me be. He never replies. I don’t even know if he reads them. Someone told me recently that he’s been spending a lot of time in Dubai and that he has a friend there he’s very close to. I don’t ask too many questions. I just hope he’s okay. I hope he’s happy, actually happy, in whatever way works for him.

Do you regret it?

I regret how it happened completely. I regret the betrayal, I regret the years I spent in that house, lying by omission to a man who only ever loved me. I don’t think I regret her or what we have now. And those two things live together in me very uncomfortably.

What do you want people to take from this?

I’m not sure I want anything specific. I’m not here to be a cautionary tale, and I’m not here to be defended either. I just wanted to say it out loud and in full. Because I’ve been carrying it quietly for a long time, and quiet was starting to feel like its own kind of lie.

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*Names have been changed.

HERtitude 2026 is happening this April, and the theme is Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here: 

Edition after edition, these brands have aligned with the spirit of HERtitude and what it stands for. As we gear up for the fifth edition in 2026, we鈥檙e spotlighting some of the brands that have sponsored HERtitude and how they鈥檝e won by showing up the right way.

2022 – 2023

In 2022 and 2023, Aura by Transcorp, Busha, and Chippercash brought the games, while GoMoney and Sparkle showed that nothing pulls a crowd faster than a Spin-the-Wheel and a good photo booth.

2024

In 2024, the feedback was unanimous: the turnout was massive, the energy was high, and the brands that gave the women something to do won the day.

Sparkle

They took over with a multi-layered approach: a treasure hunt, a beauty parlour for that festival glow-up, and a Quacktail sit-out bar for the vibes. 

The Verdict: They loved the energy and were already looking at this year. Their takeaway? Let鈥檚 get integrated even earlier and bring more upcoming female artists to the stage.

WILAN

They brought Boss Energy to the field with a leadership workshop paired with a fun dress-up photo booth. 

The Verdict: It was a total hit. They loved the engagement but offered practical gems: we need a bigger venue, better parking, and more on-stage announcements to keep the crowd in the loop.

Flying Fish

Kept the spirits high with an open bar and free drinks. 

The Verdict: They鈥檝e got a taste for the HERtitude magic and want to see even more international collaborations and a bigger space to scale their activities.

Jack Daniels

A classic combo of an open bar/free drinks and a high-end photo activation. 

The Verdict: JD recognised the value immediately. Their feedback was simple: There will always be a huge turnout for HERtitude, so let鈥檚 get a venue that can hold the crowd!

Chicken Republic

They fed the fans! They gave free food to the first 20 attendees and ran a high-traffic sales station. 

The Verdict: Great event, but they鈥檙e looking for better real estate next time. Positioning is everything for visibility when the crowd gets thick. 

Thirdwave

Served up a mix of free drinks and premium cocktails/mocktails. 

The Verdict: They loved it but noticed the crowd’s hunger for knowledge, suggesting more engaging workshops on topics affecting women today.

Beauty Hut & Blue Poppy

These skincare brands focused on the Soft Life. Beauty Hut sold skincare products, while Blue Poppy gave out free face masks. 

The Verdict: Both are locked in for the future. Blue Poppy specifically wants to see those female celebrity artists take the stage in 2025/2026.

W-FM 91.7 & Sosa Drink

W-FM handled the amplification, while Sosa brought the Sip-and-Paint energy and free drinks.

The Verdict: W-FM gave us a 10/10 and wants to talk about media marginalisation next year. Sosa loved the infusion but wants more space to truly let their brand breathe.

HERtitude 2026 is happening this April, and the theme is Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here:

2025

If 2024 was about engagement, 2025 was about immersion. Brands became part of the lifestyle.

Nivea

The ultimate Soft Life activation. They hosted Sip-and-Paint sessions, Yoga & Relaxation zones, photo activations, and brought in celebrity guests, all while selling their skincare and makeup lines with cash prizes to boot. 

The Verdict: Nivea felt like the Main Character of the vendor village. They were thrilled with the conversion rates from the yoga mats to the sales counter and loved how the safe space vibe allowed women to try products comfortably. 

Filmhouse Cinemas

They kept it cinema-chic, offering free popcorn to attendees. 

The Verdict: As first-timers, they were blown away by the safe, inspiring space. They loved the four-month intentional planning journey with 91大神 but noted that VIP service timing and more freedom for booth customisation would make 2026 even better.

Indomie, Addme & Nutrify

The Holy Trinity of snacks and products. Indomie kept everyone full with free noodles and fun vibes. 

The Verdict: They highlighted the harassment-free objective of HERtitude as a major win. Their suggestion? Even more creative games like wine tasting, perfume mixing, and pottery.

Joy Soap (PZ Cussons)

They took pampering literally with product sales and free pedicures. 

The Verdict: There is nothing a HERtitude girl loves more than being taken care of. The foot rubs were a legendary move.

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Chateau Vartely & The Whistler Irish Cream

Handled the Cheers! factor with free wine, Irish cream, and product sales. 

The Verdict: High-energy brands that thrived in the social atmosphere. They saw firsthand that HERtitude women have premium taste.

Riggs & Confetti

Distributed free products and engaged the crowd. 

The Verdict: They loved how welcoming and eager the audience was. Their big tip for next year? Let sponsors get on stage to announce giveaways and really hype the crowd.

As we look toward this year, the message from our brands is clear: More space, more female artists, and deeper integration. The brands that win at HERtitude don’t just show up; they grow with us. They understand that when you support a woman鈥檚 right to have fun, you earn a spot in her life, long after the music stops.

Have you seen what the hotties can do? If you are looking to expand your audience and increase your brand’s visibility, now is the time.

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

Roxanne*, 23, was a girl’s girl until university, when she was betrayed by her best friend and boyfriend, an experience she never fully processed. She never confronted either of them, and she’s been figuring out what that silence cost her ever since.

Tell us about yourself

My name is Roxanne, I’m 23, and I work as a Key Account Manager.

Growing up, what was your family dynamic like?

I was closer to my female cousins than my immediate siblings, though I loved my siblings too. I come from a family with a lot of women, so we were always together, always in each other’s business, always close. Now that I’m older, it’s not that way anymore. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s because my aunty, the one who held everybody together, passed away. She was the glue. Once she was gone, I think everyone just… scattered. Lol. I don’t know.

Were you always a girls’ girl growing up?

Always. In secondary school, we were sometimes a squad of three, four, or five, but it always came back to two. Me and my best friend at the time. She was Senior Prefect, and I was Deputy. She was in first position, and I was second. We were that duo. That one also went south after secondary school. I wrote my WAEC before them, so we naturally drifted apart. 

I already knew how it felt to lose a close female friend by the time I got to university. I just didn’t think it would become a pattern. I don’t really have female friends now. It just happens that there’s always a falling out, one way or another.

Did you make any close female friends in university?

Yes. There鈥檚 one strong friendship I had with a girl called Ruth*. I can’t remember exactly how we started talking, but knowing me, I probably saw her looking lonely and went to keep her company. She had resumed school late and didn’t really know anyone yet. Then we found out we had sequential matric numbers, hers then mine, back to back. If she were 4563, I would be 4564. Out of however many students. Crazy, right? LMAO. We took it as a sign. That’s how it started.

What was the friendship like?

It was everything. Our families had been restrictive at home, so when we finally got to school, we didn’t study rara. We were wilding. Skipping classes to hang out with my boyfriend, going out in his car, doing all the stupid things you do when you finally have a little freedom at 18.

I even travelled with her to another state so she could meet a guy for the first time. A stranger. Imagine if they had kidnapped me?  

Another time, she ran away from school to go live with some guy friend, and her father had to send the police to come and find her. I didn’t sleep in the cell, but some of her guy friends did. That’s how tight we were.

So when I found out she had slept with my boyfriend, it broke something in me I didn’t even know was there.

Wait, what? Tell me everything.

She slept with him. Or at least, that’s what I believe now, and I have reason to. My boyfriend came to me with this whole story about how Ruth had been throwing herself at him, how he had turned her down, how I needed to watch her. He was very concerned. Very outraged on my behalf.

But I had gone through his phone before he came to me with that story. The messages between them were not those of two people in which one was “throwing themselves”, and the other was resisting. They were comfortable. Familiar. The kind of back and forth that doesn’t happen between people who haven’t crossed a line. I didn’t find an explicit confession, but I didn’t need one either. I knew.

Then I found out Ruth attended Eckankar. It is a spiritual movement, not the juju shrine he made it sound like, or that I know people think it is. But somehow, during whatever was going on between them, he found out too. Maybe she mentioned it, maybe he saw something at her place, I am not sure. But the moment he found out, he panicked. In his mind, she was dangerous. Someone who could tie him down or do something to him. So he ran. And the cleanest way to run was to come and tell me she had been chasing him, flip the whole story, and paint himself as the loyal one.

He was not loyal. This is the same man who told me to my face that he had been sleeping with hookup girls behind our school because “he cannot eat one soup all the time.” Don’t judge me, I was 18 or 19. We were all out here making choices. But men are liars. There’s an 87% chance the full truth is even worse than what I saw. 

That relationship fizzled out not long after. No dramatic ending, it just died quietly. Good riddance.

Did you confront Ruth when you found out?

No. And I never stopped being friends with her either, not immediately anyway. I know how that sounds. I don’t have a clear explanation for it. Maybe I didn’t want to lose the only person I had in that school, I wasn’t ready to be alone or  somewhere in me, I knew that confronting her would make it real in a way I couldn’t undo.

I still don’t fully understand it. If you have any deductions, please let me know, because I’ve thought about it and I still can’t tell you.

How did the friendship eventually end?

Not with a confrontation. More of a slow fade. I dropped out not long after to look for a job, and life pulled us in different directions. She still had her parents supporting her. My sponsor had pulled out, so I had to face reality. When survival becomes your full-time job, there’s no bandwidth for anything else. We just… stopped. No dramatic ending. No closure. It was almost worse that way.

Earlier, you mentioned there’s always a falling out with female friends. What do those falling-outs usually look like?

They haven’t always been dramatic, that’s the strange part. At my first job, the environment was almost entirely female, and somehow I still only ended up with male friends. There was one colleague who tried. For a while, it actually felt like something was building. Then one day she just… stopped. No fight, no confrontation, no explanation. She woke up and decided we weren’t doing this anymore.

I wish I had gotten clarity. But what I won’t do is go and chase someone for an explanation. If there’s an issue, wear your big-boy pants and say something. I’m not begging anyone to be my friend.

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Do you think you’ve put up a wall, or do you genuinely feel like you just haven’t met the right women?

It might be a wall. I really don’t know. I think I might need therapy. Do you think the same? I’ve been functioning, and I don’t seem to need it from the outside, but I would really love to be friends with a woman. A real one.

Saying all of this out has made me miss my cousin. It’s made me miss being that girl in secondary school, the cool social butterfly who moved through the world easily. I don’t know when I stopped being her.

If you saw Ruth today, what would you say to her?

Probably nothing. I wish her well, in hellllll, and I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to be friends, I don’t want updates on her life, none of it. It’s past. I no get strength abeg.

What do you want other women reading this to take away?

Be more gracious with your female friends. More patient. More understanding. The same grace you keep finding for that your boyfriend, who only ever shows you pepper, extend some of that to the women in your life. Don’t only stand on business when it doesn’t involve your wicked boyfriend.

Fix your falling-outs. Have the hard conversations. Don’t shut people out and call it strength. Don’t be like me.

Because I genuinely envy women who have a bestie they do everything with. I want that for myself. I really do. How will my future children go on playdates if I’m still like this? 

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HERtitude 2026 is happening this April, and the theme is Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here: