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A lot of people think going to a private university in Nigeria is an easier path to higher education, but it’s really not. While the private university struggles might be different from public universities, they are just as annoying.

Look at these.

When people tell me how ‘lucky’ I am to be going to a private university.

Daily devotion

First of all, you don’t have to wake up everyday at 5am to the blaring noise of a public announcement system and the grating voice of ‘Sister Jane’ shouting at you to “come out for morning devotion!” Don’t angry me.

Church

But of course you still have to go to church like 4 times a week. When you’re not the child of the devil and you don’t want a demerit.

Demerits

Any small thing, the enemies of progress will just be writing your name like… And if you lose enough demerit points, you go on suspension o. There are more possible ‘crimes’ than points sef.

Lights out

Before I entered university, I thought this was just a secondary school stoffs. I was wrong.

Beard gang?

What’s that? My brother you better go and trim your hair and beard low before they wipe it like magic for you.

Monitoring spirits

I also thought monitoring spirits existed just in the supernatural, but this school has shown me that they walk freely among us, bearing titles such as ‘porter’ and ‘security’.

Accidental wardrobe malfunction?

“Give her a demerit! And one for you, and for you…” Could this be life?

Stabbing class

Wanna stab class? You can’t. Don’t even think about it, if you no wan chop punishment.

Parties

The party might have been over before your exeat even comes through. Waste.

Watching your friends flex

This is how you look at your friends’ social media after they’ve finished posting about the mad party that you couldn’t get exeat for.

And finally…

How you look in wonder at all the freedom and life that is outside your school walls when you go home on break.