Divine* (29) knows what it feels like to be iced out by people she called her best friends. She thought the sting of being excluded was something she鈥檇 left behind in secondary school. But after reconnecting with the same clique years later, one accidental discovery has her convinced that some betrayals never really end.
Now, with one of those friends鈥 milestone birthday around the corner, Divine has a choice to make: confront them, or disappear without a word.
This is Divine鈥檚 explanation as told to Betty:
I met Temi* on my first day in JSS 1. We were assigned seats next to each other and became fast friends. Soon, our friend group grew to include two other girls in our set, Deola* and Esther*. We became a popular clique in school, and I saw all of them as my best friends.
All this changed after a mid-term break in SS1. When we resumed, all three of the girls refused to speak to me. I kept asking whether I had done something to offend them, but I was met with silence. Only Temi wrote me a note explaining things. She told me that Esther had convinced the group that I wasn鈥檛 cool enough to be friends with them now that we were seniors.
I felt hurt and confused. I kept thinking about what could have triggered their decision to cut me out. I couldn鈥檛 pinpoint anything, but I couldn鈥檛 help but think about how they had been showing hints of their betrayal a while before taking action. I remembered how they鈥檇 have secret phone calls without me, or how they鈥檇 suddenly change the topic once I walked up to them during break time.
Alone, I withdrew into myself for over a week before they all came to apologise.
They never gave me any concrete reason for how they acted, but I 鈥榝orgave鈥 them because I was desperate for things to return to normal. Still, I never fully trusted them again. This event affected me more than I鈥檇 like to admit. I became a serial ghoster after that. Once I get a whiff of conflict or stress within a relationship, I vanish. Temi and I went to the same university, so we remained close. However, we drifted apart from the other girls who went to other universities.
Temi is turning 30 this June and has decided she wants a big dinner with her closest friends. When she added me to the group, I saw Esther and Deola there. The four of us hopped on a video call and reconnected properly. We decided to revive our friend group since we all live in the same city again. Soon, though, I noticed them moving weird. My work takes me to many events that have celebrities. Usually, I would take Temi with me whenever I had a plus one. Now that we鈥檙e four again, I guess Esther and Deola felt a bit left out since I never offered to take either of them.
In March, I went to another event with Temi. While there, she left her phone with me to go to the bathroom. While I was holding on to it, a bunch of WhatsApp notifications came in from a group chat called 鈥淩eal Sistas -1鈥. I was curious because the new group chat we鈥檇 created was called 鈥淪istas.鈥
The messages were from Esther and Deola, and they were making insulting comments about me. Saying that I thought I was better than them. It was as if I got teleported back to SS1, standing on the edge of a group of people I thought were my friends. I read what I could from the notification bubbles and put the phone down. I didn鈥檛 tell Temi what I saw, and I didn鈥檛 change my behaviour towards any of them. The fact that they鈥檙e comfortable saying those things to Temi probably means she鈥檚 saying her own rubbish too.
I can鈥檛 be sure. What I know is that I鈥檓 not dealing with their rubbish at my big age. I plan to ghost them all right before Temi鈥檚 birthday. I鈥檝e been counting down since I read those messages. I will not be there, and I won鈥檛 be telling anyone why. I told my older sister about what鈥檚 been happening, and she thinks I should talk to Temi since we鈥檝e been the closest in the group. She doesn鈥檛 think ghosting is a fair way to treat a friendship that lasted that many years.
I disagree.
I don鈥檛 have anything to say to people who鈥檝e been gossiping behind my back. The day before the dinner, I鈥檓 blocking everyone of them without a word. Thank God I haven鈥檛 paid my share of the contributions.
I know it will probably mar her day, but I don鈥檛 feel bad at all. She has a group chat she can vent to; she鈥檒l be okay.
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