Our聽 #ShiftTheStory campaign has taken on several mediums in educating the girls on Sexual and Reproductive Health (SRH) and Women鈥檚 Economic Power. If you鈥檝e been following us, then you鈥檝e probably watched all five episodes of the and the three short films in our . We鈥檝e also been having conversations on X Spaces on our official account ().听
Now, we鈥檙e speaking to the younger women about the core themes of the campaign- Sexual and Reproductive Health (SRH) and Women鈥檚 Economic Power (WEP).
In this article, we鈥檙e tackling the feelings of guilt attached to sexual activity, what causes it and how they get back from it.
1. The only time I鈥檝e felt guilty about sex was when I cheated in a relationship.鈥- Toyosi*, 18
I don鈥檛 feel guilty or ashamed after sexual activity. At least not for the the things I鈥檝e tried anyway. Even when I have unsafe sex, I don’t feel any of those. The only time I鈥檝e felt guilty about sex was when I cheated in a relationship. I felt bad about it because my partner was really good to me. So being around him, knowing I had done that, made me feel bad. It鈥檚 crazy because I was feeling guilty even before the activity. But the only other thing I would say re: feeling guilty about sex is that being with one person helps. That sense of exclusivity, so I know I鈥檓 having sex with just that person.
2. 鈥業 still have sex even when I anticipate the guilt. It鈥檚 not that deep鈥- Vanessa*, 18
Every time I鈥檓 sexually involved with a man, I feel guilty. The guilt is more about engaging in sexual activity with them than because the sex is unsafe. The amount of guilt I feel depends on the person I’m with. A lot of the guilt stems from my worry about being misunderstood. My friends might hear about it and think I’m a bad person. But even when I anticipate the guilt, I still go on with the act, because honestly, it鈥檚 never that deep. When I say I feel guilty, it鈥檚 mostly that I feel bad about myself, like I literally feel like a slut. I say it as a joke all the time, but it affects my self-esteem. Purity culture is deeply ingrained in my subconscious, even though I am a non-conformist. I sometimes scold myself for doing these things.
3. 鈥楾he guilt I feel is never about the act or whether it鈥檚 unsafe鈥- Oluchi*, 18
The only time I鈥檝e felt guilty about hooking up with someone was when I hooked up with a guy who was already in a relationship. Probably also when I鈥檓 messing around with people I know I shouldn鈥檛 be with, like my exes and the likes. The guilt I feel also comes before the act, but that鈥檚 about it. It鈥檚 never really about the act of sex or that it鈥檚 unsafe. It鈥檚 mostly just the person. I鈥檓 not interested in men for the foreseeable future anyway.
4. 鈥業 feel guilty about not taking my parents鈥 warnings seriously鈥- Hafsat*, 18
I always feel guilty after giving men head, and when I practice unsafe sex. It鈥檚 not even getting pregnant that scares me because I can always find my way around it. The guilt is because I feel bad about succumbing to it. Growing up, my parents warned me about it, so I feel bad about not taking their warnings seriously. The guilt happens before, during and after. If there鈥檚 anyone I blame for the guilt, honestly, it鈥檚 society in general.
5. 鈥業 never have unprotected sex, so there鈥檚 no way I鈥檓 feeling guilty about it鈥- Tanya*, 19
Sexual activity only makes me feel guilty when I don鈥檛 fully consent or if it鈥檚 something that I was pressured into. I never have unprotected sex, so there鈥檚 no way I鈥檓 feeling guilty about it. But I would feel guilty constantly being sexually involved with people with whom I am not in a committed relationship. Most times, I like to limit my sexual activity to be with people I鈥檓 in a relationship with. My reason is just how our culture makes it seem. We鈥檙e very monogamous, and there鈥檚 the whole thing about purity culture attached to it as well. I moved to South Africa, and the cultural difference is clear because they are very sexually expressive. Engaging in all of that and being in that space increased my guilt. Whenever I feel guilty, I just wait it out.
