Make no mistakes, alcohol will fuck you up. If you鈥檝e ever gotten blackout drunk before, you know it鈥檚 a journey of nonstop drinking and bad decisions. And because it’s the weekend again, we know you’re about to let yourself down and do a little drinking. How about we prepare you for what you’re about to go through by walking you through the process. (I mean you’re the expert drinker, but that doesn’t matter right now.)
鈥淚鈥檓 not drunk.鈥
Nobody has to ask you if you鈥檙e drunk. You鈥檒l just start telling your friends 鈥淚鈥檓 not drunk.鈥 That means your body is ready to take the journey. Welcome.聽
鈥淎m I shouting?鈥
Everyone becomes funny. And you鈥檙e laughing a lot. You realise you鈥檙e probably very loud with everything you鈥檙e doing, so you ask the person you鈥檙e the most comfortable with, 鈥淎m i shouting?鈥澛
The Quiet Stage
You become quiet because you don鈥檛 want to embarrass your family name in public. This is only after you realise you’ve just said something stupid but nobody heard. Now it鈥檚 time to control yourself.聽
Dancing to everything.
You hear 鈥淲on t鈥檈se le bo, yahoo ni babalawo鈥 and you鈥檙e on your feet dancing. You can鈥檛 dance and you know you look stupid but it feels good. At this stage, you’ve lost complete control. Alcohol has now taken over.
Seeing Double
Now this girl you鈥檙e talking to is looking like two different individuals, and you can鈥檛 hear shit she鈥檚 saying. It鈥檚 like your whole existence just hit the whoa.聽
Can鈥檛 Walk or Stand Straight
When you have to hold a railing or the wall to walk or stand, you know you鈥檙e gone. In your head it鈥檚 like, 鈥淲hy did I take that last shot?鈥
鈥淕谤蹿谤惫迟驳产箩产驳惫诲肠蹿惫丑驳鈥
This is the part you don鈥檛 remember – usually a text or a tweet.
Calling your ex.
You have some stuff to get off your chest (and you need to tell her you miss her). Now鈥檚 a perfect time.聽
Lying down to let the tide pass.
You think you鈥檙e feeling a bit more settled after the call to your ex and you want to rest a聽 bit before you continue the party.
Waking up inside a gutter
Cock-a-doodle-do sir! Get up from outside the gutter (or other awkward place you’ve ended up in, including the parking lot.) What happened? Nobody knows. Just dust your shame and be going home.
