As a Nigerian, it鈥檚 okay to ask your friend if 鈥渄em they crase鈥 as a joke. These simple everyday phrases are so normal that they might want to slip out at work. No try am sha. That鈥檚 where we come in. All those insults you want to throw at your boss? Here鈥檚 how to turn them into corporate speak so you don鈥檛 lose your job.
You sure say your head correct so?
You self look am, you can think it, but you can鈥檛 actually say things like these in a proper workspace. Not like that, at least. Dust that dictionary and change it to something sweet like: 鈥淐an you confirm that we are both mentally aligned鈥.鈥 You have to be coded with these things.
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Who ask you?
Nobody is indispensable oh, so before this jumps out of your mouth. Take a deep breath and say this instead: 鈥淜indly inform me where your input was requested in this matter鈥. This one self get as e be. They might still give you small query, but we move, innit?
How e take be my problem?
Everyone has that coworker from hell whose primary duty is to stress you with their problems. The next time they ask you if you鈥檙e available to work on something last minute, instead of letting your village people use you, say this instead: 鈥淚 understand the urgency of your situation. However, I am unable to prioritise it over my current task鈥. They鈥檒l always think you鈥檙e nice for even replying.
Una no dey pay me for this one
See, I understand. Sometimes, the frustration dey choke. People will pay you 鈧50k to work 12 hours, five days a week, and still call to ask you to work on the lord’s day. That 鈧50k no dey hold bele, but it鈥檚 better than nothing, so say this instead: 鈥淭hese additional tasks are an expansion of my role. Is there a plan to review my role and compensation to reflect them?鈥 English sweet die. Last last, they will either increase your pay or double the work. The heart of man is desperately wicked.
You dey talk nonsense
鈥淚 am struggling to understand what you’re communicating鈥. It鈥檚 that simple. It鈥檚 not even choosing violence because if you do rubbish based on the nonsense you didn’t understand, you might get fired.
Who send you message?
For every one Nigerian in existence, there are 10 billion busybodies. Check the 91大神 bureau of statistics if you don鈥檛 believe me. Sha, some people like to overdo, and while it鈥檚 okay to say, 鈥淲ho send you message鈥 to your work bestie, these busybodies always take things personally, so try this instead: 鈥淎re you certain you’re the appropriate person to execute this task?鈥
You dey behave like evil spirit
鈥淎re you familiar with the occult? Because sometimes, you exhibit occultic traits鈥. But as you are saying this one, clear your table just in case. In fact, maybe get a new job in another country two months in advance, make evil spirit no spoil your hustle.
