Following the successful launch of our satirical series, Interview With… on Friday, we are still very much in the bantering mood, so we’ve decided to sit down with a few more voiceless people.
For today’s interview, we have “spoken to” six frustrated Nigerian babies to let us know what their experiences have been like since they found themselves in Nigeria against their will.
Ann, 3 months.
I鈥檝e been on earth about 200 times, and I鈥檝e never filled Nigeria on my country allocation form, so imagine my shock when I found myself here. If God wanted to punish me, they should have just told me now.
June, 1.5 months
I am so tired of being here. My mum thinks I like to sleep, but I鈥檓 secretly trying to slide into a coma, so I can go back to baby heaven to fight.
Alice, 12 months
I didn鈥檛 even fill a form, I was playing a little too much in heaven when God said they鈥檒l scold me. The whole time I thought they will tell me to sing 20 times instead of the 15 times we usually sing, but instead, they sent me to Nigeria. Anyway, my parents are rich and are planning to move to Canada. Alice 1- God 0
Danjuma, 6 months
God did a slide show of all the countries, and when they got to Nigeria they only showed us the Eko Atlantic and Lekki-Ikoyi link bridge. That鈥檚 how I filled Nigeria in my form and was born in Sagamu. I cry a lot hoping my mum will deliberately return me, but she鈥檚 experienced. She鈥檚 had 9 before me.
Tems, 8 months
My parents decided to teach me my A-Zs using countries, anytime they get to a country I filled as an option on my form, I start to wail. They don鈥檛 know why and they don鈥檛 understand. At whatever age God sees me again, it鈥檚 on sight.
Tunde, 3 months
Maybe it鈥檚 because I picked New Zealand; maybe New Zealand and Nigeria are too close in the database, I don鈥檛 know. The delivery guy sha dropped me in Nigeria. I don鈥檛 even cry, I just don鈥檛 eat, let natural selection take its course. Mind you, I鈥檝e been in New Zealand before, so I don鈥檛 know how the delivery guy could make such a silly mistake.
