Imagine a world where real life was actually Instagram lite, and people talked the same way they wrote their Instagram captions. What would that be like?
Hits blunt
They would make absolutely no sense
You鈥檇 be in a work meeting, trying your best to contribute your quota to capitalism and justify your salary, when your boss asked people to share ideas on a subject.
Of course, you鈥檇 immediately try to look like you鈥檙e busy thinking, even though all that鈥檚 in your head is how you forgot to warm yesterday鈥檚 leftover rice. And then the office oversabi would blurt out: 鈥淭his idea felt cute, but I might delete it later鈥.
LMAO. You say what?
Communication? We don鈥檛 know her
On your way home, while thinking about the madness that transpired at the office, you鈥檇 jump on a danfo, ready to put the stress of the work day behind you, when you came across another wonder.
The conductor would angle his neck towards where you鈥檙e sitting beside the driver and gesture to his head. It鈥檒l take a couple of minutes before you notice his t-shirt says, 鈥淒ouble-tap conductor鈥檚 head to support his brand鈥.
There would be a slight language barrier 鈥 and I don鈥檛 mean normal human language
You鈥檇 finally get to your bus stop, but first deciding to branch the market close to your house first to buy spaghetti for dinner, you鈥檇 meet yet another surprise.
You (to the seller): Please give me one pack of spaghetti.
Seller: This spaghetti is the best one in the market, and with shikini money, you鈥檒l get free delivery within Lagos and Abeokuta.
You: Madam, which one is delivery again? I just want to buy and go, please.
Seller: Click the link in bio to shop the best spag. Hashtag Spaghetti sellers in Lagos, hashtag sellers of Instagram, hashtag sexy cooks in鈥
You: 鈥
Confusion would reign supreme
You鈥檇 finally get home only to find your girlfriend and her besties posing in front of your door, looking sexy AF.
You: Babe, I didn鈥檛 know you were coming. What鈥檚 happening?
Babe: Happiness is being yourself.
You: I don鈥檛 get.
Babe: Looking good, doing better.
You: Is everybody alright today?
Babe (in a new pose): In love with me, myself and I.
You: 鈥
Babe (in another pose): Only God can judge me.
You: When you people finish, you know where your house is.
You鈥檇 finally enter the apartment, confused as hell, only to wake up the next day to realise鈥 every day would be the exact same thing.
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