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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

How long have you been with your partner?

We started dating in 2021, so just over three years. However, I’ve known Patricia since 2019, when she first joined my department at church.

How did you both go from church workers to lovers?

I think it was just a thing where the longer you spend with someone, the more you start to see who they are on the inside and decide whether you like what you see. 

Patricia and I were on the media team at church, so we were always together. We clicked easily and mostly communicated as friends in the beginning. But I realised I liked her during the COVID lockdown in 2020. 

I didn’t know how to deal with not seeing her every week, and I was counting down the days until church activities would likely resume. We still communicated during that period, but it was not the same. I missed her so much my heart ached.

God, when?

I still didn’t tell Patricia how I felt when church resumed — I was scared of rejection — until our New Year crossover service. She asked me to give her time to pray about it. After two weeks, she accepted but said she wanted us to take our pastor along. 

We both met the pastor, and the man called me aside to ask if I was serious with my life. He said, “You just finished university. Do you even have a job? Do you plan to marry anytime soon? Why are you pursuing a relationship?” 

They were valid questions, but the way he directly asked them made me feel dumb. I mean, I hadn’t thought that far, but even though.

I’m screaming. But did you have any source of income at that time?

I was still new to photography but often made between ₦50k – ₦80k/month as a photography assistant. I think our pastor was worried that I didn’t have a stable 9-5. 

Plus, Patricia was in her final year and sold doughnuts in church to support herself. I guess we just seemed like young people who were still figuring out life and didn’t need to add romance to the picture.

Our pastor didn’t outrightly say we should break up, but we got that vibe from him. So, we left the church in 2022. Patricia was posted to a different state for NYSC, and we used the opportunity that she wasn’t around to withdraw from the church.

How did you both manage dating long-distance? 

We had to navigate communication issues and the financial implications. We couldn’t make many WhatsApp calls because Patricia was posted to a rural area with terrible network service. So, we had to make regular phone calls, which was expensive. I’d recharge ₦400, and the whole thing would finish in about five minutes. 

I preferred texting, but Patricia liked long calls. She’d often complain that I didn’t miss hearing her voice. If I argued that spending up to ₦2k/week on airtime wasn’t reasonable, she’d imply I didn’t think she was worth that amount. We fought about that a few times.

We also tried to visit each other once every month, and I mostly paid for that. If Patricia had to come over, I’d pay for her ₦20k transport fare. When I visited her, I also handled my own ₦20k fare. Fortunately, I gradually made more from photography, so ₦20k/month wasn’t that bad. Also, Patricia cooked when we were together, so restaurants weren’t taking my money. But I handled all the expenses when we needed to go out for anything.

The NYSC period was merely a trial version to prepare us for the real thing. Patricia got a scholarship and relocated to the UK for her master’s degree in 2024, and the distance has grown even further.

Oh wow. What’s that like?

It’s really hard, to be honest. At least, during NYSC, we had hope that we’d see each other within weeks. But now, I can’t tell exactly when that will happen. She likely won’t return home even after completing her degree. It makes sense to find a job and settle before considering visiting Nigeria. 

I’m not rich enough to consider getting a visitor’s visa and travelling to see her. I’d also like to japa one day, but there’s no clear path for it at the moment. Our relationship’s future is very hazy right now. We’re just avoiding addressing it because it might mean considering a breakup. 

Marriage might solve the visa and distance, but we’re too young to marry. Also, I don’t want to enter marriage for the wrong reasons. We’ll just take each day at a time and see how it goes. 

How do you plan for romance stuff, considering the distance?

The time difference between Nigeria and the UK is just an hour, so finding time to talk is not difficult. We call each other on WhatsApp at different times of the day and gist about what we’re doing.

For my birthday in October, Patricia gave my younger sister money to buy me a pair of shoes and perfume. I thought it was really sweet. Patricia’s birthday comes up in February, and I’ve been saving ₦50k monthly since November to buy her something. I don’t know what yet, but my budget is ₦300k. That’s about 150 pounds, so I hope it’s enough for something reasonable. I’ll send the money to her schoolmate, who will buy the gift and deliver it to her.  

Patricia will probably blow a gasket if she finds out how much I plan to spend, but she’ll be alright. She doesn’t want me to buy her a gift. She says it’d cost too much to use naira to buy something in the UK. But I don’t think I can just let her birthday pass without doing anything.

Speaking of, what kind of money conversations do you both have?

Patricia is the saver in the relationship. Before she relocated, she had an expense sheet she sent me every week and ensured I filled it. Then, she’d go over my expenses and lecture me on what I spent too much on or shouldn’t have bought.

I appreciated it because it helped me make better financial decisions. Since I don’t receive a salary, it’s easy for me to blow what money comes my way, reasoning that I’ll make more when the next client pays up. So, tracking my spending was helpful. 

I didn’t always like it, though. I don’t like having to explain myself, but I had to do it to avoid a fight. Thankfully, she’s stopped the weekly policing of my spending since she relocated. I also save now without being prompted, so win-win.

I know the future is hazy right now, but have you considered how much longer you can both handle dating long-distance?

If we fail to find a clear path to bridging the distance by the end of the year, we’ll most likely break up. I don’t mean we have to be in the same city in a year, I just expect we’d already know what clear steps to take by then. If not, there’s no point wasting anyone’s time.

You sound like your mind’s made up

I’m a realistic person, so I’m preparing for whatever outcome. I love her, and I’ll do my best to be loyal while we’re together. But I can’t be in a long-distance relationship indefinitely. Lately, she’s been insinuating that I’ve found another babe here. That accusation came out of the blue. I don’t think there was any change on my part that led to that. 

I can only assume that some other guy is entering the picture, and her guilt is driving that accusation. I don’t know for sure, and I try not to dwell on that. I hope that’s not the case. But we need to find a solution to the distance soon.

Hopefully. What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

I think it’s pretty obvious. It’d be great if I was rich enough to japa too so we’d be together.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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