The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In聽Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
My wife, Uloma, and I have been married for 10 years, but we started dating in 2006. So, we鈥檝e been together for 19 years.
How did you both meet?
We attended the same secondary school. Then, we reconnected during the 2006 census exercise. Movements were restricted, but I was a baseline technician with a telecoms company.
My job was to monitor the base station and manually restore the signal if the electricity went off so people still had service. That made me an essential worker, so I had a driver take me and my colleagues to and fro work during that period.
One day, the driver didn鈥檛 come on time, so I decided to walk. That鈥檚 how I passed by Uloma鈥檚 house and saw her sitting by the stairs. We were excited to see each other again and started talking regularly. Those were the days of MTN Xtracool. We鈥檇 talk all night till 6 a.m. I asked her out some days after, and she accepted.
What were the early days of the relationship like?
Really good. Uloma was in her third year at uni, and I earned 鈧48k/month 鈥 which was good money 鈥 but she never brought any financial burden to me. I appreciated that because I was also saving to pursue a university education. She was modest, and the only thing she asked of me was assurance that I wouldn鈥檛 waste her time and we鈥檇 end up married.
I finally got into the university for a part-time program in 2008. By then, she was in her final year, and the pressure intensified. It was clear she wanted us to get married soon or at least get engaged. It scared me, to be honest. I loved her, but I wasn鈥檛 financially ready for marriage, and I didn鈥檛 see myself depending on anyone for money to provide for my home.
I wanted to finish school, work for a few years, and make enough to afford a comfortable life. Granted, I still made at least 鈧35k/month working as a personal assistant to a public figure while in school and had up to 鈧2m in my savings. But I didn鈥檛 think it was enough to start life. Still, I relented, and we got engaged in 2011 while I was still in school. But then another problem came.
What problem was that?
Uloma鈥檚 elder brother, who lived in the UK, started making plans for her to join him, and Uloma started pressuring me to do a traditional wedding so she wouldn鈥檛 go to the UK with empty promises.
Even after she travelled in 2012, she wanted me to visit her hometown and perform the traditional rites in her absence, but I wasn鈥檛 okay with that. She鈥檇 left on a visitor鈥檚 visa and couldn鈥檛 return until she had the proper documents. What if she stayed there for three more years? At some point, we broke up and got back together after a few months.
On my own end, I began planning to leave the country for my master鈥檚 program. I left for Canada in 2013, and the whole thing cost c$10k (鈧3m at the time). I took a loan and relied on an uncle鈥檚 goodwill to meet that amount.
Why not the UK to meet Uloma, though?
The UK denied my visa. It was Canada that worked out. After my program, I visited Nigeria in 2014. Thankfully, Uloma鈥檚 visa was renewed, so she also visited Nigeria, and we finally got married.
After the wedding, I returned to Canada and applied for another UK visitor visa. They approved it this time, and I got to spend a few weeks with Uloma. But then I got a job with a pharmaceutical company in Germany and had to move again. The salary was 鈧2300/month with free accommodation. It was too good an opportunity to pass up.
Unfortunately, Uloma couldn鈥檛 come with me because of visa restrictions. So, we鈥檝e lived in separate countries since 2014.
Ah. Isn鈥檛 that hard?
The good thing about our arrangement is that the distance between our cities is like Lagos and Abuja 鈥 a 45-minute flight or a 10-hour drive. The flight costs less than 鈧100, and I can travel to see my family 鈥 we have two kids now 鈥 every weekend if I want. We visit each other at least twice a month.
At first, I did all the travelling because my allowed me to enter the UK without a visa. But Uloma has been a British citizen since 2019, just like I鈥檓 a German citizen, and we can travel to visit each other freely.聽
Who pays for these trips?
I do, most of the time. Since we got married, I鈥檝e handled most of my wife鈥檚 financial needs, including rent. We have a house in the UK now, so I pay the 拢480/month mortgage. I also pay my 鈧900/month rent here in Germany.
My wife works with the and makes less than 拢3k/month, but she鈥檚 been very helpful financially. She takes up most of the bills without even mentioning them to me, especially if they are for our children.
I don鈥檛 have a set allowance I send to her. She just says she needs money for something, and I send it. Most of my income goes to my wife and kids.
How do you plan for romance stuff while living in different countries?
We travel for vacations, and I plan these for when the kids are out of school. Germany is a very organised country, and they encourage workers to plan their holiday dates months in advance. By October 2024, I already knew when my holiday would fall in 2025.
This helps me plan trips and save on flight costs. I buy tickets in advance and take advantage of holiday packages. Most of our trips cost around 鈧1k. The most expensive trip we鈥檝e taken so far was to Turkey, which cost less than 鈧6k. It cost that much because we stayed in an all-inclusive five-star hotel for a week.
Do you both plan to live in the same country someday?
We鈥檝e actually given each other until the end of the year to decide where to live so we can be together for the kids. I don鈥檛 like the UK, and I鈥檇 have loved for my wife to come here. But it鈥檇 be a struggle for her to learn German. So, it鈥檚 either I join my family in the UK or we go to another country together.
Do you have a safety net for this potential move?
My wife and I have a joint savings account where we each save a percentage of our income. I try to do 鈧300/month; my wife sometimes does up to 拢600. We currently have about 拢29k in that account. But we鈥檙e not just saving for the move. When it gets to 拢100k, we鈥檒l put 50% cash into purchasing another house and take out a mortgage for the remaining 50% balance. Then, we鈥檒l rent out the house and use the income to pay the mortgage.
What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?
When we start living together, our expenses will reduce. I hope to invest the extra income in starting a business so that I don鈥檛 need to be employed by anyone and we can have income flexibility.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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