It鈥檚 common to expect people from privileged backgrounds to have it much easier, but that isn鈥檛 the case for Jamal*.聽
The 26-year-old talks about struggling to fend for himself despite having a rich dad and shares why he doesn鈥檛 mind being cut off financially.
As told to Boluwatife
It鈥檚 funny how I have exactly 鈧35,380 in my savings account right now and will probably need a quick loan to survive before the month ends, but my father doesn鈥檛 use the same car three days in a row.
I come from a rich home, and I鈥檓 sure anyone who knows my father from a distance assumes that his family is extremely lucky. It wouldn鈥檛 be a strange assumption, considering my father has several successful businesses and houses.
In secondary school, my friends loved visiting me so they could gawk at our huge family house. I loved showing off our house then, too. I liked it when my friends constantly teased me about being a rich 鈥渁jebutter鈥. I also didn鈥檛 mind the popularity I got from having my dad鈥檚 name.
I hardly saw my dad and didn鈥檛 have much of a relationship with him, but I knew how well-known he was, and I liked being associated with him. Hearing neighbours refer to me as 鈥淥mo Alhaji鈥 made me feel proud, like I was connected to this larger-than-life fellow.
I think my admiration for my dad as a child blinded me a bit because it wasn鈥檛 until I finished secondary school in 2013 that I realised my family situation wasn鈥檛 so great. My dad has multiple wives and just as many children, and while I knew that, it was hardly a concern for me until I realised how things worked at home.
My mum was the third wife, and we shared the house with my dad鈥檚 last wife and her children. The other wives and children lived in different houses, and we only saw each other during festive seasons. This was the standard arrangement for the polygamous families in my area 鈥 the wives didn鈥檛 all live in the same place, and the husband was responsible for providing for them and the children.
That wasn鈥檛 how it worked for us. My dad only provided for us children when he was on good terms with his wives. After finishing secondary school, I told my mum I wanted to attend a private university because one of my stepbrothers also went there.
I initially didn鈥檛 believe my mum when she said we couldn鈥檛 afford it, so I sulked for days until she got angry and said something like, 鈥淚 pity you. You think your father will pay?鈥
In my head, my mum was just saying that because she didn鈥檛 want me to attend the university. So, I called my stepbrother and asked if he could get his mum to convince mine to allow me to go. That was how I found out that my dad wasn鈥檛 even paying for his schooling; it was his mum.
Apparently, when my dad lost interest in a particular wife or felt disobeyed, he withdrew financial support.
Some things finally began to make sense. I鈥檇 started JSS 1 in a private secondary school, but after getting punished a few times for delayed school fee payments, my mum withdrew me and enrolled me in a public school instead.
I鈥檇 often wondered why I attended a public school different from the school my stepsiblings from the last wife attended, but I didn鈥檛 ask my mum. I now know that she had resorted to paying my fees herself a couple of times and moved me to a cheaper school when she could no longer afford it on her fabric-trading income.
By the time I got into uni in 2015, it was clear that my dad had withdrawn whatever financial support he had given my mum. He married another wife and moved my mum to a one-bedroom apartment. I guess he felt we didn鈥檛 need more room since I鈥檓 my mum鈥檚 only child.
My mum put me through university, and I supported myself by offering tutorials and selling branded t-shirts. My dad only chipped in when my mum forced me to call him to ask for money. Even then, he rarely sent more than 鈧20k at a time, and I hardly called more than three times a year.
I finished university in 2021 and told myself I鈥檇 never ask my dad for money again. I had to beg him to fulfil his responsibilities while in school, and I vowed never to be in a situation where I鈥檇 have to beg him to survive again. Three years later, I鈥檓 still standing by that vow.
It hasn鈥檛 been easy, though. After NYSC, I had to navigate unemployment for almost a year and survived by squatting with friends and whatever money my mum could send. I have a job now, but at 鈧110k/month, it鈥檚 barely enough to do anything significant except handle the feeding and utility bills at home.
I鈥檓 usually broke before the end of the month and often have to rely on quick loans for transportation to work. I still live with my mum and don鈥檛 even know when I鈥檒l be able to afford my own place, but I鈥檓 fine with slowly figuring things out.
I still call my dad occasionally, especially for his birthdays, but I don鈥檛 force any relationship or tell him how I鈥檓 doing. He also doesn鈥檛 care because he would鈥檝e asked if he did.
I know some of my step-siblings still fall over themselves to please him. They still visit him and do everything he says to get his favour and hopefully get included in his will. My mum also wants me to get closer to him, so I can benefit too. Me, I don鈥檛 care.
I don鈥檛 even want to be included in his will because I know how polygamous families can get fetish when it鈥檚 time to share properties. I don鈥檛 want to rely on whatever may or may not come from my father. His money is his money. It might never be mine, and I鈥檓 fine with that. I鈥檇 rather make my own fortunes.
*Name has been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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