Money can be a sensitive topic in relationships, and Hannah* understands that now. She talks about how being the rich friend has affected her long-term friendship group and why she wishes she had kept her salary a secret.
As told to Boluwatife
The friendship I share with my two best friends has been the single most consistent thing in my life for the past 12 years. Now, it looks like money is changing that, and I don鈥檛 know how to feel.
I met my friends Christie* and Mary* in 2012. We鈥檇 all just resumed SS 1 and found each other in the same class. I knew Mary from a distance because she lived on my street, but we had always attended different schools. So, I was glad to see a familiar face, and we soon started hanging out during break time. Christie was my seat partner, so she also tagged along. Before the end of the first term, we were a trio.
We became something like the 鈥淨ueen Bees鈥 of our school. Christie was the finest girl in our set, which did wonders for our popularity. The boys were always inviting us to hang out after school, and we, too, became experts in giving our mothers different excuses and lying that we were in each other鈥檚 houses so we could go out and do dumb teenager things.
One time, Christie鈥檚 mum caught us lying when she came to my house and found out that Christie wasn鈥檛 there like she鈥檇 claimed. I had to lie that she was in Mary鈥檚 house instead and literally ran all the way to Christie鈥檚 boyfriend鈥檚 house to get her since I didn鈥檛 have a phone. That was how far we went for each other.
Our friendship grew stronger as the years passed, even though university admission came and sent us all to different schools. Our families still lived in the same area, so we always saw each other during the holidays. We also kept in touch with social media.
We weathered everything together and told each other everything 鈥 whether it was boyfriend wahala or stupid crushes. We even talked about our money struggles and helped each other out when anyone was broke. I always imagined us growing to become the old mummies who wore matching outfits at owambes and followed each other everywhere.
But adulting came and changed things.
I was the first to get a job after NYSC in 2022. The insurance firm I served at retained me and placed me on a 鈧200k salary. I told my friends, and they were happy for me. Mary and Christie were still rounding up NYSC, and since neither had any income apart from the 鈧33k NYSC stipend, I automatically became the person who paid for things when we went out.
I didn鈥檛 mind it. In fact, I started giving my friends money. I still lived with my parents and had no major responsibilities, so adopting gift-giving as a love language was easy.
My friends only had to complain about the slightest inconvenience, and I was throwing money at them. They often asked to borrow money, which I gave and never disturbed for repayment. Sometimes, they paid back. Other times, they didn鈥檛.
The loan requests reduced after Mary and Christie both got jobs in 2023, but I was still the higher earner, and it became an unwritten rule for me to always pay more whenever we had joint projects like surprise gifts and birthday celebrations for one of us.
Mary and Christie also rented an apartment together that same year. So, while I noticed I always paid more, I didn鈥檛 complain. They obviously had more responsibilities than me.
I changed jobs early this year, and my salary has increased to 鈧450k. My salary isn鈥檛 that much higher than my friends, who earn between 鈧200k – 鈧250k, but they treat me like I鈥檓 one rich woman.
Whenever I complain about the rising cost of cabs and food, they laugh and say, 鈥淩ich woman like you?鈥 Since my salary increase, I鈥檝e tried to be more financially responsible by saving half of my salary and making better financial decisions, but my friends don鈥檛 understand.
For instance, my friends and I have this weekly tradition of going out to a restaurant every Saturday to eat brunch. We鈥檙e supposed to rotate the bill payment, but I usually end up paying three out of four times. That usually gulps between 鈧30k – 鈧50k weekly.
Some months ago, I suggested reducing the brunch dates to once monthly because of the financial implications, but Christie made it seem like I didn鈥檛 see our friendship as a priority. She was like, if I was trying to find a way to save money, why didn鈥檛 I consider cutting my cab costs and dry cleaning budget 鈥 They know I send my clothes to the dry cleaners every week.
But it鈥檚 not even the same. Laundry and transportation are necessities that make my life easier and more productive. We can survive without eating out every Saturday.
Mary recently asked for a 鈧100k loan, but I told her I could only afford to lend her 鈧50k. She asked me why, and I told her my money was tied up in savings. I think she got angry because she asked me not to worry about the loan again.
To be honest, I don鈥檛 think I should鈥檝e had to explain why I couldn鈥檛 loan a certain amount. It wouldn鈥檛 have cost anything to lend her the full amount, but I know I most likely won鈥檛 get the money back, and I can鈥檛 build a reasonable financial future by continuing that way.
It鈥檚 not like I鈥檓 hiding my new intentionality with money from my friends. I told them I wanted to reduce my spending, and they said it was a good idea. But I think they assume it shouldn鈥檛 extend to them. They can question me about buying ice cream or spending on cabs, but they turn around and still expect me to fund our outings.
I actually regret telling them how much I earn. Maybe they鈥檇 have been more understanding if they didn鈥檛 know my income. Or maybe I introduced them to a lifestyle I couldn鈥檛 maintain by throwing money at them in the first place.
Now, I feel like we aren鈥檛 as close as before. It doesn鈥檛 help that Mary and Christie live together, so I feel like the odd one out. They now have inside jokes, and I have this weird feeling that they talk about me behind my back.
I鈥檝e talked to them a few times about how I feel like they treat me differently, and each time, they promise it鈥檚 not like that. But I still sense a divide. I can only hope that we don鈥檛 grow further apart.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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