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Nigerian DJs are turning wedding receptions into daytime clubs these days, and  slowly replacing classic wedding songs like Sunny Nneji’s Oruka and Flavour’s Ada Ada with songs that have no business on a matrimonial dance floor. 

If the DJ plays any of the following songs at your wedding, don’t pay him his balance because he clearly wants your marriage to scatter. 

Last Last — Burna Boy

“E don cast. Last last, na everybody go chop breakfast.” The opening line of Burna Boy’s Last Last is enough to ban this song from all wedding venues, but no, Nigerians won’t listen. This man sang about suffering from severe heartbreak, but it has become an anthem of celebration for some reason.  

How can your marriage last when you’re prophesying heartbreak into it? 

Girlfriend — Ruger 

��ܲ����’s Girlfriend is a song about cheating. Not just small cheating here and there, but public, no-shame-at-all-Lagos-men type of cheating. The whole song is about Ruger trying to move to a new girl, and every time she reminds him of his babe, he’s like: 

Finesse — Pheelz and BNXN 

We all love Pheelz and BNXN’s Finesse, but please and please, let’s keep it far away from wedding receptions. Apart from the “If I broke, na my business” part, which may invoke the spirit of poverty into your home, there’s also the part where he sings, “If you fall in love, girl it’s certain; you go chop breakfast, I’m not capping.” 

No, man, this song doesn’t agree with my marital spirit. 

Fem — Davido 

Who are you fighting at your wedding? No, you need to show us the haters you’re beefing, that you felt the need to play Davido’s Fem. See, Fem was a protest anthem because we were fighting Nigeria at the time, and it’s a Davido beef anthem because he was allegedly fighting Burna Boy. 

So unless you have beef at your wedding, please free this song. 

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Playboy — Fireboy DML 

If your husband asks the DJ to play Fireboy DML’s Playboy or dances with too much vim to this song at your wedding, then babes, that man is threatening you. How can you hear, “Girl, you wanna play with a big playboy like me,” followed by that dog sound, and not start trembling in your shoes? 

You probably thought you could tame him, but alas. Good luck, boo.

Any song from Asa’s first album, Asha 

From the first track, Jailer, to the last track, So Beautiful, not even one song on Asa’s Asha passes the marriage vibes test. Asa of 2007 was not in the mood for romance at all after chopping breakfast on Bibanke and observing Nigeria’s wahala on Fire on the Mountain. 

If you want Asa at your wedding, there’s Show Me Off on her new album, V. Play that one instead. 

Coming — Naira Marley 

What happened to common decency and shame? The second-hand embarrassment I feel listening to Naira Marley’s Coming in public is overwhelming, so I don’t see why anyone would think playing this song at a wedding with parents, grandparents, aunties, and little kids makes any sense. Mr DJ, do better. 

If You No Love Me — Chike and Mayorkun 

It’s hard to go to a Nigerian wedding these days and not hear or see Chike. This guy has the wedding market by the throat with songs like Roju, Running (feat. Simi) and Beautiful People. But for some creepy reason, Nigerian DJs also like playing his song, If You No Love Me (feat. Mayorkun). 

This song will cause doubt in your marriage, so I advise you to ask the DJ if he means you well the moment it comes on. 

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