91����

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, and even the person you love most can push you to your limits. Sometimes, those arguments reveal deeper cracks in the relationship. 

We asked eight Nigerians to share the biggest clashes they’ve had with their partners and how they got through them.

“I made a comment about her weight” —Idris*, 26

Idris* and his girlfriend hardly argued, so he never expected a disagreement over the air conditioner to cause their biggest fight.

“Last Christmas, my girlfriend visited and wanted the room freezing cold. I was already coming down with a cold and couldn’t bear it.

While explaining myself, I made what I thought was a harmless comment. I said that she might be feeling hotter because she’d gained some weight. I didn’t mean it as an insult, but it landed badly. She burst into tears and said it was insensitive because I knew of her health issues that caused the weight gain.

I apologised straight away, but it didn’t fix the damage. Once I realised words alone wouldn’t fix it, I wrote a heartfelt letter apologising to her. I also took her out and made a conscious effort to be more thoughtful. She eventually forgave me, and I learnt to be far more careful with my words.”

“His family wouldn’t let me leave my job” — Beatrice* 37

Beatrice’s* breaking point came when her husband clashed with her decision to leave her toxic job.

“My worst fight with my husband happened when I wanted to quit a job in 2022. Work had become unbearable, and I couldn’t juggle it with caring for our children. However,  he insisted on keeping the job because losing my income would affect the family.

Then he involved his parents. 

His mother called to tell me not to quit, and I became furious that a private matter now involved a third party. The fight became so serious that I considered moving back in with my parents. I think that was when he realised how burnt out I was.

We eventually both compromised and concluded that I could take some months off and look for another job. He also started helping more with the children. Once I was relieved and able to leave that space, things improved between us.”

“Our daughter insulted an elder” — Jamila*, 42

Jamila* and her husband frequently clashed over how best to discipline their daughter.

“Our biggest fight this year was about parenting. My husband is very soft with our six-year-old daughter, while I believe discipline should come with consequences.

Over time, our daughter started taking advantage of that difference. If I corrected her, she’d run to her father, and he’d defend her in front of me. It made me feel bad, but I often overlooked it for peace’s sake.

Things exploded during Ramadan when she spoke rudely to an older relative at a family gathering. I was embarrassed and blamed my husband for constantly excusing her behaviour. We argued heatedly and didn’t speak for the rest of the day.

We’ve always had a rule never to sleep in separate rooms, so we still went to bed together in silence. By morning, we’d somehow tangled around each other in our sleep, and the tension eased when we laughed about it. We talked out the issue and agreed to be more united when disciplining our daughter.”

“She nagged my drinking habits” — James, 41

After losing his banking job, James* turned to alcohol and constant arguments with his wife soon followed.

“My wife and I had our worst fights in 2019. I lost my banking job and turned to alcohol for succour. At the time, I refused to call it an addiction. I told myself it was just a way of coping with stress.

She kept complaining, but I dismissed her concerns which led to frequent arguments. 

Our biggest fight happened when she reported me to a mentor. I was angry and embarrassed, and I refused to speak to her for days. But my mentor challenged me to be honest, and I ended up in an accountability group out of respect for him. 

That process forced me to admit I was dealing with an addiction. Once I accepted, I began working on recovery and broke my addiction in 2023. Looking back, that fight may have saved both my health and my marriage.”

“He prioritised his ex”  — Chinaza*, 24

Chinaza* thought she could handle her boyfriend’s friendship with his ex, but it began to take up space in her own relationship.

“My boyfriend’s continued friendship with his ex almost ended our relationship. I knew they were still in contact before we started dating, but once things became serious, I realised just how involved they still were in each other’s lives.

They kept Snapchat streaks, and she seemed to have constant access to him. Once, while we were together, she called him for relationship advice, and they talked for hours. I tried to brush it off because I didn’t want to seem insecure, but it kept eating at me.

When I finally raised my concerns, he dismissed them and said I also had male friends he never complained about. The argument got so bad that we broke up for a week.

When we got back together, I changed my approach. I made it clear I wasn’t asking him to cut her off, but there had to be boundaries with an ex. To his credit, he listened. He ended their streaks, reduced how often they spoke, and that compromise helped us move forward.”

“He wanted to marry another woman” — Fatima* 64

Fatima* thought her marriage was over when her husband announced his plans for another wife.

“In the early 2000s, my husband told me he wanted to take another wife. I was angry and devastated. I threatened him and swore it would only happen over my dead body.

But the more I resisted, the more determined he seemed. I was ready to leave until one of my aunts advised me to be wiser about the situation. She asked if I was truly prepared to walk away and leave my children behind, and reminded me that anger alone wouldn’t change his mind.

Her words made me reflect. I realised we’d also been having many arguments, and I’d stopped paying him attention once children came into the picture. I apologised for my outbursts and told him I would accept whatever decision he made, even though I was still deeply hurt.

In the end, he never married the other woman. He kept postponing it, and it never happened. Our relationship actually improved after that. We became better friends, and we are still together today.”

“I was too disorganised” —  David*, 29 

Moving in together exposed habits David* never knew could destroy his relationship.

“My partner and I had our worst fight after we moved in together. I grew up in a home where I had lots of help, so I never really developed strong habits around chores. I’d forget to clean and wouldn’t notice things that needed attention.

At first, she handled most of it without complaining, but resentment was slowly building. Whenever she got upset, she’d go quiet instead of saying what was wrong. Then I’d become frustrated that she was shutting me out.

Over time, we grew distant and became more like housemates than partners. The atmosphere became so tense that I thought the relationship was at its end.

I eventually sat her down and asked whether we were still committed to making things work. That was when she opened up and admitted she felt unsupported in the relationship. She said she worried that my habits around house chores would make a future together difficult.

I became more intentional after that. I started setting reminders and being more intentional about my share of housework. I’ve improved a lot over the past year, and we’re in a much better place.”

“She let her friend mock me” — Rasaq, 31

Rasaq* and his ex’s constant fights over her money habits eventually led to their split.

“My ex and I fought often about money. She had expensive tastes and always wanted gifts, surprises, and a certain lifestyle. It felt like she wanted to keep up with what her friends were getting in their relationships.

I felt constant pressure to provide at a level I wasn’t comfortable with. Many times, I’d give in just to keep the peace, but it started to feel draining and unsustainable.

The fight that really broke us happened when one of her close friends mocked me over money I’d recently lost from my savings. It was a painful situation I’d only shared privately with my girlfriend, so I was shocked she’d told her friend.

What hurt even more was that my girlfriend didn’t seem to understand why I felt betrayed. That caused a major rift between us and led to a break-up.

We got back together more than once, but the same issues around money and priorities kept recurring. We eventually had an honest conversation and realised we wanted different futures. We ended things for good in 2024.

There’s no bad blood now. We’re actually on good terms, and I think the breakup was necessary for us to become better friends than partners.”

Read Next: I Married My Sugar Daddy for Security, Then Became a Widow at 27