At 27, Johnson* has lost all interest in romantic relationships. After dating his best friend and losing both the relationship and the millions of naira she borrowed from him, he’s become more cautious about love and trust.
In this episode of On the Streets, he talks about struggling to form romantic connections and how mixing love with finances left him paying a heavy price.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single, and I’m not searching. I’m still trying to recover from my last relationship, so dating isn’t really on my mind.
I rarely feel strong romantic connections with people, so sometimes I wonder if love and romance are even for me. I don’t want to keep jumping from one person to another. I’m still young, and I have other pressing priorities.
Walk me through your love life. How did you get here?
It’s been a chain of experiences. Growing up, I was quite detached when it came to relationships. I’d meet people, talk to them, and form a bond, but I never really felt the consuming feeling people describe as love.
Even when I thought I liked someone, it often felt more like the excitement of something new. You know how you can buy something new and be excited about it for a few days, then the feeling wears off? That’s how most of my talking stages felt.
I rarely connected with anyone seriously in secondary school or university. My friends noticed and would tease me about it. Sometimes, they even suggested I was gay. I think that pressure played a part in my decision to date in 2021.
And what was that first relationship like?
It was with Hannah*, a coursemate who attended night classes with me. We saw each other often, started talking and eventually got into a talking stage.
As usual, I struggled to keep up, but I really wanted to experience being in a relationship like everyone around me. I hoped that if we stayed together long enough, my feelings would grow stronger.
Did they?
The first three months were great. Then the excitement wore off.
We weren’t very compatible. She didn’t have strong opinions about many things, while I was the opposite. I like politics and a lot of other topics, and sometimes I’d talk about something and she’d just look so clueless and uninterested.
I knew it wasn’t her fault, yet I still got frustrated. I would shut her out, and she would ask what she’d done wrong. Sometimes, I felt guilty, apologised and we’d make up. But the cycle kept repeating.
Why didn’t you just end the relationship?
I didn’t want to give up on my first serious relationship so easily.
We dated for about eight months before I finally accepted that it wasn’t going to work. She’d already been complaining that I barely had time for her, so I used that as my get-out card. I told her I wanted to focus on my internship and personal projects.
How did she take the breakup?
The awkward part was having to see each other frequently because we were coursemates. We remained cordial, but she moved on quite quickly. We broke up around November, and by February, she was already with someone else.
I was relieved to be out of the relationship, but I also had mixed feelings. She’d told me she loved me so much, so seeing her move on that quickly made me question those feelings.
Right. What about you? Did you start dating again?
No. I mostly focused on school and work. Once I have my hands full, I barely have time to think about romance. Around that time, I also made some new friends. One of them was with Favour*. We attended the same church, and grew close in my final year. I liked how easy she was to talk to. I’m m bad at sustaining conversations, but there was never a dull moment with her.
After we graduated, we stayed in the same city and continued attending the same church, so our bond grew even deeper. She also moved closer to my area in 2024, and since I had a car, we started spending even more time together. She’d often ask me for lifts, and that was when I started wondering if what I felt for her was more than friendship.
When did you realise you actually wanted to be with her?
I started thinking about her a lot. I don’t know if it was a proximity crush because we were always together, but I realised I genuinely wanted more than friendship.
I hadn’t felt that way about someone before, and I thought that would make things different.
She was initially hesitant when I shared how I felt. She wanted us to protect our friendship. Eventually, though, we gave dating a chance in January 2025.
How did things go this time?
It was really good at first; everything felt natural. But I knew she had a lot going on personally. Her family struggled financially, especially because her older siblings weren’t very responsible. A lot of the burden fell on her.
She occasionally borrowed money from me to handle some of her bills, but it wasn’t a problem because she always paid me back. The borrowing became more frequent after we started dating, and she stopped refunding me as consistently.
Hmm
I’ll never forget when she asked to borrow ₦150k. Her siblings had finished school for the term and urgently needed money for transport. I didn’t have the money, but she promised to return it within a few days, so I borrowed it from a colleague.
She didn’t mention the money again for almost a month, while I was worried sick about repaying the loan.
Did you ask her about it?
I did. Although I tried not to pressure her. I explained the situation calmly and she requested my bank details for the repayment. Then she stopped responding.
At first, I assumed she was trying to raise the money. But I heard nothing in the days that followed. I eventually settled the debt from my salary and decided not to bring it up again.
You’d think I would’ve learnt my lesson, but that wasn’t the end of it. In 2025, I lent her an extra ₦1.7 million.
What?
It’s actually a culmination of small amounts. At one point, she planned to take a paid course abroad and asked to borrow ₦300k for the travel agency and visa processing. Unfortunately, that fell through.
Then, in August 2025, she got a job opportunity in Lagos and needed money to relocate. I lent her ₦250k for the moving costs and eventually another ₦1.2 million to cover her full rent.
Curious. What was the romantic side of the relationship like through all of this?
That also started wilting, thanks to her relocation. We tried to visit each other often, but things weren’t the same. I understood that her new job was demanding, but for someone who was usually very expressive, she suddenly went without speaking to me.
I became unhappy with the situation. Whenever I complained, she’d make excuses, and I’d end up wondering if she’d moved on or was cheating on me. I was also starting to detach emotionally.
Then, around November, I met Maria* in church. I felt a strong attraction to her from the jump, and we enjoyed spending time together. I was upfront about my relationship with Favour, though. It was obvious things were dying down, but I still needed time to figure everything out properly.
Why didn’t you just end things with Favour immediately?
She still hadn’t repaid me, and I was determined to get my money back. I also still cared about her and wanted to handle the breakup diplomatically. Even if we stopped dating, I hoped we could remain on good terms.
I see. What happened next?
I visited her in Lagos during Christmas, partly to get my money back and hopefully end things amicably. But the visit only confused me more because she seemed like her old self again. We had a really nice time together.
When I brought up the money, she became emotional and made me feel bad for asking. She said we should be able to help each other as a couple and assured me she wasn’t running away. She said she would pay me when she could.
For a moment, I thought we might be able to patch things up, so I agreed to be patient.
But as soon as I left Lagos, she returned to her old ways. I was frustrated and didn’t know what to do next.
And what happened with Maria?
Maria eventually realised I wasn’t serious about leaving Favour. By the end of January, she told me she wasn’t comfortable with how close we’d become while I was still in a relationship. She cut me off.
Losing Maria forced me to confront the situation with Favour head-on. I was angry that I’d lost her while Favour still wasn’t making any effort to fix the relationship. At that point, I simply wanted to end things and get my money back.
After a few days of reflecting, I messaged Favour about the state of our relationship. We agreed to break up. I then asked when she could start paying me back and whether she wanted to spread the repayment out.
She stopped responding and blocked me on WhatsApp.
That’s so brazy
I called her several times over the course of about four days before she finally picked up.
She said we had agreed in December that she’d give me the money when she was ready. I was angry and told her that if she refused to pay me, I could take legal action.
That was when things got messy. She said that if I wanted to involve the police, I should do my worst because she didn’t have money to give me yet.
She also mentioned that she knew I was involved with someone else, but before I could even address that, she hung up. We haven’t spoken since March.
That must’ve hurt. How have you been dealing with everything since then?
It’s put me in a very difficult position, both emotionally and financially. I’ve never been one for harsh confrontations, so it hurts that we ended that way.
Then, in June, I lost my job after my office downsized. I’ve struggled since then and have even gone into debt while trying to find another job. Knowing someone is holding ₦1.7 million of my money makes me feel worse. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back. I’m not even sure legal action would make a difference because she could argue that the money was given as gifts while we were dating.
I’m sorry. How would you say these experiences have shaped your idea of love and relationships?
If anything, I’m more wary than I’ve ever been. I wish someone had told me never to mix finances with relationships. Because of that foolish mistake, I lost a lot of money and a friendship.
Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
8/10. Being single isn’t really the problem. It’s my situation in general. A relationship is the last thing on my mind right now. I just want to get out of the financial hole I’m in.
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