Love Life聽is a 91大神 weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?
Desmond: Meeting her at a mini store near her hostel in December 2022. I was hungry, but the store close to my hostel had closed, so I went to one near hers. As I was about to leave, she showed up with a friend. The store reeked due to chickens the owners kept. She and her friend stood outside, arguing about who should go in because they couldn鈥檛 stand the smell. I walked up to them and asked what they needed. When they said airtime, I offered to recharge their number through my bank app and collect cash for the transaction.
Deola: He鈥檚 right. The stench was so bad I couldn鈥檛 enter the store.
When he came over to help, I couldn鈥檛 stop myself from taking a mental picture of his face. Later, when I got to my hostel and replayed the events of the night, I thought, 鈥淔ine boy wan send me airtime.鈥
I considered asking for his number that night, but I chickened out. Still, I kept praying I鈥檇 see him again鈥攁nd I did a few days later.
How did you feel when he asked you to pay for the airtime, Deola?
Deola: I didn鈥檛 expect him to charge me, so it made me feel a little off. I assumed he was going to ask for my number, and I also thought he’d give the airtime for free.
Desmond: I considered giving it for free, but I fought the urge.
Why?
Desmond: I didn鈥檛 have enough for myself.
Right. So, what happened next?
Deola: We ran into each other on December 5. My friend asked me to come with her to meet a male friend at the school field. I got to the field, and there he was with the person my friend came to see. He was completely engrossed in a mobile game, so I sat beside him and did nothing until he noticed me and we started talking.
Desmond: I was playing FIFA. Then I realised I鈥檇 said a short prayer to God, asking him to bring us together again in the same week if she鈥檚 the one for me. After my realisation, I dropped my phone and made a conscious effort to start a conversation.
Shortly after, she mentioned that she was hungry, adding that a guy who鈥檇 promised her and her friend dinner bailed on them. I offered to buy her the food, but she refused. But she agreed to take a walk with me. On that walk she refused another offer for dinner. We spent most of the time talking and exchanged numbers after.
Why did you decline his offer to buy you dinner?
Deola: It didn鈥檛 sit well with me. I thought it much to ask of someone I barely knew.
I see. So what did you guys talk about?
Deola: I can鈥檛 recall right now. But all of that talking also led to holding hands that day.
Desmond: We didn鈥檛 get to talk about our personal and shared interests, but we talked a lot about our family and struggles as firstborn kids.
Right. How did things progress after you exchanged numbers?
Deola: We kept close contact with each other, constantly texting and spending time together on campus.
Desmond: I confessed my feelings the same night we exchanged numbers, but she didn鈥檛 buy it. She argued we just met, but I also insisted that I was sincere with my feelings. Then, she texted saying the only way she鈥檇 take my words for it was if I confessed my feelings to her in person.
Deola: On December 7th, while I was mourning my dad on his 17th death anniversary, Desmond asked me out. It was a quick proposal, and while I didn鈥檛 feel the same way, I accepted.
Why did you accept?
Deola: I liked him and wanted to give him a chance to change the way I felt.
Desmond, why the rush? Did you know she was in mourning?
Desmond: Yes, I was aware of that. But I asked her out as quickly as I could because I feared things would fizzle out,聽 and it would end as another fruitless talking stage. I was already losing interest in knowing new people, but Deola was a breath of fresh air.
Our conversations were deep and meaningful, and I realised we were aligned in many ways, especially about our future. I鈥檝e always been focused on financial success, and she didn鈥檛 shy away from such discussions. Whenever I brought up ideas about money and how to make it, she was genuinely interested, wanting to know my plans and encouraging me to pursue them. In fact, I can proudly say she鈥檚 one of the biggest reasons I got involved in the forex market.
Seeing that you skipped the friendship phase, what were the early days of the relationship like?
Deola: We were in perfect sync, both financially and emotionally. The first three months were smooth, and we mostly focused on improving ourselves and working towards financial stability.
Desmond: Those were some of our best days. We didn鈥檛 have a single fight during those months.
We shared the same ambition for our respective families. Growing up, I didn鈥檛 always get what I wanted because of financial constraints, and Deola had it tougher, dealing with emotional and physical hardship from her mum.
We both want a better life for our families, so we spent the early months mapping out strategies to climb to the top of the financial ladder.
Beyond that, we took the time to truly get to know each other. We went out often, and everyone around us noticed how much we cared for each other. Our relationship became the talk of the school, and my guys couldn鈥檛 stop telling me how lucky I was to have her. A few even joked about wishing she was theirs.
I鈥檓 curious. Why do you both feel that level of responsibility to your families?
Desmond: We鈥檙e both the first child of our families, hence the responsibility. Also, we feel we owe them a lot for the life they鈥檝e given us even with their limited resources.
Deola: Beyond our families, we have a shared goal of becoming the wealthy aunt and uncle, and the wealthy parents. We want our kids to have everything and not let them experience the lack we did. It was our goal as individuals and as a couple.
Do you remember your first major fight?
Deola: Yes. It started when I cheated.
Please, tell me more
Deola: I went to a male friend鈥檚 place to charge my phone. One thing led to another, and we got intimate. Initially, I wanted to keep it to myself and stay away from him, but he wouldn鈥檛 let it go. He kept pestering me for more; almost like he couldn鈥檛 get what happened out of his head. It became too much to handle, and I came clean and explained to Desmond.
For weeks, he brought it up constantly, and it was clear he was deeply hurt. The issue kept resurfacing, and the toll on our relationship made me determined to make better decisions moving forward.
Desmond: She met the guy while taking a course in his department. I remember her telling me about him, saying she wanted to keep him as a friend. I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with it and warned her that he likely had other hidden intentions. I even asked her not to visit him and to cut off the vibes, but she didn鈥檛 agree. She argued our relationship didn鈥檛 mean she couldn鈥檛 have male friends.
I didn鈥檛 mind her having male friends, but I suspected this guy wasn鈥檛 coming from a purely platonic place because he was overly friendly. And after all my warnings, she eventually confessed what had happened.
How did you feel, Desmond?
Desmond: I was deeply hurt and annoyed. But I decided to give her another chance. I told her I wasn鈥檛 going to break up with her, but I made it clear that I considered her actions a rookie mistake and wouldn鈥檛 forgive her if it ever happened again.
What do you mean by 鈥渞ookie mistake鈥?
Desmond: I believed she鈥檇 never been in a real relationship where the love is completely pure and genuine. She was a beginner experiencing true love for the first time, and she didn鈥檛 fully appreciate that.
I see. How did you guys move past this?
Desmond: I asked her to cut ties with the guy completely. But later, she told me they started talking again, and the guy tried to cross the line once more.
Deola: I knew asking the guy to stay away from me wasn’t going to work. So, I asked Desmond to 鈦﹖ell him off.
Desmond: I spoke to him and made it clear he needed to back off. That was the end of it, and we鈥檝e moved on since then.
Did this break the trust in your relationship?
Deola: Definitely. We lost the trust for a while, and it took a while to regain it.
Desmond: My trust in her dropped completely, but like she said, we were able to build it again within months.聽
How?
Desmond: We had to come up with ground rules. She couldn鈥檛 visit male friends or accept gifts from them.
Deola: I wasn鈥檛 allowed to take other guys鈥 numbers or form close connections with male friends. But I also held myself accountable by telling him everything and making him my best friend. In time, we were able to regain each other鈥檚 trust.
Fair enough. What would you say is the best thing about being with each other?
Desmond: We have each other鈥檚 back. She鈥檚 always down to support me. I was broke most of last year and expected her to leave, but she stayed.聽 That said, there have been times when she almost left. I feel insecure when it comes to her, and I can be a very different person when my insecurity gets the best of me.
Deola: The best thing about being with Desmond is how we鈥檙e able to help and better each other. Since we started dating, he鈥檚 helped me become a better version of myself. I have my current job thanks to his words of encouragement and just pushing me to chase opportunities.
How do you act when you鈥檙e feeling insecure, Desmond?
Desmond: I鈥檒l pick up unnecessary fights and say infuriating things, especially if I think there鈥檚 another guy in the picture. I鈥檒l turn from lovable to a complete irritant. I say really hurtful things.
However, I鈥檓 currently working on this version of myself.
Right. How do you handle this version of him, Deola?
Deola: I try to meet him halfway and calm him down. But as he said, he鈥檚 a work in progress, and we鈥檙e finding better ways to resolve our issues. Better communication and understanding each other鈥檚 triggers are critical parts of that.
Do you think your relationship has changed you in any way?
Deola: He鈥檚 helped me become emotionally strong. Once upon a time, I couldn’t speak up for myself and he taught me how to do that.
Financially, I began to do things for myself. I’m a successful writer now only because he kept pushing me to do what I love. He鈥檇 take care of me when I break down from the workload and still motivate me to do more. He’s just the best man I could ever ask for.
Desmond: If I hadn鈥檛 met her, I wouldn鈥檛 have had the zeal to take trading forex seriously. She continues to push me to be better, and this also includes my spiritual life. I鈥檓 not an atheist, but I wasn鈥檛 interested the Church either. Deola changed that; she brought me closer to God.
Curious. How do you handle finances in your relationship?
Desmond: Right now, Deola is the only one making money through her writing. And the way we operate is: her money is our money, my money is our money.
Deola: Even if he has more, I’d still add mine into it. What we鈥檙e doing now in our dating phase is exactly what we鈥檇 do when we get married. We spend the money together.
Neat. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?
Deola: It鈥檚 a 10. Desmond is everything I dreamed of as a young girl. He鈥檚 my best friend and he supports and fulfills me emotionally. I tend to rant a lot, but he listens and offers the best solutions. Even though we aren鈥檛 there yet financially, he’s enough and that’s just it.
Desmond: It鈥檚 a 10 for me too. Before Deola, I鈥檝e never experienced true love from another woman besides my mother. Deola takes care of me, calms my soul鈥he鈥檚 legit my dream woman. Being with her has instilled cherished values in me and I鈥檓 proud to call her my woman.
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