Love Life is a 91大神 weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Ife* (27) and Ibrahim* (30) met as freshers in 2016 after gaining admission into the same university.
On this week鈥檚 Love Life, they talk about the housing scam that brought them together, falling in love as coursemates, the six-month relationship break that pushed them into other people鈥檚 arms, and the difficult journey back to each other.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.
What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?
Ibrahim: I met Ife in 2016, during our first few weeks in university. We were coursemates, so we saw each other almost every day, but were just two people who exchanged greetings whenever our paths crossed.
A few weeks before resumption, I paid an agent for accommodation. The hostel was undergoing final renovations and was supposed to be ready shortly after school resumed. But when I got to school, the agent kept giving excuses. Every day, it was one new story.
I was squatting with a friend at the time, so I didn鈥檛 panic initially. But after about four weeks, I realised something was wrong. The agent stopped answering my calls and nobody knew him. It turned out that I鈥檇 been scammed and the hostel didn鈥檛 exist.
Then, the friend I was staying with gave me a deadline to leave. I remember sitting in class that week, completely stranded.
After class one day, I stood up and told everyone what had happened. I said, 鈥淚f anybody knows somewhere I can stay, please help me.鈥 Nobody really responded, and I left feeling embarrassed. A few minutes later, Ife came after me.
Ife: Most of us were still new students trying to find our footing, so I could imagine how stressful it must have been. We exchanged pleasantries, and he seemed like a cool person. I had a cousin who was a year ahead of us and lived off campus with some friends, so I told Ibrahim I鈥檇 speak with him.
I didn鈥檛 even know if there would be space. I just felt compelled to assist him at that moment.
Ibrahim: Two days later, she called and said her cousin said I could move in. She didn鈥檛 stop at connecting me with her cousin. She actually helped me move. I still remember her carrying bags and helping me settle in.
I鈥檇 never experienced that kind of kindness from someone who didn鈥檛 owe me anything.
Aww. What happened after that?
Ife: We just started spending more time together. We studied together, attended classes together and ate together. Sometimes, we鈥檇 leave class and spend hours talking about random things. It was a lot of getting to know each other better.
People started assuming we were dating long before we actually were. But assumptions like that were pretty normal in 100 level. Once people see students of the opposite gender moving together, they automatically assume something is going on.
Ibrahim: Looking back, I can see where the assumptions came from. If I was going somewhere, Ife was probably there and vice versa. Ife would call me when she was confused about an assignment. I鈥檇 call her when I wanted company. We became each other鈥檚 favourite person without ever discussing it.
I knew I was starting to like her more than a friend. I just didn鈥檛 know if she liked me too. Unless they expressly state it, you can鈥檛 assume they like you like that.
Did you like him, Ife?
Ife: I definitely did. He was funny, dependable and easy to talk to. Our friendship felt effortless. We had this stupid game where we鈥檇 see who had the loudest fart. I couldn鈥檛 do that with any random dude without fear of judgment. That鈥檚 how free I was around Ibrahim.
Even though I could tell he liked me, I wasn鈥檛 really thinking about dating at the time. We were freshers. School had just started. I wasn鈥檛 trying to jump into a relationship.
At what point did things change?
Ibrahim: Towards the end of our first year.
We were preparing for our departmental dinner, and everyone was so excited about it. I didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal, but then I was nominated for 鈥渂est dressed fresher.鈥 That was when I really got into it.
As I was planning outfits and tickets, I heard another guy was planning to buy a ticket for Ife and ask her out. I was so livid when I heard that, I suddenly realised I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with another guy making a move on her. I knew the guy had eyed Ife a couple of times, and we鈥檇 even joked about him together, but I didn鈥檛 know he was that serious about her.
I was initially planning to attend alone, but after this revelation, I had to switch tactics. I can鈥檛 even remember what I told my parents I needed money for, but I got it and bought a couple鈥檚 table for us.
Ife: I remember laughing because I genuinely didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal. The guy could鈥檝e bought all the tickets he wanted but it doesn鈥檛 mean I鈥檇 have accepted him. The fact that he didn鈥檛 even think to ask me before telling other people was enough of a red flag.
But Ibrahim became strangely interested in the situation, and showed up with our couple鈥檚 ticket. It was both funny and sweet at the same time because I kept wondering where the energy was the entire time before that.
How did the dinner go?
Ibrahim: We were the only ones in our entire 100 level set to sit on a couple鈥檚 table. Everybody was looking at us, and honestly, I liked it.
Ife: In a way, it felt like our relationship status changed that night without either of us formally saying so. The whole energy was different, and you couldn鈥檛 tell anyone we weren鈥檛 already an item.
Ibrahim: After the dinner, I finally asked her out properly. Thankfully, she said yes. I was so elated that I didn鈥檛 even have time to brood over losing the best dressed award.
So you were officially dating
Ife: Yes. The early days were very simple. It didn鈥檛 feel like we had to do anything extra to fit into the boyfriend and girlfriend role.
It helped that we were already close friends before anything romantic started. We didn鈥檛 have to learn about each other from scratch. We already knew how the other person spoke, what annoyed them, and how they reacted when they were stressed. If we misunderstood each other, it never lasted long. One of us would call, or we would see each other on campus and talk things through until it made sense again.
So it felt natural. It didn鈥檛 feel like we were trying to build something new.
Ibrahim: Everything was so easy and we both didn鈥檛 have to try too hard. We were always around each other. If I didn鈥檛 see her in the morning, I would see her later in the day, and if I didn鈥檛 see her on campus, I would probably run into her on the way back to the hostel or in a friend鈥檚 room.
We would eat together when we could, study together when exams were close, and just sit and talk about anything when we were tired of school.
Ife: We basically grew through university together. It got to a point where it was hard to talk about my university experience without mentioning him. If I had something good happen, he was usually the first person I told. If I was stressed about something, I also went to him.
Even our friends started seeing us as a pair. If they saw either of us apart, there was the slightly accusatory 鈥淲here is XYZ?鈥 question that came at us. It was funny. But then, almost like a blink of an eye, graduation happened in 2021 and we had to be apart for a really long time.
But why?
Ibrahim: I had to go back to Lagos, and she returned to Ede.
We were now in different places, trying to figure out what came next. It wasn鈥檛 like we suddenly stopped caring about each other, but you don鈥檛 even realise that you鈥檙e slowly pulling away from this person.
At first, we tried. We would call, text, try to maintain the same energy we had in school. But it didn鈥檛 feel as natural anymore. Sometimes, one of us would be busy with our own things and forget to check in. Slowly, the gaps became noticeable.
Ife: We talked less frequently, and when we did talk, the conversations didn鈥檛 last as long as they used to. Sometimes, we would go a full day without speaking, then two days, then it started stretching longer.
And because we were both adjusting to life after school, it was easy to excuse it. We would say we were busy or tired or trying to figure things out. But underneath that, the relationship was changing. We also started arguing more. Things that we would normally laugh off or talk through quickly started turning into issues.
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Curious. Did you guys discuss what a long distance relationship would look like before graduation?
Ife: To be honest, it always worried me, but Ibrahim would wave it off. There was this one time we went on ASUU strike, and our communication was complete shit. That was when I first thought about what life after graduation would look like, but Ibrahim didn鈥檛 think it was an issue.
Ibrahim: I take the blame for that. I don鈥檛 like to overthink and stress about problems that don鈥檛 exist yet. So every time she brought it up, I鈥檇 reassure her that we would cross the bridge when we got there.
So how did you resolve things?
Ibrahim: Ife brought up the idea of taking a break from the relationship.
Ife: It was just something I felt we needed at the time. I was very intentional about assuring him that we were not breaking up. At least that was how I saw it. I just felt like we needed space to breathe and figure ourselves out without the constant pressure of maintaining the relationship.
It felt like maybe if we stepped back a little, we would come back better.
Ibrahim: I didn鈥檛 like it at all. I remember telling her that breaks usually don鈥檛 end well. In most cases, they just become the beginning of the end. But I could also see that we were struggling. So I eventually agreed, even though I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with it.
I didn鈥檛 want to be the one holding us back from trying something that might help. But I was right. The break was a terrible idea.
What happened?!
Ibrahim: At first, it felt like a release. With no emotional responsibility on my shoulders, I got with some girls I鈥檇 been eyeing while Ife and I were together. Some stopped at casual flirting and some involved no-strings-attached sex. But I told myself the flings wouldn鈥檛 go anywhere because I still had Ife.
But after a while, it wasn鈥檛 as freeing as I thought it would be. I would be out, and I鈥檇 still think about Ife. Sometimes, I would catch myself comparing conversations, or wondering what she would think about something I had done.
Ife: I wasn鈥檛 interested in going from person to person or trying to replace what I had with Ibrahim. But there was someone I had always had a quiet interest in, and during the break, we got closer.
Yet, I still found myself thinking about Ibrahim more than I expected.
Did you actually agree to see other people during the break?
Ibrahim: It wasn鈥檛 expressly stated, but I guess it was just somewhere in the air. Like, do whatever you want and I鈥檒l do whatever I want.
Ife: We still spoke occasionally during the break. Just small check-ins or greetings, small interactions that felt strange. We were no longer speaking as a couple, but we were also not fully disconnected.
After a while, I started hearing things from mutual friends. People were saying Ibrahim had been with other girls. I told myself it didn鈥檛 matter because we were on a break, but hearing it still got me upset. That was when I realised I was still more emotionally attached than I wanted to admit.
Ibrahim: I also started hearing things about Ife. I remember that it stayed in my mind for a long time. Even though I was also seeing people, hearing it about her felt different. That was when I realised the break was actually doing more harm than good. We didn鈥檛 specify how long the break was for, but it felt like it was time to have a frank conversation about what we were doing.
Who reached out first?
Ibrahim: I did. I told her we needed to talk properly, but in person.
Ife: I wasn鈥檛 sure I wanted to see him at first. Too many things had happened, and I didn鈥檛 know what the conversation would even look like. But I also knew we couldn鈥檛 keep avoiding each other forever. So I agreed.
We both told our parents we had clearance matters to attend to so we could travel to school.
Ibrahim: We stayed in a friend鈥檚 hostel. I remember the first time I saw her again. It didn鈥檛 feel like seeing the same person I left behind. We just kept going around the bush and asking unrelated questions. It was all super awkward until Ife said something like, 鈥淲e have to be honest.鈥
Ife: I told him we had to talk about what we鈥檇 gotten up to during the break before we could even consider reconciliation or where the relationship was headed.
Ibrahim: We talked for a long time, and it was a tough conversation. Even when I didn鈥檛 go into detail, she would stop me and ask questions. That made me very uncomfortable, but we kept going because there was no other way to deal with it.
Did talking change anything?
Ife: It helped in a way. It hurt hearing everything, but we鈥檇 both agreed to take a break, and we didn鈥檛 expressly state the terms of what the break entailed. So there was no point trying to hold anything against each other.
If anything, the break only reminded us how we truly felt about each other.
Ibrahim: At some point, we just sat there without talking. And then, I leaned in to embrace her. We started crying together until things got intimate. We had another conversation the next day, and that was when we decided to try again.
It鈥檚 been two years since then, and we鈥檙e still together. She worked her NYSC to Lagos and has stayed since then, so distance is no longer an issue.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Ife: I鈥檒l say 8. We learnt a lot the hard way, but we are still here.
Ibrahim: I鈥檒l give it a 9. We found our way back to each other.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.
