Love Life聽is a 91大神 weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Anita* (30) first noticed Helen* (31) on Instagram in 2023, but their first real interaction didn鈥檛 happen until a year later, thanks to a shared love for music.
On this week鈥檚 Love Life, they talk about reconnecting on Bumble, navigating miscommunication and drama from their exes, and why choosing each other still feels like the best decision they鈥檝e made.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.
What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?
Helen: It was in January 2024 when Anita posted a song by Anendlessocean on her Instagram story that caught my attention. I replied saying I鈥檇 had the song on repeat. She recommended listening to the full album. That was our first interaction since I accepted her follow request in 2023.
Anita: That鈥檚 true. I first noticed Helen sometime in 2023 after seeing her comment on an Instagram post. I can鈥檛 even remember what post it was, but something about her stood out, so I followed her.
We didn鈥檛 talk for a while after that. We just sort of existed in the same space. Then one day in 2024, she reacted to my stories after I shared something from Anendlessocean. I was pleasantly surprised that we finally spoke, and even more surprised she liked the singer. That鈥檚 how we kicked off our interactions.
Right. So what happened next?
Helen: We exchanged texts occasionally, but that was it. I was in a relationship then and barely remembered she existed, except when her stories popped up on IG. She also used to send reels, but I couldn鈥檛 really keep up. I liked her and thought we could be friends, but I wasn鈥檛 going to push anything, considering I was dating. I guess that鈥檚 how things fizzled out between us.
Anita: I liked Helen from the jump and wanted to get to know her. Sending those reels after our first interaction was my subtle way of keeping in touch. We had short conversations occasionally, nothing too deep or overly familiar, mostly surface level. But I later found out she was dating, so I let it go.
How did you find out?
Anita: She was out on her birthday last year, and it looked like she might鈥檝e been on a date. I just assumed she was in a relationship. It made sense why our conversations never really went anywhere. So, after putting two and two together in my head, I stepped back, even if I wasn鈥檛 entirely sure.
Curious, Helen. Did you suspect anything at all from Anita? Is that why you kept things at the surface level?
Helen: I definitely did. I liked that she was warm and very sweet in our conversations. I鈥檇 even say I was enjoying it. But I knew that if I continued, I鈥檇 end up stringing her along and giving off 鈥淚鈥檓 interested鈥 vibes, even though I was in love with someone else and had no space for side attractions.
I didn鈥檛 want to give her the wrong impression, so I didn鈥檛 pursue the friendship.
I see. When did the dynamics between you change?
Helen: It took a while, probably a year. Anyway, I was back on the streets in 2025. I joined Bumble, and guess whose profile I bumped into first? Anita. She swiped first, and I swiped after. I found it hilarious when I realised it was her. Like, what are the odds?
Wait. You said you were really into your last relationship. What went wrong?
Helen: My ex japa鈥檇, and after a few months, she said she couldn鈥檛 handle being without physical intimacy and wanted to see other people. I鈥檓 a one-woman woman and couldn鈥檛 stomach the idea of an open relationship, no matter how casual she promised it would be. She鈥檇 already started catching feelings for someone else, and in my books, that鈥檚 cheating. So I called it off. I knew I deserved better.
About five months after the breakup, my friends encouraged me to put myself out there again, and that鈥檚 how Bumble happened.
I guess it was Anita鈥檚 luck then.
Anita: Listen, I was happy as fuck. It was just another regular day of checking the app, and there she was. The funny thing is that she didn鈥檛 even remember who I was. It wasn鈥檛 until I told her we followed each other on IG that she clocked.
We clicked instantly. It was around her birthday, and she was also moving houses, so we spent a lot of time on the phone, talking and getting to know each other. It felt so good because I鈥檇 always wanted to know her better. But after a while, it felt like we ran out of things to say, and the connection got lukewarm again.
Helen: I think she鈥檚 leaving out how we got to that point. During my birthday week and the stress of moving, we planned to meet in person for the first time. I cleared my weekend schedule, even cancelled a girls鈥 brunch, because I was keen on finally seeing her.
Unfortunately, her cab guy didn鈥檛 show up 鈥 she lives on the outskirts of Lagos and always has to plan ahead to get into central Lagos. I was bummed. I鈥檇 looked forward to that meet-up, and I felt she would’ve made better arrangements if she really wanted it as much as I did. I got furious. Like, guy, you disappointed me after I cleared my schedule. The least you could do was reassure me and try to reschedule, not kill the idea of meeting entirely. I stopped texting the way we used to for a couple of days. But what made it worse was finding out she was housing an ex. That was my wake-up call to demand better. Anita is reserved and struggles with expressing her emotions, so she couldn鈥檛 really explain how the whole thing made her feel.
Anita: I felt terrible for disappointing Helen. I knew she was upset, and I hated that I had caused it. I kept apologising, even when I didn鈥檛 know the right words to say 鈥 I just wanted her to know I was sorry. She felt like I was being nonchalant, but I was only trying to make sure I showed up the next time we made plans.
But yeah, things changed after that. Our communication dipped, and the vibe just wasn鈥檛 the same.
As for my ex, it wasn鈥檛 like I randomly decided to house her. We broke up in late 2024, but she later called to say she got a job in Lagos and needed a place to stay. The guy she was squatting with had been sexually assaulting her, and she needed somewhere safe until she found her footing. I agreed. I didn鈥檛 realise she had other plans. She probably thought staying together would make us reconnect, but I鈥檇 moved on.
How did you move past this?
Anita: I spoke to my ex after Helen expressed her concerns. She eventually moved out, and that helped us focus on each other.
Helen: I let the bailout issue go after venting and explaining how I felt and how I believed she could鈥檝e done better. She took it well, better than I expected, which made me realise how different we are. I鈥檓 outspoken and expressive, but Anita鈥檚 more reserved. She鈥檚 a slow burner. I knew I had to give her more grace.
About her ex, I鈥檓 glad she had the difficult conversation. It caused some drama 鈥 the ex clearly wanted them back together 鈥 but once she moved out, that chapter closed.
But I鈥檓 curious. Why did you both feel so strongly at this point? Had you already talked about feelings?
Helen: I liked Anita, but I wasn鈥檛 ready to get into anything serious, especially with her ex still in the picture. I was intentional about finding my person and didn鈥檛 want to start off with drama.
Anita: After seeing how strongly she reacted to the issue with my ex and the missed meet-up, I became convinced she liked me.
Helen: We finally saw each other again on May 24th. We went on a mini staycation, and that was when she officially asked me out. I said yes.
It鈥檚 been more than a month since you started dating. Do you still think it was the right decision?
Helen: I was scared at first, but in a good way. I liked everything about Anita and how she made me feel. Some people would chalk it up to the honeymoon phase, but I鈥檝e had many; this isn鈥檛 that. I felt excited, calm, and at home. Sometimes, I questioned if it was real, but only because it felt too good to be true.
We鈥檝e had a few hiccups. Like magic, both our exes started crawling back. I felt jealous when Anita鈥檚 ex sent an epistle, reminiscing about their time together. But she reassured me it wasn鈥檛 going anywhere. I did the same with mine. I told her and everyone she sent to speak to me that I鈥檇 moved on. It sounds easy, but I had doubts. I feared Anita might consider returning, but she never gave me reason to believe that.
Anita: We鈥檝e never gotten tired of each other. Sometimes it still feels too good to be true. But we鈥檝e hit a few bumps that have helped us appreciate our differences and become more intentional. We鈥檙e learning and evolving, and it gets better every day.
Speaking of differences, how are you two navigating communication now? Did it cause more issues once you got together?
Anita: Definitely. I think she often felt like I didn鈥檛 care enough to open up. But the truth is, I didn鈥檛 know how. I鈥檝e always struggled to express my feelings, and that made things difficult.
Helen: I had to ask her to write things down or text me. I needed to know what she was feeling. It became a big issue, but she realised it early and started working on it. We鈥檝e found other ways to communicate. She鈥檚 way better now. I told her from the beginning that I鈥檇 rub off on her, and I think I have.
Anita: And it鈥檚 not just in our relationship. I鈥檓 learning to be honest with other people, too. I now tell them how their actions affect me. I used to avoid conflict at all costs, but I鈥檓 doing better.
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Love it for you. Have you had a major fight yet?
Anita: Yes. Helen made a joke about my finances, which hit a nerve. I told her how I felt, but I didn鈥檛 feel heard. Later that night, we had plans for a date night, but I didn鈥檛 show up. I was still upset and just wanted to sleep. I called before bed, and she didn鈥檛 mention the date night. I woke up to a text from her about us missing it, but still nothing about the joke. I was determined to address it properly, especially because it was the first day of a new month.
I tried reaching out again, but her replies felt cold. So I gave her space.
Helen: It was a bad joke about her finances, which she鈥檚 still insecure about. When I realised she was hurt, I went numb. But she mistook that for me not caring. I actually apologised before we ended that call. She says she didn鈥檛 hear it, but I did.
Afterwards, I assumed she needed space. Meanwhile, she was expecting me to initiate a proper conversation. It carried over into the next day, and in the middle of all that, she found out I still followed my ex鈥檚 Finsta. That was awkward. We鈥檇 followed each other for a while 鈥 it didn鈥檛 mean anything 鈥 but Anita was mad.
We eventually had a conversation. By then, we鈥檇 missed each other so much. We knew we couldn鈥檛 keep going like that. I apologised properly, and we moved forward.
Fair enough. But Helen, considering Anita struggles to speak up, do you think keeping your distance when she finally does is fair?
Helen: It鈥檚 not. And I鈥檒l admit, that wasn鈥檛 my finest moment. I wish I had handled it better. I went against everything I stand for; I don鈥檛 joke about people鈥檚 insecurities, and I felt terrible. I was dealing with guilt and hurt. But I know distance only creates resentment, so I had to change.
Now, I always communicate, even when I鈥檓 struggling. That鈥檚 helped a lot.
Anita: Through everything, I think we鈥檝e become more aware of our patterns. We鈥檙e learning how to handle things better.
Neat. What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?
Anita: How we hold space for ourselves, even during the hard moments. There鈥檚 this deep sense of love and safety that makes everything feel easy. Being with Helen feels like home. I鈥檝e never felt this comfortable with anyone. I love how she loves me, how she makes me feel. She鈥檚 the calm to my chaos, and I feel truly seen.
Because of her, I鈥檝e learnt patience and gotten better at expressing myself. There鈥檚 a kind of growth that only love brings, and we鈥檙e both experiencing that.
Helen: It鈥檚 how we complement each other. I鈥檓 hot, she鈥檚 cold, and somehow we鈥檝e made that work. We鈥檙e always discovering new ways to show love and care. I鈥檝e also become more patient and more intentional. She鈥檚 someone I want to build a life with, and she makes that easy.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1鈥10?
Anita: A solid 9. There鈥檚 so much love, trust and emotional support. It feels like we鈥檙e building something real. We鈥檙e not perfect, and we still have more to learn, but how we show up for each other, especially during the tough moments, makes me really grateful.
Helen: It鈥檚 a 9 for me too, and that鈥檚 only because of the distance. The day we finally get to wake up next to each other every morning? That鈥檚 the day it becomes a 10.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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