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In this part of the world, childbearing is often treated as the natural next step for couples who walk down the aisle. Within weeks or months of the wedding, friends and family — who often claim to mean well — begin dropping subtle hints or, in more extreme cases, outright “womb watching.”

But amid rising costs of living, more young couples are having honest conversations about where they stand on having children. Many still want to be parents, but they’re determined to do it on their own terms. We spoke to a few of them to hear their perspectives.

“As long as we’re in Nigeria, no kids” — Shade*, 27

“I got married two years ago, and we’ve both been very clear about one thing: we’re not having children in Nigeria. It’s not even up for debate. The funny thing is, we don’t even have a solid relocation plan yet. It’s not happening anytime soon, but we’d rather wait than bring a child into an environment we’re not comfortable raising them in. For now, it’s just the two of us, and we’re okay with that.”

“I almost died trying to have kids” — Amaka*, 31

“I’ve been married for four years, and I’ve had three miscarriages. One of them almost took my life. That experience changed everything for me. Through it all, my husband has been clear that he didn’t marry me for children. He’s fine if we never have any. I’m slowly accepting that I might not want to go through that process again, at least not naturally. Right now, I just want to be alive and at peace.”

“Our finances aren’t ready for that step” — Tunde*, 32

“My wife and I have been married for four years, and we’ve had several honest conversations about kids. We both agree we’re not ready. Things are expensive, and we’re still trying to stabilise financially. It doesn’t make sense to bring a child into that kind of pressure. Our families have started asking questions, but we’ve decided not to let anyone rush us. When we’re ready, we’ll know.”

“That pregnancy scare woke us up” — Kemi*, 31

“It took a pregnancy scare for us to realise we weren’t ready. At all. I’m currently doing my master’s, and my husband is actively working on relocation plans. A baby right now would disrupt everything we’re building. It forced us to sit down and have real conversations about timing. We’ve agreed to give ourselves at least three more years before we even think about children. For now, we’re focused on getting our lives in order.”

“We don’t want any” — Andrew*, 37

One of the reasons I married my wife is because we’ve always been on the same page about children: we don’t want any.

We’ve been married for six years, and neither of us has changed our mind. Kids are a lot, and we’ve both accepted that we’re not people who genuinely want to be parents.

It was an honest realisation. The exhausting part is constantly giving our families excuses because they have no idea. We’re planning to relocate, and honestly, that’ll make dodging those questions much easier. 

“We’re not even settled yet” — Alex*, 40

My wife and I moved to the UK in 2023 after we got married, and it’s been intense. We both work most of the time and barely have time for ourselves. Watching how people live here also changed my perspective. Kids aren’t always the centre of everything. I’m getting more comfortable with the idea that we might not need them right now. Honestly, we’re still trying to settle. Parenting can wait.

“We’re still healing from our own childhoods” — Chika*, 29

This might sound deep, but one of the reasons we’re not having kids yet is because we’re both still unpacking our own childhood experiences. We’ve had difficult family dynamics, and we don’t want to repeat those patterns. We’re in therapy, learning, growing, and trying to become better people first. Bringing a child into the mix now would feel premature. We want to be intentional about it.

“We’re focused on building first” — Zainab*, 28

I got married in late 2025, and the questions started almost immediately. My parents and in-laws kept asking when I’d get pregnant. I had to shut mine down, and thankfully, my husband spoke to his too. Right now, we’re focused on our marriage and building a solid foundation. We’re still figuring each other out and planning our future. Kids will come later, but they’re not part of the picture right now.

“It’s not something we’re passionate about” — Edward*, 39

People assume everyone wants kids, but that’s not entirely true for us. We’re not against it, but it’s not something we feel strongly about either. We’ve talked about it and agreed that if it happens later, fine. If it doesn’t, that’s also fine. Right now, we’re more focused on building a life that makes us happy. Kids aren’t a priority, and we’re not forcing it.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.