I was looking to speak with people who reconnected with their IJGB family members during the Christmas and New Year holidays when I found Banji*.
He shares how his cousin, back in Nigeria for the first time in 16 years, has turned what should鈥檝e been a sweet reunion into a series of exhausting Detty December escapades.
As told to Adeyinka
Growing up, Gbolahan* and I were more than cousins; we were practically twins. Born just a year apart, we were inseparable. Our parents lived in the same neighbourhood, so we did almost everything together鈥攁ttending the same schools, church, and even having the same home lesson teachers. But in 2009, everything changed. Gbolahan moved to the US right after secondary school, and I stayed back in Lagos.
To his credit, he didn鈥檛 let the distance ruin our relationship. Despite the time zones, Gbolahan made an effort to keep in touch. We鈥檇 spend hours chatting on WhatsApp. He鈥檇 tell me about snowstorms, weird American food, and the pressure of making it abroad. I鈥檇 fill him in on life in Lagos, family drama, and daily hustles. It was almost like he never left.
However, last December, I realised that distance might鈥檝e done more damage than I thought. For years, Gbolahan raved about wanting to experience a proper Detty December. He鈥檇 call me and complain about how Christmas in the US was just snow, family dinners, and Netflix. I always argued that the Nigerian dream was missing Nigeria from abroad. But he wasn鈥檛 having it. 鈥淏anji, you don鈥檛 understand. I wish we could exchange places,鈥 he鈥檇 say. Well, last December, he finally got his wish.
I was excited when he told me he was coming home for the holidays. I planned to go to a few concerts, hit a nightclub, and spend the rest of the time catching up. I mean, how wild could he really be? The answer: very.
From the moment he landed at Murtala Muhammed Airport, Gbolahan hit the ground running. He barely spent 24 hours resting before calling me: 鈥淕uy, get ready. We鈥檙e going to a house party tonight!鈥 I was confused because I assumed I鈥檇 be his guide to Lagos nightlife. What did he know about house parties after 16 years abroad? He and some IJGB friends had booked the apartment and planned the party weeks in advance. I didn鈥檛 want to ruin his vibe, so I went.
The party wasn鈥檛 bad鈥攍oud music, food in disposable plates, and overly excited IJGBs. I managed to keep up, even when Gbolahan insisted on taking shots like he was held hostage. But that was just the beginning.
The next day, my cousin had us hopping from one event to the next. He had an itinerary so packed it felt like he was competing in the Detty December Olympics. Every major concert, popular lounge, and random after-party were on his list. For every suggestion I made, he had five better ones. And honestly, they were better. I won鈥檛 even lie鈥攈e knew all the spots. But I had a budget in mind. Gbolahan, on the other hand, didn鈥檛 care. The naira can鈥檛 compete with his dollar-powered spending.
The breaking point came at one of those beach raves. You know, the ones where they charge a million naira for a private beach house, and you leave questioning your life choices. Gbolahan was in his element. He had other friends join us, screaming lyrics, openly flirting, and bribing the DJ to let them spin tracks. Meanwhile, I was nursing an overpriced cocktail, battling a migraine, and wondering why I even left my house.
At some point, he found me and said, 鈥淏anji, how far? Can you order a ride? We鈥檙e heading to the club.鈥 My guy, it was 2 a.m., and I had work in the morning. I ordered the ride for him and his friends but stayed at the beach house until morning before heading home.
Since that night, I鈥檝e been actively dodging Gbolahan. Don鈥檛 get me wrong鈥擨 love him. He鈥檚 still my cousin and childhood partner-in-crime. But I can鈥檛 handle his wildness. It鈥檚 like he鈥檚 been saving all his party energy since 2009, and now Lagos is paying the price.
When he calls to hang out, I make excuses: 鈥淥h, I have an early meeting,鈥 or 鈥淚鈥檓 feeling under the weather.鈥 The truth? I just want to sleep.
Gbolahan鈥檚 still here till the last week of January, and I鈥檓 counting down the days. I鈥檝e promised myself I鈥檒l join him for one or two more outings to avoid being labelled the boring cousin. But deep down, I know I鈥檝e had enough.
Read this next: How to Find The Love of Your Life Before February 14
