Author: Winifred Andem
For many Nigerian men, there鈥檚 an unwritten rule that their male friends shouldn鈥檛 date their sisters. But why does this rule exist? For some, it鈥檚 the infamous 鈥渂ro code鈥. For others, it鈥檚 less about loyalty and more about knowing exactly how their friends treat the women they claim to love.
In this story, we asked five Nigerian men why they鈥檙e uncomfortable with their friends getting romantically involved with their sisters, and what they鈥檇 do if their sisters chose to date them anyway.
鈥淢y friends are family so it feels weird鈥 鈥 Faruk, 29
I think of my friends as family, so the idea of one of them dating my sister just feels weird. I don鈥檛 want to be discussing relationship issues with my friends when it鈥檚 about my sister.聽
There鈥檚 also the problem of what happens if the relationship goes wrong. If my friend cheated on her, would I tell her? I鈥檇 probably struggle because I鈥檓 loyal to my friend. If he became abusive, I might find myself making excuses for him because I know him, instead of reacting the way I would to a stranger. I can鈥檛 control who my sister dates, but I draw the line at my friends.
鈥淚 expect my friends to consider my sister as family鈥 鈥 Joseph, 28
I see my friends鈥 sisters as family, so I don鈥檛 have any sexual interest in them. I expect my friends to think about my sister the same way, which is why I鈥檇 be uncomfortable if one of them told me he liked her. I鈥檇 make it clear that I鈥檓 not okay with it. If he still pursues the relationship, I鈥檇 withdraw from him and eventually end the friendship.
That said, I don鈥檛 get to decide who my sister dates. If she chooses my friend, I wouldn鈥檛 cut her off, but I’d be really annoyed. She鈥檚 free to make her choices, but there still needs to be some level of acceptance from me. Otherwise, it would make things uncomfortable for everyone.
鈥淭hey treat other girls badly鈥 鈥 Michael, 26
I already know what will befall my sister if she dares to date any of my friends. My friends talk openly about their experiences, so I鈥檝e seen how some of them treat women. Some are reckless and verbally abusive. Also, they鈥檙e not dating with the intention to settle down; I don鈥檛 want my sister to waste her time like that.
That said, the friends I have now are interested in marriage, so I wouldn鈥檛 have a problem with them approaching her.聽 I don’t have a say in who she dates, but I hope that the relationship we have has taught her the ideal qualities to look for in a romantic partner.
鈥淢y friends are womanisers鈥澛犫 Daniel, 30
Some of my friends are womanisers and aren鈥檛 ready to commit to one person. I don鈥檛 want that for my sister. But if she liked one of them and insisted on the relationship, I wouldn鈥檛 try to stop her. I鈥檇 tell her everything I knew about his behaviour so she could make an informed decision. My loyalty is to my sister because she鈥檚 family. She deserves to know exactly what she鈥檚 getting into.
鈥淭he age difference is too significant to ignore鈥 鈥 Marthins, 32
I don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 anything wrong with a man dating his friend鈥檚 sister. For me, it鈥檚 a matter of trust and, more importantly, age. My sister and I have a significant age difference, so I鈥檇 be disgusted and uncomfortable if one of my friends expressed interest in her. I also doubt she鈥檇 be ready for marriage anytime soon, which would make the situation even more uncomfortable for me.
If she and my friend were around the same age and she was comfortable with him, I鈥檇 feel differently. Ultimately, I can only advise and look out for her, but the final decision is hers.
ALSO READ: Nigerian Men on What They Want But Don鈥檛 Say in Relationships
