Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Tayo and I have been married for a little over four years. But we鈥檝e known each other a long time. We actually met and were in each other鈥檚 circles for about eight years before we got married.

Aw, cute. How did you meet? 

We met on Instagram. I was still in medical school and had posted a poem on my story. Tayo commented on it, then he put me in a group with fellow poets. We weren鈥檛 close in the beginning; I was getting to know other people in the group, just like him. It took about two to three years of being acquaintances before we actually started talking properly, sometime around 2015/2016.

And was that when the love bloomed?

Ha! No. We were still friends, and barely friends even. We’d connect, gist for a bit, forget each other, then reconnect. I schooled outside Lagos, so we didn鈥檛 even see each other physically for a long time. There was even a point in 2020 when we were supposed to meet, but it just didn’t work out. 

Then, in 2021, while I was rounding up medical school, we started talking again properly. We naturally started dating and got married in six months. This was 2022, some months after I graduated from medical school.

Six months?

When you know, you know. I was drawn to his entrepreneurial spirit. He’s from a humble background, and from his student days, he’d already built multiple streams of income for himself: video editing, Photoshop, writing, and poetry. It felt like he acquired a new skill every time I blinked. I liked his ambition.

He’s also just a reliable person. Looking at what he built for himself despite growing up poor, I believed he could give me a secure future. Whatever happened, our family wouldn’t suffer because he’d find a way to take care of us.

He’s published books, done skits, and is always looking out for opportunities. Even before hustle culture was as serious as it is now, he was on top of everything. All this plus our shared love for writing? Of course, I married him.

Before we get to marriage, let鈥檚 talk about how you both navigated money in the dating days.

Very openly, actually. I always knew about gigs he landed, even if I didn鈥檛 know how much money they brought in, so I had a general sense of what he was working on. 

He took me out often and paid for dates since I’d just left school and wasn’t earning yet. He’d also come over to my place sometimes 鈥� I lived with my parents then 鈥� and I’d cook, make sure there was food and drinks. 

I don鈥檛 know how to ask for things, so it was nice to be given gifts unprompted. The only Valentine’s Day we spent together before getting married, he got me a teddy bear and flowers. I’d never received a Valentine’s gift before that.

Did this extend into your marriage? 

100%. He believes in full transparency and splitting expenses, always saying, 鈥淥ur money is our money.鈥� I share the same belief, and I like our dynamic. We both just sort whatever needs to be taken care of.

Walk me through how you split expenses now.

Tayo handles rent, mostly. He handles our daughter’s school fees, though I chip in sometimes. He takes care of electricity, fuel for the car and generator, and mostly buys the cooking gas. When we go out, at least once a month, it’s roughly a 60/40 split between us, with him chipping in 60%. 

I’m the one who plans and buys food and household stuff, partly because he was a bachelor who lived on ordering food out, so grocery planning was never his instinct. He also sends money for food and randomly sends me gift money, with descriptions like, “For yourself, not the house.”

He also supports my dreams. We both wanted to move to the UK, and we planned to go together. However, that didn鈥檛 work out.

Tell me about that.

I’ve wanted to practise abroad as a doctor since medical school. I took the IELTS in 2022, shortly after we got married, and it cost me 鈧�85k. Then, in 2023, I wrote my 鈥� the first step to practising in the UK. That one cost me 鈧�225k. Tayo supported me through the process. In fact, he reimbursed me 鈧�50k for the IELTS.

I planned to write PLAB 2 (the second phase of the exam) in 2026, as the UK required candidates to pass the second phase within three years of PLAB 1, or the first result would expire. However, in May 2025, I found out the medical council had cut the timeline down to two years. That meant I had less than six months to write an exam that would cost almost 鈧�5 million, including the cost of travel to the UK.

That鈥檚 a lot of money.

Money we didn鈥檛 have. I was earning 鈧�350k/month at the time, and Tayo was earning about 鈧�600k/month from his freelance work, so I thought we could save for the exam that was in 2026. 

But around the time I learned about the revised timeline, our income took a big hit. My husband鈥檚 freelance gigs dried up, and he lost a few other long-term clients at the same time. His income dipped lower than mine, to about 鈧�300k/month. Additionally, our car broke down, so Tayo took out a 鈧�1.5 million loan to fix it. We鈥檙e still repaying it. 

I considered taking out a loan to cover the exam and travel costs, but Tayo was against it.

Did he share why?

He wanted us to try to raise the money ourselves first rather than go into debt, especially because his income was now unstable. We had a family friend who wrote the same exam in 2024 and still hadn’t landed a job in the UK after two years of trying. He didn’t want us in a position where we’d have to repay millions of naira for an exam that might not even lead anywhere for a long time. It felt like too big a risk.

Was the attempt to raise money successful? 

No. I couldn鈥檛 meet the deadline. And it wasn’t just that exam; everything else ended as well. My IELTS expired around the same time, and my international passport expired too. Everything I’d worked toward since medical school seemed to collapse in the same few months.

I鈥檓 so sorry. That must have hurt.

It was one of the worst things that had ever happened to me. I felt like I was watching years of planning go up in flames. This had been my dream for years, and because of one exam, it was suddenly out of reach. 

I understood Tayo鈥檚 point of view, but I was so hurt and very angry at him.

How did this affect your relationship?

It was a really low point in our marriage. That was the only period we鈥檇 ever had actual quarrels over money in the entire relationship. We argued constantly. It was bad. Not to mention that, at some point, we became close to a one-income household, since his gigs had dried up so much. We had to cut down expenses and live on a tight budget. To make ends meet, I stopped saving and fired my housekeeper. Only when the stress got me admitted to the hospital 3 months later did I hire another housekeeper. It was a genuinely tough stretch.

We also communicate differently. I’m the kind of person who broods and overthinks. I need to sit with things alone and cry before I can talk about them. My husband is the opposite. He wants to talk things through right away, because he feels like unspoken things spill into everything else.

So when I finally tried to communicate how hurt I was, I think it came across as me blaming him for not letting me take the loan. And even though I knew, logically, that it wasn’t his fault, because the money genuinely wasn’t there, in that moment, I felt like he hadn’t shown up for me when I needed him most.

Looking back, I think I really hurt him. He would kiss my forehead and try to comfort me when he saw me crying, and beg me, saying, 鈥淚f I had the money, don鈥檛 you think I would have paid for the exam?鈥� But it didn鈥檛 really change how I felt.

That鈥檚 rough. Did you guys get out of this rut?

We were in this weird space for about five months 鈥� starting in March. Eventually, I had to ask myself what else was possible if the UK didn’t happen. In August, I wrote my primaries, a local exam pathway into residency in Nigeria, and passed. It gave me a flicker of hope that I could still have the life I want.

I also had to look at the situation through his eyes: he wanted to help, the intention was always there, but the money just wasn’t coming. Once I stopped centring the UK as the only outcome, I stopped blaming him for it.

He also helped by reminding me of every other way he’d shown up before: paying for study materials, driving me across the country to sort out my passport, and being there through every previous exam. I understood that I鈥檇 forgotten how wonderful he is. 

When you’re in the middle of a hard moment, you forget all the good things from the past.

I鈥檓 glad you guys are back in a good place. Is the UK still your plan?

No. Beyond the money, the UK has also tightened its rules. A new law now prioritises UK graduates for jobs, and residency spots have become much harder to get for international doctors. Starting the whole exam process over again just doesn’t make sense anymore.

So, what’s the plan now? 

Canada. Getting into Canada as a doctor through PR is pretty easy. It鈥檚 when you land that things get harder with multiple exams. It’s less certain than the UK path was, but it now makes sense to both of us. Tayo is on board.

How do you feel about your relationship today? 

We’ve been through good years and hard ones, but we’ve come out closer for it. There’s always been transparency between us, but we’ve had to learn to be even more transparent and understand each other鈥檚 communication styles. 

I don’t know what the future holds, but right now, I know he’s my person. Whether japa works or not, I know Tayo is my future. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

READ NEXT: 8 Ways University Students Can Get Career-Ready Before Graduation

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Alfred and I have been together for about a year and eight months.

How did you meet?

We met through a mutual friend in 2024. I鈥檇 seen Alfred a few times at social events, but we didn鈥檛 speak until our friend鈥檚 birthday party. We ended up sitting next to each other and had fun gisting. I was surprised to find that he was funny because he always looked serious.

We exchanged numbers that night. He called the next day and told me he liked me and wanted us to date. He was very intentional about showing me his feelings, which was another surprise because I鈥檇 never met a romantic Benin man before. They don鈥檛 have time for lovey-dovey things. 

But Alfred would text me every morning and still call me after work. I remember thinking, 鈥淭his guy is actually not bad.鈥� I mean, for someone you鈥檙e not dating to be that caring, he must be nice.

What made you eventually say yes?

His intentionality, plus the fact that he was a responsible man. He had a good job as an engineer and seemed like a sensible man with a plan. He was also quite generous. He took me to nice eateries almost every weekend and generally cared for me. What else did I need in a man? Of course, I agreed to date him.

Our relationship went smoothly for the first three months, until I found out he had a child.

Oh. How did you find out?

I was at his house one weekend, when I noticed a child鈥檚 school bag and some little boy鈥檚 clothes around the place. That was my third time at his house, but the first time I saw those items. The other two times, it had just been Alfred鈥檚 properties in the house. This was around the mid-term break or the normal school holiday period, so I assumed the clothes belonged to his nephew or something.

While I was still thinking about how to ask him, a little boy came into the room and called him Daddy. I was so confused.

What did Alfred say?

He was just like, 鈥淚 wanted to tell you, but I didn鈥檛 know how.鈥� 

Then he started explaining how the lady he had planned to marry six years earlier died while giving birth to their son. Apparently, the child lived with his mother and only visited him during the holidays, which was why I didn鈥檛 know he was a dad. In summary, that was how I found out he had a six-year-old son. 

How did you react?

I was shocked and angry because I felt three months was a long time to go without telling me something like that. We fought, and I refused to pick up his calls for two days. I even fought with our mutual friend for hiding it too, but he claimed he assumed Alfred would.

Eventually, Alfred and I settled. The reason he gave for hiding it was that he didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal since the mother wasn鈥檛 in the picture, and it slipped his mind. Imagine that. How can you forget something like that? Later, he said he just wanted to make sure our relationship was strong before telling me. 

I forgave him sha. I already really liked him at that point, and thankfully, it wasn鈥檛 like he had a baby mama. 

Safe to say you didn鈥檛 have reservations about dating a single father?

Not really. I knew his child would always be important to him, which is normal. It would even be a red flag if he denied the child or abandoned him somewhere.

It only became a problem when I noticed how much of his money went towards his son.

罢丑别听听is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.听Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.听.

When did you start noticing that?

Around a year into the relationship. At first, I didn’t pay attention to how often he was sending money to his mum for his son because I thought it was the expected thing to do. Of course, he should spend money on his child.

But then I started noticing that whenever there was a financial conflict between something for his son and something for us, his son always came first.

Can you give me an example?

For our first anniversary, he promised we鈥檇 go on a staycation at a resort. I鈥檇 planned everything and even made my clothes for the trip. I was really looking forward to it. A week before the trip, he told me we had to cancel because his son needed a laptop for school.

First of all, I鈥檝e never heard that a primary school pupil needs a laptop for school. Secondly, I was bothered by how quickly he cancelled our plans. He didn鈥檛 even have a conversation with me about whether we could find another way to pay for it or postpone the purchase. He also didn鈥檛 entertain my questions about why he needed a laptop. It was simply, 鈥淢y son needs this, so the trip has to go.鈥� 

And that wasn鈥檛 the only time he did that. His mum told him the boy wanted a PlayStation for his birthday, and Alfred bought it. I remember because around the same period, I had been complaining about my phone. It was old and constantly giving me problems.

I never expected Alfred to buy me a phone, but I remember thinking, 鈥淵ou can spend over 鈧�500k on a PlayStation for a boy I鈥檓 not sure can even play well, but we keep postponing things we want to do together because they鈥檙e too expensive?鈥�

Hmmm

I feel like he spends more money on his son and prioritises his needs over mine. To be clear, I鈥檓 not angry that he鈥檚 taking care of his son; it鈥檚 how he makes me feel like a second-class citizen. Most of the time, he does whatever the boy wants, and it somehow becomes my relationship鈥檚 financial problem.

There was another time when I wanted us to go somewhere nice for my birthday. He cancelled because school fees were coming up. Not long after, he bought the boy a pair of school shoes for 鈧�50k. I was honestly hurt, but I couldn鈥檛 tell him because it鈥檇 be like I was dictating what he should or shouldn鈥檛 do for his son.

Do you both have conversations about money?

Not really in the way we should. We talk about money when there鈥檚 a specific expense, but we don鈥檛 have regular conversations about our finances or what we can build together.

I think that鈥檚 part of the problem. I know what his duties to his son are, but I don鈥檛 really know how he plans around them. We also don鈥檛 talk about our income. He spends without communicating with me or asking my opinion on matters. It鈥檚 only when I ask him for money that I鈥檒l hear things like, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 have. I just sent 鈧�50k to Iye for my son,鈥� or 鈥淚鈥檓 gathering 鈧�100k to pay for something for my son.鈥� 

That鈥檚 even how I get to find out how much he spends on his son. I鈥檝e mentioned a few times that we should talk about money more, but nothing has changed. It doesn鈥檛 feel like we鈥檙e in a partnership, which is concerning because we鈥檝e passed the stage of boyfriend-girlfriend. We鈥檙e now thinking of settling down. I shouldn鈥檛 still be thinking twice about talking about money with someone I hope to marry.

What do relationship expenses, like dates and gifts, look like for you both right now?

Alfred pays for most of our dates. He鈥檚 also the one who usually suggests going somewhere, so I don鈥檛 have a problem with that. I also buy things for him, especially on birthdays and on random gifts.听

Do you contribute financially to his son in any way?

No. And I don鈥檛 think I should at this stage. I鈥檓 not his mother, and we鈥檙e not married yet. I sometimes buy him snacks and toys, but that鈥檚 it. 

You鈥檝e mentioned marriage a few times. Are wedding plans in motion?

Alfred is very clear that he wants to marry me. We鈥檝e talked about it, but there鈥檚 no date yet. I think that鈥檚 why the money issue has started bothering me more. 

It was easy to overlook how much he spent on his son when we started dating, but if we get married, it will affect me, too. I feel like I鈥檓 constantly competing with his son for money, and I don鈥檛 like that. Again, I know his son should be a priority. But I also want us to have our own financial goals, like travelling, investing, or maybe starting a business. I don鈥檛 want every plan we make to be pushed to the side because there鈥檚 always another expense related to his son.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Alfred?

I just want to feel like we鈥檙e building something together. We need to have a proper joint plan for our future. I鈥檓 not seeing that right now. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: People Think My Girlfriend Is Too Rich for Me

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

Roseline and I have been together for about a year.

How did you meet?

We met at a tech conference in 2025. Because of my job, networking is an important reason I attend conferences. I鈥檓 also quite outgoing, so meeting and connecting with people comes easily to me. 

In between sessions, I noticed Roseline standing at one corner of the lobby by herself, so I walked up to her and struck up a conversation. She was there alone and felt out of place since there was no familiar face, so I became her unofficial 鈥減lus one.鈥� We followed each other around for the rest of the day.

The following day, we saw a movie together; we each bought our own tickets. After that, she treated me to brunch. We went to this upscale restaurant (which she chose), and she asked me to order whatever I wanted. 

Ooh. Bougie.

According to her, she wanted to thank me for helping her enjoy the conference. If I remember correctly, the bill came to about 鈧�90k. I was so surprised; I鈥檇 never met a Nigerian woman who was willing to spend her own money on a man who wasn鈥檛 her husband. 

We kept in touch after that. I鈥檓 not even sure exactly when we got into a talking stage. I just know we were talking almost every day, and we knew we liked each other. The talking stage lasted two months, and we were eventually like, 鈥淟et鈥檚 actually date for real.鈥� We鈥檝e been together since.

I feel like the brunch thing already gives it away, but what was Roseline鈥檚 financial situation? 

Oh, she鈥檚 a rich babe. I had an idea when we met at the conference. She holds a senior role at a major fintech company, so I wasn鈥檛 too shocked that she could afford to pay for the brunch. The fact that she would have money felt like a given.

However, about two months into our relationship, I realised she also comes from a wealthy background. Her family has money, and all her siblings are abroad. Finding out didn鈥檛 make much of a difference for me; it just gave a clearer picture of things.  

How so?

Roseline is very open about money. Even before we became official, she had told me her salary. The conversation started when she asked why 鈥渨e HR people鈥� don鈥檛 like revealing remuneration in job vacancies, and it somehow turned to our own salaries. 

She matter-of-factly said, 鈥淚 earn 鈧�2 million.鈥� Again, I鈥檇 never met any woman who鈥檇 openly share income figures with a romantic interest. It makes sense now that I know she鈥檚 never really struggled. I doubt anyone who grew up watching her parents hustle, or who had to hustle herself, would be that open. 

Also, she didn鈥檛 flinch when I told her my salary (it was 鈧�550k at the time). Our income gap is pretty wide and not in the commonly accepted order, where the guy earns more. If she鈥檇 grown up in a typical, average household, I doubt she鈥檇 be okay with that kind of financial dynamic, especially with all the stories of how men can become weird with women who earn higher. I mean, I鈥檓 not like that, but I wouldn鈥檛 blame any woman who would be scared of that possibility. 

Roseline doesn鈥檛 even think in that line. She鈥檚 the 鈥渕oney shouldn鈥檛 be an issue with love鈥� type. I feel like that can only be your mindset when money was never a bad subject in your home growing up. 

罢丑别听听is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.听Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.听.

I see your point. What鈥檚 the financial dynamic in your relationship these days? Do you both have conversations about money?

It鈥檚 really not a major topic for us. To be honest, I鈥檓 actually enjoying dating a rich woman. She can wake up and be like, 鈥淟et鈥檚 go out this weekend. It鈥檚 my treat.鈥� 

She doesn鈥檛 wait for me to spend money for us to have a good time. I pay for dates too, but since she鈥檚 often the one who brings them up, she insists on treating me. 

No one is billing me or asking to buy their data. I buy her gifts, but it鈥檚 more of an 鈥淚 think Roseline will look good in this, let me get it for her,鈥� and not a 鈥淚 have to buy it, or she鈥檒l complain鈥� situation. 

She also buys me thoughtful gifts. For my birthday, she paid for a three-day staycation for us because I鈥檇 complained about being stressed at work. At least I鈥檝e been freed from the shackles of receiving singlets and boxers as birthday gifts.

Love it for you. So, the income gap has never been an issue?

Between us, no. However, my friends and siblings think it might be an issue in the future. I recently started thinking about proposing to  Roseline, so I had to involve my family and some of our friends. That鈥檚 when a lot of them found out about the income gap. 

I鈥檓 not even sure why I told them. It was just one of those things that come up in conversations. Also, I鈥檓 not bothered by it, so I didn鈥檛 think saying things like, 鈥淢y babe is richer than me o鈥� could be an issue for people. Apparently, it is. 

What have the reactions been like?

It鈥檚 been a lot of 鈥淎h. She won鈥檛 respect you,鈥� and 鈥淚t can become a big problem down the line.鈥� One person even asked if I expected her to leave her family house in Ikoyi and come and live with me in Ketu. Honestly, I hadn鈥檛 thought about that. Of course, by the time we get married, I鈥檇 need to rent a bigger space, but will she be comfortable with Ketu? 

I think the many naysayers have started to put some doubt in my mind. Roseline and I haven鈥檛 really talked about what our financial dynamic would look like if we get married, but I assumed it鈥檇 be a joint approach. I know she鈥檒l most likely think the same if we talk about it, but now I sometimes catch myself wondering if it鈥檒l work out in the long run. 

When those thoughts come, I try to snap myself out of it by reminding myself that my current financial situation won鈥檛 be permanent. I鈥檓 earning this low because of the company I work for. I know people on my level who earn over 鈧�1 million. I just need to position myself for better opportunities to earn more. I can鈥檛 let fear or people鈥檚 opinions sabotage the best relationship I鈥檝e ever had.

I reckon a wedding will come after the proposal. Do you have a plan to fund it?

The proposal isn鈥檛 till later in the year, and the wedding should be in 2027. I do have some money saved away. Every month, I save at least 鈧�100k; half in my regular savings and the other half in equity funds, which is essentially my wedding fund. 

I have about 鈧�700k in the equity funds, which is nowhere near enough to pay for a wedding. I鈥檓 looking to change jobs soon, though. There鈥檚 one that might click soon. If it does, I intend to start saving at least 50% of my income and cut down on unnecessary expenses to double my portfolio by next year. 

Plus, I have family and friends. I鈥檓 sure that, when the time comes, we鈥檒l be able to raise whatever we need for a wedding. 

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Roseline?

This is more of a short-term future, but I鈥檇 really like to be able to afford a destination honeymoon abroad. That鈥檚 my next big goal.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听He鈥檚 Perfect, but I Don鈥檛 See a Future With an Overspender

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Seyi and I have been together since September 2024, so that鈥檚 almost two years.

How did you and Seyi meet?

We were co-workers. He was already working at the company when I resumed in late 2023, but we worked remotely and were in different departments, so we didn鈥檛 cross paths.

Six months after I started working there, the company laid off staff because of a 鈥渞estructuring鈥�, and I was affected. I was devastated, especially because I鈥檇 left my previous role for the job. Seyi was one of the few coworkers who entered our DMs (the other affected employees and me) to sympathise with us. He took it a step further and promised to send me job openings. I didn鈥檛 take him seriously, though. 

I assumed it was just one of those nice things people say to make you feel better, so while I gave him my WhatsApp number for the promised updates, I wasn鈥檛 really expecting him to send anything. But he did. He constantly sent me job vacancies and even helped me revamp my CV.

That鈥檚 so sweet. I gather romance wasn鈥檛 on the horizon yet

Friendship came first. He became the person I ranted to about job applications and interviews. After a while, we realised we had a lot in common. We swapped movie recommendations and song playlists. 

In August 2024, about two months after I was laid off, he invited me to his brother鈥檚 wedding. I remember seeing him at the wedding and thinking, 鈥淭his guy is actually fine o.鈥� Apparently, he thought the same, too. The vibes shifted after that. We stopped communicating on a 鈥渏ust friends鈥� basis and transitioned into a talking stage. 

A month later, he asked me out, and we officially started dating.

Were you still unemployed at this time?

Very unemployed. I got some virtual assistance gigs here and there, but nothing significant. To make matters worse, my rent was up, and I didn鈥檛 have money to pay. I had to endure a few months of squatting with friends all over Lagos because I didn鈥檛 want to return to my parents鈥� house in Ogun State. 

Seyi was very helpful during this period. He was always sending me random 鈧�20k almost every week and said it was 鈥渟o you can focus on job search without worrying鈥�. He essentially bankrolled me. 

I finally got a job in January 2025, but then I had an issue with the friend I was staying with and had to leave. I didn鈥檛 have any money to rent a new place, so I started living with Seyi. It was supposed to be for a few months until I saved enough or got a loan from my siblings to get a new place, but you know how Lagos housing is. Finding a reasonable place that wasn鈥檛 expensive as hell took forever. I just moved out in May this year.

So you cohabited for over a year. What was the financial dynamic like?

Seyi paid for almost everything. My job was on-site for the most part until I resigned early this year to face virtual assistance. That meant I often returned home late, too tired to cook. So, we mostly ordered food, which Seyi paid for. He also handled other expenses, such as fuel and utility bills. 

I assisted in my own way, though. I did the chores, chipped in for fuel sometimes, and bought foodstuff for the few times we cooked. 

Sounds like you both found what worked for you. Was living together all smooth, though?

For the most part, yes. But of course, there was the occasional friction. One thing we often argued about was Seyi鈥檚 tendency to keep the apartment messy. It was almost like he was allergic to picking up after himself. I thought that was wild. How can you be an adult, and someone has to remind you to clean your space? So yeah, we fought quite a lot about that. 

One time, I was so pissed, I left the house, threatening not to return unless he washed the plates. It took him a few days of dragging it out, but he eventually washed them, and I returned.

Another source of friction was his spending habits. Before we started living together, I thought he was simply being generous to me because we were dating. After I moved in, I realised that鈥檚 how he generally spends money. 

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How so?

Seyi is the type to send money to every health fundraiser he sees on Twitter. One time, he went out to buy fuel and returned home with an empty keg. When I asked why he didn鈥檛 buy fuel, he said he鈥檇 given the 鈧�10k to a friend he saw on the way. That was the last 鈧�10k he had at home and abroad. I had to bring out money to buy the fuel.

Besides his need for generosity, he spends a bit carelessly. He can see a shirt he likes and buy it on the spot, forgetting there鈥檚 such a thing as budgeting for the month. If you ask him why, he鈥檒l be like, 鈥淏ut I need this thing. It鈥檚 not like I鈥檒l buy it again tomorrow.鈥� I鈥檓 not sure if he understands the difference between a need and a want. 

He doesn鈥檛 save or plan his money. Once it enters his hand, he spends it freely if a need arises. Overspending is the only word for it. It鈥檚 like he doesn鈥檛 even think of emergencies. It鈥檚 particularly worrying because, since being laid off, I鈥檝e been intentional about my finances. He knows I鈥檓 always talking about savings and investment options, but he doesn鈥檛 seem inclined to change.

Is that a potential dealbreaker for you?

It might be. He鈥檚 perfect in every other area, but I can鈥檛 help thinking finances are important too. Imagine being married and never being at peace because I鈥檓 worried my husband will spend our children鈥檚 school fees or use the rent to buy a new car. 

It鈥檚 one reason I was deliberate about moving out of his place. It would have been easy to stay there, given the opportunity to save even more of my income. But I didn鈥檛 want a situation where I鈥檇 be too relaxed, and if, at any point in the future, I realised our financial differences were too much, I wouldn鈥檛 be able to leave because I was living with him.

So, while I鈥檓 talking to him and hoping he grows up soon, I鈥檓 prepared to leave the relationship if it comes down to it. I don鈥檛 foresee a positive future with an overspender who doesn鈥檛 plan his finances. Hopefully, things change.

What do relationship expenses, such as dates and gifts, look like for you both right now?

Seyi is really good at giving intentional gifts; I鈥檒l give him that. I only need to mention I need something in passing, and he gets it for me. Sometimes, he just notices I might need something and buys it for me. A few weeks ago, I complained about headaches from constant laptop use, and he bought me anti-blue light glasses.

I buy him things he might need, too. I noticed he was constantly wearing one pair of palm slippers, so I spent听鈧�20k to buy him another pair two months ago. We really just gift each other like that.

You mentioned becoming more financially conscious. What does your safety net look like now?

I try to save between 鈧�50k and 鈧�200k monthly, depending on my income. Then I divide it, putting one half into my mutual funds and the other half into my regular savings. Altogether, I have about 鈧�850k in my portfolio.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Seyi?

I鈥檓 still worried about whether we even have a future. But if things work out, I have a couple of business ideas I鈥檇 like us to try. First on the list is building shortlets across Lagos. That business is a goldmine.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Thinks Women Shouldn鈥檛 Work, but I Can Change Him

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

David and I started dating around the end of January, so we鈥檝e been together for about five months.

How did you meet?

We met at my office in 2025. He鈥檚 a major supplier of electronic gadgets and occasionally does business with my boss. He started asking me out since the first time we met. 

He was always telling me he liked me, asking for my number so we could 鈥済et to know each other鈥� every time he came to our office. He鈥檇 also drop cash, sometimes up to 鈧�50k, for me and my two female colleagues to 鈥渄o weekend.鈥� 

I didn鈥檛 take him seriously at first. Maybe it was because of how quickly he came on to me. I just assumed he was the kind of man who loved to chase women. The constant spending didn鈥檛 help either. It felt like he liked trying to impress women, and I was definitely not impressed.

What changed your mind?

After months of his pestering, my colleague noticed and convinced me to give him a chance. We went to the cinema, then went to his house after the movie, and he ordered food. 

When the food came, he dished it out and served me. That seems like a small detail, but I thought it was sweet. I鈥檝e dated men who expected me to cook for them the first time I visited, but David served me and did the dishes after. He didn鈥檛 allow me to lift a finger. I felt valued. 

We talked regularly after that, and I enjoyed his company. He was also very intentional. He鈥檇 randomly order food to the office for me. One time, he sent me 鈧�5k airtime because, according to him, I wasn鈥檛 calling him enough and he always wanted to hear my voice. I鈥檓 not even sure exactly when we transitioned to dating. We just went from me doing shakara to constantly talking and then calling each other cute pet names.

So, what has five-ish months of dating been like?

It鈥檚 been really interesting. Being with David has helped me become a better version of myself. I used to be really quick to judge people and lose my temper, but he鈥檚 teaching me the importance of patience.

He鈥檚 also really generous. I used to be dependent on loan apps, because to be honest, a 鈧�120k salary in Lagos is nothing. But I can鈥檛 remember the last time I had to take a loan because he鈥檚 randomly sending me money. In a month, I get up to 鈧�100k from him. For someone like me, who struggles to ask their partner for money, it鈥檚 like living in a dream. 

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Is it safe to assume you鈥檙e both transparent with your finances?

Well, he knows how much I earn because I told him 鈥� it came up when I was complaining to him about being broke 鈥� but I don鈥檛 have a clear sense of his finances. I know he clearly has money, but that鈥檚 about it. I don鈥檛 think that鈥檚 a big deal, though. I can鈥檛 be asking him how much he has or anything like that.

What kind of money conversations do you and David have?

It鈥檚 mostly him helping my life, haha. Though recently, we鈥檝e been talking, more like arguing, about how an ideal marriage should run.

We were discussing a movie we saw together when David revealed that he doesn鈥檛 believe married women should work. I thought he was joking, but he was really serious about it, saying stuff like, 鈥淕od forbid my wife will work for anyone.鈥� And he didn鈥檛 even limit it to office work. Whether it鈥檚 running a business or working in an office, he said he doesn鈥檛 want either.

I don鈥檛 share the same sentiment. I can鈥檛 imagine not working and depending completely on my husband to buy ordinary pads. We had a long argument about it before I dropped it, so that peace could reign. I鈥檝e brought the matter up a few more times since then, but he still stands firmly on his stance.

Did he say why he鈥檚 against married women working?

He gave several reasons which don鈥檛 make sense. He said women who work are more likely to cheat because they鈥檙e always meeting men. When I pointed out that he wouldn鈥檛 have met me if I weren鈥檛 working, he said I was proving his point. That what would stop other men from chasing me too? No matter how many times I said that a man chasing a woman doesn鈥檛 mean she鈥檒l accept the advances, he refused to change his belief.

He also says he鈥檚 a traditional man who believes in providing for his woman. When I argued that taking care of a woman doesn鈥檛 mean she shouldn鈥檛 work, he was like, 鈥淗ow much is your salary sef? I can pay you double, What do you need work for?鈥�

Another one of his claims is that working women don鈥檛 respect their husbands. I pointed out that I already respect him, but he painted a scenario of how wives use stress from work as an excuse not to want to cook or have sex with their husbands. It鈥檚 like every argument I bring, he鈥檚 ready with a counterargument.

Hmmm. Is his stance against work a deal-breaker for you?

I鈥檇 say it鈥檚 something I really want to change. I don鈥檛 want to marry someone who shares this belief because I know how important financial independence is for every woman. My aunt saw shege in her marriage because of this same issue. The only difference was that her husband wasn鈥檛 rich, but he still didn鈥檛 want her to work. I don鈥檛 want to suffer like that.

On the other hand, I love David. I think, with time, I can show him that he doesn鈥檛 need to worry about me changing or stressing him after marriage. So, it would be a deal-breaker for me if, after more time together, he still has this mindset. But I think I can change him. 

I know that statement is problematic. Can someone really change a man? Sometimes I wonder if I should just cut my losses and move on from the relationship. But I think I should at least try, right? I鈥檒l just need to be wise about it and try to gradually change his mindset.

All the best. How do dating expenses like dates and gifts work in your relationship?

David isn鈥檛 the going-on-dates type, and the gifts are mostly monetary. For Valentine鈥檚 Day, he bought me a wig and some clothes. I gifted him my presence, haha. Now that I think about it, I haven鈥檛 bought him a gift yet. I should do better.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I only just started regularly saving last month. Right now, I have just 鈧�50k saved. I鈥檓 not sure if David has savings, but I expect he should.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and David?

I鈥檇 like for both of us to co-own a successful chain of businesses one day. Of course, I鈥檇 have to get him to agree to allowing me to work first for that to happen.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听My Mother-in-Law Is a Financial Burden, but I Can鈥檛 Admit It

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My wife, Phoebe, and I have been married for five years. We courted for a year before we got married.

How did you meet?

My pastor matchmade us in 2020. I鈥檇 just come out of a long-term relationship that ended in heartbreak, and my pastor noticed I was getting depressed. So, he was like, 鈥淵ou need to move on. I have the perfect woman for you.鈥�

Pheobe was his wife鈥檚 mentee. My pastor shared her number, and we got talking. True to his words, she was the perfect woman. She was warm, outgoing, and we shared similar values. We knew the purpose of the matchmaking was to get married, so once we clicked, we just started planning the wedding. 

It took a year because we had to attend marriage counselling for six months and court for another six 鈥� we don鈥檛 call it dating in my church 鈥� to know each other better. Our families and church helped fund our wedding, which was really helpful.

Would you say you were both financially prepared to get married?

Can one really be completely financially ready? From our income perspective, it could definitely have been better. 

I had an office manager job that paid me 鈧�150k/month, and Phoebe鈥檚 teaching job paid 鈧�80k. Both salaries combined weren鈥檛 ideal for building a home, but we believed in starting small and taking one step at a time.

Also, we agreed that it would be all-hands-on-deck. We were open with each other about our finances, and the idea was we鈥檇 operate a 100-100 system. My money is our money, and so is her money. As long as there was a need, either of us could take it up if we had the money to sort it out.

Was it like a joint account system?

Oh no. Each person鈥檚 money stays in their own account. I don鈥檛 really believe in joint accounts or putting all the money in one person鈥檚 account because it can intentionally give one person power over the other. 

You have to start explaining what you鈥檙e using your money for, and you can鈥檛 even spend your own money freely without someone keeping an eye on it. It works for some people, but I don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 healthy.

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I see your point

Our own system is different. We know each other鈥檚 income and handle expenses as they come. If my wife gets paid now, she can buy food for the home without asking me. If her salary runs out, she tells me, and I send her money for food. 

Or if my salary runs out first after taking care of things for the house, she starts 鈥渓oaning鈥� me money for transport. I typically don鈥檛 pay back, and she doesn鈥檛 expect me to. Even if I pay her back and become broke again, she鈥檚 still the one I鈥檒l run back to. We鈥檝e been running this system for five years now, and it鈥檚 been working for us. 

What do your finances look like these days?

I earn 鈧�380k/month now, and my wife earns about 鈧�150k in total from teaching and organising after-school tutorials. 

We earn more now, but things are tougher than when we first got married because we now have two children, and my wife鈥檚 mother moved in with us five months ago.

Oh. Why did she move in?

She used to live with my wife鈥檚 elder brother until he moved out of the country, and my wife didn鈥檛 want her to return to the village alone. I understand her reasons, but having my mother-in-law here has only made our financial struggles worse.

Before, we could manage our finances so that my wife鈥檚 salary covered our feeding and her transportation to work. Mine covered rent, transportation, and other household expenses. Now, barely one week after my wife gets paid, she starts asking me for food money because she鈥檚 spent all her salary. 

Since my mother-in-law came, our food expenses have tripled. She has certain health conditions and can only eat certain foods, such as fish and vegetables, without seasoning. Most of the time, my wife has to cook two separate meals so Mama can eat. That鈥檚 not sustainable, and I鈥檓 tired of complaining. Whenever I complain about her money running out too quickly, my wife makes it seem like I don鈥檛 want her mother around. 

To be fair to her, my wife tries her best to manage the added expenses, but it鈥檚 still a lot for us. The only solution would be for my mother-in-law to leave. She鈥檚 a financial burden, and my wife knows it, which is why she interprets my complaints as an attempt to send her away. 

Technically, that鈥檚 true. I want her to leave, but I鈥檝e been holding back from saying it to keep the peace. Admitting that would be like signing away my peace of mind. For years to come, she鈥檒l keep referring to the time when I 鈥渟ent her mother away鈥�.

Hmm. So, how do you intend to handle the situation?

I鈥檝e repeatedly suggested to my wife that we ask her brother to send us some money each month to take care of her mother, but she鈥檚 against it for a couple of reasons. 

One, her brother just recently relocated, and she thinks it would be unfair to start asking for money before they get settled. Two, it鈥檚 her mum, and she wants to be able to take care of her. Again, I understand that, but how can we do that when we don鈥檛 have money? I鈥檓 trying to be as patient and understanding as I can to avoid a major disagreement, but it gets to a limit. We鈥檝e been having regular quarrels about it.

I鈥檝e told my wife she has until September to discuss with her brother and settle on a living arrangement or allowance for her mother. Our first child will start school in September. If she doesn鈥檛 discuss the situation with her brother, I鈥檒l call him myself and tell him what’s happening here. I can鈥檛 keep shouldering extra responsibility.

With all the financial responsibilities, is there any space in your budget for relationship expenses like dates and gifts?

With which money? I can鈥檛 remember the last time we went on a date or bought each other gifts. We didn鈥檛 even take those seriously before. Now, we鈥檙e just trying to survive.

You mentioned saving for rent earlier. Is there any other safety net?

It鈥檚 mostly just rent. I save 鈧�65k monthly for that. My wife makes a 鈧�15k monthly ajo contribution at her place of work, and we usually use that to get something we need for the house or to repay any loan we鈥檝e taken to cover expenses. 

We take loans from friends almost every month to sort out one unforeseen circumstance or another. In April, for instance, my son fell ill, and we had to borrow 鈧�100k for the medical expenses.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Phoebe?

We both need better jobs. What we earn today is practically nothing. If we both earn at least 鈧�500k, I鈥檓 sure our future will be much better.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Introduced Her to a Lifestyle I Can No Longer Maintain

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Roseline, and I have been dating for seven months.

How did you meet?

We met at a house party and sleepover last year. I typically avoid settings like that because I鈥檓 an ambivert. While I love partying and having a good time, I get sick of it when I have to stay for too long. So, I almost didn’t attend, but the host was a close friend I hadn鈥檛 hung out with in forever.

At some point during the night, I got tired and went to hide in the bar at one corner of the room. That鈥檚 where I met Roseline. I鈥檇 seen her in the apartment earlier, but we hadn鈥檛 said anything to each other. She was the only other person at the bar, so we started a conversation. 

We talked for hours about everything from music to movies, and stayed up after most people had crashed. We鈥檇 make out, stop to talk some more and then make out again. It was an intense connection. So intense that I didn鈥檛 even mind that she lived in Ibadan. We started dating almost immediately after.

I鈥檓 screaming. Why did you say Ibadan like that?

I don鈥檛 have anything against the city. I just wasn鈥檛 the biggest fan of long-distance relationships. I鈥檓 always the first to discourage anyone who tells me they鈥檝e found love with someone in a different city. 

Maybe it鈥檚 because women have broken my heart a few times, but I think it鈥檚 already difficult to manage a relationship with someone you see daily, let alone someone several kilometres away.

However, I completely forgot my own no-long-distance-love rule when Roseline came into the picture. I kept telling myself, 鈥淪hebi it鈥檚 Ibadan here, we鈥檒l run it.鈥�

So, how have you guys been 鈥渞unning it鈥�?

In the first few months, we travelled to see each other every weekend. Roseline did most of the travelling because she runs an online business and has a more flexible schedule. Whether I was travelling to Ibadan or she was coming to see me, I handled all the expenses from transportation to accommodation and feeding. 

I share a room-and-parlour apartment with a friend, and Roseline is often uncomfortable with company and says she can鈥檛 be free around my friend. So, whenever she visits, we stay in a hotel for two nights. This also applies when I visit Ibadan. She lives with her sister, so I pay for hotels there too. Then I still have to consider food and dates, because 鈥渨e can鈥檛 just stay indoors all through.鈥�

Yikes. Sounds like you spend a tidy amount on each trip

I spend at least 鈧�150k on each visit. Notice how I said, 鈥淚n the first few months鈥� earlier? About four months into our relationship, I realised how crazy it was that I was spending so much and reduced the trips to once a month, which is still expensive.

I鈥檓 honestly not sure what even possessed me to start this whole travelling-and-staying-in-hotels business. I think I was in the love-struck phase and was eager to do anything to please my babe. Also, around the time we started dating, I made 鈧�3m from a consulting gig and felt rich. Maybe that鈥檚 why I lost my senses for a bit and was spending anyhow. 

Hmmm. Where鈥檚 that 鈧�3m now?

Omo. I can鈥檛 pinpoint one reasonable thing that I used that money for. After withdrawing 鈧�700k from it to replace my iPhone and buy a few clothes, the money just gradually disappeared. 

I know a chunk of it went to funding the Lagos-Ibadan trips and the 鈥渘ew relationship鈥� high. I also bought Roseline a 鈧�140k wig and sent her money a few times. I don鈥檛 even want to think about that money because I was incredibly foolish with it. It was my first million, so to speak, and I thought it would last forever. It didn鈥檛 last four months.

罢丑别听听is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.听Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.听.

You mentioned you and Roseline only see each other once a month now. Did that take some getting used to?

We鈥檙e still getting used to it. Roseline hasn鈥檛 been a big fan of the new arrangement. I fear I introduced her to a lifestyle I can no longer maintain. 

She somehow interprets my reluctance to fund trips as 鈥渘ot wanting her to come over.鈥� The last two times she visited, I insisted we stay in my apartment with my roommate, and she was in a bad mood the whole time. It was as if I knew she didn鈥檛 like a situation, and I was forcing her to be in it.

She鈥檚 said she won鈥檛 visit if we don鈥檛 stay at a hotel. I鈥檓 lowkey fine with that, but every two to three days, she’ll be like, 鈥淪o you aren鈥檛 missing me, abi?鈥� 

Does she know the change is because of money?

I tell her all the time, but I don鈥檛 think she believes me. I think she just assumes I have money somewhere, and I鈥檓 deciding not to spend it on her. 

If she鈥檚 not complaining about us not seeing, she’s complaining that it鈥檚 been a while since I gave her money or bought her anything.

What kind of money conversations do you both have?

We don鈥檛 really talk about money like that, except when she鈥檚 asking me for it, or I鈥檓 telling her I don鈥檛 have. Our relationship is still in its early stages, so we haven鈥檛 gotten to the point where we talk about our income and finances yet. I honestly think that鈥檚 a conversation reserved for people who have been together for a year or two. 

I know not everyone will agree with that, but I think it鈥檚 a bit weird to start asking each other, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 your salary?鈥� or 鈥淗ow much does your business bring in monthly?鈥� I think money conversations like that should happen organically, and we just haven鈥檛 gotten there yet.

Now that I think about it, I think not knowing might be the reason for Roseline鈥檚 expectations. I work for a 鈥渂ig鈥� company, so maybe she thinks I鈥檓 making serious money. It also doesn鈥檛 help that I was spending like a fool when we met. Maybe I鈥檒l tell her one of these days that I only earn 鈧�600k. She should calm down with the billing.

What do your relationship expenses look like these days?

It鈥檚 very minimal. The last two times she visited, we only stayed indoors, watched movies and ordered food. I know she鈥檒l most likely want a more exciting date when we see each other again, but I鈥檓 trying to push that forward as much as possible.

Right now, the most I do is send her random 鈧�10k for data once or twice a month, or pay for her Chowdeck order like once a week.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I save 鈧�100k monthly. Most of that goes to rent, and I leave the remaining in my savings app. Right now, I have 鈧�500k in my savings, which is crazy given that I was technically a millionaire last year. 

I know Roseline also uses a savings app, but I鈥檓 not sure how much she saves or how much she has. I鈥檇 say we both tend to spend first and save later. We like to have a good time, so it鈥檚 really hard 鈥� at least for me 鈥� to deprive myself just because I want to be able to say I have some money somewhere. But I鈥檒l keep trying my best to be more financially responsible.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Roseline?

One where we both earn enough to travel around the world comfortably without having to consider selling a kidney.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Fear Marrying Her Would Make Me Her Family鈥檚 Breadwinner

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Nimi, and I have been together for two years.

How did you both meet?

We met at a wedding in 2024. I was the MC, and she worked as one of the caterers鈥� assistants. Towards the end of the reception, a vehicle hit the caterer鈥檚 bus, damaging some utensils, leading to a commotion in the parking area.

I tried my best to calm the affected people because the situation was affecting the party, but they were just shouting. It was chaotic. Nimi was one of the more level-headed people. I noticed how maturely she spoke and suggested solutions. 

After the wahala settled, I struck up a conversation with her. We exchanged numbers, and by the next day, we were dating.

Just like that?

I can be very direct when I want to be. I just told her I liked her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. 

Nimi was like, 鈥淎han, calm down. You don鈥檛 even know me.鈥�

I said, 鈥淲e can be knowing each other inside the relationship.鈥�

I must鈥檝e been persuasive, because she accepted. Now that I think about it, it was such an impulsive move. I guess I was just tired of all the rules around relationships. I鈥檝e done everything, from long talking stages to forming friendships first before coming clean, yet all the relationships ended in heartbreak. I just wanted to try something different. Nimi was down, and that鈥檚 how we started.

We started dating 鈥渙ver the phone鈥�, and I cooked for her during our indoor date the following weekend to officially kickstart the relationship. She often jokes that tasting my cooking was the final sign she needed to be sure she鈥檇 made the right decision.

Haha. That鈥檚 sweet. Was it easy dating someone you barely knew, though?

We had what I鈥檇 call 鈥済rowing pains鈥� in our first year. We were two people with different personalities trying to be together. Nimi is an introvert, while I鈥檓 an extrovert. She likes that I鈥檓 outgoing, but she started to have issues with the number of female friends I have. To be fair, I have a lot. 

Nimi and I could be hanging out at my place, and one of my female friends would just knock on my door and enter. Or another would call me and want to talk for hours. I didn鈥檛 see any problem with it, so when Nimi started complaining, I thought she was overreacting. We had a lot of arguments and even broke up for a week before I received sense and begged that I鈥檇 change.

We also clashed over our spending decisions, particularly Nimi鈥檚 spending. Nimi is the hardest-working woman I鈥檝e met. She does everything from event catering to makeup and mobile photography. She鈥檚 an actual jack of all trades, but you never see the impact of the money she makes. She鈥檚 the firstborn and would rather spend all her money on her widowed mum and siblings before buying underwear for herself.

Hmmm. I鈥檓 assuming you had a problem with that

Oh yes. I didn鈥檛 understand why she couldn鈥檛 say no to requests or only help once in a while. In our first year, I constantly brought it up, and we argued a lot. She argued that I didn鈥檛 understand the responsibility, and I kept saying I didn鈥檛 even want to understand. 

At some point, she said I was complaining because I thought she鈥檇 start asking me for money once she was broke. We had a lot of bitter arguments in that line, with Nimi saying she鈥檇 never ask me for money, so I didn鈥檛 need to bother. 

I learned to back off and present my concerns more sensitively. I鈥檝e noticed she鈥檚 more receptive to feedback when I don鈥檛 come off like I鈥檓 attacking her choices. So, I approach the topic of how much she gives her family by first empathising and suggesting better ways to handle the responsibility. And there have been improvements. Now, she tries to stick to sending them a set amount of money each month rather than just whenever they ask. She also saves more these days.

It still hasn鈥檛 completely solved the 鈥渇amily expectations鈥� problem, though. They still call for help. Recently, it鈥檚 become an even bigger problem for me.

How so?

Nimi and I are planning to get married by the end of the year or early next year. So, we鈥檝e met each other鈥檚 families. The problem is, Nimi鈥檚 family seems to have decided I can also be an ATM.

It started with her younger sister asking me for a birthday gift. She reached out to me on WhatsApp and was like, 鈥淏ro Lekan, my birthday is on so-so date. Buy me a gift o.鈥� I didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal, so I promised to buy her one. Later, she asked me to monetise it instead. So, I sent her 鈧�20k. 

This was in December 2025. Some days later, her younger brother asked me to do Christmas for him, and I sent him 鈧�10k. When I visited their mum for the New Year, she complained about her damaged phone charger, so I bought her a new one. 

Since then, it鈥檚 like I opened the floodgates of requests. At least once a month, Nimi鈥檚 siblings or mum would call me to complain about something, and I鈥檇 feel like I had to send money.

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Does Nimi know about this?

Not at first. But when I noticed the pattern her family was bringing, I complained to her about it. This was around March. She wasn鈥檛 happy about it and warned them to stop, but just a few weeks ago, her brother still called to ask for a loan.

I鈥檓 concerned that this will be a regular occurrence after we get married. So far, Nimi has been practically independent and handles most of her financial responsibilities herself, but it won鈥檛 remain the same after we marry. I鈥檒l have to handle most of the bills and take care of her. I鈥檓 worried that 鈥渢aking care of her鈥� will extend to her family, too.

Of course, it鈥檚 not bad to support your spouse鈥檚 family, but Nimi鈥檚 family is extra demanding. I don鈥檛 want a situation where I鈥檓 working just to feed someone, or some family members will be sitting one place, feeling entitled to my money.

Hmmm

It鈥檚 a major concern for me. I haven鈥檛 really talked to Nimi about this because I know how she鈥檇 react. She鈥檇 most likely take it the wrong way and say something like, 鈥淚 will support them myself. We won鈥檛 ask for your money.鈥� But it鈥檚 not that simple. 

In marriage, both partners should be one in every aspect, including financially. I believe both partners should pool resources to run the home. It can鈥檛 be a case of, 鈥淭his is my money. I鈥檒l spend it however I like.鈥� We should both discuss and decide on how we鈥檙e spending. 

For instance, if I鈥檓 bringing more money, I won鈥檛 say I鈥檒l spend it all on myself. If my wife has a need, she can just take it. I wouldn鈥檛 be comfortable if she鈥檚 spending like that on her family, or if she wants to keep her own income separate so she can spend it on them.

Nimi says she agrees with the idea of pooling resources, but I get the sense it鈥檒l be an issue for her. She鈥檚 quite independent and will most likely push back if I try to determine how much she supports her family. Also, if she鈥檚 broke and her family has a need, she鈥檒l turn to her husband for help. Will I say I can鈥檛 give her family money, even though I don鈥檛 actually want to? I don鈥檛 want to become their breadwinner.

It seems you both have non-negotiables to work through

I guess so. Sometimes I think that couples don鈥檛 need to be 100% compatible to get married. I mean, husbands and wives will always disagree. We don鈥檛 need to think the same way about everything.

On the other hand, I wonder if this money issue isn鈥檛 a fundamental problem to pay more attention to. I still intend to address this, though. I鈥檓 eager to read what people think about our situation, and if they have any advice I can use.

Let’s talk about what spending on stuff like dates and gifts looks like in your relationship

I love giving gifts. Whenever I鈥檓 out and see anything Nimi might like, I buy it for her. She never buys anything for herself. I also cook for her regularly because she doesn鈥檛 like to cook. I consider it my way of taking care of her.

Nimi also does gifts, but it鈥檚 mostly during special occasions like birthdays. But she does help me out with money. We both don鈥檛 work salaried jobs, so we understand how our incomes can fluctuate. If I鈥檓 broke today, I know I can just call and ask her to lend me money. She has my back.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

Yes, we both have savings. I鈥檓 not sure how much she has, but I encourage her to save between 鈧�50k and 鈧�100k each month. I myself like to save 30% of whatever I make. Sometimes, that鈥檚 around 鈧�100k monthly. I currently have about 鈧�800k in my savings, but that鈥檒l drop to half in a few days because I have to pay rent.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Nimi?

I鈥檝e been dreaming about us jointly owning a successful event production company. We can do it. We have the skill and experience; it鈥檚 just the money that’s left. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听 I Can鈥檛 Marry Him Because He鈥檚 Too Comfortable Being Broke

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Akin and I started dating in July 2025, so it鈥檚 almost a year.

How did you and Akin meet?

We met at my birthday dinner. Some of my closest friends organised a surprise celebration for me, but the person who was supposed to bring the cake and drinks had an emergency and couldn鈥檛 make it. So, he got Akin to deliver them instead. 

Before Akin arrived, the energy had already dipped. Imagine a birthday with no cake or drinks. However, Akin鈥檚 infectious energy lit up the room in no time. Akin has a way with people. You can鈥檛 be near him and not laugh. I had such a good time and laughed so much; I didn鈥檛 even know when I gave him my number.

I鈥檓 screaming

We were in a talking stage for about three weeks. It was that long because every time he tried to set up a date, something came up. I was either busy with work or had an event to go to. He didn鈥檛 want to officially ask me out over the phone, so we kept postponing the date. 

We eventually went on a picnic, and that鈥檚 when we became official. To be honest, I wasn鈥檛 really feeling the picnic vibe. I don鈥檛 like heat or insects, so outdoor dates aren鈥檛 really my thing. But again, Akin has a way of making you drop your concerns and go with the flow. 

I鈥檝e been going with the flow since then. I don鈥檛 always love it, but we move.

Wait. Tell me more. What don鈥檛 you love?

Hmm. Akin can be overly carefree. Or maybe it鈥檚 because I鈥檓 very organised. I like to have plans, backup plans and even more backups if the first couple of plans don鈥檛 work out. Akin is nothing like that. Ask him what he plans to do tomorrow, and he鈥檒l be like, 鈥淒o I even know if I鈥檒l wake up tomorrow?鈥� 

Sometimes it鈥檚 endearing how he never takes life too seriously and does not let things weigh him down. However, most times, his personality triggers my anxiety. Like, how don鈥檛 you have a plan for anything? He thinks I鈥檓 too serious. I don鈥檛 think he鈥檚 serious enough. Even worse, his personality seeps into how he handles his career and finances. 

How so?

We鈥檙e both freelancers 鈥� he鈥檚 a web developer, and I鈥檓 a writer 鈥� but my income is more stable than his. I make around 鈧�800k – 鈧�1m monthly, and I鈥檓 constantly looking for new clients and pitching people. Akin is content with referrals or with someone miraculously stumbling on his portfolio. 

It doesn鈥檛 make sense to me. You鈥檙e a tech bro and should be making more money than I do. How are you content with averaging 鈧�500k in a month and often getting broke? This question makes up almost every conversation we have about money. I鈥檓 not even sure I can call them conversations; they鈥檙e mostly me complaining. 

If I鈥檓 not complaining about his lackadaisical attitude to making money, it鈥檚 about how he spends without planning for a rainy day. I think he has a thing against saving. If I manage to convince him to save for two months. By the third month, he鈥檒l say something came up, and he had to spend the money. It gets frustrating trying to get him to be organised.

Does this lead to conflicts?

Not really. He鈥檚 very carefree, so he never takes offence. If anything, it鈥檚 me who gets worked up after complaining. Then he鈥檇 tease me, make me laugh, and we’d move on to something else.

This whole routine was cute for a while, but I鈥檓 getting older, so I have to think more deeply about things. I鈥檓 28, and I want to get married by 30. Maybe even before then. While I love and care about Akin, I don鈥檛 think I can marry him 鈥� not while he鈥檚 still at this financial level. 

I can鈥檛 marry someone who earns less than me, and worse, less than 鈧�1m/month. I mean, look at how Nigeria is going. What kind of life would we live? I also can鈥檛 hope that Akin鈥檚 finances will improve, because his attitude doesn鈥檛 reassure me. I鈥檝e been thinking about this for the last few weeks, and that鈥檚 the conclusion I鈥檝e come to. He鈥檚 a good guy, but he鈥檚 not my future.

Does he know about your concerns and the 鈥渕arriage by 30鈥� timeline?

I don鈥檛 want to tell him, so he doesn鈥檛 start subconsciously pretending to be the man I want, and then return to his old, comfortable self once we get married. The only signs I鈥檝e been giving him are my complaints about his career and financial trajectory. 

If he keeps ignoring the hints, I鈥檒l have no choice but to pack my bags when the time comes. I鈥檓 still here because he鈥檚 good to me. If someone comes into the picture and ticks all my boxes, I鈥檓 sorry, I鈥檒l have to leave. I need to put my future first.

Interesting. Since you鈥檙e still together, what does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

We aren鈥檛 that big on gifts, but whenever we can, we go on dates. Akin has a constantly expanding list of places he wants us to visit in Lagos, so we end up doing a lot of outdoor dates. Not exactly my style, but I indulge him. Akin pays for all date expenses. 

Do you have a financial safety net?

I do, but Akin doesn鈥檛. I have 鈧�2.2m in investments (mutual funds and real estate), 鈧�660k in my emergency fund and 鈧�3m in my regular savings app. I also have roughly 鈧�800k tied up in gold.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you want for yourself and Akin, assuming you鈥檙e still together?

I really just want to live a comfortable life with my partner in our own property, with tons of investments and safety nets. I don鈥檛 see that with Akin yet; he can鈥檛 see that far ahead.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: We Love Each Other, but She鈥檚 Not Open About Her Finances

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Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My fianc茅e, Lola, and I have dated for about a year and a half. We got engaged two months ago.

Congrats on your engagement! How did you meet Lola?

Funny story. We met inside an Uber. We both picked the ride-sharing option, but I was the first passenger. The driver was supposed to pick her up somewhere along the way. However, we got there, and she wasn鈥檛 there. He had to start calling, trying to confirm her location. 

I was pissed that she was holding me up. I even considered telling her to her face when she finally came. But when she did, I couldn鈥檛 say anything again. She was so beautiful. All I could think about was finding a way to get her number before getting to my destination.

In other words, you lost focus

I did o. She apologised for the delay, and I used that as an opportunity to get talking. Luckily, I did get her number before the ride ended. That weekend, I asked her to hang out at an arcade. We played games, ate and had a good time. I spent about 鈧�80k on that day, including paying for her cab ride back home.

Did you both start dating immediately?

Pretty much. I think we both just knew we wanted a relationship from the moment we exchanged numbers. There was no long talking stage, fortunately. After that arcade date, I was like, 鈥淪o I can start calling you my babe now, right?鈥� and she was like, 鈥淏efore nko?鈥�

Our relationship has sort of followed the same pattern since then: easy and straightforward. Our engagement was pretty easy, too. I just thought one day, 鈥淚 love this babe, and I鈥檇 like to get married in 2027.鈥� 

Within three weeks, I鈥檇 bought the ring and proposed. Before I asked her to marry me, we hadn鈥檛 really talked about marriage. However, we鈥檇 once promised to be together for the long term. She said yes, so it鈥檚 safe to say we鈥檙e on the same page. 

Love it for you both. Now鈥檚 the part where I ask about your finances

Our finances are good for Nigerian standards. However, one small problem is that I鈥檓 never really sure how much Lola has or makes. I have a regular 9-5 that pays me 鈧�800k/month. Lola knows how much I earn since it鈥檚 the same amount every month. 

Sometimes, I earn more from side gigs, and I carry her along too. Maybe it鈥檚 because I use everything as gist. If someone pays me 鈧�500k today, best believe I鈥檓 telling Lola the next time we talk. Like, 鈥淗ow was your day?鈥� 鈥淥h, I鈥檓 fine. This guy just paid me 鈧�500k for that job I did last week.鈥�

Lola isn鈥檛 like that. She鈥檚 a freelance writer, so she doesn鈥檛 have a stable income, but I know she earns in dollars. What I don鈥檛 know is how much she makes. She often gives vague comments about working with clients, but never talks about money. I think it鈥檚 weird to ask pointed questions like, 鈥淗ow much are they paying?鈥� so I try not to. It feels like pocket watching.

On the few occasions that I do ask, she typically doesn鈥檛 give a straight answer. She could go, 鈥淭he client is not even paying up to $20/hour,鈥� or 鈥淚鈥檓 trying to get them to pay $100, but they鈥檙e insisting on $50.鈥� It鈥檚 like giving me information without actually giving me anything. 

Hmmm

Something happened a few weeks ago. We were both complaining about Tinubu and being broke when a debit alert popped up on her phone. We were cuddled up, so I could see her phone clearly. Her account balance was 鈧�560k. I was shocked.

For context, Lola has been robbed before, and she doesn鈥檛 like leaving 鈥渟erious鈥� money in her bank account. She鈥檚 told me before that she prefers to keep her money in a savings app and only uses a little at a time in her regular bank account. Also, she鈥檚 pretty frugal, so she saves more than she spends. 

For Lola to have 鈧�560k in her account, it means she considers it disposable. It also means she has far more than that saved up. Even me, I don鈥檛 have 鈧�500k just sitting in my spending account on any random day.

Did you ask her about it?

I did, jokingly. I said, 鈥淵ou have over 鈧�500k, and you鈥檙e still claiming you鈥檙e broke.鈥� Then she laughed it off with, 鈥淒on鈥檛 you know women are always broke? We can have millions and still want other people鈥檚 money.鈥�

I didn鈥檛 say anything else, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I think that鈥檚 when her lack of financial transparency started to bother me. I didn鈥檛 give it much thought before, but it鈥檚 like my eyes opened. I was really planning to marry this babe, and I wasn鈥檛 sure what her thoughts were about money, especially as a couple. 

The whole thing struck me as Lola likely being someone who would want to keep her money to herself and expect you to handle every expense. It鈥檚 a red flag, to be honest.

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So, you both didn鈥檛 have money conversations before getting engaged?

Now that I think about it, I wouldn鈥檛 call what we used to do conversations. It was just me gisting her about gigs I got, both of us complaining about the economy, and maybe some ranting about black tax expectations from our siblings.

But for us together, as a couple, we keep our finances separate. Since this incident happened a few weeks ago, I鈥檝e been deliberately getting us to talk about what our financial dynamic would be in marriage. So far, we鈥檝e sort of agreed that we鈥檒l run a 鈥渢he man pays the bills, and the wife supports sometimes鈥� system. 

However, I鈥檓 not sure if that counts as progress because Lola鈥檚 still not transparent about her finances. I recently brought it up, but she doesn鈥檛 seem very open. She sees it as me wanting her to tell me every kobo she makes, and she considers that controlling. I think we still have a way to go to be on the same page, but I think we鈥檒l get there. At least, I hope so. 

What if you don鈥檛?

Ah. I don鈥檛 want to think about that. It won鈥檛 be good, and I can鈥檛 imagine having to rethink our marriage plans. Because I don鈥檛 think it鈥檇 be wise to start a marriage with a 鈥渨hat鈥檚 mine is mine, don鈥檛 ask me鈥� mentality.

Speaking of, what鈥檚 the plan to fund the wedding?

I have a wedding fund which I鈥檝e been topping up with at least 鈧�30k every month for about three years. It鈥檚 currently close to 鈧�2m. That鈥檚 not enough for a wedding, but I鈥檓 sure my parents and elder siblings will step in when it鈥檚 time.

Do you have another safety net besides this wedding fund?

Oh yes. I save 鈧�50k – 鈧�100k monthly in an investment app. I currently have 鈧�1.6m there.

What does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

There鈥檚 no strict budget to it. Whenever we can, we like to go on dates and visit new recreation spots in Lagos. I typically budget 鈧�80k – 鈧�120k for those dates. Sometimes, it鈥檚 more, but it鈥檚 not all the time. Also, it鈥檚 typically just once a month. 

Gifts are usually for special occasions like birthdays and our anniversary. For her birthday, I gave her 鈧�500k to swap her phone because the one she was using had packed up. For my birthday, she got me a two-piece set and a pair of footwear.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?

One where we can afford international trips at least once a year without having to think too much about it. I鈥檝e been dreaming of having our honeymoon on some Island somewhere, but I can鈥檛 afford that. Unless maybe a miracle happens before 2027.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Hands Over All His Money to Me. People Don鈥檛 Like That

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