Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Seyi and I have been together since September 2024, so that鈥檚 almost two years.

How did you and Seyi meet?

We were co-workers. He was already working at the company when I resumed in late 2023, but we worked remotely and were in different departments, so we didn鈥檛 cross paths.

Six months after I started working there, the company laid off staff because of a 鈥渞estructuring鈥�, and I was affected. I was devastated, especially because I鈥檇 left my previous role for the job. Seyi was one of the few coworkers who entered our DMs (the other affected employees and me) to sympathise with us. He took it a step further and promised to send me job openings. I didn鈥檛 take him seriously, though. 

I assumed it was just one of those nice things people say to make you feel better, so while I gave him my WhatsApp number for the promised updates, I wasn鈥檛 really expecting him to send anything. But he did. He constantly sent me job vacancies and even helped me revamp my CV.

That鈥檚 so sweet. I gather romance wasn鈥檛 on the horizon yet

Friendship came first. He became the person I ranted to about job applications and interviews. After a while, we realised we had a lot in common. We swapped movie recommendations and song playlists. 

In August 2024, about two months after I was laid off, he invited me to his brother鈥檚 wedding. I remember seeing him at the wedding and thinking, 鈥淭his guy is actually fine o.鈥� Apparently, he thought the same, too. The vibes shifted after that. We stopped communicating on a 鈥渏ust friends鈥� basis and transitioned into a talking stage. 

A month later, he asked me out, and we officially started dating.

Were you still unemployed at this time?

Very unemployed. I got some virtual assistance gigs here and there, but nothing significant. To make matters worse, my rent was up, and I didn鈥檛 have money to pay. I had to endure a few months of squatting with friends all over Lagos because I didn鈥檛 want to return to my parents鈥� house in Ogun State. 

Seyi was very helpful during this period. He was always sending me random 鈧�20k almost every week and said it was 鈥渟o you can focus on job search without worrying鈥�. He essentially bankrolled me. 

I finally got a job in January 2025, but then I had an issue with the friend I was staying with and had to leave. I didn鈥檛 have any money to rent a new place, so I started living with Seyi. It was supposed to be for a few months until I saved enough or got a loan from my siblings to get a new place, but you know how Lagos housing is. Finding a reasonable place that wasn鈥檛 expensive as hell took forever. I just moved out in May this year.

So you cohabited for over a year. What was the financial dynamic like?

Seyi paid for almost everything. My job was on-site for the most part until I resigned early this year to face virtual assistance. That meant I often returned home late, too tired to cook. So, we mostly ordered food, which Seyi paid for. He also handled other expenses, such as fuel and utility bills. 

I assisted in my own way, though. I did the chores, chipped in for fuel sometimes, and bought foodstuff for the few times we cooked. 

Sounds like you both found what worked for you. Was living together all smooth, though?

For the most part, yes. But of course, there was the occasional friction. One thing we often argued about was Seyi鈥檚 tendency to keep the apartment messy. It was almost like he was allergic to picking up after himself. I thought that was wild. How can you be an adult, and someone has to remind you to clean your space? So yeah, we fought quite a lot about that. 

One time, I was so pissed, I left the house, threatening not to return unless he washed the plates. It took him a few days of dragging it out, but he eventually washed them, and I returned.

Another source of friction was his spending habits. Before we started living together, I thought he was simply being generous to me because we were dating. After I moved in, I realised that鈥檚 how he generally spends money. 

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How so?

Seyi is the type to send money to every health fundraiser he sees on Twitter. One time, he went out to buy fuel and returned home with an empty keg. When I asked why he didn鈥檛 buy fuel, he said he鈥檇 given the 鈧�10k to a friend he saw on the way. That was the last 鈧�10k he had at home and abroad. I had to bring out money to buy the fuel.

Besides his need for generosity, he spends a bit carelessly. He can see a shirt he likes and buy it on the spot, forgetting there鈥檚 such a thing as budgeting for the month. If you ask him why, he鈥檒l be like, 鈥淏ut I need this thing. It鈥檚 not like I鈥檒l buy it again tomorrow.鈥� I鈥檓 not sure if he understands the difference between a need and a want. 

He doesn鈥檛 save or plan his money. Once it enters his hand, he spends it freely if a need arises. Overspending is the only word for it. It鈥檚 like he doesn鈥檛 even think of emergencies. It鈥檚 particularly worrying because, since being laid off, I鈥檝e been intentional about my finances. He knows I鈥檓 always talking about savings and investment options, but he doesn鈥檛 seem inclined to change.

Is that a potential dealbreaker for you?

It might be. He鈥檚 perfect in every other area, but I can鈥檛 help thinking finances are important too. Imagine being married and never being at peace because I鈥檓 worried my husband will spend our children鈥檚 school fees or use the rent to buy a new car. 

It鈥檚 one reason I was deliberate about moving out of his place. It would have been easy to stay there, given the opportunity to save even more of my income. But I didn鈥檛 want a situation where I鈥檇 be too relaxed, and if, at any point in the future, I realised our financial differences were too much, I wouldn鈥檛 be able to leave because I was living with him.

So, while I鈥檓 talking to him and hoping he grows up soon, I鈥檓 prepared to leave the relationship if it comes down to it. I don鈥檛 foresee a positive future with an overspender who doesn鈥檛 plan his finances. Hopefully, things change.

What do relationship expenses, such as dates and gifts, look like for you both right now?

Seyi is really good at giving intentional gifts; I鈥檒l give him that. I only need to mention I need something in passing, and he gets it for me. Sometimes, he just notices I might need something and buys it for me. A few weeks ago, I complained about headaches from constant laptop use, and he bought me anti-blue light glasses.

I buy him things he might need, too. I noticed he was constantly wearing one pair of palm slippers, so I spent听鈧�20k to buy him another pair two months ago. We really just gift each other like that.

You mentioned becoming more financially conscious. What does your safety net look like now?

I try to save between 鈧�50k and 鈧�200k monthly, depending on my income. Then I divide it, putting one half into my mutual funds and the other half into my regular savings. Altogether, I have about 鈧�850k in my portfolio.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Seyi?

I鈥檓 still worried about whether we even have a future. But if things work out, I have a couple of business ideas I鈥檇 like us to try. First on the list is building shortlets across Lagos. That business is a goldmine.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Thinks Women Shouldn鈥檛 Work, but I Can Change Him

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

David and I started dating around the end of January, so we鈥檝e been together for about five months.

How did you meet?

We met at my office in 2025. He鈥檚 a major supplier of electronic gadgets and occasionally does business with my boss. He started asking me out since the first time we met. 

He was always telling me he liked me, asking for my number so we could 鈥済et to know each other鈥� every time he came to our office. He鈥檇 also drop cash, sometimes up to 鈧�50k, for me and my two female colleagues to 鈥渄o weekend.鈥� 

I didn鈥檛 take him seriously at first. Maybe it was because of how quickly he came on to me. I just assumed he was the kind of man who loved to chase women. The constant spending didn鈥檛 help either. It felt like he liked trying to impress women, and I was definitely not impressed.

What changed your mind?

After months of his pestering, my colleague noticed and convinced me to give him a chance. We went to the cinema, then went to his house after the movie, and he ordered food. 

When the food came, he dished it out and served me. That seems like a small detail, but I thought it was sweet. I鈥檝e dated men who expected me to cook for them the first time I visited, but David served me and did the dishes after. He didn鈥檛 allow me to lift a finger. I felt valued. 

We talked regularly after that, and I enjoyed his company. He was also very intentional. He鈥檇 randomly order food to the office for me. One time, he sent me 鈧�5k airtime because, according to him, I wasn鈥檛 calling him enough and he always wanted to hear my voice. I鈥檓 not even sure exactly when we transitioned to dating. We just went from me doing shakara to constantly talking and then calling each other cute pet names.

So, what has five-ish months of dating been like?

It鈥檚 been really interesting. Being with David has helped me become a better version of myself. I used to be really quick to judge people and lose my temper, but he鈥檚 teaching me the importance of patience.

He鈥檚 also really generous. I used to be dependent on loan apps, because to be honest, a 鈧�120k salary in Lagos is nothing. But I can鈥檛 remember the last time I had to take a loan because he鈥檚 randomly sending me money. In a month, I get up to 鈧�100k from him. For someone like me, who struggles to ask their partner for money, it鈥檚 like living in a dream. 

罢丑别听听is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.听Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.听.

Is it safe to assume you鈥檙e both transparent with your finances?

Well, he knows how much I earn because I told him 鈥� it came up when I was complaining to him about being broke 鈥� but I don鈥檛 have a clear sense of his finances. I know he clearly has money, but that鈥檚 about it. I don鈥檛 think that鈥檚 a big deal, though. I can鈥檛 be asking him how much he has or anything like that.

What kind of money conversations do you and David have?

It鈥檚 mostly him helping my life, haha. Though recently, we鈥檝e been talking, more like arguing, about how an ideal marriage should run.

We were discussing a movie we saw together when David revealed that he doesn鈥檛 believe married women should work. I thought he was joking, but he was really serious about it, saying stuff like, 鈥淕od forbid my wife will work for anyone.鈥� And he didn鈥檛 even limit it to office work. Whether it鈥檚 running a business or working in an office, he said he doesn鈥檛 want either.

I don鈥檛 share the same sentiment. I can鈥檛 imagine not working and depending completely on my husband to buy ordinary pads. We had a long argument about it before I dropped it, so that peace could reign. I鈥檝e brought the matter up a few more times since then, but he still stands firmly on his stance.

Did he say why he鈥檚 against married women working?

He gave several reasons which don鈥檛 make sense. He said women who work are more likely to cheat because they鈥檙e always meeting men. When I pointed out that he wouldn鈥檛 have met me if I weren鈥檛 working, he said I was proving his point. That what would stop other men from chasing me too? No matter how many times I said that a man chasing a woman doesn鈥檛 mean she鈥檒l accept the advances, he refused to change his belief.

He also says he鈥檚 a traditional man who believes in providing for his woman. When I argued that taking care of a woman doesn鈥檛 mean she shouldn鈥檛 work, he was like, 鈥淗ow much is your salary sef? I can pay you double, What do you need work for?鈥�

Another one of his claims is that working women don鈥檛 respect their husbands. I pointed out that I already respect him, but he painted a scenario of how wives use stress from work as an excuse not to want to cook or have sex with their husbands. It鈥檚 like every argument I bring, he鈥檚 ready with a counterargument.

Hmmm. Is his stance against work a deal-breaker for you?

I鈥檇 say it鈥檚 something I really want to change. I don鈥檛 want to marry someone who shares this belief because I know how important financial independence is for every woman. My aunt saw shege in her marriage because of this same issue. The only difference was that her husband wasn鈥檛 rich, but he still didn鈥檛 want her to work. I don鈥檛 want to suffer like that.

On the other hand, I love David. I think, with time, I can show him that he doesn鈥檛 need to worry about me changing or stressing him after marriage. So, it would be a deal-breaker for me if, after more time together, he still has this mindset. But I think I can change him. 

I know that statement is problematic. Can someone really change a man? Sometimes I wonder if I should just cut my losses and move on from the relationship. But I think I should at least try, right? I鈥檒l just need to be wise about it and try to gradually change his mindset.

All the best. How do dating expenses like dates and gifts work in your relationship?

David isn鈥檛 the going-on-dates type, and the gifts are mostly monetary. For Valentine鈥檚 Day, he bought me a wig and some clothes. I gifted him my presence, haha. Now that I think about it, I haven鈥檛 bought him a gift yet. I should do better.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I only just started regularly saving last month. Right now, I have just 鈧�50k saved. I鈥檓 not sure if David has savings, but I expect he should.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and David?

I鈥檇 like for both of us to co-own a successful chain of businesses one day. Of course, I鈥檇 have to get him to agree to allowing me to work first for that to happen.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听My Mother-in-Law Is a Financial Burden, but I Can鈥檛 Admit It

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My wife, Phoebe, and I have been married for five years. We courted for a year before we got married.

How did you meet?

My pastor matchmade us in 2020. I鈥檇 just come out of a long-term relationship that ended in heartbreak, and my pastor noticed I was getting depressed. So, he was like, 鈥淵ou need to move on. I have the perfect woman for you.鈥�

Pheobe was his wife鈥檚 mentee. My pastor shared her number, and we got talking. True to his words, she was the perfect woman. She was warm, outgoing, and we shared similar values. We knew the purpose of the matchmaking was to get married, so once we clicked, we just started planning the wedding. 

It took a year because we had to attend marriage counselling for six months and court for another six 鈥� we don鈥檛 call it dating in my church 鈥� to know each other better. Our families and church helped fund our wedding, which was really helpful.

Would you say you were both financially prepared to get married?

Can one really be completely financially ready? From our income perspective, it could definitely have been better. 

I had an office manager job that paid me 鈧�150k/month, and Phoebe鈥檚 teaching job paid 鈧�80k. Both salaries combined weren鈥檛 ideal for building a home, but we believed in starting small and taking one step at a time.

Also, we agreed that it would be all-hands-on-deck. We were open with each other about our finances, and the idea was we鈥檇 operate a 100-100 system. My money is our money, and so is her money. As long as there was a need, either of us could take it up if we had the money to sort it out.

Was it like a joint account system?

Oh no. Each person鈥檚 money stays in their own account. I don鈥檛 really believe in joint accounts or putting all the money in one person鈥檚 account because it can intentionally give one person power over the other. 

You have to start explaining what you鈥檙e using your money for, and you can鈥檛 even spend your own money freely without someone keeping an eye on it. It works for some people, but I don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 healthy.

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I see your point

Our own system is different. We know each other鈥檚 income and handle expenses as they come. If my wife gets paid now, she can buy food for the home without asking me. If her salary runs out, she tells me, and I send her money for food. 

Or if my salary runs out first after taking care of things for the house, she starts 鈥渓oaning鈥� me money for transport. I typically don鈥檛 pay back, and she doesn鈥檛 expect me to. Even if I pay her back and become broke again, she鈥檚 still the one I鈥檒l run back to. We鈥檝e been running this system for five years now, and it鈥檚 been working for us. 

What do your finances look like these days?

I earn 鈧�380k/month now, and my wife earns about 鈧�150k in total from teaching and organising after-school tutorials. 

We earn more now, but things are tougher than when we first got married because we now have two children, and my wife鈥檚 mother moved in with us five months ago.

Oh. Why did she move in?

She used to live with my wife鈥檚 elder brother until he moved out of the country, and my wife didn鈥檛 want her to return to the village alone. I understand her reasons, but having my mother-in-law here has only made our financial struggles worse.

Before, we could manage our finances so that my wife鈥檚 salary covered our feeding and her transportation to work. Mine covered rent, transportation, and other household expenses. Now, barely one week after my wife gets paid, she starts asking me for food money because she鈥檚 spent all her salary. 

Since my mother-in-law came, our food expenses have tripled. She has certain health conditions and can only eat certain foods, such as fish and vegetables, without seasoning. Most of the time, my wife has to cook two separate meals so Mama can eat. That鈥檚 not sustainable, and I鈥檓 tired of complaining. Whenever I complain about her money running out too quickly, my wife makes it seem like I don鈥檛 want her mother around. 

To be fair to her, my wife tries her best to manage the added expenses, but it鈥檚 still a lot for us. The only solution would be for my mother-in-law to leave. She鈥檚 a financial burden, and my wife knows it, which is why she interprets my complaints as an attempt to send her away. 

Technically, that鈥檚 true. I want her to leave, but I鈥檝e been holding back from saying it to keep the peace. Admitting that would be like signing away my peace of mind. For years to come, she鈥檒l keep referring to the time when I 鈥渟ent her mother away鈥�.

Hmm. So, how do you intend to handle the situation?

I鈥檝e repeatedly suggested to my wife that we ask her brother to send us some money each month to take care of her mother, but she鈥檚 against it for a couple of reasons. 

One, her brother just recently relocated, and she thinks it would be unfair to start asking for money before they get settled. Two, it鈥檚 her mum, and she wants to be able to take care of her. Again, I understand that, but how can we do that when we don鈥檛 have money? I鈥檓 trying to be as patient and understanding as I can to avoid a major disagreement, but it gets to a limit. We鈥檝e been having regular quarrels about it.

I鈥檝e told my wife she has until September to discuss with her brother and settle on a living arrangement or allowance for her mother. Our first child will start school in September. If she doesn鈥檛 discuss the situation with her brother, I鈥檒l call him myself and tell him what’s happening here. I can鈥檛 keep shouldering extra responsibility.

With all the financial responsibilities, is there any space in your budget for relationship expenses like dates and gifts?

With which money? I can鈥檛 remember the last time we went on a date or bought each other gifts. We didn鈥檛 even take those seriously before. Now, we鈥檙e just trying to survive.

You mentioned saving for rent earlier. Is there any other safety net?

It鈥檚 mostly just rent. I save 鈧�65k monthly for that. My wife makes a 鈧�15k monthly ajo contribution at her place of work, and we usually use that to get something we need for the house or to repay any loan we鈥檝e taken to cover expenses. 

We take loans from friends almost every month to sort out one unforeseen circumstance or another. In April, for instance, my son fell ill, and we had to borrow 鈧�100k for the medical expenses.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Phoebe?

We both need better jobs. What we earn today is practically nothing. If we both earn at least 鈧�500k, I鈥檓 sure our future will be much better.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Introduced Her to a Lifestyle I Can No Longer Maintain

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Roseline, and I have been dating for seven months.

How did you meet?

We met at a house party and sleepover last year. I typically avoid settings like that because I鈥檓 an ambivert. While I love partying and having a good time, I get sick of it when I have to stay for too long. So, I almost didn’t attend, but the host was a close friend I hadn鈥檛 hung out with in forever.

At some point during the night, I got tired and went to hide in the bar at one corner of the room. That鈥檚 where I met Roseline. I鈥檇 seen her in the apartment earlier, but we hadn鈥檛 said anything to each other. She was the only other person at the bar, so we started a conversation. 

We talked for hours about everything from music to movies, and stayed up after most people had crashed. We鈥檇 make out, stop to talk some more and then make out again. It was an intense connection. So intense that I didn鈥檛 even mind that she lived in Ibadan. We started dating almost immediately after.

I鈥檓 screaming. Why did you say Ibadan like that?

I don鈥檛 have anything against the city. I just wasn鈥檛 the biggest fan of long-distance relationships. I鈥檓 always the first to discourage anyone who tells me they鈥檝e found love with someone in a different city. 

Maybe it鈥檚 because women have broken my heart a few times, but I think it鈥檚 already difficult to manage a relationship with someone you see daily, let alone someone several kilometres away.

However, I completely forgot my own no-long-distance-love rule when Roseline came into the picture. I kept telling myself, 鈥淪hebi it鈥檚 Ibadan here, we鈥檒l run it.鈥�

So, how have you guys been 鈥渞unning it鈥�?

In the first few months, we travelled to see each other every weekend. Roseline did most of the travelling because she runs an online business and has a more flexible schedule. Whether I was travelling to Ibadan or she was coming to see me, I handled all the expenses from transportation to accommodation and feeding. 

I share a room-and-parlour apartment with a friend, and Roseline is often uncomfortable with company and says she can鈥檛 be free around my friend. So, whenever she visits, we stay in a hotel for two nights. This also applies when I visit Ibadan. She lives with her sister, so I pay for hotels there too. Then I still have to consider food and dates, because 鈥渨e can鈥檛 just stay indoors all through.鈥�

Yikes. Sounds like you spend a tidy amount on each trip

I spend at least 鈧�150k on each visit. Notice how I said, 鈥淚n the first few months鈥� earlier? About four months into our relationship, I realised how crazy it was that I was spending so much and reduced the trips to once a month, which is still expensive.

I鈥檓 honestly not sure what even possessed me to start this whole travelling-and-staying-in-hotels business. I think I was in the love-struck phase and was eager to do anything to please my babe. Also, around the time we started dating, I made 鈧�3m from a consulting gig and felt rich. Maybe that鈥檚 why I lost my senses for a bit and was spending anyhow. 

Hmmm. Where鈥檚 that 鈧�3m now?

Omo. I can鈥檛 pinpoint one reasonable thing that I used that money for. After withdrawing 鈧�700k from it to replace my iPhone and buy a few clothes, the money just gradually disappeared. 

I know a chunk of it went to funding the Lagos-Ibadan trips and the 鈥渘ew relationship鈥� high. I also bought Roseline a 鈧�140k wig and sent her money a few times. I don鈥檛 even want to think about that money because I was incredibly foolish with it. It was my first million, so to speak, and I thought it would last forever. It didn鈥檛 last four months.

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You mentioned you and Roseline only see each other once a month now. Did that take some getting used to?

We鈥檙e still getting used to it. Roseline hasn鈥檛 been a big fan of the new arrangement. I fear I introduced her to a lifestyle I can no longer maintain. 

She somehow interprets my reluctance to fund trips as 鈥渘ot wanting her to come over.鈥� The last two times she visited, I insisted we stay in my apartment with my roommate, and she was in a bad mood the whole time. It was as if I knew she didn鈥檛 like a situation, and I was forcing her to be in it.

She鈥檚 said she won鈥檛 visit if we don鈥檛 stay at a hotel. I鈥檓 lowkey fine with that, but every two to three days, she’ll be like, 鈥淪o you aren鈥檛 missing me, abi?鈥� 

Does she know the change is because of money?

I tell her all the time, but I don鈥檛 think she believes me. I think she just assumes I have money somewhere, and I鈥檓 deciding not to spend it on her. 

If she鈥檚 not complaining about us not seeing, she’s complaining that it鈥檚 been a while since I gave her money or bought her anything.

What kind of money conversations do you both have?

We don鈥檛 really talk about money like that, except when she鈥檚 asking me for it, or I鈥檓 telling her I don鈥檛 have. Our relationship is still in its early stages, so we haven鈥檛 gotten to the point where we talk about our income and finances yet. I honestly think that鈥檚 a conversation reserved for people who have been together for a year or two. 

I know not everyone will agree with that, but I think it鈥檚 a bit weird to start asking each other, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 your salary?鈥� or 鈥淗ow much does your business bring in monthly?鈥� I think money conversations like that should happen organically, and we just haven鈥檛 gotten there yet.

Now that I think about it, I think not knowing might be the reason for Roseline鈥檚 expectations. I work for a 鈥渂ig鈥� company, so maybe she thinks I鈥檓 making serious money. It also doesn鈥檛 help that I was spending like a fool when we met. Maybe I鈥檒l tell her one of these days that I only earn 鈧�600k. She should calm down with the billing.

What do your relationship expenses look like these days?

It鈥檚 very minimal. The last two times she visited, we only stayed indoors, watched movies and ordered food. I know she鈥檒l most likely want a more exciting date when we see each other again, but I鈥檓 trying to push that forward as much as possible.

Right now, the most I do is send her random 鈧�10k for data once or twice a month, or pay for her Chowdeck order like once a week.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I save 鈧�100k monthly. Most of that goes to rent, and I leave the remaining in my savings app. Right now, I have 鈧�500k in my savings, which is crazy given that I was technically a millionaire last year. 

I know Roseline also uses a savings app, but I鈥檓 not sure how much she saves or how much she has. I鈥檇 say we both tend to spend first and save later. We like to have a good time, so it鈥檚 really hard 鈥� at least for me 鈥� to deprive myself just because I want to be able to say I have some money somewhere. But I鈥檒l keep trying my best to be more financially responsible.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Roseline?

One where we both earn enough to travel around the world comfortably without having to consider selling a kidney.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Fear Marrying Her Would Make Me Her Family鈥檚 Breadwinner

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Nimi, and I have been together for two years.

How did you both meet?

We met at a wedding in 2024. I was the MC, and she worked as one of the caterers鈥� assistants. Towards the end of the reception, a vehicle hit the caterer鈥檚 bus, damaging some utensils, leading to a commotion in the parking area.

I tried my best to calm the affected people because the situation was affecting the party, but they were just shouting. It was chaotic. Nimi was one of the more level-headed people. I noticed how maturely she spoke and suggested solutions. 

After the wahala settled, I struck up a conversation with her. We exchanged numbers, and by the next day, we were dating.

Just like that?

I can be very direct when I want to be. I just told her I liked her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. 

Nimi was like, 鈥淎han, calm down. You don鈥檛 even know me.鈥�

I said, 鈥淲e can be knowing each other inside the relationship.鈥�

I must鈥檝e been persuasive, because she accepted. Now that I think about it, it was such an impulsive move. I guess I was just tired of all the rules around relationships. I鈥檝e done everything, from long talking stages to forming friendships first before coming clean, yet all the relationships ended in heartbreak. I just wanted to try something different. Nimi was down, and that鈥檚 how we started.

We started dating 鈥渙ver the phone鈥�, and I cooked for her during our indoor date the following weekend to officially kickstart the relationship. She often jokes that tasting my cooking was the final sign she needed to be sure she鈥檇 made the right decision.

Haha. That鈥檚 sweet. Was it easy dating someone you barely knew, though?

We had what I鈥檇 call 鈥済rowing pains鈥� in our first year. We were two people with different personalities trying to be together. Nimi is an introvert, while I鈥檓 an extrovert. She likes that I鈥檓 outgoing, but she started to have issues with the number of female friends I have. To be fair, I have a lot. 

Nimi and I could be hanging out at my place, and one of my female friends would just knock on my door and enter. Or another would call me and want to talk for hours. I didn鈥檛 see any problem with it, so when Nimi started complaining, I thought she was overreacting. We had a lot of arguments and even broke up for a week before I received sense and begged that I鈥檇 change.

We also clashed over our spending decisions, particularly Nimi鈥檚 spending. Nimi is the hardest-working woman I鈥檝e met. She does everything from event catering to makeup and mobile photography. She鈥檚 an actual jack of all trades, but you never see the impact of the money she makes. She鈥檚 the firstborn and would rather spend all her money on her widowed mum and siblings before buying underwear for herself.

Hmmm. I鈥檓 assuming you had a problem with that

Oh yes. I didn鈥檛 understand why she couldn鈥檛 say no to requests or only help once in a while. In our first year, I constantly brought it up, and we argued a lot. She argued that I didn鈥檛 understand the responsibility, and I kept saying I didn鈥檛 even want to understand. 

At some point, she said I was complaining because I thought she鈥檇 start asking me for money once she was broke. We had a lot of bitter arguments in that line, with Nimi saying she鈥檇 never ask me for money, so I didn鈥檛 need to bother. 

I learned to back off and present my concerns more sensitively. I鈥檝e noticed she鈥檚 more receptive to feedback when I don鈥檛 come off like I鈥檓 attacking her choices. So, I approach the topic of how much she gives her family by first empathising and suggesting better ways to handle the responsibility. And there have been improvements. Now, she tries to stick to sending them a set amount of money each month rather than just whenever they ask. She also saves more these days.

It still hasn鈥檛 completely solved the 鈥渇amily expectations鈥� problem, though. They still call for help. Recently, it鈥檚 become an even bigger problem for me.

How so?

Nimi and I are planning to get married by the end of the year or early next year. So, we鈥檝e met each other鈥檚 families. The problem is, Nimi鈥檚 family seems to have decided I can also be an ATM.

It started with her younger sister asking me for a birthday gift. She reached out to me on WhatsApp and was like, 鈥淏ro Lekan, my birthday is on so-so date. Buy me a gift o.鈥� I didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal, so I promised to buy her one. Later, she asked me to monetise it instead. So, I sent her 鈧�20k. 

This was in December 2025. Some days later, her younger brother asked me to do Christmas for him, and I sent him 鈧�10k. When I visited their mum for the New Year, she complained about her damaged phone charger, so I bought her a new one. 

Since then, it鈥檚 like I opened the floodgates of requests. At least once a month, Nimi鈥檚 siblings or mum would call me to complain about something, and I鈥檇 feel like I had to send money.

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Does Nimi know about this?

Not at first. But when I noticed the pattern her family was bringing, I complained to her about it. This was around March. She wasn鈥檛 happy about it and warned them to stop, but just a few weeks ago, her brother still called to ask for a loan.

I鈥檓 concerned that this will be a regular occurrence after we get married. So far, Nimi has been practically independent and handles most of her financial responsibilities herself, but it won鈥檛 remain the same after we marry. I鈥檒l have to handle most of the bills and take care of her. I鈥檓 worried that 鈥渢aking care of her鈥� will extend to her family, too.

Of course, it鈥檚 not bad to support your spouse鈥檚 family, but Nimi鈥檚 family is extra demanding. I don鈥檛 want a situation where I鈥檓 working just to feed someone, or some family members will be sitting one place, feeling entitled to my money.

Hmmm

It鈥檚 a major concern for me. I haven鈥檛 really talked to Nimi about this because I know how she鈥檇 react. She鈥檇 most likely take it the wrong way and say something like, 鈥淚 will support them myself. We won鈥檛 ask for your money.鈥� But it鈥檚 not that simple. 

In marriage, both partners should be one in every aspect, including financially. I believe both partners should pool resources to run the home. It can鈥檛 be a case of, 鈥淭his is my money. I鈥檒l spend it however I like.鈥� We should both discuss and decide on how we鈥檙e spending. 

For instance, if I鈥檓 bringing more money, I won鈥檛 say I鈥檒l spend it all on myself. If my wife has a need, she can just take it. I wouldn鈥檛 be comfortable if she鈥檚 spending like that on her family, or if she wants to keep her own income separate so she can spend it on them.

Nimi says she agrees with the idea of pooling resources, but I get the sense it鈥檒l be an issue for her. She鈥檚 quite independent and will most likely push back if I try to determine how much she supports her family. Also, if she鈥檚 broke and her family has a need, she鈥檒l turn to her husband for help. Will I say I can鈥檛 give her family money, even though I don鈥檛 actually want to? I don鈥檛 want to become their breadwinner.

It seems you both have non-negotiables to work through

I guess so. Sometimes I think that couples don鈥檛 need to be 100% compatible to get married. I mean, husbands and wives will always disagree. We don鈥檛 need to think the same way about everything.

On the other hand, I wonder if this money issue isn鈥檛 a fundamental problem to pay more attention to. I still intend to address this, though. I鈥檓 eager to read what people think about our situation, and if they have any advice I can use.

Let’s talk about what spending on stuff like dates and gifts looks like in your relationship

I love giving gifts. Whenever I鈥檓 out and see anything Nimi might like, I buy it for her. She never buys anything for herself. I also cook for her regularly because she doesn鈥檛 like to cook. I consider it my way of taking care of her.

Nimi also does gifts, but it鈥檚 mostly during special occasions like birthdays. But she does help me out with money. We both don鈥檛 work salaried jobs, so we understand how our incomes can fluctuate. If I鈥檓 broke today, I know I can just call and ask her to lend me money. She has my back.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

Yes, we both have savings. I鈥檓 not sure how much she has, but I encourage her to save between 鈧�50k and 鈧�100k each month. I myself like to save 30% of whatever I make. Sometimes, that鈥檚 around 鈧�100k monthly. I currently have about 鈧�800k in my savings, but that鈥檒l drop to half in a few days because I have to pay rent.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Nimi?

I鈥檝e been dreaming about us jointly owning a successful event production company. We can do it. We have the skill and experience; it鈥檚 just the money that’s left. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听 I Can鈥檛 Marry Him Because He鈥檚 Too Comfortable Being Broke

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Akin and I started dating in July 2025, so it鈥檚 almost a year.

How did you and Akin meet?

We met at my birthday dinner. Some of my closest friends organised a surprise celebration for me, but the person who was supposed to bring the cake and drinks had an emergency and couldn鈥檛 make it. So, he got Akin to deliver them instead. 

Before Akin arrived, the energy had already dipped. Imagine a birthday with no cake or drinks. However, Akin鈥檚 infectious energy lit up the room in no time. Akin has a way with people. You can鈥檛 be near him and not laugh. I had such a good time and laughed so much; I didn鈥檛 even know when I gave him my number.

I鈥檓 screaming

We were in a talking stage for about three weeks. It was that long because every time he tried to set up a date, something came up. I was either busy with work or had an event to go to. He didn鈥檛 want to officially ask me out over the phone, so we kept postponing the date. 

We eventually went on a picnic, and that鈥檚 when we became official. To be honest, I wasn鈥檛 really feeling the picnic vibe. I don鈥檛 like heat or insects, so outdoor dates aren鈥檛 really my thing. But again, Akin has a way of making you drop your concerns and go with the flow. 

I鈥檝e been going with the flow since then. I don鈥檛 always love it, but we move.

Wait. Tell me more. What don鈥檛 you love?

Hmm. Akin can be overly carefree. Or maybe it鈥檚 because I鈥檓 very organised. I like to have plans, backup plans and even more backups if the first couple of plans don鈥檛 work out. Akin is nothing like that. Ask him what he plans to do tomorrow, and he鈥檒l be like, 鈥淒o I even know if I鈥檒l wake up tomorrow?鈥� 

Sometimes it鈥檚 endearing how he never takes life too seriously and does not let things weigh him down. However, most times, his personality triggers my anxiety. Like, how don鈥檛 you have a plan for anything? He thinks I鈥檓 too serious. I don鈥檛 think he鈥檚 serious enough. Even worse, his personality seeps into how he handles his career and finances. 

How so?

We鈥檙e both freelancers 鈥� he鈥檚 a web developer, and I鈥檓 a writer 鈥� but my income is more stable than his. I make around 鈧�800k – 鈧�1m monthly, and I鈥檓 constantly looking for new clients and pitching people. Akin is content with referrals or with someone miraculously stumbling on his portfolio. 

It doesn鈥檛 make sense to me. You鈥檙e a tech bro and should be making more money than I do. How are you content with averaging 鈧�500k in a month and often getting broke? This question makes up almost every conversation we have about money. I鈥檓 not even sure I can call them conversations; they鈥檙e mostly me complaining. 

If I鈥檓 not complaining about his lackadaisical attitude to making money, it鈥檚 about how he spends without planning for a rainy day. I think he has a thing against saving. If I manage to convince him to save for two months. By the third month, he鈥檒l say something came up, and he had to spend the money. It gets frustrating trying to get him to be organised.

Does this lead to conflicts?

Not really. He鈥檚 very carefree, so he never takes offence. If anything, it鈥檚 me who gets worked up after complaining. Then he鈥檇 tease me, make me laugh, and we’d move on to something else.

This whole routine was cute for a while, but I鈥檓 getting older, so I have to think more deeply about things. I鈥檓 28, and I want to get married by 30. Maybe even before then. While I love and care about Akin, I don鈥檛 think I can marry him 鈥� not while he鈥檚 still at this financial level. 

I can鈥檛 marry someone who earns less than me, and worse, less than 鈧�1m/month. I mean, look at how Nigeria is going. What kind of life would we live? I also can鈥檛 hope that Akin鈥檚 finances will improve, because his attitude doesn鈥檛 reassure me. I鈥檝e been thinking about this for the last few weeks, and that鈥檚 the conclusion I鈥檝e come to. He鈥檚 a good guy, but he鈥檚 not my future.

Does he know about your concerns and the 鈥渕arriage by 30鈥� timeline?

I don鈥檛 want to tell him, so he doesn鈥檛 start subconsciously pretending to be the man I want, and then return to his old, comfortable self once we get married. The only signs I鈥檝e been giving him are my complaints about his career and financial trajectory. 

If he keeps ignoring the hints, I鈥檒l have no choice but to pack my bags when the time comes. I鈥檓 still here because he鈥檚 good to me. If someone comes into the picture and ticks all my boxes, I鈥檓 sorry, I鈥檒l have to leave. I need to put my future first.

Interesting. Since you鈥檙e still together, what does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

We aren鈥檛 that big on gifts, but whenever we can, we go on dates. Akin has a constantly expanding list of places he wants us to visit in Lagos, so we end up doing a lot of outdoor dates. Not exactly my style, but I indulge him. Akin pays for all date expenses. 

Do you have a financial safety net?

I do, but Akin doesn鈥檛. I have 鈧�2.2m in investments (mutual funds and real estate), 鈧�660k in my emergency fund and 鈧�3m in my regular savings app. I also have roughly 鈧�800k tied up in gold.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you want for yourself and Akin, assuming you鈥檙e still together?

I really just want to live a comfortable life with my partner in our own property, with tons of investments and safety nets. I don鈥檛 see that with Akin yet; he can鈥檛 see that far ahead.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: We Love Each Other, but She鈥檚 Not Open About Her Finances

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Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My fianc茅e, Lola, and I have dated for about a year and a half. We got engaged two months ago.

Congrats on your engagement! How did you meet Lola?

Funny story. We met inside an Uber. We both picked the ride-sharing option, but I was the first passenger. The driver was supposed to pick her up somewhere along the way. However, we got there, and she wasn鈥檛 there. He had to start calling, trying to confirm her location. 

I was pissed that she was holding me up. I even considered telling her to her face when she finally came. But when she did, I couldn鈥檛 say anything again. She was so beautiful. All I could think about was finding a way to get her number before getting to my destination.

In other words, you lost focus

I did o. She apologised for the delay, and I used that as an opportunity to get talking. Luckily, I did get her number before the ride ended. That weekend, I asked her to hang out at an arcade. We played games, ate and had a good time. I spent about 鈧�80k on that day, including paying for her cab ride back home.

Did you both start dating immediately?

Pretty much. I think we both just knew we wanted a relationship from the moment we exchanged numbers. There was no long talking stage, fortunately. After that arcade date, I was like, 鈥淪o I can start calling you my babe now, right?鈥� and she was like, 鈥淏efore nko?鈥�

Our relationship has sort of followed the same pattern since then: easy and straightforward. Our engagement was pretty easy, too. I just thought one day, 鈥淚 love this babe, and I鈥檇 like to get married in 2027.鈥� 

Within three weeks, I鈥檇 bought the ring and proposed. Before I asked her to marry me, we hadn鈥檛 really talked about marriage. However, we鈥檇 once promised to be together for the long term. She said yes, so it鈥檚 safe to say we鈥檙e on the same page. 

Love it for you both. Now鈥檚 the part where I ask about your finances

Our finances are good for Nigerian standards. However, one small problem is that I鈥檓 never really sure how much Lola has or makes. I have a regular 9-5 that pays me 鈧�800k/month. Lola knows how much I earn since it鈥檚 the same amount every month. 

Sometimes, I earn more from side gigs, and I carry her along too. Maybe it鈥檚 because I use everything as gist. If someone pays me 鈧�500k today, best believe I鈥檓 telling Lola the next time we talk. Like, 鈥淗ow was your day?鈥� 鈥淥h, I鈥檓 fine. This guy just paid me 鈧�500k for that job I did last week.鈥�

Lola isn鈥檛 like that. She鈥檚 a freelance writer, so she doesn鈥檛 have a stable income, but I know she earns in dollars. What I don鈥檛 know is how much she makes. She often gives vague comments about working with clients, but never talks about money. I think it鈥檚 weird to ask pointed questions like, 鈥淗ow much are they paying?鈥� so I try not to. It feels like pocket watching.

On the few occasions that I do ask, she typically doesn鈥檛 give a straight answer. She could go, 鈥淭he client is not even paying up to $20/hour,鈥� or 鈥淚鈥檓 trying to get them to pay $100, but they鈥檙e insisting on $50.鈥� It鈥檚 like giving me information without actually giving me anything. 

Hmmm

Something happened a few weeks ago. We were both complaining about Tinubu and being broke when a debit alert popped up on her phone. We were cuddled up, so I could see her phone clearly. Her account balance was 鈧�560k. I was shocked.

For context, Lola has been robbed before, and she doesn鈥檛 like leaving 鈥渟erious鈥� money in her bank account. She鈥檚 told me before that she prefers to keep her money in a savings app and only uses a little at a time in her regular bank account. Also, she鈥檚 pretty frugal, so she saves more than she spends. 

For Lola to have 鈧�560k in her account, it means she considers it disposable. It also means she has far more than that saved up. Even me, I don鈥檛 have 鈧�500k just sitting in my spending account on any random day.

Did you ask her about it?

I did, jokingly. I said, 鈥淵ou have over 鈧�500k, and you鈥檙e still claiming you鈥檙e broke.鈥� Then she laughed it off with, 鈥淒on鈥檛 you know women are always broke? We can have millions and still want other people鈥檚 money.鈥�

I didn鈥檛 say anything else, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I think that鈥檚 when her lack of financial transparency started to bother me. I didn鈥檛 give it much thought before, but it鈥檚 like my eyes opened. I was really planning to marry this babe, and I wasn鈥檛 sure what her thoughts were about money, especially as a couple. 

The whole thing struck me as Lola likely being someone who would want to keep her money to herself and expect you to handle every expense. It鈥檚 a red flag, to be honest.

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So, you both didn鈥檛 have money conversations before getting engaged?

Now that I think about it, I wouldn鈥檛 call what we used to do conversations. It was just me gisting her about gigs I got, both of us complaining about the economy, and maybe some ranting about black tax expectations from our siblings.

But for us together, as a couple, we keep our finances separate. Since this incident happened a few weeks ago, I鈥檝e been deliberately getting us to talk about what our financial dynamic would be in marriage. So far, we鈥檝e sort of agreed that we鈥檒l run a 鈥渢he man pays the bills, and the wife supports sometimes鈥� system. 

However, I鈥檓 not sure if that counts as progress because Lola鈥檚 still not transparent about her finances. I recently brought it up, but she doesn鈥檛 seem very open. She sees it as me wanting her to tell me every kobo she makes, and she considers that controlling. I think we still have a way to go to be on the same page, but I think we鈥檒l get there. At least, I hope so. 

What if you don鈥檛?

Ah. I don鈥檛 want to think about that. It won鈥檛 be good, and I can鈥檛 imagine having to rethink our marriage plans. Because I don鈥檛 think it鈥檇 be wise to start a marriage with a 鈥渨hat鈥檚 mine is mine, don鈥檛 ask me鈥� mentality.

Speaking of, what鈥檚 the plan to fund the wedding?

I have a wedding fund which I鈥檝e been topping up with at least 鈧�30k every month for about three years. It鈥檚 currently close to 鈧�2m. That鈥檚 not enough for a wedding, but I鈥檓 sure my parents and elder siblings will step in when it鈥檚 time.

Do you have another safety net besides this wedding fund?

Oh yes. I save 鈧�50k – 鈧�100k monthly in an investment app. I currently have 鈧�1.6m there.

What does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

There鈥檚 no strict budget to it. Whenever we can, we like to go on dates and visit new recreation spots in Lagos. I typically budget 鈧�80k – 鈧�120k for those dates. Sometimes, it鈥檚 more, but it鈥檚 not all the time. Also, it鈥檚 typically just once a month. 

Gifts are usually for special occasions like birthdays and our anniversary. For her birthday, I gave her 鈧�500k to swap her phone because the one she was using had packed up. For my birthday, she got me a two-piece set and a pair of footwear.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?

One where we can afford international trips at least once a year without having to think too much about it. I鈥檝e been dreaming of having our honeymoon on some Island somewhere, but I can鈥檛 afford that. Unless maybe a miracle happens before 2027.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Hands Over All His Money to Me. People Don鈥檛 Like That

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Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Timi, and I have been married for two years. We dated for 9 months before marriage.

How did you meet each other?

We were both members of a Facebook group. Timi was quite popular there. I recall often seeing his posts. Me, I was just a regular commenter, so I was quite surprised when Timi sent me a friend request one random day. I accepted, and we started chatting almost immediately.

Apparently, he鈥檇 been reading my comments and liked my opinions. We had similar values and sense of humour, so our conversations flowed naturally. 

We would talk for hours about anything from politics to conspiracy theories. It took him two weeks to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Even before he asked me to be his girlfriend, I knew he would be my husband. We clicked too well. 

Love it for you both. What was your and Timi鈥檚 financial situation like?

I was newly unemployed, having just left a toxic job as a lab technician at a hospital. It was even unemployment that pushed me to become an active commenter on the Facebook group. I鈥檇 been job-hunting for three months without any luck.

Timi, on the other hand, had a business centre near the state university (we were both in Osogbo at the time), where he made money from student projects, printing and the like. About a month into our relationship, Timi did something very unusual. 

He opened a new bank account, put the bank app on my phone so he wouldn鈥檛 have access to it, then started sending everything he made there. Then, every week, he sent me his expense list, and I handled it. 

For instance, if he wanted to send 鈧�30k to his brother or needed to buy 鈧�10k fuel, I sent it from the account. I became his unofficial accountant.

Do you know why he did that?

Timi isn鈥檛 very good with money. In fact, it was one of the things we talked about before we started dating. He鈥檚 bad at tracking his finances and saying 鈥渘o鈥� when people ask him for money. 

We agreed I was more financially responsible, so he鈥檇 run every financial decision by me before making it. I didn鈥檛 expect that he鈥檇 literally put all his money in my hands one month into our relationship. 

That was another thing that really cemented my conviction that he was my husband. No man would do something like that except he was 100% sure of his future with the person. He was all in, and so was I.

We are married now, and we still run the same arrangement with our finances. Funny enough, the money thing isn鈥檛 even the craziest thing Timi has done in our relationship. 

Something else beats that?

Oh yes. My dad died in 2023, while Timi and I were planning for our wedding, and it affected me so much. I was mourning my dad and dealing with bad dreams, fearing that my aged mother would also die soon. 

I shared my fears with Timi, saying how I wished I lived close to my mum in Akure so I could spend more time with her before she passed away. This husband of mine immediately said, 鈥淲e can move to Akure.鈥� I thought he was joking. He wasn鈥檛.

We were planning our wedding and moving to another city at the same time. I can鈥檛 even say for sure how we raised money to make it happen. I had a job at that time, but my 鈧�70k/month salary was hardly enough for anything. 

Our saving grace was that we were moving to my late dad鈥檚 house 鈥� I鈥檓 the only child, so it鈥檚 practically mine 鈥� and didn鈥檛 need to worry about renting an apartment. Also, Timi鈥檚 friends and family really showed up for us. We were just getting financial help all around. Another relative helped us secure a space close to a school area, so Timi could relocate his business, in addition to the one in Osogbo (a colleague manages it for him). God has just been really good to us. I can鈥檛 deny how lucky we鈥檝e been.

You mentioned you both maintained the same financial dynamic in your home. How does that work these days?

It鈥檚 pretty straightforward. I divide my salary into two and keep half in a savings account. Then I add the remaining half to whatever Timi sends to the account that I have access to. When he needs money, he tells me, and I send it. 

When I make purchases, I tell him. I always try to tell him before spending money, but he really doesn鈥檛 care. He trusts my judgement and always says he knows I can鈥檛 spend money anyhow without a good reason. That鈥檚 the truth, but I carry him along all the same. 

I know our dynamic isn鈥檛 common, and most people won鈥檛 understand it. One mistake we made when we first got married was letting people know how we ran our finances. It鈥檚 not like we were announcing it, sha. It just happened. For instance, if my husband needed to pay for something or send money to anyone, he鈥檇 go, 鈥淚鈥檒l tell my wife to send it.鈥� 

When people noticed the pattern and asked him or me questions, we鈥檇 innocently joke that I was the accountant who handled every expense. Before long, people started telling my husband things like, 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 do things that way,鈥� and 鈥淲hy will you let your wife know the exact amount of money you have?鈥� Someone even said, 鈥淎s a man, you mean you don鈥檛 have anything? Your wife has cooked efo (cast a spell) on your head.鈥�

Wahala

Thankfully, Timi is not the type of man who cares what anyone else thinks. It鈥檚 that thing that鈥檚 unconventional gan gan he always wants to do. We sha stopped telling people. 

Some family members and close friends know about it, but they still don鈥檛 understand. We鈥檝e both stopped explaining. We鈥檙e sure everyone talks behind our backs, but they鈥檒l be fine. It鈥檚 our marriage, after all.

That鈥檚 right. How do you both budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

We used to go to eateries at least twice a month when we were dating and in our first year of marriage. I handled the payment (from his account) when this happened.

However, the dates haven鈥檛 been regular because business hasn鈥檛 been so great lately, and everything is now expensive. We鈥檙e looking to start another business, which is why I鈥檝e been saving 鈧�50k (half my salary) every month. The remaining 鈧�50k barely covers food. So right now, we鈥檙e just managing that and whatever Timi makes from the business centre.

What does this safety net look like now?

We鈥檝e saved 鈧�350k. The plan is to hit 鈧�500k in the next three months and start something else. 

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

We鈥檙e currently trusting God for a child. I want it to happen soon, but I鈥檓 also hoping we can be a bit more financially stable before then. So, an ideal future would be us with our kids and thriving businesses.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Feel Disrespected Because I Don鈥檛 Contribute Financially

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!听Expect honest conversations and insightful sessions听on building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.听to be the first to know when tickets start selling.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Charles, and I have been married for 11 years. 

How did you both meet?

We met two weeks before our wedding. It was like an arranged marriage, but I wasn鈥檛 forced to marry him. Charles was planning to relocate, and his family wanted him to marry a Nigerian wife before leaving. 

Charles鈥� parents were mainly responsible for finding his wife. Our families are from the same village, so their search led them to my parents. At that point, I was in the final year of my nursing programme. My parents encouraged me to consider him because he was from a good family. When I told my friends, they said it was a good idea. I鈥檇 get to relocate, and since nursing was lucrative abroad, I鈥檇 make money too. So, I said yes.

So, you agreed to marry him before you both met in person?

Yes. But we chatted on Facebook, and we both knew what the other person looked like. It was just like how people do boyfriend/girlfriend these days. We just knew our 鈥済etting to know each other鈥� phase had the end goal of marriage. 

Also, it was pretty short. We started chatting about a week before we finally met in person. Then we got married two weeks later. By the time we started talking, our families were already into wedding planning. 

Interesting. I鈥檓 really curious about the kind of things you discuss with a stranger you鈥檙e marrying in three weeks

We talked about work, or in my case, school. Charles worked as an engineer in the manufacturing industry and, with the help of a relative, had gotten a similar blue-collar industrial job abroad. 

One of the major things we talked about was how we鈥檇 live after marriage. He made me believe that he鈥檇 travel abroad first to settle and get his papers, and then bring me over within two or three years. By then, I鈥檇 be completely done with school and would have researched 鈥� or even attained 鈥� all the certifications I needed to practice nursing abroad. That way, I could get a job immediately upon arrival.

What we didn鈥檛 discuss was the possibility that things might not go to plan. 

I鈥檓 guessing that means things didn鈥檛 go to plan

They didn鈥檛. First of all, I got pregnant immediately after our wedding in 2015. It鈥檚 funny because we spent only two nights together before he travelled.

I had to move in with my in-laws. We鈥檇 discussed that part, though. Since I was supposed to travel soon, he said it made sense to save money by living with his family instead of renting an apartment. Staying with my in-laws as a pregnant woman wasn鈥檛 easy. I had to deal with pregnancy stress, the struggle of rounding up school, and on top of that, still do house chores. 

I couldn鈥檛 say because I was pregnant, I鈥檇 leave my mother-in-law to do all the cooking. If I were at my parents鈥�, I鈥檇 have been sleeping comfortably while my mum took care of me. But I didn鈥檛 have that freedom at my in-laws鈥�. They weren鈥檛 bad; they just had expectations of me, and it was too stressful. Imagine handwashing my parents-in-law鈥檚 and brother-in-law鈥檚 clothes while heavily pregnant.

Hmmm

Also, Charles wasn鈥檛 sending me money. I鈥檇 assumed that he鈥檇 at least send me pocket money. He didn鈥檛. Whenever I asked for money, he鈥檇 be like, 鈥淲hat do you need money for? Aren鈥檛 you with my parents?鈥� 

When he eventually managed to send me something, he鈥檇 send it through my brother-in-law. So, I couldn鈥檛 regularly ask for money because I worried his family would start saying I was eating his money.

The only time I had some form of financial independence was between 2017 and 2019. I got a job at a hospital and was earning 鈧�80k/month. I could save and get nice things for myself without too much explanation. That ended in 2019, after Charles returned to Nigeria permanently and told me to stop working.

Two questions: Why did he return, and why did he ask you to quit?

He ran into some issues with his papers and decided to leave before he was deported. You notice I didn鈥檛 mention joining him? Well, his papers weren鈥檛 complete, and he didn鈥檛 find a permanent solution before coming back. The plan was to try another country, but then COVID came and scattered his plans.

As to why he told me to quit, he suddenly started having issues with me being a nurse. He claimed that all nurses have affairs with doctors, and the only reason I didn鈥檛 want to quit was because of that. It became a family issue, and I had to leave the job for peace to reign.

I鈥檝e had two more kids since then. It became easier to embrace being a housewife instead of trying (and failing) to convince him to let me take another job.

How do you both handle your home鈥檚 finances then?

My husband brings all the income. He has a regular job and also makes money on the side from construction sites, doing wiring and installations. I don鈥檛 know exactly how much he earns, but by the grace of God, we鈥檙e comfortable. We live in our own house and don鈥檛 struggle to feed.

However, Charles doesn鈥檛 involve me in any financial decisions. A year ago, I came home from the market to see people installing solar inverters in the house. Another time, he sold his car and bought another one without telling me. Things like that happen frequently, so I no longer ask why he doesn鈥檛 involve me. If I drag it, he鈥檒l only say something like, 鈥淚s it not my money?鈥�

Omo

He doesn鈥檛 give me money either. He prefers to ask what I need and buy it himself. I鈥檓 talking about things as small as pads and hair attachments. The only way I get small small money is by 鈥減adding鈥� the list of foodstuffs I give him. 

I only make money on things he can鈥檛 get from the supermarket. He doesn鈥檛 like going to local markets for foodstuffs like garri, meat, etc, so he gives me the money for that. 

I don鈥檛 know if I鈥檒l classify him as stingy, because it鈥檚 not really stinginess. He doesn鈥檛 complain about getting things for the house. What he doesn鈥檛 like is actually giving me money and allowing me to have a voice in financial decisions. I think it鈥檚 just disrespect. Since I don鈥檛 contribute financially to the home, he doesn鈥檛 value my opinion.

How do you feel about that?

It used to bother me, and I鈥檇 cry and complain to him. I even reported him to my parents. Those ones didn鈥檛 see anything wrong with his actions because he was 鈥渇ulfilling his duty鈥� and providing for the home.

These days, I don鈥檛 really care anymore. I still often feel disrespected 鈥� like I don鈥檛 matter 鈥� but I try not to dwell on it. Instead, I let him do what he wants. Shebi I don鈥檛 have to worry about anything regarding money in the house? It鈥檚 fine. Let him handle everything like Superman. On my own end, I鈥檓 strategic about getting money from him as much as I can and saving it. If anything happens, at least I have an emergency fund. 

What does this emergency fund look like now?

I鈥檝e been building it since 2022, and I have close to 鈧�5m now. I save using mutual funds, so it鈥檚 the interest on my savings that has pushed the money this high.

So, your husband handles all the expenses. Does he include relationship expenses, such as dates and gifts?

We don鈥檛 do dates. The highest we do is family outings for the kids. That happens at least once every two months. Then gifts are limited to birthdays. He just asks me what I want, and I tell him. I don鈥檛 buy him gifts because I don鈥檛 have money.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

I want to open a business soon, but I鈥檓 still thinking of a reasonable excuse to give him for how I raised capital. Maybe I鈥檒l say my elder brother loaned me money or something. 

For us as a couple, maybe having enough money to go on international holidays with the kids. Now that I think about it, I don鈥檛 even know if he can already afford that.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Feel Forced Into Providing for My Wife鈥檚 Child

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!听Expect honest conversations and insightful sessions听on building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.听to be the first to know when tickets start selling.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

I met my wife, Sola, through a family friend in 2022, and we got married a year later. October 2026 will make it our third year of marriage.

Tell me more about how you met

I had been single for about three years and was ready to try another relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. But most of the ladies I met weren’t serious. Once I talked to them for a while and expressed interest, they would start asking me for money. I sell and repair ACs; I don鈥檛 have money like that.

I was tired of the constant billing, but I also wanted to find a good woman. So, I started to tell family and friends that I was looking for a wife. A close family friend connected me with Sola. At first, I didn鈥檛 consider her as an option, but she turned out to be an understanding and caring woman. 

Why didn鈥檛 you consider her?

She had a two-year-old daughter. It鈥檚 not that I didn鈥檛 like her because she was a single mother; I just thought her child was young. I was worried that she was still involved with her child鈥檚 father or had to talk to him. I didn鈥檛 want to be with someone who had another man in her life.

However, my family friend assured me that the child鈥檚 father had abandoned them in Nigeria and married someone else in another country. That meant they wouldn鈥檛 be seeing each other physically, and he wouldn鈥檛 be calling her every time either. 

I started getting to know Sola better. We connected, and I liked her character. She didn鈥檛 bill me like other women. In fact, she cooked and served me the first day I went to her house. We weren鈥檛 even dating then. It showed me that she was really mature and wouldn鈥檛 need a man to give her money before showing him respect and care.

Interesting. What was Sola鈥檚 financial situation like when you got together?

She taught at a school 鈥� she still does 鈥� and also had a hairdressing salon in front of her family’s house. I don鈥檛 really know how much she was making, but she lived alone and was comfortable. It was the first time I dated a financially independent woman. She even helped me with small business loans a few times. I always paid her back, sha. 

She had to let go of her salon when we got married in 2023. Her family鈥檚 house is quite far from where we live, so it doesn鈥檛 make sense to travel all that distance for a salon. We haven鈥檛 been able to raise money to get a better salon close to us, so she鈥檚 been running home services after school and on the weekends. 

Also, my wife鈥檚 child started living with us a year ago. It鈥檚 not easy to manage her work at the school and two children (we had a baby in 2024). Now imagine adding the stress of a salon and apprentices. It was easier when the eldest child was with Sola鈥檚 parents. 

Do you mean your stepdaughter didn鈥檛 always live with you both?

No, she didn鈥檛. She lived with her grandparents. Even when Sola and I were dating, the child didn鈥檛 live with her. I honestly thought we鈥檇 continue with that arrangement after marriage.

However, Sola鈥檚 mum had a stroke last year and couldn鈥檛 take care of the child anymore. I suggested sending her to stay with Sola鈥檚 sister, but Sola refused. It almost caused a big fight, but I had to let the issue go to let peace reign.

Why were you against the idea?

We never discussed the child living with us. It was like being forced into a financial responsibility I hadn鈥檛 prepared for. Imagine starting a marriage with children almost immediately. My expenses have doubled. I can鈥檛 drop money for food and say it鈥檚 only for one child na, abi? 

The child also recently started school, and Sola begged me to contribute to the school fees. That was an extra 鈧�80k I hadn鈥檛 planned for. I can鈥檛 tell her to go and meet the child鈥檚 father because people will say, 鈥淒idn鈥檛 you know she was a single mother before you married her?鈥� So, I have to accept that I’ll have to financially provide for the child one way or another, even if I don鈥檛 particularly like it. 

It鈥檚 what Yorubas call “Ab岷固乴岷固乯ayan 谩n”鈥� someone who engages in an unprofitable venture. No matter how much I spend on the child, she鈥檒l still wake up one day and go look for her real father.

That鈥檚 an interesting way to look at it. Does your wife know about your concerns?

I believe she knows the child isn鈥檛 my primary responsibility, so she doesn鈥檛 always come to me with her needs. It鈥檚 just when she needs help that she outrightly asks. And of course, as a woman, she knows how to get money from me when she really needs it. For instance, I can鈥檛 just ignore her complaints about the child being sick. I鈥檒l have to step in if I have money.

How do you both run your home鈥檚 finances?

We don鈥檛 really discuss it; we just know what the other has to do to contribute to the expenses. I pay 鈧�450k in rent for our mini flat, pay for electricity, and drop 鈧�10k every week for food. If the food money isn鈥檛 enough, she adds money. 

She also handles the children鈥檚 needs and small things around the house. Sometimes when I鈥檓 broke, Sola loans me money, and I pay her back when I make money. We know how to manage ourselves.

Do you have a budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

No. We don鈥檛 spend money on unnecessary things. If she sees something she likes and needs, she tells me, and if I have money, I鈥檒l give it to her. If I don鈥檛, we leave it. I鈥檓 not a birthday person like that, so I don鈥檛 need gifts. If she wants to make me happy, she knows she just needs to cook my favourite meal and let me rest. 

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I put 鈧�30k into a monthly ajo contribution, so I only need to add a little money to it and pay rent. Sola knows how to manage money, so whenever I have excess cash, I give it to her to keep for me. Most of the time, we still use whatever I keep with her to handle household needs or family emergencies. 

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

I hope to be a major electronics supplier in the future. At least, if I make enough money to do business, we鈥檒l be able to live a better life and enjoy good things. Sola is also always talking about building her own school someday. So, that鈥檒l be good too.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I鈥檓 a Heavy Saver, but He鈥檚 an Impulse Spender