When a friend鈥檚 secret pulled Joe* (46) into the heart of a marital crisis, he believed silence was the safest choice. He was wrong. His silence cost him the trust of everyone involved. 

I met both Esther* and Moses* in university. Esther was my coursemate, and we became close after being paired together on an assignment. Her hostel was near mine, so we visited each other often. 

In my third year, around 2004, I introduced her to my roommate, Moses. He saw her during a visit to mine and immediately said he liked her. Before long, they started dating, and in 2009, they got married.

After school, we all ended up in the same city, so our friendship continued naturally. Esther鈥檚 career took off quickly. We both studied finance, but she rose rapidly through the ranks and became the head accountant in a top firm.

Moses didn鈥檛 have the same luck. He never moved past his teaching job and struggled with the reality of being financially dependent on Esther. From what I observed, she tried not to make him feel less than. When she bought a car for his parents, she let him present it to protect his pride. However, despite this, he often confided in me, saying that Esther made him feel small, and she refused to support him when he tried to start a business. He believed she wanted him to remain reliant on her. 

I鈥檇 try to talk him out of those thoughts, reminding him of the many ways Esther helped him. But by early 2023, he became more vocal about wanting to 鈥渇eel like a man again.鈥� Then he started seeing Faith*, a young girl in her early twenties. They were in the same church unit. 

When he confessed to me that he was sleeping with her, I was shocked. I couldn鈥檛 understand what he saw in Faith when he had a wife like Esther. However, he was an adult, and I didn鈥檛 encourage him or try to get involved. I simply stayed out of it.

Things got more complicated when he introduced Faith to Esther as his mentee. Because they were from the same hometown, Esther didn鈥檛 suspect anything. Moses even convinced Esther to help Faith secure a land deal that earned her a commission. It didn鈥檛 sit well with me, but I ignored all of it because it wasn鈥檛 my place to interfere.

Esther hardly had time for anything outside work, and Moses claimed she鈥檇 never notice his movements. But by March of this year, she began to notice small things that didn鈥檛 add up. One day, she came to me and asked if Moses was cheating on her. She said she had strong suspicions and had already caught him in a lie about his whereabouts.

I told her I didn鈥檛 think so. I knew how explosive she could be when she felt betrayed, and I believed I was choosing the least destructive option. I didn鈥檛 want to be the one to scatter their marriage. I was also thinking of their four innocent children in the mix.

Unknown to me, Esther didn鈥檛 drop it. She began investigating with her sister. They went through his phone, tracked his movements, and pieced everything together slowly. That was how she discovered that Moses had gotten Faith an apartment, furnished it, and gave her an allowance 鈥� all with the money coming from Esther.

A few weeks ago, she and her sister trailed him to the apartment. When Faith opened the door, Esther pushed her out of the way. They found Moses in the bedroom wearing only his boxers. What made it worse were the framed photos of him and Faith all over the walls, like they were a married couple.

Esther lost it. She slapped Faith repeatedly and tore her clothes. Then she and her sister turned on Moses. Faith managed to alert her neighbours and call the police, and they took Esther and her sister to the station.

Clueless about what to do, Moses called me. I rushed over, helped him with the police statement, and made sure Esther and her sister were released on bail with the condition that they wouldn鈥檛 threaten Faith again. That same day, Esther told him to move out, and he鈥檚 been begging to save the marriage ever since. 

Afterwards, Esther confronted me. She wanted to know why I didn鈥檛 warn her. She said I let her walk into humiliation. I kept pretending I didn鈥檛 know anything, but at that point, it was obvious Moses had already involved me. She has refused to speak to me ever since. 

Now my own wife is on her side. She went through my phone recently because she doesn鈥檛 trust that I鈥檓 not doing the same thing. She believes I covered for Moses because  I鈥檓 also hiding something. It鈥檚 like everyone has decided I鈥檓 the villain in a story that has nothing to do with me.

I鈥檓 stuck, wondering if I made a mistake by staying loyal to my friend and trying to protect their marriage. Now, my decision has cost me more than I expected.

Read Next: On The Streets: He Said Cheating With a White Woman Didn鈥檛 Count

Each generation seems to view infidelity through its own lens, so we asked Nigerians across age groups where they stand.

Gen X (40s-50s)

鈥淵oung people emphasise trivial things鈥� 鈥� Kemi*, 52 

I鈥檝e been married for 25 years, and believe cheating is forgivable. To me, it鈥檚 a lesser evil than many other things that can ruin a relationship. Weeks after my wedding, my husband cheated. It was devastating at first. I cried and struggled to move on. But over time, I realised marriages aren鈥檛 built on love alone.

Younger people put too much emphasis on minor issues, and that鈥檚 why their marriages collapse easily. What truly sustains a marriage is partnership, understanding, and shared goals. My husband and I had that, and it kept me grounded. Eventually, I learned to find happiness in my children, work, and personal achievements.

Cheating became one of those things I learned to overlook unless it threatened my family鈥檚 safety or peace. Ironically, as he grew older, he stopped. We鈥檝e built a beautiful family together, and now we鈥檙e even closer. For me, cheating was never a deal breaker.

鈥淲e should normalise taking fidelity oaths again鈥� 鈥� Chuks*, 49 

Infidelity in marriage shouldn鈥檛 even be up for discussion. I think our deviation from cultural roots has made us too permissive. In my culture, before marriage, the women 鈥� and sometimes the men 鈥� take an oath of fidelity as a spiritual and moral commitment. 

Breaking that oath came with consequences. So people thought twice before cheating. My parents took it, but I didn鈥檛. Still, I believe the practice helped people stay accountable. Unfortunately, society has watered down those values, and infidelity feels like a normal part of relationships. Maybe it鈥檚 time we brought that practice back.

Millenials (30s-Early 40s)

鈥淚t depends on who does it鈥� 鈥� David*, 41

Infidelity isn鈥檛 completely unforgivable; it depends on the context and the person involved. From my experience, women don鈥檛 know how to cheat. They struggle to separate emotions from the act. So when they cheat, it usually means you鈥檝e lost them. 

Men are different. We can compartmentalise, cheat, and still come home to our families without losing focus on what matters. I saw this difference when my ex started cheating. It was painfully obvious and affected every other part of our relationship. Now that I鈥檓 married, I鈥檝e stepped out a few times, but it hasn鈥檛 affected my home because I know how to set boundaries and maintain balance.

鈥淚t鈥檚 not worth the anxiety鈥� 鈥� Mariam*, 30 

It depends on the context, but I wouldn鈥檛 endure it. I used to think cheating wasn鈥檛 a big deal, but even when the reason seems trivial, the effect is always damaging. It messes with your mind and your sense of self.

I once dated someone who cheated on me, and that experience changed everything. I couldn鈥檛 trust him anymore. Whenever he said he was going out, I鈥檇 keep calling to make sure he wasn鈥檛 with another woman. It got so bad that when we talked about marriage, I found myself wondering if I could even trust him enough to bring female relatives or domestic staff into the house.

It drained me. He eventually ended the relationship, but I was left with all the anxiety and insecurity it caused. That鈥檚 why I believe cheating doesn鈥檛 help anyone. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and once that breaks, there鈥檚 nothing left.

Maybe cheating can happen accidentally in rare cases, but I鈥檇 rather not deal with it at all. 

鈥淚t depends on how far the relationship has come鈥� 鈥� Mubarak, 31 

I鈥檓 open-minded about cheating. It really depends on the relationship and circumstances. I think it can be forgivable, especially outside marriage. Dating is a stage for exploring and figuring things out, so if cheating happens early, it shouldn鈥檛 always be a deal-breaker.

But if you鈥檝e been together for years or you鈥檙e married, it hits differently. There鈥檚 a deeper level of commitment, so betrayal carries more weight. I鈥檝e been in that situation before, where both of us cheated at different times. We sat down, talked through it, and decided to stay together.

If it鈥檚 an emotional affair where your partner is deeply invested, that鈥檚 unforgivable. But if it鈥檚 a mistake, there鈥檚 room for understanding and healing.

Gen Z (20s)

 鈥淐heating means your heart is somewhere else鈥� 鈥� Amina*, 22

I wouldn鈥檛 accept cheating. I鈥檝e cheated before, and each time, it happened because I wasn鈥檛 completely satisfied with the person I was with. Either they weren鈥檛 emotionally available, sexually compatible, or I鈥檇 simply lost interest and didn鈥檛 want to admit it.

For me, cheating means you never truly wanted to be with that person. That鈥檚 why it鈥檚 a deal breaker. If I ever find someone I truly want to be with, I know I wouldn鈥檛 cheat.

鈥淪taying loyal is the bare minimum鈥� 鈥� Prosper*, 25

Cheating is a total deal breaker for me. If you鈥檝e committed to me, then stay committed. Once your attention starts to wander, it means you were never serious. I should be ready to walk away.

I鈥檝e seen too many people destroy long-term relationships because they couldn鈥檛 stay faithful. That鈥檚 why I鈥檓 sceptical about relationships in general. I鈥檇 rather be in an open relationship than in a committed one where cheating is acceptable. At least that way, I keep my dignity.

Honestly, it鈥檚 one of the reasons I don鈥檛 see myself getting married. If someone can鈥檛 meet the bare minimum of loyalty, everything else in the relationship falls apart.

鈥淐heating is a spirit鈥� 鈥� Faith*, 23

Cheating is a total deal breaker for me. I鈥檝e seen firsthand how damaging it can be, and it鈥檚 not worth it. It destroys peace and leaves deep emotional scars. When cheating happens, it should be addressed immediately. I believe it manifests like a spirit that takes over and spirals out of control.

I can understand emotional cheating to an extent when someone grows too close to another person because they crave attention or connection. But physical cheating is where I draw the line.

People can change, but change must come with accountability.  When cheating happens, especially in marriage, there has to be a period of separation. The person who cheated must take responsibility, get help, and work on themselves before reconciliation can even be considered.

鈥淚t鈥檚 a forgivable deal breaker鈥� 鈥擳homas*, 27 

I grew up in an environment where cheating was normalised, so I鈥檇 say it鈥檚 a forgivable dealbreaker. You can move on from it, but things will never go back to how they were. You might forgive, but the trust is gone. If I rated you a hundred before, that drops to fifty. If I had expectations, they disappear, and I start planning my exit.

I鈥檝e seen how it plays out: you never truly recover from cheating. I call it 鈥渇orgivable鈥� only because when you love someone, it鈥檚 hard to let go. But that doesn鈥檛 always mean staying is the right decision.

Read Next: My Ex Used Me for Money, Now I鈥檓 Using Someone Else

Let鈥檚 start at the beginning. How did you meet your boyfriend?

I met Raheem* on Twitter in 2021. We were both taking an online course, which put us in the same group chat. We had a few casual interactions there before he started texting me privately. 

At first, I wasn鈥檛 interested. I had just come out of a relationship and was still hoping to get back with my ex. But Raheem was consistent. Over time, our chats became a welcome distraction. Even after I told him I still had feelings for my ex, he didn鈥檛 back off. He kept asking to meet up, but I avoided it for months.

What finally made you give in?

I saw pictures of him at a party he had invited me to. He was with another girl, and it bothered me. I didn鈥檛 even have feelings for him yet, but I felt possessive. That pushed me to finally visit him, and we ended up having sex.

I told myself it was a one-time thing, but I forgot my ex鈥檚 necklace at his place. When I went back for it, we had sex again. That was when I stopped pretending I wasn鈥檛 attracted to him. From there, we slipped into a situationship.

What about your ex? Was he still in the picture?

At first, yes. We weren鈥檛 dating anymore, but still hooked up regularly. It took me a while to accept that the relationship was really over. About five months in, the breakup became official, and that was when I leaned more into Raheem. 

By 2022, I realised I was developing real feelings. I wanted clarity, so I asked him what we were. But he dodged the question, bringing up religion. He came from a conservative Muslim family that wouldn鈥檛 approve of me, but he didn鈥檛 want to end things either. That back and forth left me restless.

How did you deal with that restlessness?

I started entertaining others. A new intern joined my office, and I noticed he always stared at me. One day, when we were alone in the boardroom, he kissed me. From then on, it became our thing. We never had sex, but we flirted a lot, both in person and over text. It lasted about four months until he left.

What was going on with Raheem at the time?

Raheem had moved to Lagos for work. The distance created space, and even though we hadn鈥檛 broken things off, I decided to take my mind off him. Since he refused to define us, I didn鈥檛 even count it as cheating.

Fair enough.

Also, Raheem wasn鈥檛 very good at communicating. Sometimes we鈥檇 go days without talking, and I felt really lonely. After the intern, I met Eric* through a friend. What drew me to him was how different he was from Raheem. He was more present, more romantic. I even considered leaving Raheem for him.

What stopped you?

Firstly, they knew each other and had a lot of mutuals since they worked in the same space. I didn鈥檛 want a messy situation. But the bigger problem was when Eric finally visited around the new year in 2023. We had sex, and it was very disappointing. He had performance issues that he brushed off and refused to address. It frustrated me, but I liked him enough to keep talking to him as a friend.

On one visit, Raheem noticed how glued I was to my phone, chatting with Eric. When he asked, I snapped and told him my friendships were none of his business. His jealousy pushed him to finally ask me to be his girlfriend in July 2023.

Did becoming official change anything?

Not really. It felt like he only put that tag on me so I wouldn鈥檛 leave. His communication was still bad, and then I found out a female friend had stayed at his house without him ever mentioning it. That was when I told myself, if he could hide things, then whatever I was doing was none of his business either.

So what did you do?

I kept talking to Eric. Around his birthday in September 2023, he invited me to an elaborate dinner and even booked a suite. I couldn鈥檛 refuse. I told myself the issues he had the first time were probably just a bad day, but I was wrong. He had the same erectile problems, and spending those two days with him left me frustrated. That was when the guilt of cheating on Raheem really started to sink in.

How did you deal with that guilt?

I distracted myself by going out more with friends. At one of those parties, I met Abba*. He was calm and fun, and I later found out we lived in the same neighborhood. 

We started going on late-night drives, and one night, we kissed. From there, we began hooking up. Each time, I told myself it would be the last, but eventually I stopped feeling guilty. We both just used each other to take the edge off. In a strange way, it even made things with Raheem feel less strained.

Interesting. And Raheem stayed in the dark?

Yes. About eight months in, I knew I had to end things with Abba. When I visited Raheem around June 2024, I noticed something was off. He was distant, then after a few days, he asked if I had cheated. I denied it, but when he pressed and said he had proof, I panicked. I thought he knew about Abba, but it turned out he only suspected Eric. A mutual had seen pictures of me at a hotel around Eric鈥檚 birthday.

Raheem broke down, smashing things and hitting his head against the wall. I was terrified. In that moment, I just wanted to calm him down, so I gave him a half-truth. I cried and said I had only gone to the hotel to help Eric plan a surprise for someone else. To my relief, he believed me.

Seeing how much even the suspicion of betrayal shattered him made me feel terrible. It forced me to confront myself. I had been hiding behind excuses, blaming Raheem鈥檚 flaws and my mistrust of him, but none of that justified what I was doing. After that visit, I cut off both Abba and Eric for good and promised myself I would finally be loyal.

Great. Did you keep that promise?

For almost a year, yes. I even moved to Raheem鈥檚 city for work, and being closer made things easier. But he still refused to tell his family about me, and that created a wall between us. It made me fear the relationship would never go anywhere serious. I was vulnerable, and that was when I slipped again.

In March this year, while visiting my family, I reconnected with my childhood crush. He owned a store near my parents鈥� house, and I would stop by when I was bored. One afternoon, things escalated, and we ended up having sex. It happened only once, but I hated myself for it. The worst part was seeing Raheem鈥檚 call come in right after it happened. I began to wonder if my problem was spiritual. 

Afterward, I cut ties with my crush completely. Now, even though Raheem and I are in a better place, that guilt has stayed with me.

Why do you think you kept slipping?

Looking back, I realise my relationship with Raheem was built on shaky ground. I wasn鈥檛 ready for commitment, but I forced myself into it because he felt like a safe option. Instead of addressing our issues head-on, I distracted myself with other people. It was easier than confronting our problems.

Now, I see that cheating never fixes anything. It doesn鈥檛 cure loneliness or confusion. It only deepens guilt and makes the relationship feel heavier.

Sounds like you鈥檝e done a lot of reflection. What do you think the future of your relationship with Raheem looks like now?

We鈥檝e had honest conversations about our differences, especially his religious background. I鈥檝e made it clear that I need real commitment if I鈥檓 going to stay, and he has started showing effort by introducing me to his siblings.

It feels like a step in the right direction. He still doesn鈥檛 know about my past mistakes, but I believe we can make it work if we鈥檙e both intentional. More than anything, I just hope not to repeat them.

Read Next: My Wife Tricked Me Into Raising Another Man鈥檚 Child for 8 Years

Would you keep quiet, confront them, or tell their partner the truth?  These Nigerians share how they handled the situation.

鈥淚 learned to mind my business very quickly鈥� 鈥� Chinasa*, (20), F

Chinasa thought telling her friend鈥檚 partner the truth about her cheating was doing him a favour, but she quickly learned to keep unsolicited information to herself.

鈥淲hen a former close friend of mine started dating her long-time crush last year, I was delighted for her. They were a cute social media couple and popular in our community. The kind that made people say, 鈥淕od when?鈥�

A few months later, a friend who lived in a different city told me about his new baby and even sent me her photo. To my surprise, it was my friend.

At first, I was torn about what to do. But since I鈥檇 also developed a friendship with her boyfriend, I told him. He accused me of trying to scatter their relationship and said that even if she cheated, he鈥檇 forgive her because he loved her. Then he told my friend, and she came to pick a fight with me for betraying her. I kept my distance after that.

They stayed together for another year before she cheated again, and he finally left. There鈥檚 no changing a dishonest person.鈥�

鈥淢y friend stopped talking to me after I called him out for cheating鈥� 鈥� Aanu*, (29), M

Aanu shares how his friend cut him off when he chastised him for stepping out on his girlfriend.

鈥淭his happened back when I was in uni. My neighbour was a good friend, dating a long-term girlfriend everyone in our friend group liked.

One day, as I was returning to my apartment, I ran into an old flame coming out of our building. We talked for a bit, and she mentioned she had just visited my friend. I didn鈥檛 think much of it as we said our goodbyes.

Later that evening, we were out for drinks when my friend started talking about the girl from earlier. He bragged about how they鈥檇 had sex and went into unnecessary details.. I was confused and asked if he had broken up with his girlfriend, and he said no. Then he tried to defend himself with some nonsense proverb鈥� something like, 鈥渃hickens that go out to eat still come home at night.鈥�. 

I told him straight up that I didn鈥檛 understand why anyone would be in a committed relationship if they still wanted to be in the streets. 

It turned into a huge argument, and afterwards, he stopped talking to me. It hurt to lose our friendship but I don鈥檛 regret speaking up in the face of wrongdoing. Doesn鈥檛 matter if it鈥檚 my friend.鈥�

鈥淚 cut him off after I saw how he was treating his babe鈥� 鈥� Eze*, (31), M

Eze got tired of warning his friend to stop cheating on his girlfriend, and after the last straw, he cut him off completely.

鈥淢y friend had been with his girlfriend for years. She was a sweet babe, always kind to everyone. I know relationships can get too comfortable after a while, so at first, I didn鈥檛 pay attention when I saw my friend flirting with other women occasionally.

But he must have thought my silence meant I supported him,  because one day, right in my presence, he picked up a girl. I tried to caution him, dropping hints that it wasn鈥檛 a good idea, but he didn鈥檛 listen. They ended up spending a weekend together, and it changed how I saw him. 

I didn鈥檛 think it was my place to tell his girlfriend since we weren鈥檛 close, so I kept it to myself. But I couldn鈥檛 seem him the same way again.. If he could treat the woman who had sacrificed so much for him like that, how would he treat me? I like to stay careful.鈥�

鈥淚 support women鈥檚 rights and wrongs鈥� 鈥� Denike*, (30), F

Denike doesn鈥檛 think cheating is cool, but if she believes it was a mistake, she鈥檚 willing to help her friend keep a secret.

鈥淐heating is a dicey matter. I don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 right at all, but I also don鈥檛 think a small mistake should ruin a beautiful connection.

In 2023, my friend showed up at my house crying. She had gone out drinking with an ex, and they ended up in bed. She felt guilty and wanted to confess to her boyfriend and break up because she felt she had betrayed him. I felt she was overreacting. I told her to cut off the ex permanently and keep quiet. Today, she鈥檚 still with her boyfriend, and they鈥檙e going strong. 

However, I don鈥檛 extend this grace to my male friends. Men already get away with too much in this side of the world. Some even think it’s their right to cheat on their partners. For me, I support women鈥檚 rights and wrongs. As long as my friend wants to keep it lowkey and isn’t making it a habit, I鈥檒l keep quiet.鈥�

鈥淭hey almost turned my house upside down鈥� 鈥� Akin*, (37), M

Akin doesn鈥檛 say a word when he sees his friends cheating because he likes his life drama-free.

鈥淚t鈥檚 no secret that guys cheat a lot. If I say I want to start warning every babe about their cheating partners, when will I have time to focus on my life? It only stirs unnecessary drama and I don鈥檛 want any part in it.

Anytime I notice a friend cheating on his wife or girlfriend, I look the other way. I don鈥檛 think cheating is right. In fact, I don鈥檛 think you can do business with people who cheat. If they can do that to their most intimate partner, they鈥檒l do worse to you. 

The last time I told someone her husband was cheating, my house was almost turned upside down. My friend鈥檚 wife would call me every time she suspected he was cheating again, and my friend would come to my house whenever he wanted to escape her wahala. It became exhausting. 

Now, if I know you鈥檙e a cheat, I just make you a drinking buddy. I don鈥檛 want any connection strong enough for your wife to have my number and be calling me like I鈥檓 her dad. I have enough on my plate, please.鈥�

鈥淲e had to go and beg his wife to forgive him鈥� 鈥� Lekan*, (62), M

Lekan would never talk about it if he found out his friend was cheating. For him, if it’s worth knowing about, his friend will speak up.

鈥淚f a married man is simply playing around outside with a woman or two, it鈥檚 not a big deal. I wouldn鈥檛 say anything if I saw my friend doing that. 

But, if he wants to take another wife, which may destabilise his home, or the lady gets pregnant, then we, his friends, can step in and advise him. 

In 2014, one of my friends got exposed when his wife found out about another woman. He rushed to tell us, and as his friends, we did what we could. We went with him to his house to beg his wife and seek forgiveness. Thankfully, she took him back. 

As long as my friend doesn鈥檛 openly disrespect his wife and keeps things quiet, his secret is safe with me.鈥�

Here鈥檚 Your Next Read: 10 Husbands, 1 Question: Would You Marry Your Wife Again?

We asked six Nigerians to share the wildest ways they discovered their partners were cheating. Their stories are all the proof you need to know that the signs are always there, if you know where to look.

鈥淚 regret not believing the woman who told me鈥� 鈥� Blessing*, 42

Blessing* received shocking information during what was meant to be a joyful family moment.

鈥淚 met most of my fianc茅’s family and close friends while attending his master鈥檚 graduation. I also met his best friend鈥檚 wife, Esther*, at the celebration, and we bonded quickly. Minutes into our conversation, Esther pulled me aside and said she didn鈥檛 want me to make the same mistake she did. She claimed both our men were chronic womanisers 鈥� my fianc茅 was even worse than her husband. I didn鈥檛 believe her, but she advised me to show up at his place unannounced. Weeks later, I acted on Esther鈥檚 advice.

I showed up at my fianc茅鈥檚 house, and a woman opened the door in the middle of cooking for him. I was shocked. I confronted him with everything Esther said, and he claimed she was a student he was tutoring. He claimed Esther lied because she hated him and made me feel guilty for doubting him. Esther got serious backlash from his family after the incident, which ruined our relationship. Still, I ignored everything and we got married. It didn鈥檛 take long to realise Esther was right all along. I鈥檝e spent years regretting that decision.鈥�

鈥淭he gift said 鈥楩or My Special Mother-in-Law鈥�, but I wasn鈥檛 the sender鈥� 鈥� Chuka*, 37

When a Mother鈥檚 Day gift believed to be from Chuka* turned out to be from someone else, it triggered a chain of events that shook his marriage.

鈥淚 usually send my mother-in-law gifts just to keep our relationship warm. So when she received a perfume package on Mother鈥檚 Day, she called to thank me, assuming it was from me.

I told her I hadn鈥檛 sent anything, but she insisted. The attached card read 鈥楩or My Special Mother-in-Law, Love Chuka,鈥� and I was her only son-in-law.

I played it cool and asked her to send a photo of the pickup label. When I showed it to my wife, her reaction was strange, which prompted me to try the sender鈥檚 number. It didn鈥檛 go through.

I asked my wife to be honest and threatened to get to the bottom of it, even if it meant visiting the pickup address. That was when she finally confessed. She鈥檇 been dating another man, and after they broke up, he threatened to ruin her marriage. She suspected he sent the gift out of spite. I couldn鈥檛 believe it. I鈥檇 never suspected her of infidelity before the incident. It took time, but I eventually forgave her.鈥�

鈥淗is real girlfriend stalked me on Twitter鈥� 鈥� Victory*, 24

Victory* never imagined commenting under her man鈥檚 tweet would set off a chain of events that exposed everything.

鈥淚鈥檇 been seeing this guy for a few months when one day, I got a random text asking if I knew he had a girlfriend. I was confused and asked who was speaking, and she introduced herself as Jola* 鈥� his real girlfriend.

She鈥檇 been watching me since I commented under one of his tweets. She pieced it all together after zooming into a picture from my photo dumps, and spotted his car.

Jola came with receipts. They鈥檇 been together for over five years, and I wasn鈥檛 the first girl he鈥檇 cheated with 鈥� and to make matters worse, he鈥檇 told me she was his cousin. We spent hours exchanging screenshots. Almost everything I knew about him was a lie. 

When I confronted him, he called her his crazy ex. In response, I sent him a screenshot of the 鈥楪ood morning babe鈥� message he鈥檇 sent Jola earlier the same day. He blocked me immediately.鈥�

鈥淪he saved her sugar daddy鈥檚 contact as 鈥楾ailor Julia鈥欌�� 鈥� Richard*, 32

A strange reaction to a phone call made Richard* question everything. He didn鈥檛 expect what he would uncover next.

鈥淢y long-term girlfriend visited one weekend, and everything was fine until her phone rang while she was bathing. She ran out with soap in her hair just to answer the call, and that tipped me off. I asked her who was calling, and she claimed it was her tailor. Sure enough, the number was saved as 鈥淭ailor Julia鈥� when she handed me the phone to check. She said she鈥檇 given Julia a dress and was expecting it back. Still, I didn鈥檛 buy her explanation.

Later, when she wasn鈥檛 looking, I checked her phone. I found nothing incriminating, except several calls from Tailor Julia, but I copied the number anyway. A few days later, I called the number and a man picked up.

I was furious and asked him to stay away from her, but he laughed and said even if he left her, she had other men. Then he told me to 鈥渢ame my dog.鈥� That was all I needed to end things. I didn鈥檛 need any explanation from her.鈥�

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鈥淢y friend took pictures of him at a bar鈥� 鈥� Osaz*, 26

Osaz* had doubts about her relationship, but nothing prepared her for the Snapchat message that exposed her boyfriend.

鈥淚 already had my suspicions about my then-boyfriend. My gut kept telling me something was off. He started staying out late, got overly protective of his phone, and just felt emotionally distant. But I couldn鈥檛 prove it.

Then one day, my friend messaged me on Snapchat. She was at a bar for a team hangout and sent a photo with the caption, 鈥業sn鈥檛 this your man?鈥�

He was all smiles in the picture, along with a fully glammed-up babe. It was clear she wasn鈥檛 just a friend. When I confronted him, he denied it. Then, I showed him the picture, and he switched tactics and accused me of stalking him and invading his privacy.

That was the day I understood the power of hard-launching your man. If not for Snapchat, I might have stayed clueless.鈥�

鈥淔ind my iPhone exposed her鈥� 鈥� Abdul*, 28

What was meant to be a sweet surprise turned into the night Abdul* uncovered a lie. 

鈥淢y girlfriend and I were texting like usual, and she casually mentioned she was home and hungry. I thought it鈥檇 be sweet to surprise her with her favourite food, so I left my office and drove to her place in Fadeyi.

When I got there, her gateman told me she hadn鈥檛 been home in over two hours. That鈥檚 when I decided to check her location using Find My iPhone. It showed she was in Lekki. It definitely wasn鈥檛 a random outing; it was planned. So why lie?

I didn鈥檛 confront her immediately. I went home, sat with my suspicions, and started investigating. I got access to her Snapchat and found out about the other guy. When I confronted her, she said they were just flirting and didn鈥檛 see anything wrong. That was enough reason to end the relationship.鈥�

If you want to share your own story, I鈥檇 love to hear it聽.

Gut feeling

We know you have a weak tummy, and everything makes it feel funny, but not this time. If your entire body is telling you that your partner is on the streets moving insane, believe it and start investigating.

Friends acting suspiciously

If friends start avoiding questions about your partner or even talking about them in general, there鈥檚 a big chance they know that the love of your life is up to no good.

Less time together

No one鈥檚 saying every couple should spend their entire time breathing the same air as their partner. However, if it begins to feel like your partner is avoiding you and choosing to spend more time with other people, they might be cheating.

Increased privacy

Everyone needs their privacy, but when your baby changes the password on all their devices from your birthday to a random ass number and starts deleting texts and answering calls in hushed tones, you鈥檙e allowed to be suspicious.

Unexplained absences

If your partner sneaks about like a thief and keeps you in the dark about their movements, chances are they鈥檙e sneaking into someone else鈥檚 bed or, worse, heart.

Increased criticism or arguments

Arguing with your partner is fine occasionally, but if your baby is always looking for some reason to wage war with you, the supposed love of their life, they might be trying to get you to leave them so they can move on to their real love.

Grooming changes

We鈥檙e all for upgrading your looks and changing your style, but if your partner has shown any of the signs above and starts taking extra care in how they look, they might be trying to impress their side piece.

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This is Funmbi鈥檚* story, as told to Chioma.

I met James* on Tinder in 2021. He was sweet and hilarious, so we exchanged contacts and started talking, but it all fizzled out after a while. 

One night, I was ranting on my WhatsApp status, and he reached out to check on me. He called me again the following day, and we spoke for about two hours. Before it ended, he gave me a gig. It was the nicest thing anyone had done for me that month.

After that, we just continued talking to each other. He was smart and kind, and the next thing I knew, I was convincing myself that my school in Ilorin wasn鈥檛 even that far from Lagos, where he was, and long-distance relationships weren鈥檛 that bad. I knew he wanted to ask me out, and he was just waiting for the right moment, but I didn鈥檛 have the patience for that, so two weeks later, I asked him to be my boyfriend.

Our relationship was great. He was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for, and we had this communication rule to make sure the long distance didn鈥檛 affect us as much, but I knew something would go wrong. I assumed the worst and hatched a plan for when it happened. So I already thought of the worst thing鈥攈im cheating鈥攁nd then I told myself that he was probably already doing it.

I wasn鈥檛 wrong.

James and I were heavy on communication, calls, texts, notes by pigeon. As long as we got to speak to each other constantly, we would do it. Two months into our relationship, I started noticing a communication gap. He would disappear for hours and come back without explanation, so one day, I decided to go to Lagos and see what was happening. I had an event to attend, I had cash, and all this man had to do was pick me up from my friend鈥檚 place and take me to his house. We needed to talk, and most importantly, we needed to have sex.

I waited all day for James to show up, but he didn鈥檛. I was livid. I had travelled from Illorin to see him, but he couldn鈥檛 drive from Ajah to Lekki to pick me up.  I wanted to be petty. I wanted to do something to spite him, so I had sex with the friend I was staying with. 

I swear, it didn鈥檛 mean anything. To me, sex isn鈥檛 such a big deal. I mean, it is, but only when you attach meaning to it, and as far as I was concerned, sex outside a relationship was as meaningless as it came. 

I think that鈥檚 why I was able to forgive him when he finally confessed to cheating on me the first time.

He came to pick me up from that friend鈥檚 house, and after we spoke about the communication gap in our relationship, he confessed. I forgave him after a couple hours because, well, I did just cheat on him, too, but I still loved him, and I already knew he was cheating. He lived in Lagos. We were doing long distance. He gets horny at least twice a week, and he’s a hot guy. There’s too much fish in the river for him not to be tempted. 

I didn鈥檛 want to lose him, and I had a feeling it would happen again because how do you ask a man to stay celibate because of long distance? In Lagos? It’s like begging water and oil to mix. It’s like trying to say Tinubu should approve a 鈧�400k minimum wage. It won鈥檛 work.

I suggested we open up our relationship. We would still love each other and be together, but we could sleep with whomever we pleased and talk about it. He went ballistic and said he didn鈥檛 want that. I think his ego couldn鈥檛 handle the thought of someone else touching me. Instead of opening up our relationship, he decided we would take a break and try to sort out our issues. I was fine with that, and then I found out he used that time to cheat again. I gave up after that, and we broke up. 

It鈥檚 been a year since we broke up, and we鈥檝e built a really good friendship.

The friendship is golden.

He japa鈥檇 last August and has been trying to get me to move. That’s a more complicated discussion. But I still love him a lot, and I know it’s mutual to some extent.

Want to know something crazy? If he asks me to give it another shot, even with him thousands of miles away, I just might say yes.

You don鈥檛 have to make this decision on your own. Here鈥檚 what you should do.

Consider how close you and your friend are

We’re not telling you to repay evil with evil, but think long and hard about this friendship. Would they give you the last slice of pizza just because? Would they fight for you?  Would they call you a jealous witch, ask you to get out of their sight, and then report you to their philandering partner? Think about it.

Ignore the situation

If you live in Nigeria, there are already a million and one things you could pour your time and attention into. Someone else鈥檚 relationship doesn鈥檛 have to be one of them. So consider ignoring the entire situation; focus more on how your village people and internet provider are conspiring to frustrate you out of a job.

Get proof they鈥檙e a cheat

聽We understand that, like goats,聽 some people are stubborn AF.聽 So, if you’re going to tell your friend that their partner is community property, at least do it with evidence before they call you everything but the name your mother gave you.

Psst! Where are our 91大神 Ships now?

Find out how three of our Ships are doing five years later: 

Spoiler alert: it’s lovey-dovey 

Ignore the cheat

It might be tempting to confront and punch them in the face but don’t do it. They’ll take it to your friend and lie their ass off before you even get to tell on their cheating ass.

Don’t ignore the cheat

After showing your friend the evidence you鈥檝e gathered about how their partner wines and dines with Lucifer, consider spraying 鈥渃heat鈥� in big, bold letters on their car. Public embarrassment for publicly embarrassing your friend doesn’t sound bad.

Drop hints

If you don’t know how to tell your friend that they’re in a loveless relationship with the weapon fashioned against them, consider doing it with a billboard. Put 鈥淢mesoma, your partner is a roaring cheat with no self-control鈥� on a billboard and hope they get the message.

Consider doing it anonymously 

Buy a new sim card or open a burner account on Instagram and tell them the truth, complete with evidence (before they cuss you and your good heart out). Now you can rest; you鈥檝e done your part.