How did you meet Yinka? 

Bimpe: She shot a friendship shot at me. In February 2022, she DMed me on Instagram that she鈥檇 been following me for a while and thought I was really cool. She ended by saying we stayed around the same place and was wondering if we could be friends. I should鈥檝e known from the shot that she was a weirdo, but I wanted more female friends so I was excited. 

I鈥檓 a very friendly person, and I鈥檝e met a lot of interesting people on social media, so I wasn鈥檛 opposed to the idea. I鈥檇 travelled to Abuja, so we used the time I was away from Lagos to text each other for a bit. I wanted to know if we had anything in common before we hung out. 

We seemed to hit it off immediately. We had so much in common it was almost unbelievable. We shared similar goals and views about the world. I thought I would finally have a friend I could do things like go to the gym and run errands with. 

So you met up with her? 

Bimpe: Yeah. Two weeks after we started texting. It was supposed to be a quick lunch, nothing longer than an hour, but we stayed there for hours. We exchanged stories about our lives, drank and laughed a lot. The other people in the restaurant were looking at us strangely, but I didn鈥檛 care. I thought I鈥檇 found the next best thing to happen to me. 

We spent so much time together after. Since we lived in the same area, we鈥檇 attend events from one person鈥檚 house because it didn鈥檛 make sense to arrive separately. My parents knew her, and I knew hers too. In fact, we鈥檇 gotten so close so quickly that about two to three months after we met, we started attending each other鈥檚 family events. If she didn鈥檛 come for one, my parents would be upset. She was my best friend. 

When did you start noticing the change?

Bimpe: About four months into our friendship. I鈥檓 a very social person, and because Yinka was my best friend, I dragged her along with me to many places. When we鈥檇 go out, it suddenly felt like she was trying to outdo me. She鈥檇 always try to make me the butt of jokes even when it wasn鈥檛 called for. 

Once, at a beach party, someone complimented my bikini, but she was quick to point out that my makeup really tied the look together and that she did my makeup for me. Apparently, I鈥檇 have been so ugly if I did it myself. There was no reason for the comment. She just wanted to make me feel small. Luckily for me, I鈥檓 a very confident person. And I didn’t even notice anything before this beach incident. I think some people are just weird.

The next time we went to the beach, she was wearing the same bikini the person complimented. What kind of sick behaviour is that? 

Ah

Bimpe: That鈥檚 another thing she did a lot. Copy my style. If someone complimented my hair, she鈥檇 buy the same wig or do the same style. If someone complimented an outfit, she鈥檇 buy it and post pictures of herself in it. 

One time, I went on a date to a restaurant, and the next day, she had a date in that same restaurant. She even wore a similar outfit to the one I wore for my date.  

Coincidence? 

Bimpe: At first, I thought so, but one day in July, she鈥檇 just gotten her hair done 鈥� knotless brown box braids, and she looked really cute in them. The next week, I did layered braids in blonde because I hadn鈥檛 made my hair in weeks. Just wigs and vibes. Tell me why two days later, she posted an Instagram story from my hairdresser鈥檚 salon. This babe went and did layered braids too but in brown. Two days after I did mine? It was giving 鈥渙bsessed鈥�. 

Chelsea c鈥檓on nau 

Bimpe: I decided to set a trap for her in August when I travelled again. I wanted to really know if she was copying me.

I removed everyone from my close friends list except her then I posted a picture of hair on the floor on my story and typed 鈥渂ig chop鈥� over it. I actually got the picture from when one of my other friends cut her hair. 

A couple of days later, Yinka had cut her hair, claiming she was starting a new journey. When I got back to Lagos from Abuja the next week, she came to pick me up from the airport with my parents and was visibly shocked when she saw my afro. I just did as if nothing happened. 

When we got back to my place, she asked about my hair. That鈥檚 when I let her have it. I told her to get out of my house and reported her to my parents so they don鈥檛 make the mistake of reaching out to her. 

Detective doings 

Bimpe: It was actually scary. When I told my other friends about it, they said that whenever I travelled, she tried to talk to them or initiate hangout sessions. They agreed because she was my close friend. It was as if she wanted my life. Never again, abeg. 

Did she ever reach out after that? 

Bimpe: She did. She claimed she was mentally ill, but I just sent her the number of a psychiatrist and blocked her. You can鈥檛 be weaponising mental illness in 2023, especially considering she never cared how what she did could鈥檝e affected my own mental health. RELATED: Sunken Ships: The Elections May End, but My Uncle Will Remain Blocked

The subjects of this week鈥檚 Love Life, Mofe (25) and Tunta (23), have been together for a year. They talk about how they almost didn鈥檛 get together because of her ex, and how even though they鈥檙e both polyamorous, they aren鈥檛 looking to date other people right now.聽

How did you meet?

惭辞蹿别鈥�: We met on Twitter in November 2020. I want to lie that she moved to me, but it鈥檚 me. I鈥檓 the one who took my eyes to the 鈥渕arket鈥�. I slid into her DM barely five minutes after discovering her Twitter profile for the first time. I found (still find) her incredibly interesting, and I was very excited to get to know her better. 

Tunta: I鈥檇 tweeted about how I take terrible selfies, and he said he wanted to take terrible selfies with me. I was like, “Who is this one now?” but I clicked on his profile and saw a fine boy.  I also saw that we had a few mutuals so I responded. It was his avatar that made me even open his profile. I wanted to see the picture properly. 

鈥汛谴诒疴��: We had mutuals?

Tunta: Yes. Just a few.

What did you think when he DM鈥檈d you? 

Tunta: I thought he just wanted to sleep with me. He鈥檚 a designer and it was a field I was getting really interested in, so I thought he wanted to use that as scope. I even told my friends that. 

惭辞蹿别鈥�: They even gave me a nickname because she thought I wanted to use design to sleep with her, meanwhile what I was feeling felt like romance. I was a little apprehensive about leaning in fully into my romantic intentions. It鈥檚 the internet; things aren鈥檛 always what they seem to be. But I wanted this romance I felt to be what it seemed to be, A LOT. She鈥檚 a lot more than that idea I had in my head. She鈥檚 my favourite person to explore and explore life with. 

Tunta: Mo the Explorer. God, when?

Mofe: See as I dey do romance for you. You no do any romance o. 

Tunta: I’m shy, please.

Please, don鈥檛 jump. We need the steps that led to the exploration

Tunta: Well, I replied his DM, and with every conversation we had after, he seemed to care about me as a person, wanting to sleep with me aside. 

惭辞蹿别鈥�: Add everything together.

Tunta: So, while he didn’t straight up say, “I want a romantic relationship”, his DM didn’t seem completely platonic to me. 

鈥汛谴诒疴��: It wasn鈥檛.

Tunta: But I was in love with someone else at the time and wasn鈥檛 looking for another romantic connection. 

Did you tell him? 

Tunta: I didn’t mention it because I didn’t feel the need to. The other guy and I had stopped talking when Mofe messaged me. But we started talking again then started dating in May 2021, so I told Mofe about the guy. He knew Mofe because they have a mutual friend, and for some reason, this Mofe boy was telling everybody about me. 

Why were you telling everyone about her?

Mofe: It was love, but it wasn鈥檛 blind. It was certain. I鈥檝e always been confident about the depth of the connection we shared. The love is absolute, and I鈥檓 not even being cheesy. 

Tunta: I love you.

鈥汛谴诒疴��: I love you too.

You people have jumped again

Tunta: LMAO, sorry. I felt a connection too, but not romantic. I’ve cared about him since we met. There’s just this 鈥淛enny say quan鈥� to him. However, as time went on, we weren’t talking every day anymore because he was terrible at texting, I wasn’t interested in phone calls and he had a lot going on with school. I also think because we hadn鈥檛 met yet, he was less willing to talk. 

You hadn鈥檛 met yet? 

Tunta: I wasn’t keen on meeting him in person at first because I felt he went out too much and would give me COVID. There were like three different times we were supposed to meet in January/February, but something always came up on my end.

I wanted to invite him to my sister’s wedding in April 2021, but I thought it would be weird. We didn’t talk much again till the beginning of 2022.

Back to the relationship you got into in May

Tunta: The relationship ended a month later.. After, I posted something about how I still wanted to try a non-monogamous relationship on my WhatsApp status, and Mofe said I should mention it to my partner. I was like “I don’t have”.

惭辞蹿别鈥�: Scope to check if my suspicions were true.

Tunta: Mofe said he hopes I know he’d try non-monogamy with me. I said I do. Unfortunately, two weeks later, me and the other guy got back together. We broke up again in October, and I almost didn鈥檛 date Mofe because my ex once implied I鈥檇 cheat on him with Mofe. I thought it鈥檇 look weird.

So what changed your mind? 

Tunta: The New Year of 2022 made us talk. I started ranting about the thing with my ex and how it doesn’t seem like we’re broken up even though we are. If I remember correctly, I actually told Mofe it’d be somehow if we get into a relationship because it’d be like I鈥檇 been talking to him to the whole time and “giving him hope”. He asked why I cared what it looked like or what the other guy thought, especially considering everything he鈥檇 said and done.

惭辞蹿别鈥�: I thought if it was stressing her that much, it was definitely not healthy for them to keep talking, but I also knew it was easier said than done. Feelings mostly just don鈥檛 disappear; detachment is a process. 

When did you finally meet? 

惭辞蹿别鈥�: On my birthday.

Tunta: He said he wanted to spend his birthday with me o. I didn’t want to go at first because I thought where he was staying at the time was far.

鈥汛谴诒疴��: It was far as fuck.

Tunta: But I went. Despite all the nonsense that tried to stop me that day. Do you believe my car got seized?

惭辞蹿别鈥�: That driver is an opp. I鈥檓 sure he somehow set you up.

Tunta: Some law enforcement officers stopped the driver and I and said we entered BRT lane. We didn’t, but okay. They sha seized my car. I was discouraged and in a terrible mood.

鈥狭辞蹿别鈥�: When she got to me, she was frowning because of the annoying journey, but I was smiling because 鈥渟ee fine girl鈥�. 

Tunta: I wanted to knock you. I was wondering why he was smiling like that when I was annoyed. 

God, when? What did having that meeting do for both of you?

Tunta: It made us start seeing each other at least twice every week. Then it became once because he stopped working remotely. 

鈥汛谴诒疴��: It gave all it was meant to give. At that point, I just knew this is who I want to be with for life. 

Tunta: God, abeg.

鈥�惭辞蹿别鈥�: I don鈥檛 think she realised it as quickly as I did, but she caught up. 

Tunta: You’re right. I have no idea when I realised I鈥檇 fallen for him. It just clicked one day that I was in love, but it was on his birthday I realised there was something there and that I could be in a relationship with him. Mo on the other hand has been in love since.

鈥汛谴诒疴��: Yep, for a while. My love is very patient.

Tunta: God, am I the fattest bone?

鈥汛谴诒疴��: I don鈥檛 remember a specific time, but I knew I was in love. I wasn鈥檛 gonna be in those crush-type situations where it鈥檚 consuming you and the person you鈥檙e in love with just dey vibe dey go sha. 

I didn鈥檛 think telling someone who鈥檚 in a monogamous relationship you loved them was useful for any of us. If it was gonna happen, it would.

And it happened! But how? 

惭辞蹿别鈥�: We started dating in February 2022. At this point, she鈥檇 briefly met both my parents during my pharmacy induction, and I鈥檇 met her mum during the times I went to visit her in her house. We kinda knew where it was going, but I was stalling until I could take her out on a proper dress-up date to pop the question.

Tunta: Earlier in the month, he had said “we’re already together in my books” and I asked him what kind of book that is. He was like we’re already together, but he wants to do the whole dress-up date.

鈥汛谴诒疴��: Her own love no dey patient.

Tunta: Get out. We became official the day he met my dad. My dad was like “Are you going out?” That was his way of him asking if we were in a relationship. We said yes. Then later I was like “oya ask me out” because I knew he wanted to. He asked me to be his girlfriend, then I asked him to be my boyfriend. 2FA.

鈥汛谴诒疴��: I told her I鈥檇 think about it, but when I asked she said yes immediately. 

Tunta: Liar. You said, “I already am”.

惭辞蹿别鈥�: Even though.

You鈥檝e been together for a year. Can you tell us what you love most about each other?

Tunta: There鈥檚 a lot o, but let me try to make it short. He’s already pretty great but is always trying to be better. Plus, he’s a good friend, and he just gets me. 

Mofe: The first thing that drew me to her as an individual is how kind she is. She鈥檚 very funny and thoughtful. When I was looking for a new job, she kept sending me vacancy announcements. She just puts you in her mind. I feel very loved by her. I鈥檓 her biggest fan and I love her very much. 

I just wish she didn鈥檛 doubt herself. She鈥檚 a very confident person but sometimes she starts to question herself and when she gets into that funk, it鈥檚 sometimes hard for her to get out of, but she鈥檚 taking risks now and trying to get better.

Tunta: Being with him has made me a better communicator. The fact that he’s easy to talk to and doesn’t make me feel irrational even when I might be definitely helps. There were times before we became official that I thought I was giving him too much information, especially when I was talking about my ex, but I wanted everything out. Let everybody know what they’re entering. 

I’m mentally ill, and I had a breakdown recently. I was saying absolute rubbish, but this guy didn’t make me feel like I was. 

I’m happy I replied his DM because he’s a great person to have in your corner, and I’m extra happy I eventually caught up with him on the romance end. I love how we make each other better. 

Did you still do the non-monogamous relationship?

Tunta: Yes.

惭辞蹿别鈥�: I鈥檓 polyamorous, and so is she. It was a mutual decision. We set up certain 鈥渞ules鈥� to guide us in navigating it. I think the effort we made to create a relationship where we could tell each other literally anything has made the open relationship seamless for us.

Do you have plans to date other people? 

Tunta: Not at the moment but dynamics can change. We just have to talk about it. 

Mofe: Exactly. 

On a scale of 1-10, what鈥檒l you rate your love life? 

Tunta: 100. 

Okay, I鈥檓 joking. A 9. He’s very beautiful and supportive. He has a positive outlook on life. The one I removed is because we’re not where I want us to be yet, and it’s because of both internal and external factors like finances.

Mofe: I鈥檒l say 9. There鈥檚 always room for improvement. This is the best my love life has been since I鈥檝e known myself. I鈥檓 having the time of my life with my favourite person.

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Tell me about first impressions 

Jane: We met in law school in February 2020. We stayed in one of co-ed hostels in Lagos. Jay鈥檚 room was across from mine, and I鈥檇 befriended his roommate before I actually started talking to him. 

Jay: In law school, we were put into different groups. A mutual friend of ours was in my group; the babe introduced me to Jane as a 鈥淏rostitute鈥� 鈥� combination of bro and prostitute. 

Jane: He might look like a player, but when you take your time to get to know him, you鈥檇 see he鈥檚 the sweetest person ever. 

Jay: When I met her, I couldn鈥檛 care less about her. 

Jane: Wow.

Jay: I came to law school to read, not to be following women up and down. Unfortunately, the pandemic hit and we were all asked to go home for seven months. When we came back, I started talking to two women, but Jane wouldn鈥檛 stop calling me Brostitute outside. It wasn鈥檛 really good for my reputation. 

Jane: I鈥檇 forgotten his actual name. I saw him at the shopping mall and wanted to say hi. So I had to call him that, and he answered me.

Jay: What reasonable person calls someone Brostitute in broad daylight? 

Jane: It was night鈥�

Jay: Doesn鈥檛 change anything. 

Was that how you started talking? 

Jay: Not really. As she mentioned earlier, she started talking to my roommate first, and he brought her to the room a couple of times. I didn鈥檛 understand what was going on between them, but I鈥檓 very interested in other people getting into relationships. I decided to push them together, and I did a good job. Sometimes, I鈥檇 lock them in a room in hopes that something happens. Something did happen, but they kept behaving like children, so I was the mediator. It evolved into Jane and I being study partners.

Why study partners?

Jay: Well, we technically never studied together, but she had all the past questions for the courses we were taking, and I鈥檇 come to law school to pass. I鈥檇 go to her room occasionally to share past questions and compare notes. The strange part was when she started locking me in her room with her. 

Jane: Wait, don鈥檛 say it like that. I heard one of his voice notes. He鈥檚 a public speaker with a good voice; his voice was very deep and nice. I asked this man talk to me like that in real-time. He did it once, but I wanted more, so I locked him in until he did it again. There was nothing romantic about it. 

Jay: Mind you, she was already dating a new guy while she was locking me inside rooms and demanding for me to speak. Because I鈥檓 a very God-fearing and respectful guy, I didn鈥檛 pursue anything with her and started talking to another girl. But Jane was ruining another woman鈥檚 chances of being with me. Whenever the girl came over, Jane would suddenly make herself available to scare her away. 

Jane: I wasn鈥檛 scaring anybody away o. After our final exams, while everyone else was packing and getting ready to leave, we waited till the last day to pack. Since we were already friends, we spent a lot of time together. One day, the girl he was talking to came to the room while I was on his bed and we were watching TikToks together. When she saw us, she turned and left. Honestly, I tried to feel bad for her, but I couldn鈥檛. 

Jay: Jane and I got a lot closer after the exams ended in March 2021. We had nothing else to do, but instead of this babe to go and meet the man she was dating, she was following me everywhere. I really pity the guy. 

Jane: As if you were not flirting with me. When your other friend came to hang out with us, he asked us at three different points if he should leave the room for us because the tension was a lot. 

When did you both act on this tension? 

Jay: I think the first time was when she asked me to teach her how to choke people in the bedroom.

Jane: No, no. It was self-defence. I was in his room, we were talking when I mentioned I was a good fighter. To prove it, I tried to choke him. He told me I wasn鈥檛 doing it right and got on top of me to show me how. It was close contact, but there was nothing sexual there for me.

Jay: I was trying to understand her motives because while we were in this room, instead of staying on different beds, she kept staying on the same bed with me. The choking for me was to figure out how far she was willing to let me go in terms of touching her. 

Jane: When I鈥檓 comfortable with someone, I express it through physical touch. There was nothing romantic or sexual about it for me. I was just letting him touch me. 

However, on the last day of law school, there was a bit of sexual tension between us. Jay and I were cuddled up, then he said, 鈥淪hould we make out or play a game?鈥�

Jay: I鈥檇 gotten frustrated with all the mixed signals. 

Apparently, she wanted to make out with me, but she chose playing a game instead. After playing the game, she asked me if we should address the sexual tension. 

Jane: I was trying to downplay how I was feeling but I was curious and wanted to shut him up. While he was talking and talking, I grabbed his face and kissed him. 

But did you guys take it further? 

Jay: Yes, but everything came to a grinding halt when I went to her place. Jane didn鈥檛 live in Lagos, but after law school, she got an apartment to stay for a while and invited me to stay with her. The first day I came around, her boyfriend called and asked to come over. She told him no, that she had a guest. 

Jane: But were you not a guest?

Jay: While I was there, she was trying everything within her power to get me to break and make a pass towards her.

Jane: It鈥檚 not that deep.

Jay: First day I came to see her she wanted us to watch American Pie 1 and 2. Who does that? 

Jane: You hadn鈥檛 seen it before. I was doing you a service. 

Jay: And you barely wore any clothes.

Jane: It was my room; I was being comfortable. 

Jay: And you asked that we play a game you made up, where you can do anything to me but I can鈥檛 touch you in return. 

Jane: Jailer. It鈥檚 a game I like. I made him promise he won鈥檛 try to do anything with me.

Jay: Because she didn鈥檛 trust herself. 

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Did you keep the promise?

Jay: Yes, but things changed when we had to go to Abuja to get called to bar. Since I didn鈥檛 do my hoe phase in law school, I decided to do it in Abuja. With clearance and the actual Call to Bar ceremony, we had to be in Abuja for about a week. 

So, I went around asking my female friends if they wanted to stay with me through that period. I鈥檇 asked Jane as a joke, and she turned me down, but a week to the thing, she called to change her mind and I agreed. 

Jane: He planned on keeping his own end of the promise, but I鈥檇 already forgotten about it. 

Jay: The bed in our hotel room was small, and this woman had already changed into boxers and a tank top, so my strength was being tested heavily. On the first night, nothing happened because I kept to my own. The second night, I kept to myself again. She even wrestled me to the ground. I had to remind her of the promise. 

Then on the third day, she told me to forget the promise and just see how things went. 

And how did things go?

Jay: Well, after the Call to Bar ceremony, she asked if I wanted to make it serious. I agreed, but I was half-and-half because she was still dating this other guy. Two weeks after we started dating, she told me she broke up with the other guy. 

Why did you break up with the other guy? 

Jane: He鈥檇 gone to Canada and I didn鈥檛 see the point in pursuing an already failed relationship with someone that鈥檚 not even in the same country with me. 

I never told him that we were breaking up because I cheated. When he found out I was dating Jay, he thought it was one of those rebound situations.

Are you scared history might repeat itself? 

Jane: Yes, and so is everyone we tell the story of how we met to. All his friends think there鈥檚 a large possibility I鈥檇 do the same thing to him. But I knew deep down that the relationship with my ex wouldn鈥檛 last because we started dating during the pandemic when he鈥檇 already processed all his papers to travel. I鈥檓 not big on relationships so it鈥檚 not like I was with Jay because I was lonely in law school or anything. I have genuine feelings for him. 

For a long time, I thought the same way our friends did, that I might cheat on him too. But I鈥檇 never do anything to hurt his feelings. 

Even with the less-than-ideal foundation, I look back at what we have and I smile. I love him. 

Jay: I鈥檝e told her she has my permission to cheat on me. When she comes back, she should tell me about it, then we鈥檇 stop dating and start being best friends. 

Jane: He鈥檚 a toxic guy, don鈥檛 mind him. 

Tell me things you love about each other

Jay: She鈥檚 always doing the most. It鈥檚 rare for a lady to spend so much of her money on you. She still spends my own money, but she鈥檚 always ready to give me something too. 

When I was trying to work my NYSC to Lagos state, she wanted to financially contribute even though we didn鈥檛 know if what we were paying for would work. My birthday is in a couple of days, and I鈥檝e been begging her not to spend anything on me, but she鈥檚 probably already spent more than my entire salary on gifts. 

Jane: I have.

Jay: Wonderful. She鈥檚 amazing. My favourite gifts from her are my Samsung Galaxy buds and glasses (because I鈥檓 constantly staring at my screen). She also got me a painting of myself. My parents love it so much, it鈥檚 hanging in their house. 

Jane: I love buying him gifts. His ex never really did that for him, and I like that I have an opportunity to take care of him like that. I鈥檓 very attracted to his mind. He鈥檚 so intelligent, and he takes care of me. I have particular ways I like to eat food, so he orders me food I can eat. 

What鈥檚 the end game for both of you?

Jane: That鈥檚 a very stressful question for me, and I don鈥檛 know how to answer it. 

He鈥檚 from Kogi, and his parents love me, but I鈥檓 Igbo. His parents are not fans of Igbo people. They don鈥檛 say it to my face, but they tell him and he tells me. My dad could be convinced, but my mum was scared when I told her he鈥檚 from Kogi state. She didn’t like the idea of me dating from that part of Nigeria. Now, she asks about him just to show she cares. 

We鈥檙e just basking in our love and taking one step at a time. We don鈥檛 see ourselves breaking up any time soon. 

Jay: I don鈥檛 like thinking too far into the future because there are so many uncertainties. In this japa economy, it鈥檚 very unlikely Jane will be in Nigeria for long because she鈥檚 too brilliant for the trajectory this country is moving towards. My parents, on the other hand, aren鈥檛 too keen on sending another child out of the country because the last one they sent, they never heard from him again. 

But rather than endangering the entire relationship based on these variables, we鈥檙e choosing to just enjoy each other鈥檚 company. 

On a scale of 1-10, what鈥檒l you rate your love life? 

Jane: 8. There are uncertainties, but we鈥檙e in a good place. 

Jay: Before we did this interview, we planned an answer to this question. We planned to say 5. 

Jane: I鈥檓 sorry, I forgot.

Jay: Our relationship didn鈥檛 start on the best note, and there are certain sides of us that aren鈥檛 compatible. So it was supposed to be my five and her five to make it whole, but she didn鈥檛 stick to that. 

Now, I鈥檒l give it a 7. We need God鈥檚 grace and time. I don鈥檛 think the relationship can be considered a 10 because it hasn鈥檛 lasted long enough. It needs to weather the storms and be used as a model for other people鈥檚 relationships. Till we get there, we鈥檙e at a 7. 

RELATED: Love Life: I Reported Her to Our Manager, Now We’re Married

In this episode of Sunken Ships, Kiki* (22) shares why she blocked her uncle and how it goes beyond supporting different candidates.

What was your relationship with your uncle like pre-elections? 

Kiki: Pretty normal. You know how in every Nigerian home, there are different kinds of uncles? The rich ones who always give you money, the stingy/broke ones, the one you鈥檙e convinced is a pervert, the cool one and the rest? He was one of the rest. A bit younger than my dad, but not young enough that we had things we could relate to. His children are also younger than me, so we didn鈥檛 have much to talk about.聽

However, we weren鈥檛 enemies. I spent holidays in his house, and when we had family events, we had proper conversations. He didn鈥檛 treat me like a child who didn鈥檛 know anything, but he provided support only someone older can give. He鈥檇 send me articles he read and thought I was interested in so we could talk, but he also sent those ridiculous BCs and bulk messages on Whatsapp. He was okay, and so was our relationship. 

How did the fight start? 

Kiki: I won鈥檛 call it a fight, but we started having issues over WhatsApp. I hardly use the app, but that day, I decided to check people鈥檚 statuses. That鈥檚 when I saw that he鈥檇 put up the poster of a particular candidate running for President. I swiped up to have a conversation with him because I couldn鈥檛 believe who he supported. I wanted to know his thought process if any. He didn鈥檛 reply immediately 鈥� probably because of work 鈥� but we eventually had a conversation. 

The words he sent that day shocked me. I wanted to scream at him, but I maintained my peace. We had this long back and forth that ended with me blocking him. I didn鈥檛 have the strength, and he wouldn’t change his mind. 

A week later, while I was out with my mum, she stopped by his house. When we got there, he brought up the fact that I鈥檇 blocked him to my mother. It鈥檚 one thing for him to support someone who’s incompetent, but to report me to my mother over it? I lost it. I reminded them that I鈥檓 an adult and can decide I no longer want certain people to have access to my life. My mother told me it didn鈥檛 make sense for me to fight family because of politicians. That people have a right to vote and campaign for whoever they want. I told her it鈥檚 more than that. 

RELATED: Sunken Ships: Politics Is Enough for Me to End Our Friendship

Explain 

Kiki: If someone doesn鈥檛 align with my values, I can also choose to remove their access to me. 

It鈥檚 not just about picking a different candidate. I think that鈥檚 very reductive of the issue. You can disagree on the policies of different candidates. Candidate one wants to increase tax by 5%, and candidate two wants to reduce it by 3%. Or one candidate wants to make Lagos the capital of Nigeria, while another wants to make Edo state the capital. These are differences you don’t have to cut off friends and family members over. 

But  he’s endorsing a corrupt, terrorism-affiliated, allegation-heavy candidate whose policies might as well lead to the end of my life.  I鈥檓 upset that he supports someone who鈥檒l most likely make millions of people suffer. I have every right to choose to no longer associate with someone who willingly chooses death and suffering. 

It shows his beliefs and values align with said candidate. If the candidate he supports has made degrading comments about people from certain tribes, it means my uncle feels the same way. If the person is known to align with thugs and thieves, then that鈥檚 something my uncle stands for. I don鈥檛 stand for those things, so why should I keep him around? 

What鈥檒l happen after the elections? 

Kiki: Nothing. He鈥檚 still blocked and will forever remain blocked. Why should he remain in my life? He鈥檚 been reporting me to family members, and they鈥檝e called and begged, but that鈥檚 their business. I don鈥檛 know why they think my uncle and I must talk by force. 

RELATED: Sunken Ships: My Best Friend Didn鈥檛 Like Him so We Broke Up

We鈥檝e compiled a list of things women should be forgiven for doing in the month of March. 

Not ironing their clothes 

Why do you want women to keep doing physical labour? They鈥檙e already underpaid and overworked. If they say they鈥檙e not ironing their clothes this month, free them!

Biting their partners 

Being a woman is hard work. Let them take sustenance from you. 

Having a breakdown 

Sometimes, the things you plan in your head don鈥檛 work out in real life. While other people might think of something else when this happens, women tend to break down. This International Women鈥檚 Month, there鈥檚 a lot of extra pressure on women. So if they break down, let them.

Collecting their partner鈥檚 food 

If she asks you for your food, give her. You can鈥檛 tell a woman no during International Women鈥檚 Month. That鈥檚 sexist. 

Carrying tiny bags 

Women are already carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Why do you want them to carry even more stuff?

RELATED: 6 Things That Can Fit Into Women’s Mini Bags

Eating like armed robbers

Food makes women happy. Women should always be happy. Even if it means waking up at 3 a.m. to turn semo. If it sparks joy, let them cook! 

Arriving late to everything 

They have to look their best, and that means spending extra time prepping. Our motto this month is, 鈥淭he women were not late; the event was just early鈥�. 

READ ALSO: My Husband Woke Up One Day and Decided to Join Politics

Lolade* (29) and Amarachi*(29) have been best friends for over a decade. Their friendship almost ended when Lolade started dating Osas*. 

How did you and your best friend meet? 

Lolade: We met in church 13 years ago. It was Sunday school. There was a quiz competition for teenagers. We tied for first place and have been conquering the world together every day since. 

That鈥檚 adorable

Lolade: She鈥檚 one of the best things to ever happen to me. When I broke my leg and had to walk around in a cast when I was 19, she called herself my personal assistant and did everything for me. Picking up my pens that fell, helping me do the dishes at home and loosening my hair. We made promises to each other early in life that we鈥檇 stand together no matter what. 

Sure, we got into arguments a couple of times, but we always tried to resolve it despite being very stubborn. The one time it seemed like an argument would last longer than a couple of hours, our parents got involved. They sat us down and reminded us about how much we love each other. 

How did the guy now enter into all of this? 

Lolade: I met Osas in 2021. I had gone out to a restaurant to eat alone because Amarachi was in a meeting with an international client. As I sat alone, trying to enjoy my own company, the waiter brought me a drink I didn鈥檛 order. When I tried to explain that it was a mix-up, she informed me that someone had sent it to me. I asked her who it was because I wanted to thank him, but all she did was give me his number on a piece of paper. That he said if I wanted to thank him, I should call him. I won鈥檛 lie, I was kind of impressed. Things like that don鈥檛 happen to me every day, so I was curious to see it through. When I got home, I sent him a text thanking him for the drink. That鈥檚 how Osas and I got to talking. 

Was it love at first text? 

Lolade: Not really. I mean, I don鈥檛 fall in love with people that easily, so I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e ever had a 鈥渓ove at first 鈥� anything. I did however grow to like Osas. We went on a date about a week after the drinks thing and it was the first time I was meeting him face-to-face. Amarachi went to the restaurant we were to have our date at about thirty minutes before me so she could step in if he turned out to be a creep or a weirdo. Luckily for me, he didn鈥檛 try anything on the date. He was very respectful throughout the date and he made me laugh a lot. At one point, I texted Amarachi to meet me in the bathroom and we had a mini-session where I just filled her in on how the date was going. 

The conversation I had with him was great and I didn鈥檛 want that night to end. Amarachi and I had planned a movie night that day and that was the only thing stopping me from going home with him. It was a long time since I had a date with a man that made me feel as good as he did. 

Then what?

Lolade: Well, we kept talking. We鈥檇 go on dates, he鈥檇 buy me gifts and flowers, etc. He was very determined in his pursuit of me. I liked it. I鈥檓 the firstborn and apart from Amarachi, nobody really took care of me. They all just expected me to 鈥渉andle it鈥�. Having someone who was intentional about making my life easier really made me fall fast. Two months after talking, he came over to my house one day to do my dishes because I was too lazy to do any housework. I fell for this man hard. 

We started dating three months after our first date. I became a 鈥渕y man, my man, my man鈥� kind of girl. Every opportunity I got, I was talking about him and how amazing he treated me. I was in love with him. 

What changed? 

Lolade: Amarachi didn鈥檛 like him so much. Throughout the talking stage, Amarachi told me she had a bad feeling about him. Now, Amarachi is more spiritual than I am so she believes in auras and reading people鈥檚 energies. Not really my type of thing, but whenever she does it, I leave her to her devices. However, I didn鈥檛 understand why she couldn鈥檛 like him. She鈥檇 always complained to me that I settle when it comes to romantic relationships, so I didn鈥檛 understand why she wasn鈥檛 excited there was a guy finally treating me the way she had always wanted for me. 

Whenever I mentioned I was spending time with him, she鈥檇 try to change the topic as quickly as possible. If I was telling her about something nice he did for me, she鈥檇 end it with a 鈥渢hat鈥檚 nice鈥� and keep it moving. It was a side of her I hardly ever saw and it made me start keeping things about him from her. I鈥檇 lie about who I was spending time with and talking to and I knew she knew I was lying, but she never pushed. It started creating a divide. 

Damn

Lolade: It made me start withdrawing from her a lot. We used to have brunch every Sunday and I started skipping it a few times. Our calls became shorter and since I was almost always at Osas鈥� house or he was at mine, we didn鈥檛 have our sleepovers anymore. Our lifetime friendship was slipping away right before my eyes and I did nothing about it. 

Why? 

Lolade: I got too attached to Osas. He was doing everything for me and I liked how he made me feel. For the first time, I considered marrying someone. It felt like he was my one true shot at a fairytale life and I didn鈥檛 want to let it go. 

When I told Osas about the whole Amarachi situation, he told me she was jealous of me. That since she鈥檚 the one used to having different guys shower her with attention, she didn鈥檛 know how to react to seeing me in a loving and thriving relationship. He encouraged me to stay away from her and ice her out from a couple of things and me, the olodo that I am, I did. 

Amarachi didn鈥檛 stop reaching out to me. She鈥檇 text, try to call, she even emailed me, but I was not answering. One day she showed up at my office and demanded to see me or else she was not leaving. I know her, and I knew it was not an empty threat, so I went to meet her. She shouted at me in front of everyone. Called me an idiot for letting a man come between us and threatened to beat sense into my head if I didn鈥檛 act right. She reminded me of when we promised each other that we鈥檇 never argue because of a man and that here I was, refusing to speak to her because a man asked me to. Honestly, I was a bit disgusted at myself for that. Truly, how? 

That鈥檚 when I realised that all the things I was hyping this man for doing for me, Amarachi did. She鈥檇 come to my house when I have cramps, read me bedtime stories, clean and cook. When my car was bad, she drove me to work every day even though she worked from home. She bought me flowers and even flew me out of the country once because I had complained about being exhausted from work. I think the day she showed up to my office knocked sense into my head. 

What did you do? 

Lolade: I broke up with him. We had been dating for almost a year at this point and were even planning to move in together. But right then and there in the office, I sent him a text saying we needed to end our relationship. I knew the right guy for me will be someone my best friend will love wholeheartedly and if she didn鈥檛, then he was not the one. I cried a lot that day but Amarachi was there, holding my hand through it all. 

Wow. That鈥檚 a lot

Lolade: That鈥檚 not even the end. A couple of months later, I found out that he was arrested for fraud. Amarachi was so tickled when she found out. She still rubs it in my face that she saved me from having all my assets seized. That I鈥檇 have been using my money to hire lawyers for a criminal. I can鈥檛 imagine what would have happened to me if we were dating when he got arrested. We鈥檇 have moved in together and they鈥檇 have seized my house. What would I have done? Now, I take her gut feelings more seriously than I ever did. Before a case of 鈥渉ath I known鈥� will be my portion.

RELATED: Sunken Ships: I Stopped Talking to Her Because She Was Broke

Make sure you鈥檙e in different departments

Why will you date a team member? Do you want problems for yourself? If they don鈥檛 do their work, it鈥檚 you they鈥檒l call to help. It鈥檚 giving secondary school. 

Don鈥檛 wear their clothes to the office 

You might think your coworkers won鈥檛 notice, but they will. Stick to your own clothes, and if the two of you mistakenly own the same clothes, unown it. 

No pet names 

Better stick to their government name throughout the duration of the relationship. If not, you鈥檒l accidentally call them 鈥渂aby鈥� at the office, and then what? 

Have a side thing so people don鈥檛 suspect 

Talk about your other partner all the time. That way, people won鈥檛 suspect you and your coworker have a thing. 

Do nothing together 

Even if you plan to leave the office together, enter separate Ubers to a location where you can switch to the same ride. And make sure the two of you don鈥檛 arrive together to company parties or events. 

Don鈥檛 talk about your dates on social media 

It鈥檚 the easiest way for people to piece that you hang out outside the office. Even if they don’t realise you鈥檙e dating, they鈥檒l have their eyes on you. 

Deny everything

If all else fails, and you get caught, deny everything. Lie today, lie tomorrow, lie forever more. 

RELATED: Love Life: I Reported Her to Our Manager, Now We’re Married

Give El-Rufai 

He鈥檚 still saying people should , so just give them all to him. Let him change it for you. 

Trade with an akara seller 

Food has cost, and times are tough. Old notes are the new old newspapers, so why not try swapping them for some akara? At least, if you can鈥檛 buy food with them, you can use them to collect food. 

Rag 

Harmattan is kuku back so there鈥檚 more dust. CBN saw this coming and introduced the naira redesign just so you can use your old notes to dust your clothes and shoes. 

RELATED: The Real Reason Why Harmattan Is Back

Handkerchief 

When you can鈥檛 put on your AC because there鈥檚 no fuel, use the old notes to clean your sweat and tears. 

Sew cloth 

If you can鈥檛 afford the 鈧�25,999 Adedoyin dress those money launderers fashion designers sell on Instagram, use your old naira notes as fabric for new clothes. 

Make a wig 

Is it in this economy you want to be spending 鈧�150k on bone straight bob? Better tear your money and get to wigging. 

RELATED: Why Wigs Are so Damn Expensive 鈥� According to Amaka

Wrap your notebooks 

Brown paper is hard to find these days, so use your old naira notes as an alternative.

Keep for your children and grandchildren 

Let them rate you as the parent or grandparent who cares about teaching them Nigerian history. You sef, don鈥檛 you want to tell someone, 鈥淏ack in my day鈥�?聽

RELATED: What Nigerian Banks Should Do Since Banking Isn鈥檛 Their Calling

Talk to me 

Yinka: I once cut off a friend because she was broke. 

Ah 

Yinka: When I say it like that it sounds terrible, but it was more than that. She was very annoying because she was broke.

Please explain 

Yinka: So we鈥檙e a group of four babes who went to the same university. Me and Uche were roommates in 2015, so we knew each other longer. The third, Toyin, was a coursemate of mine I got close to later that year, and the fourth, Halima, we met at a party in 2016. It鈥檚 been the four of us since then. 

We made promises to each other that we鈥檇 always stay in touch. We envisioned a life that allowed us to travel and wear expensive clothes like the girls we saw in magazines. It鈥檚 not like it was impossible. All of us came from middle class families so the plan was to build on what we already have. 

How did that work out? 

Yinka: Not so well in the beginning. We left school in 2017, and it was bad job after bad job for all of us. Add in some failed businesses and investments and it was a disaster. Life was hitting us back-to- back. 

Damn 

Yinka: Things didn鈥檛 start looking up until the middle of 2018. I got a new job and so did Halima. Uche decided that a 9-5 wasn鈥檛 for her and started her own business, and Toyin got a promotion at her job. It was great.聽

RELATED: Sunken Ships: I Wasn鈥檛 Her Emergency Wallet

What made it so great? 

Yinka: We could finally do some of the things we鈥檇 planned to do since we were in university. We started going to parties together and buying tables, planning vacations within Nigeria and having movie nights in our houses. It wasn鈥檛 big things, but it was great. 

We also got to show up for each other in better ways. We鈥檇 give each other expensive bags and household items for birthdays and other important dates. I loved how our sisterhood improved when we had money. 

But nobody sounds broke here 

Yinka: That鈥檚 the thing. Being broke is a state of mind for some people, and Toyin was one of such people. As the years went on, we started making even more money. We really poured a lot of what we had into our work and it showed great results. However, since all fingers aren鈥檛 equal, some people earned more than others. As at 2021, Toyin earned the least. 

We never brought up it, but she did. Constantly. We鈥檇 go out for dinner and Toyin would automatically declare that we shouldn鈥檛 expect anything from her since we鈥檙e the rich ones. It was ridiculous because someone would鈥檝e already said the meal was on them before we even went to the restaurant. 

Other times, it鈥檚 when we wanted to contribute money for a gift for one of us. She would start complaining that we鈥檙e giving gifts that are too expensive. She鈥檇 borrow money from us and never pay back, collect all our expensive items and never replace them. We didn鈥檛 understand what was going on. 

What if she was struggling? 

Yinka: We asked her about work and even offered help on many occasions, but she just acted weird about it. It almost always ended up in an argument where she hinted we were calling her poor.

We once gifted her six months rent so she could at least save the rent money for something else. But throughout that period, she still made weird jokes about how much less she earned and stuff. I started to think she preferred that both her money and ours was spent on her alone. But it鈥檚 not how friendship works.

Did you ever talk to her about it? 

Yinka: I did towards the end of 2021. My other friends are very soft people. I鈥檓 the more direct one about things like this, maybe because I鈥檓 an aries. I pulled her aside once and told her the jokes were weird. It鈥檚 not like she even earned much less than we did. It was just a small margin, but she kept trying to make it as though she were dirt poor. 

What happened next?

Yinka: She flared up and told me I was wicked. This led to her kind of withdrawing from the group and I just stopped talking to her completely. We still talk to her as a group, buy her gifts, send her flowers and stuff, but for me to text her personally? Not at all. 

Her attitude to earning less was the problem. We didn鈥檛 mind giving. She just seemed too entitled to it.

RELATED: Sunken Ships: I Was Too Much of a Bad Bitch for Him

Elections are coming 

Do you really want to vote in extreme heat? No, you don鈥檛.

You complained 

Every two to three business days, there was a Tweet complaining about how hot the country is. Now, your prayers have been answered. Someone shout glory! 

The last person to go to hell closed the gate 

We鈥檝e been this hot because people always leave the gate open when they get to hell. And the heat from the fiery pit finds its way to Nigeria, their Earthly branch. Now that the last person to go closed the gate, we can enjoy a country that isn鈥檛 trying to use heat to kill us. 

RELATED: 8 Reasons Why Hell Might not Be so Bad

Skin was getting too ashy

People were using the heat as an excuse to stop rubbing cream. Mother nature  took offense and decided to get involved. Now, if you don鈥檛 take care of your skin, you鈥檒l look like a goblin. She鈥檚 giving us tough motherly love. 

Valentine鈥檚 Day is over

Harmattan started after Valentine鈥檚 Day because it didn鈥檛 want to give people an even bigger excuse to commit sin. In the scorching heat, some people stayed away from all appearances of evil. 

Fuel is scarce 

You can鈥檛 put on your fans and ACs anymore, so harmattan came back to relieve some of the stress. Now, you won鈥檛 have a heat stroke during the day. 

The sun is tired 

The sun has been putting in the work these past couple of weeks. It has burned tirelessly, and now, it needs a break. That鈥檚 why it invited harmattan over for some support.

RELATED: Interview With Harmattan:鈥滻 Come Like a Thief in the Night鈥�