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Make no mistakes, cats are evil. They’re not just bad luck, they’re the devil himself. If you see a black cat at night, then you know you’re in trouble. There is a high possibility that your village people have finally come to steal your destiny or drink your blood or BOTH.

Don’t worry, though. We’ve got you covered.  Here’s what you should do when you see a black cat at night.

Call your mother

Call her immediately to describe the cat and be specific. Tell her the way it was looked at you, the way it walked, and how far it was from your house. Tell her everything single detail. This stage is critical because it’s your mother for God’s sake. She’s a prayer warrior and has a prayer point and solution for every situation.

Don’t Go Home

There’s a high chance that the cat already knows your house. Going home that night means you’ll definitely have nightmares that might lead to getting your destiny stolen. Find a hotel or a friend’s place to sleep. If you don’t have any of these, sleep under the bridge.

Exorcise your house

Go to your house in the morning with holy water you bought from a man of God and sprinkle it on all your clothes and belongings. All the doors, beds and furniture must be covered too. Pray to your God as you do this. But beware, you are not safe yet.

Move Out

Move back in with your parents. They told you you were too young to live on your own before and you didn’t listen. Now you’re seeing black cats. You kuku didn’t have any money for your next rent. Perfect timing.

Apply for a Visa

Apply for a visa. Moving out of your house is just temporary. They already found you once. They will find you again. It’s time to leave this country.

Leaving the Country

Whether it’s the US, Madagascar or Vietnam, move to wherever would take you first. The farther you move, the better your chances of survival. Cut all ties with everyone you know from Nigeria, even your fiancée and parents.

Change your Identity

Change your name and get plastic surgery done to look nothing like you looked like before. If somehow they manage to find out that you moved, they’ll be out there looking for someone with your name and face but they’ll just be searching forever.

That’s it. You won. But you have to follow these exact steps. If you miss one step, you’re doomed.