Like many X users on Easter Monday, I woke up to the perpetual chaos that鈥檚 plagued the microblogging platform since Elon Musk took the reins. This time, a left me and millions of other users confused. The word? Stainless 鈥 a new coinage for 鈥渃elibacy鈥 common among Nigerian men who鈥檝e relocated and find it hard to get laid. I was intrigued by the sheer number of people abroad who revealed that they now juggle between celibacy and self-pleasure.
I spent the next few days looking for subjects to share their experiences with forced celibacy. It was during my journo quest that I found Feranmi*.
As Told To Adeyinka
I relocated to Finland in mid-2023. It was a bittersweet move because, on the one hand, I was excited to finally escape Nigeria, but on the other hand, I was leaving everything I鈥檇 known in all my 27 years. This was scary for me. I remember my mum saying, 鈥淲ill you kuku stay back?鈥 Everyone who knows me knows I struggle to make friends or form new relationships, so a recurring question in my head was, 鈥淗ow will I survive?鈥
To make matters worse, my girlfriend said we should call it quits because she couldn鈥檛 do long distance. I tried to get her to visit for one last memorable time together before I travelled, but she didn鈥檛 come.
When I arrived in Finland, it was just like I feared. I stayed with my cousin, and in the first few weeks, he was on leave. He resumed work the second week, and that was when the loneliness kicked in. At first, I felt I could handle it because I could go days all alone at home in Nigeria. I was so wrong. There鈥檚 something different about the loneliness here. It鈥檚 that feeling of knowing you won鈥檛 get random visitors, spot someone you know or just have the assurance of familiar strangers in your street.
for a day of fun, networking and partayyyyy
I soon started to get mad horny, which was strange because I wasn鈥檛 even thinking of sex. I mean, I鈥檇 broken up, was in a new country鈥 I鈥檇 accepted it would take a while to get laid. But I kept getting awkward erections. Since I couldn鈥檛 put the feelings off, the easiest thing to do was wank. And the thing is, I wasn鈥檛 much of a wanker in Nigeria. I had my girlfriend, and our聽聽was good.
Here? I鈥檝e beaten my meat to submission, and it doesn鈥檛 excite me anymore.
I haven鈥檛 even tried to put myself out there because where will I start? I don鈥檛 have a job yet, so I hardly meet anyone besides neighbours, shop attendants and passersby. Most of the folks around here speak Finnish and have a strong 鈥淢inding my business鈥 aura.
The other day, I sent a DM to a Finnish lady on IG who I followed聽before I left Nigeria. She responded in Finnish. I had to translate on Google to respond, which made our chat stressful. We still text, but we鈥檝e never made it past pleasantries and 鈥淢iten loydat suomen? (鈥淗ow do you find Finland?鈥)
My cousin also doesn鈥檛 help matters. He鈥檚 about ten years older, and we have a good relationship but not one where we freely talk about girls or relationships. He鈥檚 married and still trying to bring his wife and child over from Nigeria, so I can鈥檛 be talking about my need for sex with him.
I鈥檝e accepted my fate. But I recently joined this Nigerian Twitter community for people in Finland, and I鈥檓 hopeful. Although I鈥檝e heard it鈥檚 not easy to date a Naija babe here if you鈥檙e still hustling, I know they must also have intimate needs. It just takes finding the right person and letting them know you鈥檙e in it for real.
These days, I don鈥檛 bother to wank because it鈥檚 gotten boring. But I never thought about it as going 鈥淪tainless鈥 until I saw the Twitter convo. I guess that鈥檚 what it is. The last time I wanked was in January.
Read next: 8 Alternatives to Wanking That鈥檒l Give You Your Orgasm As a Man
