Love Life is a 91大神 weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
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What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?
Ben: It was during our matriculation in 2019. One of my friends mentioned he was looking for a girl in our class named 鈥淪mall鈥 鈥 it was Lauretta. We鈥檇 been in school for about two weeks, but that was the first time I noticed Lauretta. We didn鈥檛 talk because Lauretta was taking pictures with her mum. My friend and I decided not to disturb her.
Lauretta: My first memory of him happened weeks after matriculation. That morning, I sat outside the lecture hall, waiting for class to start. I was listening to Kendrick Lamar 鈥攆ishing for cool people with similar music taste 鈥 when Ben walked up behind me and glanced at my phone screen. He noticed I was listening to Kendrick and started a conversation about it.
Ben: She was listening to a Kendrick Lamar song that wasn鈥檛 really popular, and I couldn鈥檛 help but approach to ask if she was a fan. I also asked to check her playlist to see if she was faking it. After I checked, I noticed she had all his albums and some other songs that I liked.
Lauretta: We ended up talking about music the entire time. I told him how I was a huge Billie Eilish fan back when she made sad-girl music, and then I found out he likes Hozier and a couple of other artists I also listen to. We exchanged numbers before we parted ways.
Sweet. So what happened next?
Ben: We stayed in contact as friends, but there wasn鈥檛 much to it. I was seeing someone who was quite jealous, even though we were in an off-and-on relationship. Lauretta and I remained friends for most of our years in school.
Lauretta: On my own end, the only 鈥渞elationship鈥 I had in school was one talking stage that ended up being a waste of my time. Aside from that, I was juggling work and school, so I didn鈥檛 have time to consider pursuing something serious with Ben. Plus, I had a few 鈥渃haracter development鈥 moments in school that affected my views on relationships.
Please, tell me more
Lauretta: I don鈥檛 like to remember it, but the long and short is, I discovered a potential lover was sleeping with two of my friends. To make it worse, the three of us used to hang out together. After I found out, I cut things off with him and slowly distanced myself from my friends. I just couldn鈥檛 be in that situation.
I鈥檓 sorry about that. What was your friendship with Ben like?
Lauretta: We spent a lot of time together in school because of our shared interests in philosophy, music and literature. But that was about it.
We did talk about possibly dating once at the end of our second semester in 2019. This was still during the early days of our friendships, and we decided to just stay as friends and abandon any relationship talk.
Was there a reason for that?
Lauretta: Ben was already in a relationship, and the girl was in my class. It would鈥檝e been weird to pursue anything with him, knowing what I know. We acknowledged that we liked each other but couldn鈥檛 go further; friendship seemed like the safest bet.
Things picked up in 2023, our final year, when we shared a kiss. Ben had finally broken up with his ex since the previous year, but we didn鈥檛 get together immediately.
Ben: Yeah. A major reason was that I strongly suspected I鈥檇 contracted (HPV) from my ex.
Oh
Ben: I hadn鈥檛 even noticed or experienced any symptoms. My ex blurted out that she鈥檇 gotten it from someone she鈥檇 cheated on me with. It was a situation, and I didn鈥檛 want to drag anyone into it.
Did you get tested to confirm?
Ben: Yes, I did. After my ex mentioned it, I paid more attention to my body. I noticed a small bump on my genitals, and knowing what it might be, I did a quick search for what I鈥檇 have to do. I went to a lab close to the university teaching hospital, asked to get tested specifically for HPV, and when it came out positive, I started a treatment plan.
To be honest, I wasn鈥檛 entirely fazed by what had happened. I helped my ex treat hers even though she was trying to be hush-hush about it 鈥 I did most of the hospital runs. I also didn鈥檛 tell anyone about my status.
Not even with Lauretta?
Lauretta: He told me just before final year. Before then, we didn鈥檛 really talk about sexual health. Of course, we knew about diseases like syphilis, gonorrhea, and the others you learn about in social studies class.
I was quite disappointed with the entire situation. Ben never had anything good to say about his relationship with his ex and it was sad that he got something really bad out of it.
Right. So, let鈥檚 talk about the kiss in 2023. Did you get an update on Ben鈥檚 status before you allowed that level of intimacy?
Lauretta: Well, not exactly. The last we spoke of his status was in 2021. But, we occasionally had conversations about it, and it encouraged our friend group to do more research about sexual health.
Ben: I was actually 鈥渃lean鈥. I hadn鈥檛 had intimate relations with a carrier since my ex broke things off in 2022.
But how did you guys even move from friends to people sharing a kiss?
Lauretta: We鈥檇 gotten to a point where our friends were already asking us what we were doing. We鈥檇 been friends for about years, and you could also say we were in a 鈥渢alking stage鈥. Any bad character Ben was hiding about himself at that point was intentional because I basically knew him so well.
During one of our earliest conversations, we also agreed that if we didn鈥檛 find anybody in the future, we鈥檇 just get married to each other. So, since we kissed and wanted to continue kissing, we agreed to date.
Ben: Our friends weren鈥檛 the only people asking what we were doing. Random people who鈥檇 seen us together also wanted to know if we were an item. So, we became official in August 2023.
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What has the last year of your relationship been like?
Ben: It鈥檚 been quite good, to be honest. First of all, I moved to Abuja, where she lives, in 2022 so distance isn鈥檛 a problem.
It鈥檚 like being in a relationship with an actual friend. Our years of friendship make it easier to know and understand ourselves. We aren鈥檛 two people just trying to figure it out. We鈥檝e been there, done that. Now, we are riding the wave as it comes.
Lauretta: I remember the first few days of us becoming official were spent telling our friends, and every single one of them had their version of 鈥渇inally.鈥 Overall, I鈥檒l say the five-year talking stage was very necessary in helping us lay the foundation for our relationship.
There are not many topics we haven鈥檛 discussed. Anything new is an opportunity for exploration rather than conflict.
Curious. Considering you鈥檝e both had experiences with cheating partners, has this impacted the way you approach intimacy as a couple?
Lauretta: It has, in a way. After Ben and I became official in August 2023, I started showing symptoms of an STI. There were bumps on my labia, and I told Ben about them. We first decided not to get sexual so as not to put him at risk of getting infected again.
I鈥檇 gotten intimate twice with a potentially serious guy who turned out to be a cheat and ended up infecting me with HPV. Since Ben had experienced something similar, he helped me through the entire process of testing and getting treated.
We鈥檝e both been in situations where our cheating partners put us at risk, so we鈥檝e decided not to have multiple partners. It would be more efficient to end things than ply that road.
Ben: Our past relationships are reminders of what we don鈥檛 want for ourselves in this relationship. We both hated being cheated on. So, it made it easy to agree that if we would also cheat on each other, we might as well end things.
ALSO READ: Our Exes Tried to Get Us Back, but We鈥檙e Meant for Each Other
But how do you keep each other accountable? Is routine testing a norm in your relationship?
Lauretta: For one, I鈥檇 say we鈥檝e been able to build a level of trust, and we know we won鈥檛 willingly put each other鈥檚 health at risk.
We also want to start routine testing. I got tested at the beginning of this year as part of a giveaway package at a women鈥檚 clinic, and that helped set my tone for the year. Ben hasn鈥檛 been tested yet, but it鈥檚 a high-priority action point for us.
What about safe sex? Is that something you both practice?
Ben: At the moment, we don鈥檛.
Lauretta: I think we just phased out of it. Initially, we used protection, but we鈥檝e been dating for a year, and there have been occasions where we don’t have condoms in the house. Eventually, we got to a point where we stopped using it altogether. Trust and faithfulness to each other are our most prioritised safety precautions as a couple.
That鈥檚 still risky
Lauretta: We trust each other.
Got it. What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?
Ben: This relationship feels like we鈥檙e an actual unit. It鈥檚 easy to anticipate each other鈥檚 needs and be there for ourselves. And life is just smooth with Lauretta.
Lauretta: 鈥淧eaceful鈥 is what comes to mind when I think about being with Ben.
He doesn鈥檛 drain my energy. I completely enjoy myself whenever I鈥檓 around him.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Lauretta: I鈥檇 give us a 10. We are very compatible in most areas and have grown to be compatible in the areas we鈥檙e not.
Ben: I completely agree with her rating. There鈥檚 an ease in being seen and understood. I get them from Lauretta.
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