It鈥檚 five days away, so you have enough time to get her the gifts on our list to show her that, besides the distance, nothing should even think about coming between you.

Your presence 

Whether they believe it or not, you’re the best thing that鈥檚 ever happened to them, so find a way to appear at their doorstep and give them the surprise of a lifetime. If they don’t act surprised enough, then consider getting yourself a new best friend or shaking them till they receive some sense.

A playlist

Think of all the songs you loved dancing and crying to togethet, and put them all in a playlist. Hopefully, it will make her remember the love you shared in-person and cause her to return to Agbado Central for a month or two just to suffer with you a little.

A pet

Get them a cute little animal and name it after yourself. This way, they鈥檒l feel like you鈥檙e always around them, keeping them company, even though you’re miles away.

A date

Everyone knows loneliness is what鈥檚 killing our people over there. So set them up with another of your friends in their city, and at the end of the night you get piping hot tea on all the things that went down on their date. It鈥檚 a win-win.

A rose 

The type of rose you get them doesn鈥檛 really matter. Whether they鈥檙e smelling it or it鈥檚 , we promise, they鈥檒l appreciate it.

A plane, a helicopter or a witch鈥檚 broom

We鈥檝e given you all these options, so you have no room for excuses. Get her one of the modes of transportation above, so you both can see each other any time you want.

We recommend the broom though. Are you truly best friends if you鈥檝e never been referred to as witches?

Jewelry

By jewelry, we mean a friendship collar. That way, you鈥檙e not in another country hoping someone isn鈥檛 trying to steal her from you. Just get them a collar with your name boldly written on it, so everyone knows who she belongs to.

So I reached out to Clara, who explained that even though people think she and her best friend, Timi, are holding out for each other, the idea behind the pact is much different. But why make the pact, and what does it really mean to them?

This is Clara鈥檚 story, as told to Boluwatife

Image: Chris F via Pexels

I met Timi in 2015, when we were in SS 2 of the same secondary school. But we didn鈥檛 really consider each other as friends.

We started talking when our school set up extra lessons to pump our class with as much knowledge as possible for the coming Cambridge IGCSE exams. This happened over a two-month period between August and September.

He used to sit behind me during prep period, and at first, we only talked about the lessons. In fact, he鈥檚 the reason I know mathematics today. He sucked at English, which I was great at, but was better at maths. It was a help-me-I-help-you situation. 

Our relationship didn鈥檛 progress past classmates till we went home for a two-week break after the Cambridge extra lessons. We got each other鈥檚 numbers from the school鈥檚 group chat, and would randomly chat. Timi had this friend I liked, so I was trying to confirm with him whether his friend liked me too.

We resumed SS 3 in October and bonded over him trying to help me get together with his friend 鈥� classic Hollywood rubbish 鈥� and still assisting each other to prepare for exams. I helped him with essays and biology, and he helped me with stuff like matrix and coding. We also read together in the library. The exams came in November, and it was stressful. Not everyone wrote the Cambridge exams, so it became a shared experience we could talk and complain to each other about.

I later quit trying to date his friend because I started liking someone else. And that鈥檚 when it became apparent that Timi and I were friends beyond me trying to date his friend. We鈥檇 even stopped talking about the guy at that time. We鈥檇 started talking about how different our lives would be in a year, when we鈥檇 leave for university in other countries. He was to leave for Canada, and I, the UK. We soon left school for Christmas break and kept in touch.

On Christmas Day 2015, we officially agreed to be friends. My mum鈥檚 boyfriend decided to take her, my sister and I to a Chinese restaurant that day. It was strange because we typically spent Christmas at home; I鈥檓 usually lukewarm to the season.

RELATED: I Feel Guilty for Wanting to Celebrate Christmas

I texted Timi about it; something like, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e a new person in my life, so maybe that’s why I鈥檓 doing something new for Christmas.鈥� He asked where we went because his family also went out. I mentioned the place, and it turned out he was also there. What are the odds that we were at the same place at the same time? We met at the reception and spoke for a while. Then he said it was the first time he鈥檇 see someone outside school and actually be happy to meet them. I said, 鈥淎t this point, we鈥檙e actually friends鈥�. It was the first time we mentioned being friends.

Our relationship became even better after that. We spent more time together, and on December 31, he went, 鈥淣ow that we鈥檙e friends, I hope to have you in my life every last day of the year鈥�.

The moment I started thinking of Timi as my best friend was when he did something for me that no one else had ever done. There was this book I was reading in the library, 鈥淗er Mother鈥檚 Hope鈥� by Francine Rivers. It had about a thousand pages, and I couldn鈥檛 finish it in one go because I only had a three-hour library time. It was also popular among library goers; people used to rush it. This guy actually hid the book somewhere only I鈥檇 find it in the library. He did that until I finished reading it. It was so thoughtful that he considered my enjoyment. 

For him, he started thinking of me as his best friend when I showed him my appendectomy scar in school. I just found that out when he mentioned it during an interview we had with my friend Jojo in February 2023 鈥� for a friendship-inspired Valentine鈥檚 blog. It was the first time someone did a story about our friendship.

Leaving secondary school was an emotional period because we thought we鈥檇 never see each other again. He left for Canada soon after, but I delayed my UK plan and went to a university in Nigeria instead. We kept in touch with calls and texts, but our friendship affected some of our other relationships because we were young and didn鈥檛 understand how our closeness could make other people feel a type of way. 

One of my exes didn鈥檛 understand why I鈥檇 drop everything once it was time to jump on a call with Timi. To me, it was 鈥淭imi time鈥�. One of his exes also asked him to choose between me and her. He chose me, and that鈥檚 how wahala started; she left. I think we were just excited about being each other鈥檚 person. I learnt how to be a friend through Timi. I had no real understanding of friendship before him.

After 2016, when he left for Canada, we didn鈥檛 see each other again till 2018. It was a tough year for both of us. Timi was going through mental health issues; finding his feet in a new environment wasn鈥檛 easy. My boyfriend at the time had just passed away in a car accident. Our shared grief brought us together again. Timi flew to Nigeria because he didn鈥檛 want me to bury my dead alone. I still remember hugging him for the longest time, and looking at him, happy I could touch him again. 

By 2021, I was in my last semester at university and decided I wanted to be a hoe. The thing is, I鈥檓 not good at relationships. Neither is Timi. But it鈥檚 not because we鈥檙e holding out for each other, as people assume. I have some very unorthodox 鈥渄octrines鈥�. For example, I believe you should be able to confirm from a potential partner鈥檚 ex whether the person they鈥檙e a good partner or not. I know I鈥檓 a good partner, but I don鈥檛 know what it is. We just don鈥檛 tend to date people for a long time.

ALSO READ: I Couldn鈥檛 Keep Up With My Overambitious Boyfriend, So I Left

When I decided to be a hoe, I had a series of short flings with about seven people within a span of six months. I talked to Timi about how I was about to leave yet another fling, and he said he鈥檇 just left someone too and that he didn鈥檛 know if something was wrong with him because the girl was nice. I joked about us possibly losing our future spouses due to our unseriousness. He said he wasn鈥檛 worried because if, in the end, we didn鈥檛 marry, we鈥檇 just marry each other. It was just a joke at the time, but we kept reaffirming it and even told friends. What people don鈥檛 get is that, it鈥檚 not a thing of surrender. It鈥檚 our way of telling ourselves we鈥檇 never truly be alone because we鈥檒l always have each other. 

I know many people, even many of our friends, will never believe we鈥檙e just friends. We don鈥檛 mention the pact to potential partners because we鈥檝e learned from how we handled our friendship in past relationships, and I try not to present him as a threat. It鈥檚 not like we鈥檙e hiding the pact 鈥� obviously, it鈥檚 viral now 鈥� but we downtone it in respect of the other people in our lives. 

My mum thinks I鈥檓 wasting my time and should just marry someone who understands my on-and-off nature. She thinks my relationships don鈥檛 last because I鈥檓 unconsciously saving myself for him and that when we鈥檙e done being children, we鈥檇 marry. But we鈥檙e not just settling for each other. We鈥檇 only marry if it鈥檚 in the cards and the stars align.

My friendship with Timi is one of the strongest relationships I have right now. We have calls that last till midnight, where we鈥檇 talk about everything and anything. 

Have I ever thought about what it鈥檇 be like if we were actually together? Yes, but I always give myself a reality check. I鈥檓 in the UK now 鈥� he鈥檚 still in Canada 鈥� and I鈥檓 not a long-distance relationship girl. I don鈥檛 see the need to ask if he鈥檚 thought about the possibility of a relationship because it鈥檒l unnecessarily put us both in an uncomfortable position and might ruin the best thing that鈥檚 ever happened to me. 

Why ruin this good thing all because of 鈥淒oes he love me? Will it work?鈥� questions? I don鈥檛 know if he鈥檚 ever entertained such thoughts, but I know I don鈥檛 need to prod him into any romantic situation. If it鈥檒l happen, it鈥檒l happen. We鈥檙e both 23 and single now, so we have seven years till we鈥檙e 30, to do magic and find someone.

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The babe that has at least five foundations lined up in her drawer: 

And the friend that can鈥檛 do makeup to save her life :

Is a friendship really complete if one friend doesn鈥檛 always need help getting ready for events? I can鈥檛 imagine such.

The friend that goes on the wildest dates and brings all the tea:

And the friend that鈥檚 planning to marry her secondary school crush:

Don鈥檛 you just love a duo with one friend who shows wickedness on the streets and another who tensions everyone on social media with 鈥淕od when鈥� vibes? 

RELATED: 7 Reasons Why You Will Continue Saying 鈥淕od When鈥�

The ballsy friend that doesn鈥檛 take crap from anybody:

The ajebo friend that needs ginger to try new things:

Blood Sisters is one movie that sums up what this type of friendship looks like. You have the babe that鈥檚 willing to kill for her friend and the babe that鈥檒l ride or die with her crazy friend.

The planner:

The carefree friend that trusts the universe to decide what happens in life:

Someone has to take charge of the future while the other person schedules periods to calm down.

The besties who have their periods in sync and have an attitude together:

Every real friendship has to be sealed by tears, blood and period cramps.

RELATED: 7 Things About Periods That Are More Annoying Than Bleeding

The anxious friend that doesn鈥檛 realise how smart she is:

The friend that鈥檚 always on standby to hype her bestie:

Every girl needs a babe friend that鈥檒l hype her up unprovoked and knows exactly how to get her energy up.

The bestie who鈥檚 a social media influencer:

And the bestie that has to give feedback before every video and picture goes up and still hypes a post like she鈥檚 never seen it in her life:

Behind every creative is a bestie who doubles as a manager and hype woman.

The bestie who鈥檚 married,  a hot mum and premium pie:

And the bestie who鈥檚 single and prefers to play the rich aunty role forever: 

Imagine the joy of getting to play mummy and returning the kids back to their real mummy when you鈥檙e over them. That鈥檚 the joy of every rich aunty out there.

The gym babe that鈥檚 all about the squats:

And the bestie that has the superpower to eat five times a day without adding weight:

How can we all benefit from the superpower of eating without spending the whole day sucking in our tummies? These are global issues we need to address. 

The pasta babe that only wants to eat out:

And the bestie who doubles as an accountant:

It鈥檚 either your bestie goes broke and spends months on your couch, or you put on your accountant hat and play devil鈥檚 advocate anytime she wants to squander money in the name of enjoyment.

The ride-or-die besties that only say  鈥淚 love you鈥� once in a blue moon

ALSO READ: Manage This Hug for the Next Three Years

From: Timah, a woman who wants to be as kind and present as her best friend

To: Wunmi, the best friend going through a rough patch

Dear Wunmi,

I鈥檓 sincerely sorry I haven’t been a good friend in the last year. I’ve been selfish and way too absorbed by my woes to notice how difficult life has become since your relationship ended. Too absorbed to notice your fake smile at my weird jokes, or how you ignored my rude remarks about the break-up even though they hurt. I鈥檓 sorry I wasn鈥檛 as sensitive as you needed me to be.

I always ascribed your incessant kindness to curiosity, but an epiphany has made me realise it stems from pure undiluted love.

I have no idea how someone so selfless and kind would care about a narcissist like me. But I want you to know, although I can’t promise to change overnight, I’ll always make a conscious effort to overwhelm you with delicious acts of service.

I want to go on dates with you 鈥� a soiree of some sort 鈥� as besties. I know taking pictures isn鈥檛 your forte, but imagine how we would freeze time with our awkward smiles and lopsided poses for shy girls.

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I want us to binge on your favourite snacks, stuffing our faces with every last crumb. Watching as you try something new and complain bitterly about false advertising and overpriced unnecessaries, or sandwich a compliment between mouthful sighs to water down the aspersions.

I want us to have sleepovers, comparing notes about past lovers, but eventually taking their sides and remembering only the good because we鈥檙e soft-hearted hard guys. I love our laughable combination of twisting and writhing we call dancing to loud evergreen songs. And doing it all while we’d sing wrong lyrics aloud without a care in the world. 

Wunmi, I want to dance with you, then slowly slip away and watch you dance alone, smiling ear-to-ear with a tear in my eye upon the realisation that I鈥檝e struck gold by being friends with you.

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Complete happiness might not be realistic in this cracked-up world, so I pray for you to have complete contentment and a loving spouse who adores you. Anything less would be unacceptable.

I love you so much, and I hope life smiles broadly at you in every aspect you need and more. Let’s always be in each other’s lives.

If岷� ti Emi ko y岷� ni ohun ti o fun mi. O ti f岷箁脿n mi lainidi. 

Thanks for loving me, my friend.

Your nonchalant sunshine,

Timah

We have three more slots for Letters #ToHER before it officially comes to an end. If you’d like to write a letter #ToHER, click  to tell us why

ALSO READ: 8 Things to Know Before Making Friends as an Adult

From: Onyinye, a woman who expects her best friend鈥檚 child to be named after her

To: Toyosi, the best friend who makes their friendship as refreshing as cold garri

Dear Toyosi,

You weird beautiful girl. First, I want to say you鈥檙e as amazing as you鈥檙e beautiful. I thank God every day for what we have, this friendship. It鈥檚 sweeter than honey and as refreshing as cold garri on a hot day. Maybe that鈥檚 why I鈥檓 writing 鈥� because I want you to see a written form of my love for you.

Do you even remember our story? Because I don鈥檛, honestly. It鈥檚 like we鈥檝e known each other forever. How we started talking because of a gossip you were caught up in, there鈥檚 the part of having a lot in common 鈥� missing fathers, first daughters who carry a lot of burden on their shoulders, a love for God and food 鈥� little wonder we connected so well.

Most times, I remember how you make me feel more than what you say. Like when we get bored, and I keep my head on the table while you run your hands through my hair until I sleep off. That鈥檚 one thing I love about you, you鈥檙e intentional about our friendship and how you love me. Running your hands through my hair made me feel like I was home. I felt so at peace. Honestly, I think that was how I started trusting you without a second thought.

Thanks babes for always trying to get me to go out and try new things, not only when it comes to life, but also when it comes to our love for God. Let鈥檚 not forget that if you didn鈥檛 drag me out, I wouldn鈥檛 have all my fine fine Instagram pictures.聽

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Toyosi, you鈥檙e a very weird child. Who on earth invites someone to their house for the first time and gives them cold garri and milk? Who decides to teach a girl how to put on make-up just because they鈥檙e friends? Who takes in a friend they鈥檝e known for a short time just because life is happening to that friend? You. You鈥檙e weird, sweet, and I love it.聽

I often ask you why we鈥檙e friends. You absolutely don鈥檛 benefit from this relationship like I do. Yet, you tell me every time that you love me. You always show up when I鈥檓 in my ghost mode. Nagode.

I know I always tell you you鈥檙e sweet, nice and gorgeous, but you should know you鈥檙e also strong and amazing.

Babes, our dreams, they鈥檒l come true someday. We鈥檒l travel around the world, and I鈥檒l watch you take all those stupid rollercoaster rides while I take pictures because no be me you go kill.

But till then, as we hustle remember, I love you best, girl. I love you when you鈥檙e at your lowest and when you鈥檙e at your strongest. 

As a closing remark, kindly make money abeg. I鈥檓 tired of working. And please, do and find a man, so you can name your child Onyinye too. And I鈥檒l name mine Toyosi.

With lots of love,

From your weird bestie

If you’d like to write a letter #ToHER, click  to tell us why

ALSO READ: We Were Best Friends In Secondary School, Now We Are Married

From: the woman who lowkey misses her university bestie

To: Leila, the bestie she lost over a breakup

I鈥檓 writing this on a plane. I鈥檓 finally leaving the trenches called Nigeria, and I wanted to say goodbye. We never really got a chance to see each other again since we finished school in 2019. And I want to finally be honest about how I鈥檝e felt over the years. I鈥檓 going to be in a different country, so what鈥檚 the worst that can happen?

If I鈥檓 being honest, we weren鈥檛 meant to be friends. Becoming so close happened by chance because if my friend, Caleb, hadn鈥檛 been crushing on you in our first year of uni, I probably wouldn鈥檛 have noticed we were in the same class. We were over a 100, so don鈥檛 blame me. Caleb was like a best friend to me, so when you both started dating at the end of our first year, you became my friend by proxy. I didn鈥檛 have a choice.

RELATED: 7 Nigerians Share Their Worst Friendship Breakup Stories

Don鈥檛 get me wrong, I loved you for all the reasons Caleb loved you and probably more. You were goofy, sweet, and you could relate to my obsession with The Vampire Diaries. But even with those cute things I loved about you, our arguments made it difficult to keep being friends. 

When people say three is a crowd, I completely understand what they mean now. I lived it for the remaining four years of uni. First, you hated seeing me and Caleb study without you. Then, you hated him cooking for the both of us. Our arguments escalated to Caleb not treating you the same way as me. I had to take a step back at that point. There was way too much drama over one boy.

You tried to reconnect in our third year to 鈥渆xperience our friendship outside of me being Caleb鈥檚 friend鈥�, in your own words. I was down for that. We slept over at each other鈥檚 hostels, did assignments together and planned every birthday together since we were born a day apart. I鈥檇 forgotten Caleb was supposed to be my best friend by our fourth year. Everything in my life was suddenly happening with you. So when you broke up after university, I didn鈥檛 expect it to affect us, especially after I gave up that friendship for you.

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But you completely shut down like I couldn鈥檛 be the friend you needed. I left messages and called; I tried everything I could to help. At some point, I had to give you the space you were silently asking for. I missed you a lot. A year went by and you didn鈥檛 even try to call me. There were so many transitions happening in my life, and I didn鈥檛 have anyone to share them with. So I didn鈥檛 feel guilty when Caleb and I became close again. You鈥檇 made your decision to be a ghost, and I accepted that.

It鈥檚 been three years since the breakup, and now, we鈥檙e saying 鈥渉ellos鈥� and 鈥渉is鈥� like the last three years didn鈥檛 happen. It鈥檚 infuriating to act like we didn鈥檛 call each other sisters at some point, Leila.

I wish a guy didn鈥檛 have so much power over our connection. Now that I鈥檓 moving away, I think it鈥檚 important to remind you that I鈥檒l probably always love you. The shallowness our friendship has reached doesn鈥檛 change the love we shared as friends in university.

I鈥檒l always root for you.

With all my love,

Halima

READ ALSO: I鈥檓 Tired of Being Your Supportive Friend, I Want More

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From:  The woman that鈥檒l never admit she has a best friend

To: Tega, the best friend turned flatmate

Dear Tega,

I tell anyone who cares to listen, you鈥檙e the best thing that鈥檚 ever happened to me. I鈥檝e never had someone that cares about me as much as you do. You ask me genuine questions about my life and what I鈥檓 going through. It makes me grateful for you.

I cherish the day we met. It鈥檚 been eight years since I walked into my first lecture in uni and found you. I wasn鈥檛 expecting to find much; I was even ready to be the odd girl in class people made fun of for her accent and name, which had happened through school since I moved to Lagos at four years old Village girl, was the name that haunted me until I finished secondary school. 

Inside, I wanted to finally have real friends. Friends that didn鈥檛 tease me about things I couldn鈥檛 change about myself. Honestly, I was fine with just one 鈥� a best friend, and I met you. 

RELATED: Love Life: We Were Best Friends In Secondary School, Now We Are Married

I watched you pull out the seat next to me and turn to say a high-pitched hello. You were the epitome of ajebota. The by-force American accent, your fancy boots with the gold chain, and your chubby cute cheeks. Oh! That purple braids you had on was everything. Thirty minutes into sitting beside each other and you had asked me about fifty questions. Where did I live? Did I stay on campus? Why did I pick Urban and Regional Planning? Whenever my answers were vague, you dug deeper. I had never felt so seen, but I was stressed.

You tried to give me a little bit of yourself so I鈥檇 feel comfortable. 鈥淚 live in Abuja and I stay at Honours hall,鈥� you said. Then continued questioning me for most of the day. We talked about how we hated our course and the series of unfortunate events that led us there. We went for lunch together, walked back to my hostel together.  Letting you in was so easy.  

I鈥檓 writing this letter to you because I can鈥檛 think of anyone I鈥檝e had more genuine moments with. From talking about the dumb boys we met 鈥� thank you for not judging me when I told you about the boy that hurt me. To being there for me even when I went back to him. Tega, thank you for letting me know I was strong enough to leave. 

Even when we were done with school, and you moved back to Abuja, distance didn鈥檛 change your endless inquiries about my life. Yes, there were weeks we didn鈥檛 talk, but all we needed was one phone call or voice note. Thank you for pushing past the distance between us. You were miles away, but I never felt alone, Thank you for the days you forced me to get out of bed and chase dreams I thought were impossible. I鈥檓 so proud of everything you鈥檝e fought for. I鈥檓 so proud of how you believe in yourself. Thank you for making me believe in myself too.

I admit when you decided to come back to Lagos, I had mixed feelings. First, I was happy I could easily see you again. The worry came when you asked us to live together. I was worried you鈥檇 see parts of me you couldn鈥檛 accept. The late nights, the partying, the drinking. I thought you鈥檇 hate the person I had become. Well, It鈥檚 been four months, and we鈥檝e had a few drunk nights, so I鈥檇 say there are parts new parts about you I鈥檝e gotten to see and love. Thank you for making our one-bedroom flat feel like a home. Thank you for accepting all the parts of me that changed. 

I never imagined sharing a home with you, babe. It was a weird decision for me, but the truth is, I love it. There is no one else I would rather want to live with.  Forget all my hard guy; you鈥檙e my girl for life

Ps: I鈥檒l never admit loving you to your face and I鈥檒l deny writing this letter. 

Till the wheels fall off,

Sere

ALSO READ: 鈥淚 Fled Ukraine Four Days Before Russia Attacked鈥�- Abroad Life

Teslim*, 28, and Chibuzo*, 29 dated for four years and have been married for three. Today on Love Life, they talk about transitioning from secondary school best friends to lovers, starting their tech careers together and how they struggled with long distances before marriage.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Chibuzo: My earliest memory of him was in secondary school. He joined our set in JSS 2, and we were seatmates. I didn鈥檛 really see him until an award ceremony our school organised. He was called up for a prize on stage, and I remember thinking, 鈥淭his person is smart while I’m sitting here looking at him.鈥� This was in 2004. 

Teslim: My first memory is different. Our parents knew each other and one Sunday, we were invited to a function at her house. 

Chibuzo: It was my uncle’s wedding.

Teslim: I came with my family and was in the car. When she saw me, she turned and ran in the opposite direction. 

Chibuzo: Because I wasn’t dressed.

Teslim: I was shy myself, so it was funny to me. When we went back to school, I teased her about it and that鈥檚 how we started talking. 

Chibuzo: He also teased me about the way I pronounce the word 鈥減urse鈥� 鈥� he thought it was funny. We joked around a lot, and as time passed, we became closer. By SS 3, we were best friends. 

Did you guys have feelings for each other by then?

Teslim: We were dating other people at the time. She was in a long term relationship that lasted almost six years, and I was also dating someone else. So there wasn’t any romantic vibe. 

Chibuzo: We would have deep conversations about family, school, but a lot of it was just banter and lots of laughs at each other’s expense 鈥� mostly mine, LOL. Our connection was easy, so after high school, we stayed in touch. 

Teslim: We graduated in 2009. She went to Canada for school, and I stayed back in Nigeria. We spoke to each other on and off until 2014 when we started dating. 

Hollup, how did that happen? 

Chibuzo: We used to chat on Facebook then we moved to BBM in 2011. 

Teslim: We also sent each other a lot of emails. In the emails, we talked about school, family and stuff. I used to keep her updated on who I liked at the time and she would do the same. 

Chibuzo: Phone calls were difficult because we were in different time zones, so we relied on emails. It got to a point that I looked forward to telling him about my day via email. As time passed, our energy grew romantic. In the Christmas of 2013, Teslim was going through some family stuff and we emailed through it. Slowly, we got closer and started telling each other 鈥淚 love you鈥�, but in a friendly way. 

Teslim: The first time I told you I love you in a romantic way, you ended the call. 

Chibuzo: No, I mistakenly dropped the phone and the call went off. 

Teslim: Well, it felt like what happened in secondary school when I saw her in her house. 

Chibuzo: LOL. We said 鈥淚 love you鈥�  more often after that, but I wasn’t sure we were dating. We were exclusive, but we hadn鈥檛 made it official.

Teslim: I think at some point, we were at different stages of the friendship. I was about to move to the US for school and she was in Canada. In my head, I was wondering if a long-distance relationship with her would work. 

Teslim: I wasn鈥檛 there yet. I didn鈥檛 understand how we were going to make it work because keeping in touch was already a hassle. Dating her meant I could lose my best friend if we didn鈥檛 work out. 

Chibuzo: Meanwhile, I had told a few of my friends that I was going to marry my best friend. 

Teslim: She was convinced we could make it work. I decided in January 2014 that I didn’t want to pass up on the opportunity to be with her because of distance. Besides, I was moving to the US, so the time difference was going to be better. We could visit each other as opposed to waiting for about two years to spend time together. 

What happened next? 

Chibuzo: I visited him in the US twice that year. I was grateful for the freedom to finally be with him in person. I was 22 at the time. We were happy to spend time together. You know how in movies on TV, couples go out on dates at fancy restaurants or a park and all that stuff. I had never experienced that before dating Teslim. 2014 was a good year for us. 

Teslim: 2014 was our honeymoon year. We are both from strict homes, so it was truly a gift that we could see each other outside curfews and consistent calls from our parents. We travelled to New York together. We were over the moon. 

Chibuzo: It was the year we confirmed that we were going to be with each other for a long time. We call it our confirmation year. 

Teslim: Yeah, but as time went on, we realised that just because we were friends didn鈥檛 mean that we are aligned in every aspect of life. We struggled with communication for a while. We also had to figure out each other鈥檚 ideals and values and reconcile them. We had many fights and conversations because we started to see the differences in our personalities. 

Chibuzo is a spontaneous person, and I am rigid. Whenever we were planning stuff together, we would often fight because we have different planning styles. Thankfully, being friends made it a bit easier to confront those hard conversations. 

Chibuzo: We would often joke about the stuff we needed to talk about as opposed to blurting it out in anger. Our friendship helped us have difficult conversations. 

Teslim: Also, conversations over the phone and conversations in person are different. In 2015, we were trying to tackle hard issues over the phone, and it was difficult because of the lack of nuance of body language or tone. I would say something and she wouldn鈥檛 get how I said it because a lot of nuance got lost over video calls. 

Chibuzo: In our roughest patch, we argued almost every weekend. A lot of our fights came from the conversations we had about our future. It was crazy. I had just graduated and was trying to figure out what to do with my life. My parents were pressuring me to come back to Nigeria and do NYSC. Teslim told me that if I went back, our relationship would suffer. 

I decided to stay and wait for a work permit.

Teslim: I was scared of what would happen to us if she went back. That Nigeria-Canada long distance was brutal, and I wasn鈥檛 about to put myself through it again. What would our conversations be like with not just distance but different time zones? I was determined to make it work. 

How did you convince her to stay?

Teslim: I used part of my pocket-money to pay her rent. That was one way I would show her I was committed to us. We also had to decide as a unit what we wanted to do with our future. Chibuzo studied geology, and the oil industry wasn鈥檛 booming anymore so we weren鈥檛 sure of job prospects in that career path. During this time, I had just gotten a product design job, so I asked if she would like to study software engineering. I thought she had the mind for it. She was a bit hesitant, but I told her we’d do it together. 

Chibuzo: That made learning it easier. In the beginning, we worked on a lot of stuff together as a team. 

Teslim: It was also challenging because we have different working styles. I would try to hold her accountable to her learning with deadlines and some structure, but she was more like it will get done when it gets done. We even started fighting about it. But we figured it out. 

So when did marriage come in? 

Chibuzo: 2016. I was on track to becoming a permanent Canadian resident, and Teslim got a job at a big tech company. We had to talk about the next step. 

Teslim: Before then, we had already hinted to each other that we were going to get married. We talked about what that would look like and how many kids we wanted. When we decided to get married, we started thinking of where we wanted to live. We decided that she would move to the US. We tried applying for jobs, and when that wasn鈥檛 happening fast enough, we thought, why not get married now?

Chibuzo: I knew I wanted to marry him, but I wasn鈥檛 in a hurry. However, getting married would speed up the immigration process and our relationship could stop being long-distance, so we decided to do it. 

Tell me about the wedding!

Teslim: We were both the first people to get married in our families, so it was a big deal. We had to figure out how to set boundaries on the things that were important to us but also make them feel connected and part of the process. It was interesting because we were planning with our families over the phone. 

Chibuzo: Left to us, we would have had a small wedding with a few family members and friends, but our families wanted a big wedding. We ended up doing both. We got married legally in Canada in 2018 then had a bigger wedding in Lagos.

Aw. What has marriage been like for you two? 

Chibuzo: Being married to Teslim has been great so far! I have become a much better version of myself just from our partnership. He is a goal-oriented person and that has rubbed off on me. I see myself setting goals and smashing them. He has been consistent in how he shows up for me and for himself. This gives me the confidence to navigate the world knowing that he is there for me. 

Teslim: I could say the same about her. We complement each other. I always want to make sure she gets the very best out of everything, and she makes it easy. When we disagree these days, we understand it鈥檚 not an opportunity to put one person down but to grow together as a unit. I wasn鈥檛 a good communicator before we started dating, but that changed. We are able to show up for each other every time, and that鈥檚 the best part of our relationship.

 What was your biggest fight about and how did you navigate it? 

Teslim: While we were setting our expectations for our marriage, one of the things we talked about was whether or not she would be keeping her last name. She wanted to keep it to maintain a sense of connection to her family. Family is important to her. 

Chibuzo: Also, it is a huge part of my identity, and I didn鈥檛 want to give it up. 

Teslim: I come from a traditional home, so it was a tough conversation to have initially, especially because we had agreed to the name change before the wedding and she changed her mind afterwards. It took a while for me to get to the point where I understood her perspective and how deeply coupled her name and identity are. I asked myself why I needed her to when I knew I wouldn鈥檛 change mine for anyone. When you also research the history and reasons why women change their names, it just didn鈥檛 align with the kind of values we wanted our marriage to uphold. 

Deep down, the Nigerian man in me was slightly disappointed with her decision, but I got over it. 

Chibuzo: At some point, he thought I was rejecting his family by not taking his last name. I asked if he was rejecting my family by not taking mine.

Teslim: One concern I had was what would we name our kids.

Chibuzo: We decided that their last name would be Teslim鈥檚 last name and their middle names would be my last name. We chose this in case we had a  girl child who would want to keep her family name as well. 

Nice. What have you learned from each other over the years?

Chibuzo: Teslim always follows through with what he says he will do, and that鈥檚 something I have learned from him. I had the tendency to be flaky and it鈥檚 something I am still working on.

In September 2020, I got diagnosed with ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). My sister noticed that I was trying to do too many things at once and jokingly said, 鈥淎re you sure you don鈥檛 have ADHD?鈥� I had heard about it, but after she said it, I went to do some research. Almost all the symptoms listed applied to me. I felt seen. Some days later, I went to see a doctor. The diagnosis explained a lot of my behaviours. For example, having the motivation to start something but not wanting to finish it and then I have to deal with the guilt. 

Teslim also helps me be more organised. I am an impulsive person and that鈥檚 one way I complement him 鈥� I have added more spontaneity to his life, the same way he added more structure to mine. That way, we are able to cover each other鈥檚 blind spots.

Teslim: It is hard to quantify how much Chibuzo brings to my life. She is a joyful and kind person and that rubs off on me. My life is pretty stable in the sense that I don鈥檛 have peaks of joys and valleys of sadness, but she brings some color into my life. I love that our differing perspectives balance each other out. For example, Chibuzo will spend a little more money to improve our quality of life while I prefer to save every single penny. That balances out and leaves us in a healthy spot. 

She is also one of the reasons why I was able to break into tech. We built my portfolio together 鈥� I would design the product and she would do the code. With time, I got my job, then we did the same for her. I don鈥檛 think I would have been able to advance as much as I have if she wasn鈥檛 in my life. It helped to have someone smarter than I am around me. She is amazing all round, to be honest. 

Rate the relationship on a scale of 1 to 10.

Chibuzo: 9.5. I鈥檓 so happy with him. Yes, we have our differences, but we can always talk through them. I feel content with him and our relationship. 

Teslim: I was going to say 5. 

Chibuzo: 5? Open the door and walk out. 

Teslim: LOL. It鈥檚 9.5 for me. I鈥檓 happy with us and where we are. Maybe if you asked me when we were fighting, I might rate a 6. Right now, we are in a place where our goals are aligned and we trust each other. 

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